Compromises

[samantha rogers]

A thought for today...or a question for you, rather...
In your life, as you have moved along whatever path you have followed to bring you to a place devoted to crossdressing and TG, and while you have been pursuing the goal you have had (somewhat different for each of us, perhaps) what compromises have you faced in your life, and how have you chosen to handle them? Obviously, some are related to SOs and relationships, and others to work and/or career. We all face choices in light of this somewhat different slant on the world that those with a GID have. What have been the big choices and compromises for you? Are you happy, sad or somewhere in between about how those decisions have worked out? Are you facing such a decision right now?
This is the big stuff. I am curious to hear from any and all of you.
Hugs

[Beverley Sims]

Very early in life I decided not to transition, too many unknowns.

Later after marriage, restricted dressing till the children got older.

Never told them and only dress when it is safe, a lot less than if taking risks.

I have always been happy and I still am.

[sexycindy]

When I first told my partner he compromise was that it was a "sexual thing" so that I could get away with wearing clothes as she thought it was a fetish (which it wasn't). But now she is a lot better with it and very encouraging the only issue I have is when I go swimming I have to take my nail varnish off and during the day (when she is at work) I can't dress in case a parcel comes. Also they are trying to sell our property so we get viewings all the time (major nuisance to us tenants) which means I have to be careful as they could pop up at a window or even come into the flat. Then as I refuse to tell any of my family I don't dress around them and either wear thick socks or no varnish.

So most of my issues means being guy mode a majority of the time, but come evenings (when we can expect no visitors) I can get all dressed up which is cool.

[carhill2mn]

Any time that a person considers other people in their life there will compromises needed. Since I live alone I am able to be en femme about 90% of the time. Even though I
hate having to remove my nail polish, makeup, etc. I do so in order to present a male image that my family and friends are used to seeing.

[natcrys]

At this point, my only compromise is that I haven't told my parents.. and that is mostly because of what I fear will happen to them with respect to their position in Hindu society within the Netherlands.

With all the other people.. friends and co-workers.. I was prepared to cut them loose if they didn't accept me for who I am. This attitude however didn't make it easier when I started coming out to friends. Fortunately, I have not lost anyone since I have started coming out to friends and family.

As far my work/career is concerned.. I'm not worried.. we have very good laws in place.

[dana digs sweaters]

No desire to father children for me.
I did not want to hide this side of my life to anybody who is important to me.

[Teresa]

Samanatha life is full of compromises and CDing throws a few more into the equation, but I think I'm getting to the point now where I want the compromising to stop. My wife is pushing again to downsize the house so I will need to know where Teresa fits in, if I choose not to Cd again or to dress 24/7 is going to be my decision and no one else.

[kimdl93]

I certainly have made compromises and I'm faced with more. I don't see that as a negative, necessarily, but it is the cost do being in a committed relationship. My wife, as recent posts have mentioned, has asked that I substantially reduce the amount of time I spend dressed around her. For the moment, I'm totally abstaining, if that's the right word. To be honest, if feels bad, a dull heartache or gnawing inside. But I'm dealing with it for the moment.

Of course, I have a choice going forward, but for me, one option is off the table...separation. I won't risk the loss of the relationship. So I know I'm going to have to adjust somehow and hope that she can as well. Time will tell.

[Adriana Moretti]

for me its work...which is fine now...but i am always wondering " What if I lose my job" "How will I afford to continue"....it scares me cause I was unemployed for a while, which led me to taking a job I diddnt like ( construction) which made dressing impossible when you have to TRY to be a manly man...luckily i wasnt good at it (go figure) and quit....but it took a long time to get back on my feet again. Purging diddnt help either

[Jessica86]

Over the past year, I attempted a compromise of not dressing at all. I did this because I had a talk with my wife, and I am sure that it is just too difficult for her to handle anymore. I'm not sure the reason, but she changed from very supportive, to a passive, dodging the subject kind of person. It ended with me dressing more on my own, and now I am back here! I wish I could get out more often, but there are so many reasons why I can not, the list is just too long to post.

One thing I have learned is that you can compromise what you do, but not who you are. That's the point I am trying to get across to my wife and family. It is not working very well at the moment.

[grace7777]

For me the big compromise that I make is my job. It takes up a lot of times which limits my ability to be en femme.

Since dressing is an important part of my life, I have decided to give up on the idea of having a spouse or an SO. I know how hard it is to find an accepting partner, and that even if they are initially accepting, they can become unaccepting as the relatioship continues.

My hope is to find ways to make a living working from home, so I.can spend a lot more time in female mode.

[Marcelle]

Hi Samantha,

Compromises . . . hmm . . . let me think . I am relatively new to dressing (complete) and going out. I don't typically hide who I am from others but then again I don't announce to the world I am TG. So I guess for professional reasons while I am out to several work colleagues I have not come completely out at work. So I have compromised there somewhat.

Hugs

Isha

[roxielives]

For me, the hardest part is my kids. I have 9 year old twin girls (almost 9) and a 3 year old girl. They are they only people I want to really hide this from because I worry they are too young to understand it. That in itself is ok. I have joint custody, so I can be me half the time, and I LOVE it!! But on the days I have to get the girls I am so torn. I love my time with them, but I hate going back to boy clothes. I feel so guilty for sometimes being more depressed about undressing than I am excited to be with them. They are worth the compromise, but I still at times struggle with it and get cranky. I feel like the inner conflict makes me a bad person. That's the hardest part of this for me.

[Teresa]

Roxie that's been the hardest part for most of us, I didn't like the feeling of being torn apart inside, especially when we can't fully understand our CDing. You know you're not a bad person, you want to show the person you can be and it can't happen. Maybe long term it will be easier for you if you end up only having girls, most of us worry more about our sons finding out.

[mariehart]

I tend towards the idea that my TG side has been compromised by my life rather than the other way around. That is the real me. All the rest was an attempt to be fulfil the male role and suppress the female side.

I pursued a quixotic career goal to the exclusion of all other interests. I had no friends, no relationships. I continued to live at home and the jobs I had were always stepping stones to my 'real' career. I spent all my money of achieving this job. Everything I did was secondary to the goal. I knew all would follow when I achieved this shining jewel of a career. Twenty years later I finally realised it wasn't going to happen. But I did eventually get to try my 'dream' job and while in the end I was competent and even respected. I realised it was wrong choice and I could never have made it a successful career. Worse though was the bitter realisation that I wasted most of my life chasing this goal. To the detriment of the rest of my life.

I had always crossdressed but kept it secret and characterised in my mind as a form of fetish or attempt at escape. Carefully ignoring the inner voice whispering the truth. When I finally and gradually accepted myself for what I am. I became depressed because I knew I could never transition or even become more open about it. I planned suicide.

Then I met a woman and we ended up dating, then a relationship then marriage and now children. I wake up some days and wonder how I got here. She was literally the first woman I ever dated or had sex with. Of course the other me took a back seat for a while. Not for long.

The irony is that while I know I'll never transition my effective role in life is exactly as it probably would be if I had been born female. My wife supports the family while I cook, clean, look after the children and carry out all the chores of a housewife. It's a compromise of sorts and truth be told I enjoy it and I'm suited to it.

I decided lately to stop trying to be something I'm not to let the real me come to the fore. Be myself. No more compromises.

[bridget thronton]

Did not come out to my kids till they were in college and did not go out dressed openly until I told them.