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Thread: Caught in a dilemma

  1. #1
    Member Billiejosehine's Avatar
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    Caught in a dilemma

    It's been a while since I wrote a post other then showing pictures as I progress through my journey. Things have been crazy stressful with all it's ups and down life is throwing my way. I try to keep myself busy and drama free as much as possible, but there's no escaping drama with some of my family, work, and dealing with my ex wife. And after last night dilemma with my ex wife, I have something to write about. So here's the deal; my relationship with my ex is strained, she blames me for things and throw things back in my face when I speak my mind. I do get that she is still angry and bitter about what hapoened between us( to that point where she says I don't deserve to be treated like a human being and that she doesn't want to deal with me. There's to be no communication, unless it's about our children. She even went far as to say that she's blocking my phone number and I can only contact her by email (which I found out she actually did last night). How am I supposed to call and talk to my children.

    Anyway, all day yesterday I called a few times and sent a txt to see if I could see my children that evening. But she never responded back and I assumed she didn't want to do that and I went about my business. After I got off work at 6, I went home, got all dressed up as Billie and relaxed for a bit since I was going to go out in public as Billie. But I ended up falling asleep, was a long day. After a couple hours, I woke back up and called my ex again to at least say hi to the kids, but I got a voice mail.

    After I called I was starting to fall asleep again, but was woken up by a knock at the door. Being that I was half asleep, I didn't answer the door, plus no one knows where I live, not even my ex. After a few minutes, the knocking stopped and my phone began to ring. When I looked at the phone, it was my ex. Thinking that she finally was calling me back, I answered it. First thing she said was that she was in the neughborhood and the kids wanted to surprise me and for me to open the door because she was outside.

    At that moment, I was thrown a curve ball in what to do: here was my ex at the door unannounced with the kids, I never told her where I lived and the apartments are gated. And the only was in was by a radio key, punching in a code, or waiting for somebody to open the gate. I was cometly dressed as Billie and the kids and my ex have never seen me fully dressed with makeup and a wig. My house was a mess and I had women related stuff all over the apartment.

    If she came in and saw me, she would get angry; if I didn't let her in my apartment she would get angry. It was a catch 22, so I decided to not let her and said I was not prepared and it was not a good time. Of course she got angry at me and threw it in my face how I'm a disappointment, tired of my BS and lies (mind you, I tried telling her I called, but she didn't receive anything because my number is blocked. So therefore I'm a liar), it's 1 step forward and 20,000 steps back, and all the other verbal and emotional abuse she could use against me. She even asked me if somebody was there with me ( she has a new BF even though the divorce is not final).

    Even though I have started the process of transitioning and plan on starting HRT in a couple months. I'm still emotionally attached and love her considering we have been together for 5 years and have kids. So what she says to me and the things she does still affect me emotionally and she knows that.

  2. #2
    Member Tina G's Avatar
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    I wish i had an answer for you, my ex knows and we both have agreed that the younger kids don't need to know until later when they are older. They have enough to deal with now since we are going thru a divorce. My wife knows to call or give fair warning before coming over, and I don't have much to worry about with friends now that i have been letting them all know more about me over the past 3 weeks. I will say this, many of us are here for you and maybe someone will have some good advice for you. I do hope things work out better for you.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Princess Grandpa's Avatar
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    Hug. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I hope things smooth out a bit. The only real advice I can offer is get a lawyer. A good lawyer.

    Hug
    Rita
    A person should wear what he likes to. And not just what other folks say. A person should be who she likes to. A person's a person that way!
    ~Marlo Thomas~

  4. #4
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    Billie, It is so sad to read about your stressful issues, especially related to seeing your kids. It is obvious there is a lot of hostility between you and the ex, but please always think about what will be best for your children. Your ex may not see things the same as you, but please try to remain calm in all situations. As Rita stated perhaps getting a good lawyer to establish visiting hours/days, your legal rights, and controlling some of the other points of contention between you and your ex would be best. Better days are yet to come.

  5. #5
    Banned Spammer
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    Sounds like she is doing everything in her power to hurt you mentally, a common tactic in strained marriages.
    If she tries to keep you from seeing your kids she is breaking the law in most states.They are not HER kids they are YOUR kids.
    Tell her don't block my calls I may need to call sometime if there is an emergency.
    Don't be calling every day just to argue with her be civil as best you can. Be nice no arguing will win you points with the judge and attorneys.
    Don't stoop to her level.
    I hope she lets you talk to/see your kids they deserve to talk to their Dad.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    A few questions for you. Do you have a lawyer? You state that you are emotionally attached to her. Are you confusing this with love? Do you feel that she is manipulating the situation? Have you access to counseling both for marital issues and gender issues? If you feel that you are being manipulated, what do you need to untangle yourself from that? What do you think will be her reaction to any negatives coming from you?

  7. #7
    Platinum Member
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    Hi Billie, It sounds like she is using the children as a weapon against you .
    I really feel so sad for you and I don't have an answer.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  8. #8
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    Next time, say, give me ten minutes to clean up and welcome your family in.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  9. #9
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    You certainly need to find out how she got in and make sure she can't do it again. I think she did it hoping to catch you dressed. She's still gathering ammunition for the divorce. You're going to have to stay as far away from her as you can. I don't know how you do that with kids. You'll be better off when the divorce is final and your visitation is scheduled. I hope you will make your children your highest priority. They are what matters above all else.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Billie,
    I sympathize with you caught between a rock and a hard place this time.

    A real bummer.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  11. #11
    Member ronny0's Avatar
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    Close friend is going through a divorce and I learned something that might help others.
    Their is a free web site that the court has 'ordered' both parties to use for all communications.
    The site is set up to document each parties actions to allow the court system to see what is going on.
    This has a calming influence on the conversations as each party knows their words are being read by others.
    IMO it would be good for all those involved in this type of conflict to use such a site.
    This divorce was in CO but I feel sure other states would have the same type of service.

    PS: Just did a quick internet search.. Following sites might help out
    OurFamilyWizard.com and ShareKids.com
    Last edited by ronny0; 05-01-2014 at 12:41 PM. Reason: links

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