Has this Forum Changed you?

[Lygophilia]

No. I would at best say that it finalized my perception on gender and to stray more away from it in context to the created construct.

[~Joanne~]

This post is my 500th post, and this month, I think last week was my one year anniversary at this forum.

Happy Anniversary You are such a sweet heart and it has, and is, an extreme pleasure to have you here with us I for one has always enjoyed your posts, your insight, and your all around good nature and I know I have benefited from it and I thank you so much for all of it, being yourself, and being such a great friend!



It has been a wild year. We have fought, we have cried, smiled, laughed, and we have gotten through most humps. We are even engaged now!

Yes, it certainly has been a wild year for you two. Just as having any kind of a relationship always is, there will be ups, and there will be downs, but how you come through it all as a couple is what matters in the end and define you and your relationship. I am so happy that you both have come this far and stuck things out and congradulations on your engagement


This CDing thing is hard for me. I struggle between wanting to be the most accepting person I can be, and then having bad days where this seems like to much.

Believe me sweetie, it's hard for everyone involved with this. I have good days with it, I have bad, and though my SO has never said anything negative about this side of me, I am sure she has some days too. This isn't easy on either side. Some days I wish I could just turn it off but we all know that never happens.

For those with openly accepting wives and SO's, you are so lucky, but she is lucky to be able to be the strong woman that I wish I was everyday.

Just be as strong as you feel like being on whatever given day and that's all anyone can begin to ask from you. We all have our weaknesses, we all have bad days, This is a lot to take in and I am sure there isn't an SO out there that on certain days, doesn't want to bother with any of this. I know I have days I don't even want to bother with it myself

Thank you Sandra, Reine, Mimi, Jenniferathome, Joanne, PaulaQ and many many others who have been important to me here.

Your so welcome but thank you! Your such a great friend and you know where to get a hold of me if you need me

I would like to know from others here, how the forum has helped you?

To be honest, other than making some really great friends, which I am forever grateful for, and having some one I can talk to about this other than my SO all of the time, I don't really think it has "Helped" all that much. It did help me find an inner peace with myself and prove that I am not alone in all of this but that's probably as far as the help has gone.

Through this forum, it showed me where I stand in the mix of all of this and has shown me how far down the rabbit hole this goes for me. There is no transition in my future. It's solely about the clothes and appearance. To spend sometime on the other side of the fence but to be able to climb back over it when I want. I know for a lot of us there is still this confusion as to who they really are, I am not confused.

How have you changed since you joined?

Nope. I am still me just a bit prettier than normal on some days

Love and hugs
Happy Easter

[AlanaG]

I too want to throw out that I've enjoyed this forum immensely. I'm not here every day. I don't read every post. And I post even less. (I've been a wall flower my whole life.) But... what I've gotten from here is more knowledge of who I am and that I need to be ok with that. I think I'm coming around. Thank you to everyone.

[MissTee]

Congrats on the engagement, Greenie. That's so exciting!

I would not say that it has changed me. However, my wife and I have both gained a greater awareness and respect for our little community since joining. She's not a member because she's too afraid of leaving breadcrumbs, and is about as techno-savvy as a turtle and this forum thing confuses her. Hence, we often sit side by side as I post.

I have to say that we've learned a lot about the many variants of dressing and that my wife (and I) are still in the "just clothes" camp. She has relayed that she had some of the same concerns you did, but kept them to herself. Coming here opened the door for talking about them, and it helped her feel so much better about my odd proclivity for cute shoes.

[CynthiaD]

This forum didn't change me, but it did validate the way I've always felt about things. It's not just realizing that I wasn't alone. I've known that for a long time. It's more realizing that I wasn't crazy.

[PretzelGirl]

Whether the forum changes us is about how your perspective is. I say it did indirectly because I met people who became great friends. I have been educated by all on here, good and bad it seems. Without this forum, I probably would understand our community less and would still be hiding myself. I am one that is on the transition path and this place is invaluable in its information that have used for my sanity. But I didn't start saying it was just about clothes, I just didn't fully understand what I was feeling. Now my life is better and most of my friends are either ones I met here or met through others here. So yes, it has changed me.

[Princess Grandpa]

This forum has been an invaluable resource in my journey of self discovery. I couldn't understand how I could be a crossdresser but not gay. It was here that I came to learn that sexuality and gender identity are seperate issues. It was here that I was introduced to the concept of gender identity being more than one side or the other. That a person could maybe be somewhere in between M and F. I know not everyone buys into that premise, but it certainly feels right to my situation.

Some things I have read here has caused major self discovery. Some things don't make sense at all. And some things seem to be said to be intentionally hurtful. I have read posts that broke my heart with the sadness contained in them. I have read posts that made me weep with joy. There was even one post saying my opinions weren't worth listening too. Like with anything else in life you hold onto the things that help, you cherish the friendships you make and you ignore the haters.

This is a hard journey we share. Whether your gender identity leads you to transition, you dress for other reasons, or your a GG trying to understand there is support and help to be found. I for one am very grateful for this resource.

Hug
Rita

[sanderlay]

What I've learned since Oct 2011 is confidence and experience.

In Oct 2011 I made my first intro post. In Dec 2011 I stopped with my last post. Why did I stop? I felt like I did not fit in. I did not feel I was a regular CD. I did not present like a regular CD. I Figured out I was not TS. I was outside the box.

So I spend three years studying about others like me sifting through the internet searching for the truth. I continued to go out and about gaining confidence and maturing my female side. I expanded my wardrobe and got rid of clothes that never fit properly.

Then one day I logged in and found Isha's post about Being Authentic and then made my own post. I had learned to be authentic in my own life, I had matured and most importantly... Experience. I had three plus years under my belt going out and about. For me I did not need the makeup to be myself because I was not female. I was, and am, a mix of both. Becoming my true self was for me what I needed to do.

For me this I believe this is where I stop since I feel more or less normal, except feeling like a fish in a bowl sometimes with more eyes watching me. But that goes with the territory of being a CD whose out and in society. Still have yet to see anybody with pitch forks so I count that as a blessing.

So I post here in hopes I can help another person with my life experiences and learn something from this community.

[Taylor Ray]

In listening to the stories of the many wonderful cross dressers who participate openly in this forum, one is able to gain more understanding about their place on the "spectrum".

And also be a part of a really cool sub-culture!!!!

[Seana Summer]

Hi Kae

As so many others have said, the great thing about this forum is knowing that we are not alone. Not everyone is on the same path however. I have been reading posts for over a year and in June it will be my 1 year anniversary as an official member.

This forum has given me a real boost in self confidence just by knowing that as a part time "boring ole crossdresser" I am not alone. I don't feel like I need to be ashamed anymore. I really can't say that I have taken any further steps down the road of Transformation to female. I didn't want to make that change before I found this forum, and I still don't.

My wardrobe has expanded though..........a lot of good shopping tips here

I wish you and Luca all the best, and if I may add $0.02 on relationships. You guys will have ups and downs....every couple dose. Your ups and downs are just a little different than others in some ways....... but the same in many others.

[Adriana Moretti]

I dont think the forum has changed me on a personal level....but it HAS been an educational & positive part of my life...I have made some wonderfull friendships and made a few great pen pals too...and I want to go visit them ALL !!!

[Christen]

Helped me? So much! To have a safe place that I can go to to share, discuss, bleat, understand that I'm not different to everyone else on this planet but at the same time still individual, to find wonderful people who share a similar story, well, it is just fantastic. I don't feel like I'm bottling things up anymore, it makes my life a bit smoother, I like that.
Changed me? No, I don't think so. It has given me plenty to think about, and I feel I've come to really accept myself and my desire/need to crossdress.

Congrats to you and Luca. I wish you both all the best for your future.

Christen x

[Lorileah]

In 2009 I was sweet, innocent, confused, married
Now, I am sarcastic, evil, mean, opinionated and rude per some members here.

in 2009 I had no plans to pursue anything more than what I was doing, underdressing all the time, wearing nail polish, keeping my body smooth. Dressing several times a year to got to functions.

Now, I am transitioning. But it wasn't the forum that did that. I told everyone I would not transition even though I was TS, because I was too old. Yet here I am. My status hasn't changed, I was always TS, just that now I am going forward with it. I lost two of the greatest women in the world within 18 months. Truthfully I doubt my wife would have approved of transitioning even though she accepted the dressing but my GF, I think, would have happily tagged along because she taught me that love doesn't make conditions. The point is that I changed because I had an epiphany, life is short, there is no guarantees and there are absolutely no re-rides.

So don't be afraid that your SO will change their mind. They already know or strongly suspect if they are TS. Nothing you can say or do will change that. I believe that YOU also know if your SO is TS. You just have to be honest with yourself

[GretchenJ]

Hi Greenie,

No, the forum has not changed me, just pointed out that I was not alone with what I thought was a fetish that was unnatural and embarrassing. And I have met some good friends along the way.

No forum or site can ever take the place of free will. I can tell you this, you are a very intelligent woman- you are asking all the correct questions that only you and your fiancée can answer. But I will bet, from reading your posts and excellent advice you have given in the past to everyone here, I can offer you some advice - as long as you keep the lines of communications open, and establish what and what you are not comfortable with, all is good.

With that said, I am betting that the two of you will be very happy together and will have no issues

Gretch

[Lucy_Bella]

Now, I am sarcastic, evil, mean, opinionated and rude per some members here

Not in my opinion...I think of you as a valued member..

[ReineD]

I have noticed in this last year, that this environment, thought supportive, often scares me.

I have met CDers insistent that its "just clothes" who are TS now, in only a year. This frightens me for Luca and I's future.

Hi Kae,

If it means anything, I was also frightened the first few years I was a member here. My SO was in the middle of expanding all aspects of the CDing, and so in true human (or maybe Reine) form, my focus zoomed into the handful of members who hung out in the CD section telling everyone they hadn't realized until just a few years ago that they were TS. I glommed onto those posts, to the point where it seemed as if this might be the fate of just about every CDer here! When there were threads about who wanted to be with a guy, I'd tally them up to see if it was more than 50%. At one point there was a thread asking members if they would rather have breasts or a vagina. It ran for the longest time, it got hundreds of responses, and just about everyone said they wanted one or the other, or both! (Well, duh ... everyone was playing along with the OP's fantasy premise).

So yeah, I convinced myself there was a likelihood that my SO, if he wasn't already on his way to transition, was in denial about eventually wanting to transition.

My poor SO felt so bad about this, he told me he went into the GM forum to ask people how he could convince me that he DIDN'T want to transition! He then told me that he wished people would post all their fantasy posts in the GM section so as to not scare all the GGs! lol

But the reality is, there only are a few people out of the thousands of members who do log into this forum, who say they are now TS and they want to transition (when they previously thought they were CDers). The VAST majority of participants in this forum will not transition. Some of them may like to fantasize about having breasts or fantasize about certain male body parts, but that's as far as it will ever get. And of course every time a CDer expresses such a fantasy, the transitioners who wish to be supportive are right there saying, "Me too, me too!", which adds to a GG's feelings of insecurity if she is worried about her own SO.

But ... other than the few late-onset TSs who did repress themselves all their lives and who now have no choice but to transition, I have seen many members (including my SO), go full circle with the CDing. This even happened to a close friend's husband. They go through a period of pink fog where it's all about everything girly and going out, sometimes to the point of distraction, but then if they are given the freedom to develop this fully, they realize that they do not want to transition. They weigh their options, they discover what it would take, exactly, to live a stealth life (a lot ... including $20-40k electrolysis and facial feminization surgery, plus perhaps breast implants and this does not include SRS), they consider the potential loss of jobs and relationships, the loss of male sexual functioning (HRT), and they decide it is not worth it to them. It is not worth it for the vast majority of members here, even though they may go through a period of wishing that it might be. If, however, they are NOT given the opportunity to explore the CDing fully (a wife who puts her foot down, or if they feel that fully expressing the CDing will cause issues in their relationships), then they do risk fantasizing about the "what if" to the point where the fantasy may well become problematic. They really do need to go out there for themselves and taste the world presenting as a woman ... while, truth be told for most CDers, not being stealth.

So don't worry. If your SO tells you that he is not TS, believe him. He grew up in an internet age, there is and has been tons of information out there, he knows the score. He didn't have to repress himself for 20-40 years like some of the members here.

Sorry for such a long post, and sorry if my words have offended anyone.

My SO identifies as dualgender. He knows he is not a guy like most guys, but she knows she is not a woman either. He has made peace with this and s/he makes the best of both worlds by fluctuating his/her presentation. S/he is quietly living her life and is not insistent that the world recognize and support the notion that many people do not fit within the gender binary. My SO knows that we are not there yet (at least not in our neck of the woods among people of our generation), and s/he is OK with this. She just expresses herself in public whenever she needs to, albeit in the next town over.

[Aylineira]

The forum has helped me realize that I am certainly not alone. Of course I kinda knew this already but the reality of how many there really are of us makes me feel a whole lot better.

How this forum has changed me is that I am becoming more confident in my feminine persona. What things I should take into account when dealing with my wife (such as taking it slowly and allowing her to accept me for the CDer I am). Also what things I am going to say and do for my kids when they are old enough to understand what Daddy is doing in a wig and dress.

The most valuable thing that I have since taken away from this forum is that I should feel blessed for the things that I can do every day with my CDing (such as having an accepting SO).

[Zylia]

I thank you too for sticking around and offering us your insight Kae.

Like a good therapy session, this forum doesn't offer the right answers, but it can provide you with the right questions. It helped me to find and have better understanding of my little place in this world and on the (trans)gender spectrum. Having certain 'thoughts' is one thing, but having to formulate them (in a foreign language no less) is quite another.

[Kate's at home]

The validation and answers to many questions have been invaluable. All towards greater understanding and acceptance...

Thank you all!

Kate

[~Joanne~]

At one point there was a thread asking members if they would rather have breasts or a vagina. It ran for the longest time, it got hundreds of responses, and just about everyone said they wanted one or the other, or both! (Well, duh ... everyone was playing along with the OP's fantasy premise).

So yeah, I convinced myself there was a likelihood that my SO, if he wasn't already on his way to transition, was in denial about eventually wanting to transition.

This is the very reason I told my SO that I didn't think joining the forum would benefit her when I told her fully about my CDing. The choice was hers in the end but I explained that everyone here wasn't the same as Me. We all have different roads to travel, we all have different goals, there was a lot of "Fantasy" here, and that there was also a lot of confusion.

Sure, I have a lot in common with a lot of my sister's here but one the other hand I don't. I don't have all the answers to this at all but we will travel that road together and find the answers just the same.

[Sandra]

I wouldn't say it has changed me but taught me a lot about the whole community.

[Tracii G]

This sight has helped me focus on, figure out myself and what I am in relation to the CD spectrum.
I was lost and in a bubble floating around not knowing why I was different.
This site when I found it was just what I needed as far as support.I found people just like me going thru the same thing and by reading posts I came to grips with myself.
Between this site and my trans group I have found my little niche and life is good.

[KittyD]

Havn't been here that long tbh, but for me its just nice to dip in & out and finally meet some other like minded people
Tiz a nice place...

[Beverley Sims]

Kae,
I congratulate you on a milestone, it is always invigorating to reach one and then set the goal for another.
My only goal is to circumnavigate the world again.
Trip no five coming up.
I have learned that I am not alone in all this and there are a lot more than me leading similar lives.
This is a good social site and it has improved my writing skills tremendously.
For commercial writing I do not suffer from writers bloc any more and I easily have an answer for every question put to me.

This site has been very beneficial to me and I do get enjoyment from the responses I receive and extreme satisfaction when I get thanks for being able to help others.

Even if I have been a little cruel in my criticism.

See you again when you reach 1000 posts and two years residence.

[Jane G]

100% yes. I was alone as a CD before I found this Forum. Now I'm part of a group of individuals with a shared interest and I know I'm not alone. I may not post that often but I read a lot written by others and find this site a very helpful supportive place to be.