Support & Open Minded

[Nadine Spirit]

What does it mean to you to be supportive and open minded? Does it mean that anyone should be allowed to do anything and we should never offer a critical word?

I have found it to be a bit odd that I have been told that I am not supportive, as I disagree with some of your choices. And I have also been told that I am not open minded again because I disagree with some of your choices.

So in order to be supportive and open minded, do we have to agree with anything and everything that anyone does? Does it mean that simply because we all like to wear female clothes in some manner or other that anything else people like to do is fair game?

[Annaliese]

No not at all, one can be open minded, and supportive. But you don't have to agree with them.

[Kate Simmons]

Not at all Nadine. I totally agree with you my friend.

[natcrys]

Not at all. For example, I don't agree with my friend's decision to drop out of college, but I support him and try to help him in finding a job.

[Sara Jessica]

Sometimes honesty is seen as unsupportive and closed minded.

[Nadine Spirit]

My wife and I agree with you Sara.

[AllieSF]

Being honest can be both good and supportive, as well as bad as in bad timing. It really depends on the situation. Sometimes we all need that direct and honest opinion, even when the truth hurts, while at other times it may be better to keep our supportive mouths shut and let the other live with the moment, their moment, and their consequences. The trouble that a lot of us have, especially me, is to really know when all or most comments should be forsaken or at least minimized and softened. Those that believe that hard honesty is always best, in my opinion, are also missing the point that sometimes listening and empathizing is much better than correcting and criticizing, even when the critique is honest.

[Katey888]

Aren't being supportive and open-minded two totally different things?

Being open-minded is surely about being prepared to accept others perspectives; to listen and to be prepared to change ones world view; to not be dogmatic, but reasonable?

Being supportive (to me, and on this forum) is being sensitive to what folk are seeking when they post. Sometimes they'll ask for opinions, other times they're just finding an outlet for some emotion or pain - it's then up to the reader to try to decide how best to respond. Some might say that anyone who posts here is effectively going 'public' about whatever they're saying, so anyone can comment as they feel fit... That's true, but as Allie has implied, it's then just down to our individual interpretations of what's being asked for and whether or not one feels that one can offer relevant and supportive advice or whether critique is appropriate. My view is that we're not under any obligation to post a reply, and it's not a competition to see who has the 'best' answer or who agrees with who the most - and the initiator can always ignore advice anyway...

Perhaps it just comes to down to individual sensitivity to feelings that are expressed...

Katey x

[Krisi]

Nadine, I agree with you. I have also been told that I am not supportive or it has been hinted at by other forum members. I have also had posts deleted because they were deemed unsupportive.

I don't think it's much help to anyone to just blindly agree with everything someone posts. And if something needs to be said, it should be said. If someone doesn't agree with a post, that's fine but the poster should be allowed to express their opinion.

[Marcelle]

Not agreeing or giving and honest opinion does not constitute "non support" or "close mindedness" it is expressing an opinion. You don't have to agree with someone's choices but you can still be there to support them. My older sister's first husband was abusive and I could not understand why she stayed with him or protected him from me. I did not agree with her choice but I supported her and we (my family) eventually convinced her to leave him. That is support without agreeing. Open minded runs the same gambit, you can be open minded to new things, new concepts and think "I understand where you are coming from but I don't agree".

Expressing an honest opinion where once is solicited "Tell me what you think of this" can be done with tact and diplomacy and that is being supportive . . . "I understand what you are trying to say with that look however, the top doesn't flatter your better features."

If someone posts a thread which solicits feedback on a subject and you give your opinion contrary to the OPs stand. That is fair game because the OP asked for it.

However, expressing a negative opinion where one is not solicited is IMHO not a good idea because you do not know where there that person is in his/her emotional well being at that time. A more neutral comment might be better served. We don't all have thick skin and some people are just looking for a bit of a confidence boost.

If you are replying to a position in a post with which you agree then a tactful and diplomatic stance would be serve your purpose "I don't agree and here is why . . . " You can disagree without being rude and that is supporting the argument on both sides.

Hugs

Isha

[Jenniferathome]

Sometimes honesty is seen as unsupportive and closed minded.

Yup, THIS. It stems from a lack of objectivity about one's situation.

[Michelle V]

I think it is all very objective, you can be both and be totally misinterpreted by those unable to recognize criticisms as support.

[Sandra]

Some on here think that only their opinion is right and those that disagree get the "oh you don't support" It's not just you Nadine, why do you think a lot of the GGs don't bother posting in the main forums? It's because those that did and heaven forbid disagreed were told that they were not supportive.

[Joanne f]

Hello Nadine,
I am completely open minded to anything that is legal and I would like to think that I am supportive of most things as we all are different in our tastes but you also have to put a bit of common sense into it and consider what would be acceptable in the outside world ,inside you can dress as you like as far as I am concerned , you do not have to agree with anything but then no one has to agree with the way you do things so it works both ways , it is just the way you disagree with someone that counts . It is always interesting listening to someone elses opinion as you never know that you might lean something that you had not have thought of before but you still do not have to agree with it if you do not want to .
(Reading that back I think I make myself feel )

[carhill2mn]

My reaction is that the person saying that you are not supportive just because you do not totally agree with everything, lacks self-confidence and is needing you to reassure them. Also, how you disagree does make a difference in how the person will react.

[Beverley Sims]

Being supportive and open minded means you are able to give constructive critisism and help whoever it may be from making a fool of themselves and being ridiculed for some mistake they make.

You also try to be a friend and give praise when it is warranted.

Open minded would be advising someone in a positive and polite way about their lifestyle even if it was something you vehemently disagreed with.

[Tina_gm]

I would say that support simply means that someone in some way is of assistance for you. In my wife's case, she will give me time to dress. She does so because she has not and does not want to see me dressed. So, she gives me time to. assisting could mean any number of ways. Support could also mean someone simply listens to you talk of any frustrations or joys. They may give advice for a situation that we are unsure of.

Open minded- Perhaps more simple in that a person is willing to accept that we are still good people, and that what we do, who we are is a part of us, and does not make us a bad person because of it. Neither of these two things has to equate to liking CDing. A person can be open minded and supportive without liking what it is they are open minded about or supportive of.