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Thread: Survey (success with coming out to SO)

  1. #76
    Senior Member MsVal's Avatar
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    B3

    I came late to the party, having finally figured out that I was a crossdresser after 28 wonderful years of marriage. It was a big strain for a brief time (a few months) and she now wants to support me.

    The woman is a saint, and I'm the luckiest fellow you'll ever meet.

    Best wishes
    MsVal

  2. #77
    closet dresser Melissa73's Avatar
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    i dont know how to respond! When i came out to the now ex wife, She had already come out as lesbian to me. Then a week later i confessed my dressing to her. And she pulled away saying, had she known i dressed, she would never have married me. (I was confused at her words, like i was the only one to confess anything. but she justified it as "she didnt know she was lesbian, but i knew i was a crossdresser.")

  3. #78
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    For A: 2 and 3
    B: 3!

  4. #79
    Member christie's Avatar
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    B: 1

    She has caught me once and it strained the relationship for a while, but since that I have taken extra steps to hide.

  5. #80
    Senior Member Jamiegirl1's Avatar
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    B-2 for me,she hates everything about it,never wants to see me dressed, I have to dress away from home.......

  6. #81
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by justbejulie2 View Post
    I am hoping to eventually get into another relationship, and am wondering whether coming out would end the relationship.
    A: When you came out to a SO in the past, did it?
    A1. But you're never going to get reality statistics for this one. I think that there are something like 35,000 members on this forum, and less than 1% are active (the mods can tell you more accurately); many come to learn more about what & why, and then leave after they learn what they want to know.
    For me, out to my wife, it was the beginning of the end. Eventually ended in divorce, wife very angry. Blackmailed me for all assets. In my mind, I had gone over it many times, and every situation, I believed that all the good things about me would easily outweigh the ONE 'bad' thing, my crossdressing. Oh how very, very wrong I was. Crossdressing interferes with the basic sexual attraction that women need to feel for us for romantic love to exist. Consider all the horrible things that women will accept in a male, as long as he is masculine; he can be a crook, a liar, a cheater, criminal, a mass murderer, seriel killer, consider that even the most despicable dictators such as Hitler, Stalin and Khan had their female admirers. Even a prisoner in a jail, as long as she sees him as masculine. But if you throw in something that makes her reconsider your masculinity, you're playing with fire, and her attraction to you can quickly evaporate. And once the sexual attraction is gone, love usually follows it out the door, and she's gone; and if you were married, your assets are often gone as well. If you're coming out to a wife, make sure you have cash on hand and a plan should you be thrown out of your house, your credit cards cancelled, your credit ruined, your car reposessed because she may have it reported stolen.

    When considering coming out TO ANYONE consider what you would think would be the worst possible outcome, because it's more likely than you want to believe. If you can live happily with that result, then go ahead and tell them. Because despite the pink fog that surrounds us here, very, very few women are going to be happy to find out their boyfriend/husband is a crossdresser, and we're looking at sub 1% odds here. You are truly more likely to win the lottery than find a woman who finds mtf crossdressers sexually desirable and want one for a husband. Even on this board, the number of women who like their mate to crossdress is miniscule; the ones who stay with their husbands usually only tolerate it, and often not enthusiastically, it's frequently something they simply will accept as long as it's not something they have to be part of.
    With that said, good luck. You're going to need it. Tons of it.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 05-01-2014 at 02:49 AM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  7. #82
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    My answers...
    A: 3, but not without a lot of soul searching communication
    B: 3, but I am sensitive to mood and timing of expressing myself as female
    It's a lot for an SO to process in a short timeframe...I have been married for 30+ years, open and out for 3.

    Trish

  8. #83
    Silver Member prene's Avatar
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    A-1 for me more than once

  9. #84
    Member Christine.Lolita's Avatar
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    I came out to my wife before we got married, but it took alot of work for both of us to be comfortable with my feminine side.

    Survey response:
    A-3
    B-3

    Thank you,

    Christine

  10. #85
    Laura So Cal Laura28's Avatar
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    I have been married for over thirty years and together with my Wife since high school. I told her when we were dating ( we were dating for 8 years prior to getting married) I am not sure when but i do recall were i told we were at the drive in in the back seat having a little fun and i said i like to wear womans clothing, she said ok, maybe i will dress you some time. That was proably 38 years ago. Over the years i dressed off and on but hide it from her more out of embrassement then fearing her reaction. About 5 years ago i told her that i want really want /need to dress more she said fine lets go shopping. Today i dont fully dress in front of her but she has seen many pics of me dressed and always makes sures i pack Laura's stuff when i travel for work. So i would have to answer
    A: 3
    B: 3

  11. #86
    JoannKelly Josie's Avatar
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    When I first came out to my wife it was B3 but after a while it became B2 and it will probably always be. I did not go slow enough at first and I didn't let her catch up.

  12. #87
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    A-3 for me.

    Jenniferathome has it right. Crossdressing is a factor in a relationship, not the whole ball of wax. We had been married for over 27 years when she found out about my crossdressing. She was supportive of me until she passed away 11 years later, but with clear boundaries and an understanding that the things she loved the most about me were things that she felt were related to my desire to explore my feminine side. If she had seen it as anything else, it may have been the end of things right there.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  13. #88
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    What seems clear form the posts is it really depends on the situation. I told my GF last weekend and she was fine about it, even playful. I now wish I had told my ex-wife of 26 years. I don't know how she would have reacted but do I think she sensed that I had a secret and could not understand. How could she? We still would have split for other reasons but that part of it wash't very fair to her. I'm looking forward to see how things develop with my current GF. In any case, I think if everything went south romantically I'd still have a girl-friend who I could confide in, which is great.

  14. #89
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    I revealed my CD-ing to my (now) SO shortly after we started dating.... about 2-1/2 years ago. She was not only accepting... she was downright encouraging!!!! What a great partner to have found!!!!!!

    Sorry, but, NO, she doesn't have a sister!!!!!

  15. #90
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Now, A-2, B-2.

    When she first discovered, it was pretty close to a 1. So I guess some progress has been made,
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  16. #91
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    A:3, b:3.

  17. #92
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    I just tried to bring out a little bit, wearing panties or some lingerie, and she was not on board with that. A year later she filed for divorce, so that's an A1 for me.

  18. #93
    Aspiring Member EllenJo's Avatar
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    Interesting survey Julie. I hope you tabulate the results. I came out to my current wife long before we were married. She accepted the underdressing but not full dressing. It became a DADT thing. Then about a year and a half ago she suddenly accepted on her own and told me to be me. She has been supportive ever since. So I guess that makes me an A:2 for a long time but now an A:3 and a B:3. I love her so much and spoil her every chance I get. In my case it just took patience.
    Hugs
    Ellen Jo
    Somtimes the light's all shining on me, Other times I can barely see.
    Lately it's occured to me.....What a long strange trip it has been.
    Truckin by the Grateful Dead

  19. #94
    Is it just me or......... Carroll's Avatar
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    I came out to my first and second wife's after we were married. Did not sit well with either one so it was a DADT deal. My third wife I told on our first day. she was cool about it and now
    Her and I share clothes!
    Drumming, My other hobby

  20. #95
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    B3. We "found" Tina together after 34 years of marriage so there was nothing totell or hide. It's been a wondwonderful advadventure to find out all about Tina!

  21. #96
    Senior Member Farrah's Avatar
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    I came out successfully!...Well I didn't come out exactly. She found out and I simply explained everything she wanted to know. So far, our relationship is great!

  22. #97
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    A 2- with a modification. I dabbled in my mother's lingerie as a kid. When I was dating my future wife I had not dabbled in lingerie for many years and I had absolutely no desires when I was dating. After being married for awhile I was lured back into lingerie. My wife and I shopped for really sexy long nightgowns in Macy's and Gimbel's and other stores in Manhattan. She would caress my body with the gowns. Oh, the feel. One day I tried one on. Because I truly loved the feel of nylon caressing my body that became part of our bedroom activity. A part, not exclusive. Well, I was on the slippery slope. Slip(pery) as in me now buying really sexy full slips. Slips were my favorites when I dabbled in lingerie as a kid. My wife was OK with it UNTIL I purchased a sexy Vanity Fair lacy red bra and panty set. That ended it all with her. She could not understand why I would buy a bra when I had nothing to "pack" into it. Good point from a women's point of view. We weathered the storm.

    B-1 When in a DADT relationship as I am, is it hiding it" No, since she does not appreciate my cross dressing and wants nothing to do with it or even discuss it, then it's not really hiding it. She knows where some of my lingerie is located. The vast majority of my fem clothing is stored in sixteen Zerox boxes stacked in plain sight in the rec room.

  23. #98
    New Member Velocity's Avatar
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    I am happy to say that I can answer 3 on both. I came out to my wife after 10 years of marriage. She was genuinely surprised and curious but figured that if it floated my boat then more power to me. She pretty much treats it like a hobby that I have that she has no interest in but she humors me when I ask her opinion on how outfits look or if I want her to do my makeup. I have been able to shop for clothes with her and she is going with me to a transformation service next month where I plan on venturing out into public fully dressed for the first time after my makeover.

  24. #99
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    Hello justbejulie2,
    if you are starting a new relationship the it is best to come out fairly soon as the longer you leave it the harder it gets , as for me it did cause some problems to start with as my wife knew nothing about the subject so it no doubt scared the hell out of her, now I can be who I am as she has no problems with it which is insolently not a CD .
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

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