Are you "ashamed" of yourself?

[Rogina B]

By observation,it seems that many members are in a "top secret" mode to do with their interest in "Tness,femininity,transsexuality,etc"[You fill in your own word that suits]. Many people are concerned that someone "that has a different perception of them" could find out..Internet interests,signing petitions,writing letters,etc COULD expose them...So my question is what exactly is the negative that is being exposed? How do you honestly feel about this part of you that draws you "to your dark side"? Are you ashamed? Embarrassed?

[GaleWarning]

How I wish that it could be possible to wear whatever we wanted to, without other people making a judgment about us.
The problem is not confined to cross dressers.
Hijab wearers are stereotyped.
Hoodie wearers are stereotyped.
...

The real person can only be determined by getting to know them, and most of the time, we are just lovely, harmless, normal human beings. As such a person myself, why should I feel ashamed or embarrassed?

The shame and emaberrassment lie with the one who judges me.

[franny lin]

My wife can' t even excepted me so I don't think I'll ever be alright.

[CarlaWestin]

From my point of view, I find nothing wrong with being exposed. It's just the primitive conclusions that others are instilled with and their prejudiced, superstitious assumptions about crossdressers in general. Let's face it, there are very few success and full acceptance stories for those of us who've gone full time. Personally, I'm in top secret mode everywhere except at home and out in the general public where I can just blend in or be a novelty story for some strangers conversation. When I retire though, everyone will meet Carla.

An added note: I'm not at all ashamed of being Carla. I'm really proud of it.

[Kate Simmons]

Not at all Rogina. I celebrate the fact that I'm a full spectrum person and embrace it.

[Michelle V]

I'm beginning to feel comfortable on my skin, only took 42 years. I'm only ashamed of not being strong enough to be myself out in the world, but I feel I'm growing and heading towards full acceptance with no shame.

[bimini1]

It seems like at times, the majority of us have felt some shame over it. Some have worked hard to get over it but it seems that is just part of it. I just try to look at the thousands of members here and tell myself there are a lot of other men like me. Even so, I feel so alone at times with this, based on the people I deal with every day.

I keep telling myself as I read various posts on this forum, if others are dealing with it effectively, then so can I.

[Gwinnie]

Yeah at times it seems my wife is more comfortable with it than I am. She asks why I don't dress around her more. I don't have an answer other than I'm embarrassed about it.

[gennee]

I'm happier now than I ever was before.

[Gwinnie]

I'm ashamed and feel guilty. Sometimes to the point of feeling sick over it.

Gwendolyn

[Marcelle]

Hi Rogina,

Before I embraced this part of me . . . you bet. I was guy, a dude, a man and dressing up in women's clothing seemed counter to that. Now, not a all. I have come to accept "girl clothes" or "guy clothes" I am still the same man I always was but in a way a bit better because I have ceased hating a wonderful part of me. Do I run around handing out "Hi my name is Isha and I am TG cards"? No, but I don't hide who I am from others either. I go out dressed, I have come out to several friends and all of my family.

Hugs

Isha

[Jenny Elwood]

I don't feel ashamed but guilty. Before I get lambasted please note that what I am about to say is my personal opinion:

I am still a Christian believer and I can never get past the fact that my wife may be right in expecting me to quit.

[Allisa]

Dark side? I can only speak for myself but I have embraced my femme self but I can't fight nature and deny my true masc. self. I also believe that self sacrifice for the good of others is a more femme trait thus my not wanting to "embarrass" those that I love and care about. I also work in a very masc. field and why add more grief to my life, I still have to survive in this world as imperfect as it may be. I shop as Al and have no trepidation or shame in trying on clothes, shoes etc.. and letting any one know that I am a crossdresser, what would be the odds anyone I know would be there or see me and if so I guess the cat would be out of the bag and the sun would come up tomorrow (sounds like a song).Well enough thinking for in the morning, lost my coffee buzz now. I hoped I answered your question in some way.


Bye-Bye (Al)Lisa

[natcrys]

Not ashamed at all.. but also not blind to reality and to the fact that I and others that I care about will be negatively affected because of this imperfect and unfair world.

[Lorileah]

I have been ashamed (just last night I was ashamed for trying a song that I had no right to try). Yes, early on when I started I was ashamed because I was told that it wasn't right. But I have been told that a lot about a lot of things. Now, I am not only NOT ashamed I am proud of who I am

[Nadine Spirit]

I agree with Lorileah. I was ashamed at one point in my life, but now I am proud of who I am.

[AngelaKelly<3]

I sometimes feel a bit ashamed, but that's down to the fact that it's not widely accepted what we do

Maybe "ashamed" isn't the right word, but every now and then I'll stop and think "What the hell am I doing?!"

[kimdl93]

Like many of us, I grew up within the context of a belief system and a society that at least implied that gender differences were an aberration and "sinful". (Why it didn't make the top ten, I don't know). I felt guilty for much of my life. A healthy and more open attitude only became possible after shedding that guilt and the instilled beliefs. Of course, there will be others who insist that its "wrong" and seek to impose shame, but they no longer get to decide how I think and feel about myself.

[Tina G]

I've read the question, and read others replies. For some reason i haven't really come up with a straight answer but many ideas of my answer. 42 years old as of Tuesday and this is still something i deal with at times, but i'm moving forward now...

[suzy1]

If I was ‘found out’ by my family, friends and the people I work with my life would never be the same again.
This has got nothing to do with being ashamed, its simply called........... 'common sense'

The life of a realist has its advantages

[darla_g]

If I was ‘found out’ by my family, friends and the people I work with my life would never be the same again.
This has got nothing to do with being ashamed, its simply called........... 'common sense'

The life of a realist has its advantages

this is how i feel too. Were i very open with my dressing it WOULD have negative consequences. But i am not ashamed, i am not doing anything wrong or hurting anyone.

[Richelle]

No, I am not ashamed of who I am or how I dress. When not at the office (I telecommute most days) or at a clients office, I mix items of clothing from both men's and woman's departments. And I proudly go out in my neighborhood with colorful nails and earrings when everyone knows that am a guy.

Richelle

[Annaliese]

I used to be, ashamed of my self, but I have shed society view of me, that has freed me. To be my self.

[samantha rogers]

Ashamed may be a word that applies to some, many, or even all if you count different stages they may once have inhabited, but I think you can honestly say that to one degree or another most are familiar with fear. The fear can be loss of loved ones, loss off work, fear of violence, loss of respect or simply fear of being laughed at or humiliated. There is a difference which is quite large between feeling ashamed of ourselves, and simply fearing real (even though sometimes overblown in our own minds) consequences of discovery in a real world that at best scorns, derides and laughs at us and at worst condemns us out of hand.
Leaving aside those for whom fear of discovery is based only in knowledge of the difficulties it would bring to loved ones, among the rest not all are strong enough to weather such consequences. In my opinion, to judge or condemn those who are not strong enough to come out, would be to display exactly the same lack of understanding and compassion as is displayed by all those who mock, deride and hate all TG people.
For me, one is either compassionate and supportive of others or one is not.
I would hope everyone, at least within this community, is among the former.
Hugs

[Renee Elise]

In a word, no. Not anymore. I've suppressed this part of me for a long time and wrestled with a lot of undeserved nonsensical guilt that was kept very deep beneath the surface. I'm not ashamed of my knowledge of feminine styles in addition to knowing a great deal about suits, cufflinks, and smoking jackets. Why should a man that chooses to wrap his legs in nylon (was once an accepted style) have to face ridicule while a woman that chooses to wear a necktie, sport jacket, and trousers be celebrated? Oh how we tangle ourselves up with so many false premises...

I think it's cute (and sexy, let's face it ) when a lady friend decides to wear one of my sweatshirts or button downs. And yet our popular culture has this absurd notion that a man who appreciates the feel (and it is exquisite) of nylon or chiffon needs to have his head examined?

Perhaps the worst part of this is while we wrestle with all of the nonsensical questions society foists on us, we think we're alone. That our manhood is somehow compromised. To borrow a phrase from my friends across the pond, "******** to that!"

That said, I feel no obligation whatsoever to share this part of me with unthinking troglodytes who buy into the worst stereotypes and mischaracterizations of the spectrum we occupy and can't be bothered to develop their own knowledge. I'm most grateful for this forum where I can share the wonderful experiences that come from this other dimension of self expression.

As for a "dark side?" I have to laugh at this. A night of sipping wine in a sexy outfit compared to all the horrors of this world? A way to completely and totally relax and be immune to irritation, stress or tension for a few days, to the benefit of my health? Hardly.

You've all captured the essence quite well. Perhaps the only thing I regret was not jumping into this forum (and coming to a peaceful place with my feminine expression) sooner.