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Thread: Pushing the limits.

  1. #1
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010

    Pushing the limits.

    Last Halloween I went out a couple of nights totally dressed and drove around for hours in a commercial area, there are mostly trucks on the road and very few cars. Last night my wife was going out with a few friends and I told her I was thinking of dressing up and driving around that commercial area for a few hours, she told me she didn't mind that she supports everything I decide but she had to ask a question. She told me that I come home from work and underdress and put on panties and pantyhose almost every day, I sleep with panties and pantyhose five of the seven nights, when we go out shopping or to a mall I don't wear male socks and usually my pantyhose are exposed for all to see and I don't get much time but I do get a few hours every week to dress, and that her question is? Why do I have to go out and take a chance of getting caught and why I am not just happy with what I am doing now and can't I just be happy in the comfort of my own home in the closet and why I have to push the limits all the time and why I am not just happy having a supportive wife and appreciate what I have and always pushing for more? I told her it's human nature to want more and for me I just enjoy being dressed and driving around just feels so relaxing and feels so right and if she didn't want me to go it would be fine with me. She told me she really didn't care if I went, but just wanted me to be careful and reminded me that I have taking risky chances in the past and wanted me to be safe. I told her I respect her for her support and have always taking her advice in the past and maybe I do take many things for granted, I guess I don't know what I have. Well I ended up getting dressed and watched a movie and did also enjoy the evening. I am I the only one who wants more or are all of us the same alway pushing the limits a little more, and taking big chances and do we take a lot of things for granted?

  2. #2
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    It is only when you push the limit can you find the breaking point. That is the point at which you learn something important.... it defines what is possible. So, its a good thing as long as you are prepared when you do hit that point.

  3. #3
    GG/SO of a CD
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Seattle, wa
    Quote Originally Posted by Maria 60 View Post
    I am I the only one who wants more or are all of us the same alway pushing the limits a little more, and taking big chances and do we take a lot of things for granted?

    Be careful. I am not sure if you mean pushing the limits with your wife or yourself. If its with your wife, please reconsider. This is a wifes biggest nightmare. You need to talk to her about what you want and need instead of push her. This disheartens me. I would hate for other CDers to read this and use this as an example of how to get what they want.

  4. #4
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    New Zealand
    Once, there was a limit, that if you traveled faster than a horse, your body would disintergrate
    Once, there was a limit, that humans can't fly

    If we obeyed the limits, then we would be limited to horse speed, and never fly, heck we would never have even invented the wheel or electricity, never have pumped water up a hill.

    It's in our nature to push the limits
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at

  5. #5
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Dressing and driving around may be enjoyable, but driving around at odd hours may draw attention by the police. Appearing as a woman late at night is not wise. Police patrol in areas and observe more than most people think. You would be better driving during the day while there are many women out and about by them selves.

  6. #6
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Deep South
    I am very content dressing in the privacy of my home. Never really needed more than to be able to dress and to have my wife's support. I have both. I don't want to be discovered, and that's the boundary my wife and I agree on. Be careful.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Babbs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Boston Area
    If your wife knows, just go to a bar, have a drink, relax!

  8. #8
    Member Emogene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Totally just off the wall; since you are pushing the limits do you want to get caught?

    The human mind is a sneaky thing and does much that we as conscious people may not be cognizant about without the assistance of a trained, experienced professional counselor. Some introspection with the assistance of a counselor might be appropriate.

  9. #9
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    near Toronto, Ontario, Canada
    Maria, as a fellow CDer who has been "out and about "en femme" for the last 6 years or so, and whose wife is also not overly thrilled by this, I"m not about about to throw stones at you, sitting here in this glass house myself.

    I will say this, however - at least your wife appears to be relatively supportive of your crossdressing and has given you much leeway to date to pursue your passion, even if it is largely only within the confines of your home at present. That's more than I can look forward to - my wife and I are strictly DADT, and she wants nothing to do with "Leslie" - not even looking at a picture of "her".

    From what you have written here, it would appear thar your wife has gone to great lengths to accommodate you, and prehaps more than you desserve given that this is not something near and dear to her heart. Sorry to say, but you come across as being extremely selfish here by always pushing for more, more, more...

    Time to put the brakses on, let your wife digest what she has already had to accept from you so far, and count your blessings. Then, if at some future date she is comfortable with moving the boundaries out a bit further, it will have become a "win-win" situation. In the meantime, ask yourself what you have done for your wife lately to deserve such generosity, and if the answer is "Not much", then in the interests of fairness you need to re-evaluate that situation to maintain a happy and mutually fulfilling marriage.
    Last edited by Leslie Langford; 04-19-2014 at 11:22 PM.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2010
    somewhere in Colorado
    My wife still is very concerned every time I go out dressed. She is much more worried when I'm out at night. But like most of us when we first ventured out dressed, we chose to use the cover of night to 'help' our fear of being read. At least that was the way it was for me. As time went on I became much more confindent in my overall presentation and pass very well, I have no problem going out during the day. Now I realize the fear that GG's have when the sun goes down, I really don't want to be in any compromising situation.

  11. #11
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    Don't look at me! For me, dressing is simply the best time ever at home. Yet, always stressful when I go out!

    I'd never go out dressed again if it weren't for the wonderful T friends and their spouses I've made over the years!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  12. #12
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    IDriving around alone in the "commercial area" at night provides an element of risk and excitement. But it worries your wife. Can't you find some other venue to expand or "push the limit" for yourself which is perhaps safer and maybe even more satisfying? Maybe a CD group meeting or event? Or a movie with your wife? Or maybe wear more female items while at the mall? Or come home at night and get fully dressed and stay at home with your accepting wife?

    Nothing good happens driving around deserted commercial areas at night.

  13. #13
    Member Michellegryl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Southern NH
    You are by no means the only one who takes chances or pushes the limits.
    I think it is completely natural for us to want more and to push the limits and find out what is possible in every aspect of our lives. I know for my self that I could never be satisfied with just dressing at home and not being out in the world expressing who I am. As I sit writing this I have just come home from being out to a local dance club with friends. It is also not unnatural for our SO's to be worried about us venturing out those first few times or all the time. At first my wife said she was concerned for me going out and she would never go out with me dressed, but after seeing me go out week after week and come home safely and having had a great deal of fun, I finally convinced her to come to a group meeting with me one night. We went out to dinner first and then to the meeting for a few hours and finally a few of us went to a club and danced the rest of the night away. After that night not only did she not worry about me any longer but she saw that the friends that I had and knew that they were all good people and also saw that we did not have one bad reaction or problem anywhere we went that night.

    I think if a lot more of those of us who are still closeted, kept pushing the limits and were out there, by shear numbers alone it would likely be a lot easier for all of us when society realizes just how many of us there are.

    My advise is to keep that dialogue going with your wife and try to get her to understand why you need to keep pushing for more. You will never get it if you don't go for it.

    Good Luck

  14. #14
    Senior Member Amanda M's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    We're in Andalucia, Spain
    Going out with a couple of friendsmight be fine, but cruising a 'commercial' area at night is simply stupid and inconsiderate of someone who loves you.
    Last edited by Amanda M; 04-20-2014 at 01:42 AM.
    If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!

  15. #15
    Member LeslieSD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    San Diego, California
    I am with you, and I can feel that.

    I asked myself this question, and being asked this question: why do you want to get dressed and go out, and why is staying in the closet not enough. But would you want to just be in 2 mile radius of your house if you can get all your groceries close by? That is a deeper question than just about dresses, at least to me.

  16. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    You're not alone in wanting to push your limit. I think it is only natural. I'm the basic in-home cross dresser, who limits himself to the house and secluded back yard. When I was younger I wanted more. I did the Halloween dress up for several years. I did encounter people, but, it was Halloween and therefore safe. How much safer could it be to venture into Safeway or Winchell's doughnuts? I also drove around in a RESIDENTIAL area and not a commercial area. What would happen if your cars broke down? What would the police suspect you of riding in a commercial area in the dead of night? A hooker? You're setting yourself and your wife up for embarrassment.

    The last time I had 24/7 time for ten days was when my wife went out of state to visit family. I dolled myself up and drove to a residential area and took a stroll. It was dark but not late. I choose a night it was rainy and used an umbrella to shield my face. I walked until my feet hurt. Frankly, I found it rather boring.

    Personally, I prefer the home life totally en femme. Stephanie dons her apron and bakes and does the domestic chores while my wife is at work. I will never pass as a woman. So, I choose not to set myself and my family up for embarrassment. If I was five foot six with a womanly figure, and, younger, sure I would probably be more open and take daytime strolls. Heck, at my age, if I had a womanly build I'd probably venture out in daylight.

    I have always lived my life with "risk vs reward." There are always consequences for our actions. Always consider that when approaching life.

  17. #17
    Junior Member Bailey420's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    I think your wife is right. Sounds pretty risky to me, especially if you don't want to be outed in your community. You also have to consider your wife's fears and feelings since she's as much a part of this as her husband, and Maria, especially if she's been supportive so far. It's awesome that you're starting to have the guts to go out as Maria, but there's probably much better places to do it

  18. #18
    Gone to live my life
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Hi Maria,

    I am not going to go down the what is right or wrong mode as we are not fully cognizant of your relationship/understanding with your wife. As you explain her stance in the OP, she seems accepting to a degree but she also seems legitimately worried about your physical safety and the wellbeing of your reputation as a man (i.e., you risk potential outing). Do we (CDers) want more, push the boundaries and take big chances? For some (myself included) I would have to say yes. But I push the boundaries within the limits of my relationship with my wife. She supports me completely but there are some limits and I don't cross those limits. I think talking to your wife and getting a good sense of where she draws the line would be a good start. There is nothing wrong with pushing the limits as that is how we grow in all things we do not just CDing. However, you need to push the limits in such a way that those close to you don't get hurt or put off.



  19. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Hi Maria, The testosterone wants to overpower the female issues and push the limits.
    Just be careful around commercial. areas.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

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  20. #20
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    This is why I love this community, I really thought nothing about going on this ride, a harmless few hour out. I thought a quit commercial area would be less risk, but by everyone's experience and response here I seen the harm and you are all right. I am really happy in the closet and maybe taking little chances underdressing even the wife loves the little thrill. Thanks to everyone here for let's say slapping me in the back of the head and telling me to wake up. It really is flattering when your friends here come to the rescue when there friend is about to make an error. I got a great response here telling me it was not a good idea and be careful. It's good to know I have a lot of friends in my corner and thanks again for all your help.

  21. #21
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Almost the Great White North...
    The key for me was that the closet began to feel confining. Yes I could wear everything I wanted and safely so in the comfort and security of my home. But I couldn't fully live within those walls. I needed to be out, to meet people, to shop and dine and attend the theatre while being myself. I feel the same's not the risk taking, but the feeling of being part of the world that attracted me to going out, and still does today.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  22. #22
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    just west of syracuse n.y.
    I'm pretty much happy with what I have. I get to dress 5 day a week weekend s are for her. And wear panties all weekend lately I've been wearing my pink housecoat
    On the weekend So yes I push the limits. I always want more. And as long as my wife lets my I'll go for it.

  23. #23
    New Member Susan L's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Northampton, Massachusetts
    No you are not the only one. I get the very same response from my wife. She accepts me as a CD but I'm always trying to push the limits as I believe that is the way we all are. For example she let's me dress as much as I want at home but ask that I not wear any women's clothes to bed and I respect that. Do I want to go to bed in women's bed clothes, you be I do. But the way I look at it is I'm very luck to have a wife that understands so I respect the limits she wants.

  24. #24
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Area 51
    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Don't look at me!
    Oh, you funny bunny!

    Anyway, there is that hard to resist desire to go out dressed. I think it's connected to a thrill/dare energy that kinda' goes with CDing. There's a heightened sense of awareness and when you look down at yourself or in a mirror and know you're getting away with it. From past experience and from other members tales (not tails), I can only warn you, be prepared to deal with a broken down vehicle, an accident or that unforeseeable encounter with a stranger or even someone you know. But, I know the exhilaration factor is high so, have fun and be safe.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  25. #25
    Texas gal sherri's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    northwest Texas
    For me, getting out the door is all about being able to interact with others as a femme person, and to experience things both ordinary and unusual with femme sensibilities. These are needs that underdressing or the concealment of a car don't really satisfy so I would need to take it further. But if I didn't have those urges, I don't think I'd have the need to go anywhere. Also, I don't see anything wrong with driving around commercial areas if you're talking about retail areas. I think that's safer than industrial areas or residential streets.

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