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Thread: Public Mocking of CD'ing?

  1. #1
    Member AprilMayy<3's Avatar
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    Public Mocking of CD'ing?

    So as some of you know I am still a senior in High School(18 though, don't worry!). Like every year, the school makes the prom court contestants wear/do something embarrassing to build up hype for prom. This year, the prom king contestants have to wear a prom dress to school, heels, bra, etc etc
    Personally, this annoys the crap outta me! I mean, here I am super feminine, freaking out about anyone seeing me and having a panic attack over it, and there they are getting to do every thing I've wanted to do but have been too scared to do it. And a small other thing about, which leads to my title, obviously the guys aren't(more than likely)real CD'ers which causes to them to just look funny. As in no wig, unshaved legs, no makeup etc(No girl would wear a dress and heels with hairy legs!). I get that they aren't meant to go for that look, but it just really annoys me.
    Being who I am and wanting to wear that as much as I can and would actually try to pass for a girl while wearing it, I feel as if I'm being secretly and subtly mocked. Any one else feel this way, as this also happens at other times through out the year(Halloween for instance)? It just seems to me that the whole CD community is mocked when this happens. Maybe April is too sensitive to this stuff, regardless I'm annoyed!

  2. #2
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    On the one hand I agree with you. It is sort of like dressing up in black face. At one time is was acceptable, and considered to be funny. But nowadays, more than a bit uncouth, huh?

    On the other hand, if someone dresses up a fisherman for Halloween, are they mocking fisherman?

    Hmm... I will be interested in any of the other's opinions. Hmm....?????

  3. #3
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    I agree with you totally, my University for LGBT Month had an event as part of this, that was a karaoke night where everyone was encouraged to go dressed as the opposite sex, well I am not the type to go to club type events but the few friends that know were like "you should go, it'll be great and you will be the best looking person there" But then when I realised that this would be because when I dress I am a girl as far as I'm concerned and am not "doing it for a laugh". I didn't go, and then when the pictures came out I saw exactly what you described, hairy legs etc. and it made me a little bit angry.

    But I agree with you, it makes me angry and feel insulted. Also when I read things on how to be more confident at going out people recommend these times of year and events, but I'm not dressing to be mocked I'm dressing to become my girly self. Like I can see why people do encourage these things as it sheds more light onto the community and more social acceptance, but still feels insulting.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 04-22-2014 at 11:53 AM. Reason: no need to post OP

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    I wouldn't worry about it tell the guys they look pretty and ask them to the prom that way you are doing the mocking.
    You could go to the prom enfemme and have the last laugh.
    When I was a junior in HS I went to the prom enfemme at the request of a few of my best GF's.They did my hair and make up and loaned me a dress.
    To me it felt awesome to be all girl for the first time.
    I heard people asking who that girl was because no one recognized me I guess they figured I was from another school.
    It was a fun time and I got to dance with a few cute guys and dance with my GF's too.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 04-22-2014 at 11:34 AM.

  5. #5
    Member Jenelle's Avatar
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    I am torn on this. I completely understand how you feel about the school event but there is a part of me that says "The world can be a cruel place, you have to fight through it at times." As for how you feel about Halloween, I am with Nadine. It is just Halloween and people dress up as all kinds of things. I wonder how all those unsexy cops feel on Halloween.

    Since this is a school event, if you feel so inclined, you could go to the administration and bring up the issue this can been seen as very insensitive to TGs. Of course there is a very good chance there well be backlash to doing this, especially if you are not out. A safer way might be to contact a local LGBT activist group and inform them of what is happening and how it makes you fell. They might take the fight up for you.
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  6. #6
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    They are not mocking cross dressers. In fact, in all likelihood, the boys wearing the prom dresses do not know cross dressers exist. It is just a silly high school ritual and shows complete lack of creativity. While it is true that the result is, "a boy in a dress looks funny" to me it is no attack on cross dressers. No one thinks, "Oh, this is how cross dressers are." They are thinking,"Doesn't Dave look ridiculous." And he does!

    I think that there is just too much political correctness going on these days. Basically, doing anything can offend someone so are we to do nothing?

    Let it go. And when you choose to go out, represent the best you can.

  7. #7
    Sapphic GeminaRenee's Avatar
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    On one hand, I can see it being insulting, from the standpoint that these guys are being asked to do something that is potentially embarrassing to them, even though it's more than likely just a light-hearted thing. After all, it reinforces the notion (on some level) that these guys are dressing in a way that they are not "supposed to," or that dressing as a woman is something that just ought to be laughed at.

    However, I don't think it's really the intention of people who organize these things to mock CD'ers or trans people, by any means. I think a big part of it is just that guys who are through and through masculine do look funny when they're not dressed in a cis fashion. I mean, a guy I know dressed as a Hooters girl a few Halloweens ago, and it was pretty amusing to see. I didn't find that a bit offensive.

    I guess you just have to take the whole context of the thing into perspective. Are the women going to be dressing like men also? Will the guys just get glammed up so everyone can have a chuckle at seeing the QB in a dress, and then everybody forgets about it and moves on? Or will it have a more sinister undertone? That's how I'd judge it.

    You certainly wouldn't be wrong for being offended, but I just don't see it as a huge deal as described, personally.
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  8. #8
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    Expressing disapproval of discriminatory practices does not out you. If you feel strongly about this you should speak up.

    Acceptance comes in odd ways, though. To laugh at us they still have to acknowledge us, and that is a step in the right direction.
    Eryn
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  9. #9
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    I think that there is just too much political correctness going on these days. Basically, doing anything can offend someone so are we to do nothing?

    Let it go. And when you choose to go out, represent the best you can.[/QUOTE]


    I agree with Jennifer 100% the world is getting too PC.People get butt hurt too easily.
    I call it the "its all about me syndrome".
    Now that might piss a few younger cd's off me putting it that way but you can't control what others do and think about you or anyone else for that matter.
    Just represent as best you can and be proud of yourself they can't take that away from you.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    I think I understand some of what you are feeling. By having the boys wear dresses and heels as a ritual of embarrassment and a joke. A lot of laughing and giggling, silly comments get made. It puts an overall negative spin on dressing. I don't think it is all that bad. I do not think the ritual should be ended, for most it is all in good fun. I do understand how it feels for you though.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  11. #11
    Diamond Member Persephone's Avatar
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    I agree with you, it is a questionable practice and could be offensive to more than just CD's/TG's. After all, what does it say about being a girl/woman in our society?

    While I generally believe that one should clearly stand up for their beliefs, perhaps an anonymous letter to the principal pointing out the many reasons that this is inappropriate would be in order?

    Now that you are 18 and have access to transportation of one sort or another, perhaps you can also find some safe and comfortable way to crossdress a bit away from your community?

    Hugs,
    Persephone.
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  12. #12
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    It is just a silly high school ritual and shows complete lack of creativity.
    Sort of like flushing someone's head in a toilet or pulling their pants down in the hall...we have outgrown this "silliness" I hope

    I think that there is just too much political correctness going on these days. Basically, doing anything can offend someone so are we to do nothing?
    until it affects you

    Let it go.
    No...someone needs to point out the wrong here. If not now how long from now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit View Post

    On the other hand, if someone dresses up a fisherman for Halloween, are they mocking fisherman?
    If they dressed to degrade and make fun of fishermen yes. Really not a good analogy

    Quote Originally Posted by GeminaRenee View Post
    However, I don't think it's really the intention of people who organize these things to mock CD'ers or trans people
    you don't think? So exactly what is the purpose? "Wear this so you can sympathize with your girlfriend and how hard she works to look nice." Or.."You wear a bra for a day and see how much fun it is." No it is meant to degrade the person wearing the outfit, to allow others to mock and tease.

    Evidently it is something the OP feels strongly about or they would not have posted it so saying "get over it" doesn't really help. It may not be an intentional slight but until someone points it out it will continue
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  13. #13
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit View Post
    ...................On the other hand, if someone dresses up a fisherman for Halloween, are they mocking fisherman?.................
    Hey! I'm a fisherman and I like to get my.....no no no, cut! I agree with Nadine.

    For me, it's not really a nasty parody as much a way for said contestants to be ritually humiliated in front of their peers. Just take it for what it is, a school bash and high spirits.

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  14. #14
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    As Freude said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Too much reading between the lines Lorlleah. Things can be just what they are and have no deeper impact. This event is already forgotten by all except those who are looking for ways to be offended by it. This is not an adult group looking to make a statement, it's a bunch of dumb kids. They are just being dumb kids.

  15. #15
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    I get what you are saying and how it makes you feel. I get sensitive to it to. I have been around that sort of thing more then a few times where guys are dressing up and it is supposed to be funny - guys in drag ha ha! everyone laugh, and they should be so embarrassed! And I'll be standing right there wondering if they all want to laugh at me, I have a male body and live as a woman am I what they are mocking and getting their laughs from? Am i what these guys are trying to represent?

    And most of the time I have seen it has been adults doing it.
    Last edited by arbon; 04-22-2014 at 12:32 PM.

  16. #16
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    April,
    Lord forgive them for they know not what they do.
    Is a good bible quote here.
    It encompasses those that do not understand.
    They are young people and yes they are expressing themselves incorrectly.
    Your feelings may be hurt and it will pass for now.
    For me seeing people like that does give me a smile but I am hurt inside from the point of view of bigotry.
    For those who are militant and there are some here I think a softly softly approach works better than stomping on them.

    Me, I am all ready for a fight with feminists who wish to foist their views on me when they could look at a situation in a more level headed way.

    Incidentally I am not a religious person it is just that the quote appears to fit the situation.

    For now I say let it slide and it will go away for a new prank next year.

    In the meantime you may wish to educate some of them into practicing tolerance, if that is indeed the problem.
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  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    They are not mocking cross dressers. In fact, in all likelihood, the boys wearing the prom dresses do not know cross dressers exist. It is just a silly high school ritual and shows complete lack of creativity.

    ...

    I think that there is just too much political correctness going on these days. Basically, doing anything can offend someone so are we to do nothing?
    Perhaps the school should celebrate the heritage of students of African American descent by getting all the white kids to put on blackface and put on silly little skits and songs. Tee hee, tee hee! Maybe they could schedule this on Martin Luther King's Birthday, or some other such significant day.

    And while I think we (hopefully) all agree that such an event would be really offensive to the African American students of that school, and to the community at large, I find it interesting that doing more or less the exact same thing with regard to gender gets a pass. Because this isn't the 1950's - it's the 21st century, and people know, or should know, that transgender folks exist, and that mockery is cruel.

  18. #18
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    Well, they're obviously mocking women, not unlike many 'actual' cross-dressers.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Amanda M's Avatar
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    As usual. jennifer has nailed it. Come on. Lighten up folks. When people get anxious about this sort of things, it is a often an expresion of their own guilt/ shame/insecurity.

    AprilMayy - your fellow students (I suspect) do not know that you crossdress. Therefore, how can they be subtly mocking you? Perhaps the problem is that you are a bit worried that if you go for it, they might guess

    For what it's worth, if you make a sham of the whole thing, you will be letting yourself down. Be brave, get shaved, made up, powdered and fancied up and be great!
    If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!

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  21. #21
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    Take it from someone twice you age, life is offensive. I see things everyday that mock and offend things I believe in. There are people all around me who do things I don't agree with, and say things I don't approve of. If I stopped to protest everything that offended me I would never get anything done. Personally, I find political correctness and the hypersensitive culture we now live in to be more offensive than anything.

    Anyway, I doubt the boys are really doing it to make fun of trans people, and I doubt they even know any trans people or even care about trans people one way or another. They just want to embarrass each other. I'd also worry, given that you are in high school, if you complain and the boys find out that you were the reason their event was cancelled, you may find yourself dealing with more trouble than it is worth. You need to pick your battles, and this, in the grand scheme of things, may not be worth it.

  22. #22
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    BTW, I agree that they aren't directly mocking trans* - or it would doubtless be a much nastier affair. That doesn't change the inherent offensiveness of their actions. I doubt most of the kids involved are even hateful people - they are probably a pretty nice bunch - just ignorant as all hell. That still doesn't make it OK.

  23. #23
    Gold Member DonnaT's Avatar
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    Personally, I don't have a problem with it. I've never felt that such events were mocking CDs/TGs.

    Many schools have similar events, such as womanless beauty pageants, cross dress day, or football players dressing a cheerleaders at a pep rally, etc.

    I admired the guys for having the courage to cross dress in public.

    But times are a changing, like using the term crossdresser now instead of transvestite, and getting the word out that the term tranny/trannie is no longer acceptable to the TG community.

    Thus, if you feel deeply about such activities in school, as being discriminatory, then campaign against it. Start a movement across the US.

    What does get me upset, however, are the "religious right" parents who try and get such events stopped as being a sin.
    DonnaT

  24. #24
    Shoe shopping shrew natcrys's Avatar
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    When I went to my first Halloween party as Lt. Uhura, I was simultaneously happy, because I got to dress up in public.. and worried, because I refused to "tone" it down and if there were close friends at that party.. they might have suspected things.

    Now, I myself don't get easily offended.. there are so many jerks (male/female/and everything in between) in the world, I refuse to let them bring me down to their level.

    Having said that, this high school ritual is stupid and is offensive. It might not deliberately mock CD/TG/TS's, but it does send the message that a "guy in a dress" is something funny and humiliating. Now, most high school kids are dumb and don't think about consequences of their actions.. so I put the blame squarely on the adult staff running the high school.

    Perhaps some see it as a harmless thing, but there are people who think/thought the same thing about saying stuff like "That's so gay" or "Don't act like a f****t". I say, it's a good thing that society evolves towards more respect for all .. and society realises that certain things are not okay anymore.

    Now, I'm not saying you should storm the principal's office and demand this ritual to be stopped. Pick your battles wisely. You're about to go to university where you'll hopefully find more enlightened people/friends. That's where your new life will be.

    Like I said, high school kids can be shallow, short-sighted and if word ever got out that you were the one responsible for scratching this event.. you might have a tough time at the end of your high school period.
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  25. #25
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    Wow . . . I must have gone to school in a sheltered high school as the only thing we did was "Hoser Day . . . Bob and Doug MacKenzie" with our Mackinaw Jackets, work boots and toques . . . Take off eh

    I can see how it could be deemed as offensive to those who take it as so and just because it can be seen as a harmless prank, it doesn't negate on person's perception. When I first joined the military it was common place to denigrate troops by saying things like "Let's go ladies" or "what's the matter princess, the pea in your bed giving you a hard time" and believe me a lot worse in derogatory statements designed to humiliate by comparing male troops to women. Was it harmless fun . . . if you ask the NCOs I am sure they would say things like "sure, it means nothing, grow up, get over it". Nowadays . . . that type of talk can wind up getting you charged (harassment) . . . I know because I charged two sergeants for such conduct two months ago.

    It is all about perception. One person's perception may be "let it go" while another person's perception may be "that is insulting". Our perceptions are our realities.

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