The Tale of Lost Courage

[AprilMayy<3]

So there I was, on the freeway to the mall feeling pretty good, thinking to myself: "Aprils going to look at clothes today! She doesn't care who sees!" Pulling the mini van into a spot, still feeling good, and then here we go! Deep breath! I walked into Forever 21!
I'll just walk around for a bit, let the nerves settle. 10 minutes later walking around the 21 Men section, looking off into the girl stuff, having April shout at me from inside "Go! Go you buffoon! I wanna see some cute clothes!!!" I turned my head to the left, and BAM 2 girls from my school(Still a senior in high school, 4 weeks left!).
And just like that, like a vacuum, all my possible courage I could have managed to summon was gone. Just gone! Guess I'll have to try another time?
Just a quick story I wanted to share with you girls! I'm slowly gaining courage, too slowly

[Nadine Spirit]

Bummer it didn't work out for you. Being as you are in S. Cali. you should try some shopping further from home. I tend to travel about 1-2 hours from my home area to lessen the possibility of encountering people I know.

On the other hand, I have shopped for my wife before in the girls section and never felt weird about doing so. But then when I started buying myself female clothes I felt totally weird doing the exact same thing! Go figure!

Keep trying.

[Persephone]

Sorry to hear what happened, April! I remember how hard it is at your age. Maybe head for a bit more distant mall. Shouldn't have to go too far in SoCal!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[kimdl93]

What a shock! But you made it that far. Next time you'll be more at ease.

[Chari]

Don't give up, but relax, and realize you are now one step closer to reaching your feminine goal! Many of us have been in that same situation, and survived to dress another day. Enjoy.

[dana digs sweaters]

April, with time and some/more experience you will laugh at yourself for "lost courage"
We've all been there.
The feeling you will have of carrying that first bag out of the store of your very own female clothes will put a tremendous smile on your face

[Adriana Moretti]

april...i hear ya on that......forever 21 IS a chain store...which is a good thing...I stop at EVERY one when I am in the area, I feel alot more comfortable at the one a few towns down ...but also time your trips better if there is not another close by....go early in the am. Sat mid day you are bound to run into people.

[Kevyn53]

April, it took me 45 years to get comfortable with actually going through the women's section looking for outfits. Eventually the rule in your head will be," It's none of my business what others think of me."

[Krisi]

1) Shop further from home.

2) If you have a good wig, makeup, and possibly glasses, nobody will recognize you anyway.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi April Mayy, Oh wow that was a close one.

[Rachelakld]

I would also recommend a more distant mall to practice in.
Just remember, it takes big balls to do what we do

Worst part, seeing a cute skirt in girls shop, trying it on in the girls change room and it look fab, knowing all along the funds are committed for daughters prom, and you can't buy it.

[NV Susan]

April, you are still way ahead of me when I was in high school. I didn't get out of the house till I was 20, so don't let this stop you....You Go Gurl.

[Eryn]

Was April dressed for this?

Being dressed, and further from home, made a huge difference in my attitude about shopping. No need to sneak around, I could just select items, head into the dressing room, and try them on! Don't give up, you're baby steps away from femme!

You might also try different stores, like Kohl's. Kohl's are great because they are large, geared for both genders, and they leave shoppers alone. The ones I go to don't even have gender indicators on the dressing rooms!

Worst part, seeing a cute skirt in girls shop, trying it on in the girls change room and it look fab, knowing all along the funds are committed for daughters prom, and you can't buy it.

It's a prom, not a wedding! Prom costs have gotten out of hand and many schools even have a program where girls can borrow dresses from a large selection donated by graduates. They often have a wider selection of dresses than the stores! It's a great option that gives girls the option to wear a fab dress at no cost!

[Sam-antha]

But imagine if it had been near the changing room, especially if you had a dress or two on arm.

[Beverley Sims]

April,
That is not lost courage, it is a tactical retreat.
Well done.

[Farrah]

Maybe you should try another city or the other side of town. From experience, if I were on another side of town, I didn't care who saw me. Take your time. In time, the pink fog will send your courage through the roof!

[CynthiaD]

Next time will be easier. The time after that, even more so. Eventually you'll star wondering what all the fuss was about. Just don't give up. There's a great big world out there, and your feminine self is part of it.

[ClaireCole]

I agree with Beverly, a tactical escape is a good move. But next time don't tempt yourself with the "safe" men's section, just go straight to the women's or you'll never make it.

[Jorja]

Don't make me come to SoCal, snatch you up and drag you into the mall for shopping!

I remember all too well what it was like at your age. Keep trying! The more you are out and about, the more your confidence will grow. As mentioned, go to a mall a bit further away where you are less likely to run into anyone you know. Maybe find some second hand stores away from your area and try that.

[AprilMayy<3]

Thanks all for the responses! I wasn't dressed as April, btw. If I can't look at girl clothes I'm far from being dressed out in public lol. Though, for those who remember my previous thread about my panic attack, the friend I told who will let me dress at her place wants to go to the mall sometime soon, so with a "Wingwoman" I am definitely going to be very comfortable looking at girl clothes. With my friend around I am very comfortable acting like April wants to act, so this is a big step up for me.

[Sarasometimes]

Good advice Krisi on all counts.

[TinaZ]

Sometimes baby steps are necessary.

I'm still at the point where I'll ask for a gift receipt when buying women's clothes. But I feel a tinge of disappointment when I do, like I'm mixing shame into something that should be joyous (if that makes sense). Keep going! We're all cheering for you!

[GlitterSweet]

I get that you are still in school and to come out as a 'dresser' would really bring attention and bullying- 4 weeks left and you will find college to be a vastly different experience. (if college isn't in the cards I highly recommend going to beauty school- it will help you with dressing, it is an industry much in need of TG workers, and it is an industry that accepts expression in the workplace)

So next time you find girls you kind of know when you are out shopping try this approach to feel them out.

Ask them if they watch ru pauls drag race
during that discussion mention that, you don't think guys have to be gay to want to be pretty. If it seems safe after that then ask if they want to help you pick out some clothes.

I love drag queens, trans, crossdressers, boys in dresses, ect. Ya'll talk about things I like-dresses, makeup, dancing, fashion.
Keep that in mind when you talk to chicks- you have a lot more in common with us than you think.

[GlitterSweet]

Sometimes baby steps are necessary.

I'm still at the point where I'll ask for a gift receipt when buying women's clothes. But I feel a tinge of disappointment when I do, like I'm mixing shame into something that should be joyous (if that makes sense). Keep going! We're all cheering for you!

Darling it is a present to yourself-

[reb.femme]

Thanks all for the responses! .............so with a "Wingwoman" I am definitely going to be very comfortable looking at girl clothes. With my friend around I am very comfortable acting like April wants to act, so this is a big step up for me.

My wife will come shopping with me and it does make things so much easier. As Nadine said and I paraphrase, "OK shopping in women's section for the wife, but not for herself, go figure", really sums it up. If only we humans actually worked on logical lines, life would be easier.....possibly?

Being as you are young, you've plenty of time on your side to build that going out and shopping durability. Isn't it an old Chinese proverb of 'every journey begins with a single step'? Then your journey has begun grasshopper. You'll need to watch the old Kung Fu TV series for the grasshopper reference .

Rebecca