Devastated

[Michelle V]

My wife just told me something that devastated me! She said she does not care to hang out with other CD/GG couples. I tried to make a point saying that it is a social necessity for me to met other people like me. She insist that I should be able to make friends with people that have more in common with me than just CDing.

This is the life I have chosen, this is my wife and my true love, she accepts me as I am and supports me in everything, my wife is more than fair in our relationship and to be honest is the one that works all the time in improving our love life and everyday lives. I am a happy man, so why does it bother me to know that I may never be able to hang out with people like me?

[Helen_Highwater]

Really it's no different than being a classic car owner and wanting to go to the club rally. People with a specific interest tend to get together. The difference is that you can bore your non classic car owning friends by talking about your hobby but unless you're totally open about your CD'ing it's not something that your wife can reply to when a friend says, "So what did you do Saturday night? "
So yep I can understand your wife's stance.

[Taylor Ray]

Why does she have to go along? Perhaps you can explore your social interests during your "me" time.

[marsha leanne]

michelle, it may be that she is totally overwhelmed with all of the others. She is struggleing to come to grips with just you, and to have so many others around may be terrifying to her. back off and give her time and room to digest it all. maybe, she will go with you again,4-6 months down the line. dont push now. let her vent, let her process, let her breath.

[Jenniferathome]

Michelle, it's really not that big a deal. She is thinking that she has little in common with other cross dressers and she's right. Despite the fact that you are a cross dresser, cross dressing is likely quite uninteresting to her. Still, I would't write this off entirely. It's a strange idea at first. She may very well change her opinion in the days, weeks and months to come. Don't stress too much about this.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Michelle, You should be happy that she accepts you.

[franchesca]

Sorry sis... were kinda in the same boat. My SO is extremely supportive but meeting and hanging out with other tg/gg couples isnt really on the agenda right now. Sad part is im only 20 mins from you

[AllieSF]

Is she against herself going out with you to meet other CD's and their SO's, or she doesn't want to go and also does not want you to go? If it is only her, in my opinion, no big deal. If you can't go, that is a big deal if you have been doing that already. Either way, as Jennifer said, give her time and keep communicating.

[Stephanie47]

My wife goes bi monthly meetings of women who share a specific interest collecting figurines. I have absolutely no desire to attend, although I am always invited. Go alone! I also agree there should be something more to a relationship than just wearing clothes. Cross dressing bowling? Cross dressing golf?

[Nadine Spirit]

Sorry to hear that Michelle. I know how much you would like to include her. It is good that you are attempting to speak with her about all of this. I do agree that with time things may change. Just keep the communication going.

And hey yeah, what about going by yourself? Could that work?

[Beverley Sims]

Michelle,
All is not lost, cultivate your wife in ways that are acceptable to her and you go out and meet others by yourself such as a support group.
That is how a lot of others do it.
You already have support and acceptance, a lot more than others have.

Find something else to be devastated about.

[Joanne f]

Hello Michelle,
I can understand how you feel as you wish your wife to be included in your social life but she seems to be uncomfortable with other CDs which can be quite a normal reaction , you are her husband she knows you and loves you so it is much easier for her to be comfortable around you when you dress than it is to be around another man dressed in female clothes ,it takes some getting use to especially if they dress a bit different than the way you do , I should not say this really but you might get past this hurdle one day by selecting one or two who are very similar to you and see if your wife can get use to them first as opposed to a big group .

[Michelle789]

Michelle,

I'm sorry to hear that about your wife. The reason you're bothered so much by not being able to hang out with people like you is because you are a cross-dresser. Cross-dressing is a part of who you are, and you wish to be able to hang out with other people like you, and since your wife is a part of your life too, you wish your wife could participate. It sucks when you have to give up or repress a part of yourself.

[ReineD]

You say she's been supportive, so I don't understand why she doesn't want to meet another couple. She doesn't appear to be close-minded?

Can you supply more information?

Where are you meeting all these couples, and does your wife refuse to meet them, or has she already met them as well? Has your social life made a drastic change from before, meaning do you mostly want to hang out with other CDers and their wives now? Or do you also enjoy doing social things with your wife and other friends when you are not dressed?

Another question: are the other husbands crossdressers who also have active male lives, or are they TS? It's not unheard of for a wife to fear hanging out with transitioners.

Thanks for answering these questions. It's hard to give an opinion or advice just based on your OP.

[TinaZ]

I tend to agree with what Marsha is saying. Maybe a bit of space is all she needs for the time being.

[rian]

Dear Michelle ..I have the same problem ...my dear wife know every thing about me ,,Yet Very scared when I ask her that I need to meet people like me ,,,she is completely not approving with this ...she even ask me not to share with her my CD ...may be because she know the Consequence of people finding out the real me ...

[noeleena]

Hi.

Knowing and surporting is one thing , having to meet and socalise with... your... friends is total another detail she does not wont to do or have to go through,

This is not her life nor needs to take it on , be thankfull she has come this far with you.

try and force her hand you will loose out,

As a woman what do i have in common with dresser's not a lot, clothes dont really do it for me they may for you and thats okay. i can talk about clothes , though you wont be interested in what i do with our groups and the clothes we make design and sew, and the time frame period ,

You see where im coming from different interests different people, and a whole different background,

Youv answered part of your ? your SO is making life lovingly for you both dont let a ... wont .... distroy it,
did your SO say she does not wont you to spend time with people with a like mind to you. i dont see that at all. ... no... this is about her not wonting to.

To have a balanced life you need other friends as well not just one of a few friends with an interest in wearing of a particular set of clothes , = crossdressing if you like,

Im seeing this as your SO see's this as a woman,

...noeleena...

[bonni]

My wife is kinda doing the same thing but I might get a little more leway. To bad though I'm right down the road.

[natcrys]

It's not really clear from the starting post whether she doesn't want to join you in hanging with other CD/GG couples.. or that she doesn't want you to go at all.

If the latter is the case.. that just sucks. You're in a marriage, so have to work this out together. But how would she react if you suggested that she couldn't visit a certain group of people?

If the former is the case.. then that's also not desirable.. but she still gets to decide for herself if she wants to or not. Perhaps a few good conversations would help to get to the underlying reasons.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Michelle

The degree of acceptance you have from your wife compared to what I and many others on this forum have (read 'zero') makes it difficult to empathise. Be appreciative of what you have.

It has taken quite some time and tears for my wife and I to get to a position where she knows that I dress but can live within a DADT arrangement. Frankly it works very well - no emotional roller coaster, no limitations on me other than self imposed, no trying to tread on egg shells.

It did take me quite some time to get over the feeling that my wife doesn't truly love me and doesn't accept me for who I am. I worked out that she did truly love me completely to work within a DADT yet really knowing that I dress - something that is abhorrent to her.

Don't blame your wife for how she feels.

Michelle

[stephNE]

Hi Michelle,
I can relate. My wife has known that I was a crossdresser since our second (or third) date about 25 years ago. She has no problem seeing me en femme, and we even go out shopping together.
A couple years ago she finally agreed that it would be good for me to have friends with common interest, so I joined a local meetup group. We have various meetings and dinners out once or twice a month. I have asked many times if should would like to go to one with me, but she has always backed out.
Good luck, try to look inward to find your happiness. Steph.

[Claire Cook]

Hi Michelle,

I'm very much with Steph and Michelle here. Much as I dress around the house, and even though the two of us do go out together, my wife would probably rather not go out with CD or TG groups. We do go out with other GG's, and we love those GNO's. Bottom line, we have to be respectful of our wive's / GF's wishes ... after all, they are doing a lot for us when they are accepting, or at least tolerant.

[Sarasometimes]

If I read your post correctly you can associate with those in the CD community she just doesn't want to join you, which should be her choice. Unless you two you two do everything together ,I don't see a problem. I could see how she may choose to skip sitting around with other couples where the focus is crossdressing? She doesn't crossdress but she accepts and allows you to do so which great. Meeting her in the middle on this is reasonable.

[sometimes_miss]

Really it's no different than being a classic car owner and wanting to go to the club rally. People with a specific interest tend to get together. The difference is that you can bore your non classic car owning friends by talking about your hobby but unless you're totally open about your CD'ing it's not something that your wife can reply to when a friend says, "So what did you do Saturday night? "
So yep I can understand your wife's stance.

^this. Our wives/girlfriends should not be forced to participate in everything we do, especially our crossdressing activities. Thank your lucky stars that you have a wife who accepts you; you've won the wife lottery that millions of other crossdressers would be thrilled with.

[Michelle V]

Thank you all for your positive comments and support, I have determined that the most common advise is "wait and give time to adjust". Makes sense, I do considered myself very lucky, not only because my wife supports me, mostly because she is a great wife, mother, friend and I could not consider myself happy if she wasn't in my life.

I'll be looking forward to the day I meet other like me, until then this is Michelle's outlet which I am also very thankful for.