Has this Forum Changed you?

[Greenie]

This post is my 500th post, and this month, I think last week was my one year anniversary at this forum.

I wanted to know if participating in this forum has changed you?

Since I started I have met some wonderful people. GG's who I have cultivated friendships with, CDers I have had long long long conversations with, who I cannot wait to meet in person one day.

I have noticed in this last year, that this environment, thought supportive, often scares me.

I have met CDers insistent that its "just clothes" who are TS now, in only a year. This frightens me for Luca and I's future.

In the last year we have explored wigs, dresses, shopping, dressing rooms mishaps, pedicures, nail polish, Dressing in the bedroom, matching heels and panties, as well as lingerie. I have been comfortable with somethings we have tried, and uncomfortable with others.

It has been a wild year. We have fought, we have cried, smiled, laughed, and we have gotten through most humps. We are even engaged now!

I am not going to lie. I know that most of you have come to accept and be aware of my open book policy, and my intense amount of honesty. This CDing thing is hard for me. I struggle between wanting to be the most accepting person I can be, and then having bad days where this seems like to much.

For those with openly accepting wives and SO's, you are so lucky, but she is lucky to be able to be the strong woman that I wish I was everyday.

This forum has helped me immensely in trying to become that woman. No matter how many hard days I have, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you Sandra, Reine, Mimi, Jenniferathome, Joanne, PaulaQ and many many others who have been important to me here.

I would like to know from others here, how the forum has helped you? How have you changed since you joined? If you have that is? What is the most valuable thing you learned about yourself and CDing since joining.

Love you all
Kae

[Butterfly Bill]

Been experimenting since junior high 54 years ago, been out to the public since 1994, and I have never had any desire to have the operation. I've even kept my beard. Crossdressing is not the first step on an inevitable path to SRS. But the Pink Fog can be real, especially in the first few years of being out.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Greenie

I am sure this forum has changed me mainly due to the fact I have learned what is possible. I grew up in a pre-internet age so information was scarce. I was even shaking when I made my first post in 2005 but that as they say is history.
There is lots of wonderful information here if people will take the time to read and understand it. This may help in any decisions they may make in the future.
Today I am member of the staff here and I am comfortable when out and about and being accepted as a female (even if some people dont see me that way) I would not be at this point without the support of a lot of GG members of this forum.

I will be forever grateful to them for there help and friendship over the years.

Life is a process of evoloution which always seems quicker when we accept ourselves.

[AllieSF]

First of all, this Forum introduced me to the first people with whom I ventured out into the real world. I have also learned a lot about myself, not surprises really, but more like better defining certain aspects of "me". I know much more about legal issues that need to be resolved, dressing and makeup tips, where I stand on issues that I never took a stand on before, and what it really means to be TS, including all the different experiences and ways to be oneself. So, my changes have been more in the maturing through experience and education of myself and realizing that I know that I am always trying to be the best person and do the best thing based on what I know and have available when whatever arises. I now openly say and believe that I love myself as I am. That does not mean that I don't see areas that need improvement, but I have learned that I am only and just me, not someone else in a worse or better situation than I am.

Have I learned what I am? I am not quite sure yet and I will deal with that question when and if I need to. Right now I do not need to.

What I read from your very wonderful honestly and openly written thread is a person with some doubts about the future looking to see if maybe she should worry or not whether the love of her life is totally defined now or has potential disruptive changes coming in the future. Since a lot here are discovering themselves through this site or maybe more through their own personal growth, it probably is very hard for them to say with certainty whether they have arrived or have more traveling to do. In your specific case, having a wonderful and accepting loving partner like you can also play some unwanted games in your SO's head. She has all this wonderful and rare acceptance and pro-active support. The natural tendency then is to explore and grow or maybe better said, experiment, quicker and that can have a significant impact on how things develop. When someone has to grow slower, aging and maturing as the do that, they can sometimes better handle the fewer changes over time in a tempered manner and maybe can even know themselves better to better avoid or mitigate those sudden changes that can disrupt not only their lives but the lives of those around them. I wish you the best because you are a somewhat rare and precious person.

[kimdl93]

I don't think the forum changes a person so much as it reveals the possibilities. Sure there are a few here who entered believing it was just the clothes, and many who still feel that's true in their case and always will be so. It's a fairly small but significant number who discover possibilities in life and in themselves that they haven't before. And there are a few,I'm hesitant to suggest, that come to CDing looking not for self discovery, but as a futile means of escape from their inability to cope with some other aspects of life.

[Lucy_Bella]

This forum has helped me quite a bit in understanding what I am not..

It has opened my eyes to the different levels of the Gender Spectrum as to before I joined I thought I had gender issues now I know it's more of a fetish for me..

I have leaned that it's not so much a fetish for other cders and it's a way of life not a life style..I have also seen the need to be more open and honest about my cding to any GG I may plan a relationship with...Tell them everything and ask them to be open for future changes if any come .. Because many of us are not aware of them ourselves.But I think that can apply to any non cding relationship as well but under a different subject ,we all change..

I don't fear my dressing any longer but I still do not accept it fully .I'd like to have never started but since I have this forum helps me deal with it better sometimes verses other forums.. This forum offers logical explanations as to why I feel the urge to dress rather than hating the ideal of me doing it..

[PaulaQ]

I wanted to know if participating in this forum has changed you?

I would like to know from others here, how the forum has helped you? How have you changed since you joined? If you have that is? What is the most valuable thing you learned about yourself and CDing since joining.

First of all Kae, congratulations on your engagement! I am so thrilled for you both, God bless you! Luca is very lucky to have you, and you are a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for being!

Well, I've changed a lot - from a confused, suicidal, anxious CDing man to a relatively happy woman in transition. Just not being confused, suicidal, depressed, and anxious would've been sufficient - but I'm doing a lot better than that, really.

The forum has given me a place to tell my story. It isn't always a happy story - sometimes far from it - but it is mine, and it is real. Telling it has sometimes lead me to sharp disagreements with others here, and I think that's OK. I think having multiple perspectives on the issues of this forum is helpful.

I guess the most valuable thing I've learned about myself is that I have a really strong need to reach out to, and to help others. I think this is a core element of my personality - something really deep and intrinsic to it.

I think the most important thing I've learned about CDing, or any other gender variance, is that there is often quite a lot of pain involved, both for the CDer, and their spouse. Both parties have to deal with issues that the cisgender hetronormative world isn't really well prepared to deal with, and indeed, doesn't often even have vocabulary TO talk about it reasonably.

I've met a really fascinating group of individuals, and am a member of a largely secret world that most people are only dimly aware of. I've made many friends, and found only a few people disagreeable.

I've only been a member a month or two longer than you Kae, and it's been quite a trip, hasn't it?

[Marcia Blue]

Greenie, Through this forum I have accepted who I am. Told my Wonderful Wife about the CD side of me. Meet other CDs and gone out in public. I do not desire to transition, even when deep, in the pink fog.

Luca is a lucky guy/gal to have you as a girl friend. My best wishes to both of you.

[Katey888]

I feel like and I am a relative newbie to this place compared with others, so mine is a very fresh perspective...

How has it helped? Principally with self-acceptance; realising that I am so not alone in my own peculiar skew with this thing we do; opening my eyes to the need and benefit of reading more about what constitutes TG conditions and how that applies to me; an understanding that I probably am TG which both amazes and scares me simultaneously... but self-awareness is all good, isn't it?

How have I changed? Understanding that I comprise a part of this bigger grouping that we might one day call a community (I'd like to think so...) and how important it is to be aware of the challenges and trials that others face (those of our TS compatriots) really makes feel humble; this may sound daft but I now feel a responsibility towards this group and I want to do more to help in a very broad sense; I think reading the experiences and perspectives of all the varied folk we have here has changed my own perspective immensely - and while I may not suffer any discrimination because of my closeted activities my heart goes out to those who cannot remain so and must face the world with honesty, determination and often do that very alone...

Most valuable thing... On a serious note - that the understanding of others is such a key element of being accepted in the wider world, and we should find more ways to work at that... Slightly less serious - that I had disastrous ideas about fashion and I really needed to work on makeup skills - and there has been masses of support, friendly critique, encouragement, humour and affection from a fantastic bunch of strangers, none of which I have ever met (that I'm aware of...), but many of whom I would hope and wish to count as firm and very real friends, despite an often significant geographical separation... I feel quite emotional... maybe that was more serious...

Good question Kae - thanks for allowing some timely introspection and being such a wonderfully open person...

Katey x

[Eryn]

Certainly participation in the forum may expose one to possibilities that precipitate change, but we each make the changes ourselves.

The forum helped me make friends within the community. It showed me the various ways that other TG people lived. It helped me find resources that were useful to me. It reassured me that I was not alone in being TG and that being TG was a normal part of living.

The forum did not, however, make any decisions for me.

[Julie Denier]

I think this forum has helped me see what's possible. I originally joined out of curiosity, never thinking I would actually dress, at least not seriously. But the advice and support here has helped me develop what I think is a decent femulation, at least for a big girl of my well-above-average size and shape. And I've gotten to know some wonderful people here, one of whom is graciously assisting me in my first time out dressed, something I never, ever thought I would do.

Meanwhile, I have no TS aspirations - I'm thoroughly secure and comfortable with my male self and could never give that up. But this forum certainly has helped me understand and enjoy my femme side, and for that I am grateful

[paulaprimo]

for the majority of my life, thinking that i was the only one who dresses and was well hidden way back in my closet...
this site showed me that i was not alone and gave me the confidence to accept and be happy with myself. the most important thing
i learned is that i am not weird, sick or confused anymore. i am me and i am now very happy with myself. i carried a very large burden of shame
for a very long time. this site gave me the much needed confidence and support to finally venture out about 18 months ago. a new found freedom for me
and i loved it. for this reason i am very thankful to the wonderful people here.

i wish you guy's continued success and the very best!

[Jenniferathome]

First, congratulations on your engagement!

Second, regarding the future for Luca, TS are really very rare. To me, it's like worrying about an earthquake. There's no point. here is a graphic that brings it home:



Lastly, I have often written that I came out because of this forum (really Amanda22 who I friended on this forum). For that I am changed and ever thankful. Now I try to pay it back.

[kimdl93]

Love that graphic. Is consistent with my guiding principle. The 80:20 rule. The trick is to focus on the 20% of effort that yields 80% of the results.

[JazT95]

I really haven't been here that long at all. But even in my short time here, I have gained so much more confidence in, well... everything. I live in a very isolated town so just coming to this site to talk to others like me has made me feel less alone and happier about my situation.

For all this, I just have to say a massive thank you to all you guys xx

[AnnabelleBethanie]

I think for me, there has been a bit of a change just through the information I gain when reading it... I think that I personally haven't changed as much as I would have hoped since I'm not the best at participation on forums as I prefer the one-to-one approach which forums often lack. But there has been more if a change than if I wasn't reading/part of this forum.

Annabelle-Bethanie

[Allisa]

Changed yes and no, mainly just knowing I'm not the only one who CD's.

Bye-Bye Lisa

[Genny B]

The forum has helped me many ways! I have met others that help me to accept who I am and has made me think about my wife's point of view much more! And I think that has been good for both of us! It also helped me find a local support group that I had not been able to find elsewhere with intense searches! At the age of 55 with 9 grandchildren I would not change my life for anything in the world!
Genny B

[Dani0948]

"I would like to know from others here, how the forum has helped you? How have you changed since you joined? If you have that is? What is the most valuable thing you learned about yourself and CDing since joining"

The forum helped me realise that the most important thing in the world is my wife. I want so badly to tell her, but am afraid of the consequences for both of us. My biggest change is that I'm dressing more now, but still staying in the closet (no change yet). I've learned that there are some very special girls and guys on this forum with a wealth of information and life experiences to share. I like being a part of this group and hope to have "interesting" things to post in the future.

[JennyLynn]

Definitely, yes! Now I know I'm not alone! It does get complicated at times, as we all have different agendas.

[SherriePall]

First off, congratulations on your engagement. As for what this forum has done for me, changing me in some way, I'll tell you what it has not done.
It has not encouraged me to go out and about dressed. I had done that prior to joining this forum.
It has not encouraged me to get a pedicure. Had already done that.
It has not encouraged me to get a makeover. Did that before.
It has not encouraged me to go clothes shopping either en femme or drab and try the clothes on in the stores. Did that multiple times.
It has not encouraged me to tell my wife. Had already done that just prior to our 25th anniversary.
There are probably more things I could share with you.
And that is what this forum has done for me. It has allowed me to share with others who are in the same boat as I. It has allowed me to share with those who are thinking about climbing into that boat.
It has changed me in that I now know that I am not alone or crazy; that my feelings are shared by others. I have been dressing for many years. As for the TS thing, there are days I think about it. But I know that I don't have to act upon those feelings which surge from time-to-time.
Well, I guess I better stop now. Thanks for asking. Hope I answered in some manner.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Greenie, This forum has helped me feel that I'm not alone in this world with thousands of like minded friends.
I'm 71 years old and been dressing for almost 67yrs. and I'm content to just be a Crossdresser at home.
My wife of 50yrs. kinda understands/tolerates it she just don't want to see me dressed,
It's a kind of a DA-DT thinggie.

[Greenie]

I hope so. 17k posts later.

Thanks all, I like hearing about these things.

[Donnagirl]

It has changed me a quite a bit in a short time... Some good, some not so good.... Whilst I am more confident in myself, more accepting and more relieved that there are so many others who share "my little secret", I am envious and jealous of all of you who look so good. It is frustrating to think I could never look good enough to go out in public. I should have done more when young, fit and thin... I wasted so many years in denial, angry and embarrassed at my feelings and urges. (Before the internet, I thought I was the only one!!!!)

I really do enjoy the introspection so many of the posts impose. A self examination I would have never contemplated without such an impetus. Identifying with the comments of so many gives me that warm fuzzy feeling, a happiness that I'm not that unusual after all...

I do hope to mature into the "who I am" with the help of all the friends here...

Thanks to all.

[Davina4587]

Hi Kae

Congrats on the engagement!

Without doubt this forum has changed me for the better.

I am no closer to admitting to my loved ones that I crossdress and it still has to be done in secret, however joining the forum has given me place to finally tell somebody that I do dress. Somewhere that understands my nervousness and fears, somewhere that understands the problems and somewhere where I can get advice.

For the last year I have been suffering with mental health problems (nothing to do with my dressing), however the ability to shout out to the world that I am a crossdresser has given me a new found confidence. Friends say that they have notice a difference in me in the last couple of months (which just happens to be when I joined the forum) and I am starting to feel better about myself.

I can now enter a ladies department with a new swagger (albeit away from where I live) and spend time looking for what I want (rather than picking something off the rack and get out of the shop as quickly as I could).

The forum has given me a place to talk about French knickers, about stockings or where the best place to shop is. Six months ago I never would have dreamt of having these sorts of conversations - even through the privacy of the internet.

I don't think that I would ever want to take a risk with my wife or family by telling them that I dress but this forum has given me somewhere to talk to girls who know what I am going through and understand me.

I feel for these reasons Forum has made me a better person

Davina
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