I came out

[tiffiany]

Well I decided to come out to my best friend and sure enough she was very supportive. But what made my day was how she responded to what I wrote. So Ive decided to post what she said below. Hopefully it will help those who read it.

Thank you, first of all, for sharing something so personal.

I am familar with the transgender community, although I can't imagine what a great weight it must be for you to know you are not alone after growing up in our culture, which sees so many things in black and white.

I am sorry it caused you such grief and guilt and anger. And that it caused you to lose your faith-- I hope it has been restored.

I can't really write much (as usual) but I want to thank you for opening up my eyes. I've only encountered members of the transgendered community once they are "out" and supported. I have always accepted them as people and have been happy they have support, but I never gave much thought to the difficulties you and others like you must have faced before seeing yourself beyond gender.

A shame that counselor couldn't help. But how wonderful that your family loves care so much they tried to help you with a counselor.

Revealing your true self to them can NOT be easy. And it's a tough decision. I know my brother has struggled with telling our family that he is gay.

Your identity doesn't change who you are... I wish I had some sage advice to offer, to help you through telling your family. Perhaps you ought to take each day as it comes. Perhaps you should wait until you know that you would be fine "losing" family for the "full" gain of yourself.

Of course, there is so much I do not directly understand about your situation. There are sooo many subtleties to being human, to being male or female and then, male AND female.

Just know I'm here for you.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Tiffiany

I'm so glad it went well for you, and it's great to have such a special friend, that's something you can take to the bank. Enjoy your freedom, it's a cool place to be!

GypsyKaren

[Darlena]

Coming out seems a bit scarey at first but worth it. Myself, I couldn't go on living a lie in a darkened closet. So now all of my friends know and it's no big deal to them. Bravo to you girl! We are very proud of you. Love & kisses,

[FionaAlexis]

Hello Tiffiany,

Glad it went well for you.

Your friend's response was very thoughtful, caring and positive.

Fiona xx

[Stephenie]

Tiff,
Sounds like you have a real friend there.

[Tracy Lynn]

Hi Tiffiany,

She sounds like a wonderful person. So glad you could share this with someone with such an open mind.

[tiffiany]

Thanks. Well yesterday I was talking to a co-worker at work and somehow the topic of the LGBT came up. So we talked about it for a while and then somehow I decided to come out to that person. I was nervous at first because I didnt really know this person that well, but the person was okay with it. Which made me feel relieved to know that there were actually people that I worked with that were tolerant and open towards transgender people.

So for the rest of the day I was in a really good mood. Now if I can only muster up the courage to tell my younger brother.

[tiffiany]

Right now, I feel like Im stuck at a fork in the road not sure which way to go. One way allows me to fully make sure this is what I want, not coming out to my family until I make a decision on whether or not to transition. The other way allows me to come out to most of family but it would cause alot of grief and anger because most of my family would probably disown me, they just wouldnt understand as their not that open-minded. The only other option is to retreat and go back the way I came and see if theres another road less traveled. But I dont see that as an option because I dont want to have to go back to who I once was. Ive spent so much of my life trying to fit in with society, that Im hurt myself in the process and I wont go back to that. So I see no real solution as either road at the fork causes me much grief and sadness.

What do you think I should do?

[NinaV]

Hi Tiffiany,

do you live so close to your family that you can not do some exploration before you tell them?
If so then I would may be share the news with couple people that you are most certain to get support from and do real life test(unless you are doing it already) going feminine out( assuming you are MtF).
Since you had such a strong urge to come out to your friend it seems like you need to go with the whole thing through because you will find yourself soon in the same situation as you are now.
When I was coming out my opinion was who can not accept me I do not need in my life eather. I was desparate to come out. I do not have big family to care about because I did get rid of many of them for different reasons than my feminine feelings but never the less I got rid of them. Now, I am not cold blooded person but the price to keep some of my family members was too high.
When you are speaking about transition, what do you really mean? HRT, SRS or simply working on you Identity without all that?
I live in my new Identity pretty successful without all that. I dress feminine, I learned how to walk in lady's shoes, did my eyebrows and my hair...earrings.
Most young man do not know how to shave preperly, I shave every other day and I have heavy beard groth.
Of course you can still see that I am male but it satisfies me since I do not fit into the guy category anymore. That puts me socialy in a different place and I like it.
You can do so much that might satisfy you before you go on with any medication. I have met TS who behave so manly that I do not know what for was all the HRT and SRS.
My personal opinion about passing is that I do not want to pass any more. I had been passing my whole life as a guy and I am done passing. Why try altering myself for other people's satisfaction?
Go slowly forward and be more caring for yourself than for other people would be my advise.
good luck!
Nina

[tiffiany]

do you live so close to your family that you can not do some exploration before you tell them?

Some of them do mostly relatives and grandparents as for my immediate family no.

Since you had such a strong urge to come out to your friend it seems like you need to go with the whole thing through because you will find yourself soon in the same situation as you are now.

I agree.

When you are speaking about transition, what do you really mean? HRT, SRS or simply working on you Identity without all that?

Simply working on my identity and trying to go out and see if I could pass.

You can do so much that might satisfy you before you go on with any medication. I have met TS who behave so manly that I do not know what for was all the HRT and SRS.

I agree with this. Im at the point where I have accepted this part of me and would like to share it with a few close people but that idea is already backfiring on me. I guess I should try the real life test before I go any further.

Thanks for listening.

[NinaV]

Wenn I came out to few of my friends I hoped the news/gosip would spred like wild fire but non of that happened. That put me in obligation to come out to almost every single person I new sepparately. This was really a tough task to go over the same matter again and again and again.
That lets me realise that coming out to the society could be process that lasts rather then one day task. Just like figuring what kind of lady/person you are and where is your discovery going to get you.
Next time I should tell everybody to spred the news whom ever they meet---like I am gonna come out again-:cheeky: -and with what?
How much worth some friendships are is being descovered first when they are being challenged.
Unfortunatelly some of them turn to not to withstand the pressure and yes it does hurt but it opens sometimes doors to new and unexpected frienships.
I needed some mental support with my situation wich I have been getting but there is a book about meditation called Gradual Awakening by Mark Levine. It is great book about peoples minds, judging mind, finding your own peace... I would recommend it since it tells you a lot about yourself as well as understanding others...
I found also helpful to read about “two spereted people”. Basicaly old native american aproach to the LGBT that is coming back into their cultur.
Good luck!
Nina

[Ms. Donna]

Im at the point where I have accepted this part of me and would like to share it with a few close people but that idea is already backfiring on me. I guess I should try the real life test before I go any further.

You've probably already realized (and I'm sure that many here would back me up on this) that once you 'come out', it's near impossible to 'go back in' and live with yourself. I understand the importance of being acknowledged and accepted by family, but you can't live for them - or anyone else for that matter. I'd suggest you concentrate on those people in your life who are accepting and supportive of you. Tell a few other people - get comfortable with the idea of being open about yourself. A part of others understanding and accepting you is how well you project your own self acceptance - how comfortable are you with yourself.

In the end, your family will either be there for you or not. If it's the latter, then at least you'll have a supportive 'extended' family by your side. It's not easy, but nothing of value ever is.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

How much more valuable an actual man is compared with
any sort of merely desired, dreamed of, odious lie of a
man? with any sort of *ideal* man? - Nietzsche

[Kimberly]

gratz tiffiany. I've had several experiences like this, and each one as special. They're great, ain't they?? When someone you know and love doesn't mind at all "what" you are.

Well done, girl, and keep on going. xx