A question for those here who identify as male :)

[savannaxdrsser]

A very good questions and i cant help with agree with all the answers given. It is just how we are wired, I believe we just have a very strong feminine side and wish to express it, wearing womens things is the easiest way, but im sure many of us express it in other ways also. I feel so wonderful when i dress, i feel sexy, and alive! I am so glad we have a place to share that with others. May never answer why, it just Is!

[Lucy Long Legs]

Thank you for posing these questions - as you can see, there are as many answers as there are CDs.

Many masculine women do not wear traditionally feminine clothes but like to wear t shirts, jeans and boots and who cares? The snag is that feminine men are not supposed to wear dresses, hose, heels and make-up like we all do. I am a feminine man, physically and mentally, and respond accordingly!

[Jocelyn Quivers]

For me it deals with the very unique history, issues, and dilemmas that "cross dressing" has always caused and how I chose to deal with those issues (mainly by ignoring them/trying to cure myself) during childhood, adolescence, teenage years, early adulthood, current adulthood all formed the perfect storm which caused "Jocelyn Quivers" to come to life. Cross dressing was always the forbidden taboo in my earlier years, it was reinforced that it is wrong.

First by my parents (who I'm not blaming, that's just the way things were back in those pre-internet days), which led to me self-enforcing it to the point of a fanatical/extremist ideology (cross dressing/anything that’s not 100% male is heresy, evil, must never be allowed to happen), also being assisted by what was presented in popular culture at the time Psycho, Dressed To Kill, Silence of The Lambs, Jerry Springer, COPS, daily news reports, etc. As I've stated before all of my attempts at not cross dressing began building up much like a small tumor that was never removed or even diagnosed until it's spread to the bones, all organs etc. and basically can no longer be removed (I know a very morbid comparison my apologies to any cancer victims survivors, or those with family members who have suffered from that).

By the time I accepted it myself, it was kind of the equivalent of living in a former Eastern Bloc country experiencing the fall of communism, Berlin Wall, dissolution of the USSR, and being able to experience for the first time everything that you had been denied your entire life. In further explanation once I experienced that initial freedom I began to realize how much of my own potential life I lost, and waited by my own self-imposed prison for those first 2 1/2 decades of life. As I am getting very close to 40, I am looking back on my life, wishing wondering if I only started my kind half *ssd transitioning I'm going through now, how much more I would have benefited, and been a lot further along than where I am now. Which is why I spend basically all of my free time towards that goal, I’m not getting any younger, and my wrinkles are getting harder and harder to hide. Make up can only do so much!

I guess a quick summarized answer is take any activity which was considered highly immoral, illegal, bordering criminal is all of a sudden de-criminalized equals making up for a lot of lost time, and a bordering hedonistic over indulgence experiencing that "forbidden fruit." Also you are quite correct about competitiveness in the picture gallery (at least with me). That's what all of the training, hard work, saying your prayers, taking your vitamins are for brother! Oops wrong forum, I meant sister.

[sarahcsc]

Hi Tinkerbell,

I'll make sure to let you know when I figure this one out. But I have some theories that is worth discussing.

1. Why do some boys develop weird childhood curiosity like crossdressing and some don't? Childhood curiosity is a healthy thing to nurture and it is the way a child explore his/her external world ie. crawling around, putting everything in mouth, asking questions. The child eventually learns what feels comfortable or what soothes their anxiety which they subsequently learn to like and attach themselves to ie. breast/breast milk = mother. Most of us move further away from our mothers as we grow older which is normal as the brain begins to mature and seek out more meaningful attachments. We start forming attachments to more intangible things as new neural circuitry is being formed in the brain because we are becoming more and more complex and intelligent beings as we grow older. However, despite all the new attachments formed, what lays underneath is still our primal attachment to our mothers. I dare say, that crossdressing is a fantasy played out by children (initially) to allay their separation anxiety from their mothers. How? Because crossdressing allows the child to assume for a brief moment, which remotely resembles a member of the opposite sex. In the case of the child, it is most likely means he wants to be his mother because he doesn't just want to be WITH her, he wants to be ONE with her. But why crossdressing in young boys? Well, the question is, why not?

2. So why do some boys grow out of their curiosity while others take a very different turn? I believe this is where genetics plays an important role. There is no doubt that every child feels anxious when separated from their mothers especially if the separation was traumatic. Although most children find different ways to deal with their anxiety, some resort to crossdressing while others don't. But those of us who are born with a slightly different brain wiring are perhaps more likely to carry on with the crossdressing behaviour not because it soothes their separation anxiety, but because something just "made sense" and resonates with their being. This is where I believe the distinction happens between a crossdresser, a TG, and other individuals.

3. As you would've known, some TGs knew they were trapped in a wrong body at a very early age while some just keep dressing for ages before they finally decided that they too were trapped in a wrong body. But why is this? This is most likely a combination of "nature and nurture". In terms of "nature", I believe CDs and TGs have very different brain wiring. The neural circuitry of some TGs are so characteristically of the opposite gender that they feel tormented right from a very young age as the brain begins to mature and develop "self-awareness". The brain realizes that it is so female, and yet the body is all male. The CDs however have neural circuitry of both genders which often becomes activated only when confronted with certain environmental stimuli, and one also often more dominant than another depending on the hormones their body produce. In which case, CDs are pretty capable in switching between the two roles, although they may not have a lot of control over it, hence crossdressing is not something that can be stopped voluntarily. However, how a person chooses to express their desire or distress also depends heavily on their culture(s) which is determined geographically (ie. Western countries, Middle eastern countries, Asian countries have very different cultures), their time in their life (ie. a younger person fear very different things compared to an older person), their innate personalities, and probably also the epoch in which we're born in (ie. Middle ages, modern age, information technology age). Just because we all have unfulfilled fantasies, not all of us gets the opportunity to live them out. I believe there are CDs/TGs out there who are bound to their social roles and duties that transitioning would not necessarily equate to happiness, despite feeling like they're trapped in a wrong body.

4. So why do some of the part time CDs eventually become a fulltime CD, and some of them even undergo surgery? What is happening to their neural circuitry? I wondered about this too for awhile and I have yet to come up with any convincing theory. However, what I do know is that most fulltime CDs (at least here on the forum) are relatively older CDs. What does this mean? Well... if you think about it, older CDs are normally wiser and much less anxious because of the life experiences they've accumulated. This could perhaps be less of a barrier to crossdressing for an older CDer compared to a young man who is still keen in dating but afraid of what crossdressing might do to his masculinity. Older folks tend to more financially secure as well compared to the younger folks. They are more likely able to be able to afford investing in a different life while throwing away the old, more able to afford the costs of surgery and lifelong HRT, and less likely to jeapordize their career or source of income unlike a young person with still so much to prove. Another plausible theory is that fact that men produces lesser testosterone as they age which means the dominant male circuitry in the brain is beginning to lose dominance while the female circuitry assumes center stage. Some of them were probably TGs at heart and had always wanted to transition but waiting for the most opportune moment! The theories are many so take your pick? Lol.

Finally, these are nothing but MY silly theories and are based in no part on any published scientific research. I base my theories on careful observations of myself and the CDs here.

Thank you for such a wonderful topic!

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm not professionally qualified to give this answer, but that hasn't stopped me before!

For me, I think that everything "girly" I do releases endorphins in my brain. It excites a pleasure center in my brain. I receive a "maintenance dose" by doing the everyday things like wearing panties, keeping my legs shaved, keeping my hair long and my toes polished. I get a bigger rush the more I do. It is drug-like addictive. I get pleasure from it, thus I continue to seek more of it.

I suspect that is a crossdresser's version, not a transsexual's version.

[Judith96a]

Tinkerbell,
I suspect that if I could wear a dress and high heels any time I fancied then the crossdressing wouldn't be such a "thing". But I can't. Therefore, anticipating, planning for and enjoying those rare occasions when I CAN present as Judith becomes important (along with the frustrations of having to maintain a "manly" presentation 99% of the time) and the crossdressing is a "thing"!

As for the photos / competitive thing - the only things that I'm competing with are the unrealistic vision in my head as to what Judith could / should look like and the overwhelming reality of my uncooperative body!

Hugs
Judith

[ReineD]

For me, I think that everything "girly" I do releases endorphins in my brain. It excites a pleasure center in my brain. I receive a "maintenance dose" by doing the everyday things like wearing panties, keeping my legs shaved, keeping my hair long and my toes polished. I get a bigger rush the more I do. It is drug-like addictive. I get pleasure from it, thus I continue to seek more of it.

I suspect that is a crossdresser's version, not a transsexual's version.

I totally agree with Rhonda. I base my opinion on having read literally tens of thousands of posts here over the years and having developed a good sense of what is average for members of this forum.

Transsexuals suffer from Gender Dysphoria. They are unhappy with their male sex (hence the word transsexual). Crossdressers are not unhappy with their male sex. They do not suffer GD. Someone earlier mentioned the silent majority of members who do not believe they want to be female. I totally agree with this as well.

There are also people who are gender-nonconforming, who wish to live in a state that is neither binary male nor female. These are also people who might also suffer from a degree of GD.

As to your question - is it innate for crossdressers, I do think that the brain rewires itself after having released endorphins for so long. An attachment to presenting femme has formed, and dressing morphs to something that is done for comfort.

[Jane P]

Wow, I tell you, it's seriously hard to come at all this from a GG position. I try to put myself in the place of everyone here and fail every time. My head always goes back to the 'I don't get it!' place I'm caught

I still find myself in the " I don't get it place" . There is no logical reason for it , and that is what kills me . Knowing that I am not the only one gives me some comfort , but I still hung up on the why.

Jonnie

[linda lynn]

I find it relaxing to step out of one gender presentation and into another and I don't think its leading to anything.
I really don't like my male side all that much and enjoy my female side tremendously.

I really love my female side most of the time, the calm that it gives me is very nice, and like you said I don't like my male side very much either.

[Nadine Spirit]

1) Why does crossdressing eventually become an innate part of your personality?

(2) Most here say they discovered CD out of childish curiosity - that you felt 'drawn' to try on female clothing. I don't find this unusual, to be honest, as kids love to do things that are taboo.

(3) What I don't understand is how it becomes THAT much bigger when you're older, growing from a simple, regular enjoyment of women's clothing to the point where you're using a female name, outing yourself to family and shopping at Walmart in a wig.

(4) So why does a simple crossdressing curiosity eventually become an identity for so many here? Is crossdressing really that innate, or does natural male competitiveness mean you are driven to perfect all interests, and yes, you would eventually start a fig farm, lol.

(5) And don't pretend you're all not competitive either. Just check out the picture threads!!

Such a thinker Tink! All I can do is give my opinion:
(oh and yes I identify as male - meaning I don't think I am really a woman inside)

1 - Cross dressing did not eventually become an innate part of my personality, it simply always was.

2 - Nope I did not discover it out of childish curiosity of the taboo. I did not know it was weird or wrong or taboo to play with barbies or to play dress up or to imitate things my sister and mother were doing. I learned as I got older it was acceptable to imitate my dad wearing a suit or shaving his face, even though I had no beard, but it is seen as weird or wrong for me to imitate my mom in heels and a dress or shaving her legs. I was not drawn to it, I just did these things and thought it was totally normal.

3 - It has not become bigger. I use a female name, but only when I am online as Nadine, or dressed IRL as Nadine. I frequently go in public with my wife, it would be quite odd for her to refer to me with a male name. I don't out myself to everyone, only those that I think matter. And yes I wear a wig, I would grow out my hair if I could, and occasionally I go to Walmart, probably because I need to buy something and if I am at Walmart it is simply because it is less expensive to buy it there.

4 - For me this was never a simple cross dressing curiosity and it did not become an identity, it was my identity and I was shown/told by society that it was wrong for me to behave the way I did when I was a child. As a 6 or 7 year old I could play with barbies and dress in whatever clothes I wanted to and nobody said anything, but by 8, 9, 10, I was being told that I needed to change my behavior as it was not appropriate for a boy to like the things I liked. It was okay that I liked to work with tools, it was not okay to play with the Easy Bake Oven. So yes for me cross dressing was fully innate.

5 - I am fully competitive. But mostly with myself. I am constantly challenging myself to improve in just about every aspect of my life. Do I try and improve my female appearance, yup. Do I try and improve my male appearance, yup. If I liked figs all that much would I try and grow them, probably. (I would not quit my job and start farming figs, nor am I quitting my job and You should see all of the fruit and vegies that grow at my house. I have quite the mini farm actually. But why is it any different than trying to be the best duck hunter I can be or the best driver, or the best at my job, or the best husband, or the best cross dresser? I have an innate desire to cross dress but I also have developed a desire to push myself in all that I do.

[NicoleScott]

Tink, you directed your question to those who identify as males, but received responses from some that don't. Keep this in mind when considering those responses, because (as you know, and why you asked for male-identity responses), the point of view is different.
I don't agree with your premise that we put on that first thing out of curiosity. But I do agree that we were drawn to do so. But not out of curiosity. And since we dress in different ways, to different extents, in different preferred styles, in different frequency and duration, the things that drive us to dress are different. Some think they were born with the drive, or at least with that feminine identity that makes crossdressing feel right for them. But you asked from those who identify as male, and for me, I think there was some event(s) that happened in very early childhood that (in the best scientific terms I can come up with) tickled my pleasure button.
While I have always identified as a male who just likes to transform occasionally, it makes more sense to me to have a female name, pic, online identity, etc. And since I'm not out publicly, I don't want to use my real name, so a female one makes sense to me.
While there is some internal drive to crossdress and that's why I do it, I also think it's fun, exciting, and challenging.

[Dana M]

Hi Tinkerbell,
Nice Question! For me, It was like you mentioned in your original post. It started out as doing something that was taboo. Like many here it also started with a sexual component. I guess you could say It was a way to be with a woman without actually being with a woman. Eventually, it became less focused on the sexual aspect and more about how the clothes felt. When I was younger, I always got along a little better with the girls then the boys. I tend to be a big teddy bear. Large, cuddly, empathetic, and a good listener,someone the ladies would confide in. I was treated like a girlfriend to them. Sometime I thought, if they treat me like a girlfriend, maybe I could dress like one. For the longest time, I was ashamed about my cding. After years of struggling with it , I finally acccepted Cding. Since It does hurt anyone.

P.S. For me there was a practical side too. Being a large person, It is sometime difficult to get some items of clothing without going to a specialty store.(I.e. Underwear, etc) But I have found it easier to obtain similiar items of clothing that fit in the Women's Department. Your Walmart comment is a good case in point.

[Lorileah]

well this went away from the original question of "for those who identify as male". Tinkerbell if you just want the ones who still identify as male who dress not trying to be female, let me know. Right now it is open season.

We know that many GGs "don't get it". I don't get skydiving or accounting or some TV shows or certain sports. I don't want to put this in a hobby category but comparatively that may be the easiest. Why does anyone do things that others don't enjoy? If you spent your life trying to figure that out...it would be something I don't understand. When we don't understand it it makes it even harder to explain it to others. There may be a reason like asking "why is the sky blue" or "why does the wind blow" a scientist can tell you the technical part, but you may not "get it" even then

[Debra Russell]

?After you ate the fig...did you want to be one?.............Debra

[Beverley Sims]

If I knew the answers to your questions, I would be out there formulating an antidote for those that want it.

Lorileah,
Sky diving and bungy jumping are foolish pursuits, both come with a great adrenalin rush I am told...

I just found bungy jumping something I needed to do because they all told me I shouldn't do it.

Another one of my bucket list.

[ReineD]

well this went away from the original question of "for those who identify as male". Tinkerbell if you just want the ones who still identify as male who dress not trying to be female, let me know. Right now it is open season.

Gosh, since I didn't see a specific request for CD, GG, or TS in the title, it went by me.

Tink, let me know if you don't want me to participate in this thread. I'll delete both my prior response and this one.

[PaulaQ]

And Paula, as always you make sense But so do those saying it's fun and uncomplicated and not everyone even reaches the level I'm speaking of. My H hasn't, but I've seen potential and it always puzzles me. He never seems upset with the level he's at so I always wonder if he's not just pushing the envelope because it's there to push?

Look - I freely admit I could be wrong - but I'm arrogant and don't think that I am. I think it's really difficult to judge the internal pressures someone deals with - that's GD. I think this gives impetus to go further, also I suspect that forums like this one, and some feelings of acceptance lower the inhibitions that keep this stuff in check. Gender stuff - whatever you want to call it - wants out. Our personalities and defense mechanisms hold it at bay. You weaken those defenses, it'll push until it reaches some sort of equilibrium. I believe this is why you'll see many CDs sort of reach a level, and kind of stay there, maybe gradually doing a bit more over time. Then you get people like me, who's GD is incredibly violent, energetic, and destructive - it ripped its way out of me last year, and could easily have destroyed me, had I not started to transition.

So yes, he pushes the envelope because it's there to be pushed. The stronger the opposing forces are against it, the less the distance it will go - but it will increase the internal pressure a lot. What you really want is to find a situation where these all balance out reasonably well, so that the person only periodically CDs, doesn't have a female identity, and is able to function in their assigned at birth role as a reasonably stable and happy person. A lot of us on this forum find such a balance, but many don't, and for some, like me, such a balance is simply impossible and we explode.

I think you'll find that there is a strong belief by many on the forum here that such a balance is achievable within the confines of something that still mostly looks like a normal marriage.

edit:
@Lorileah - shame on you! It's possible, although unlikely, that Reine could identify as male! I don't, so I probably shouldn't have replied - but I used to, and so I took some liberties.

[Chickhe]

Could be that our entire lives we feel pressured to conform. When you hit a certain age and security you don't care as much what other people think and let your hair down. Personally, I just enjoy the experience and it is form of vacation, but it took years and years to get over the stigma and to learn about it. My guess, the newer gererations will have less issues with it and will bust out sooner. ...to answer your question, its always been a part of me, I just never knew how to explain it to anyone else without causing huge complications.

[NicoleScott]

It's not uncommon for some GG's who are already attractive to desire to make themselves prettier and sexier. So why shouldn't CDers?

[Brittany CD]

That's a good question, I don't think anyone can really know. All I know is I'm a guy and I love being a woman

[Dana M]

Reine,

Please do not delete your posts in this thread. Both you and Tinkerbell are great sounding boards for the GG prospective. I like what you ladies have to bring to our discussions.
You help bring another side for the rest of us to consider.

P.S.
Sorry Tinkerbell I felt we needed both your voices here.

[susan54]

Wow. This is the best question ever on this Forum. I always identify as male, however dressed.I would regard myself as masculine but not macho. I am so glad I am attracted to women - they are wonderful, but I would not want to be one. The only aspect of womanhood I envy is the clothing, but it is not unfulfilled envy - I wear women's clothes, I have a LOT of them, and I wear them a lot - most of my free time in fact. Including boobs and bra, but not make up or wig. Boobs I can't explain, other than they feel good and make the clothes look good, which I concede sounds a bit lame.

When I go out in these clothes, I have to behave like a woman to avoid causing public consternation. It is an act, but I am quite good at it ... as long as you do not look to closely at my hands or my facial profile. Though I interact with others (almost always women) only about 2% of my time, I get at least ten times as many compliments about how I look when dressed as a woman. I absolutely love these compliments yes, it becomes a competition to out-dress women. All the women involved know I am male (I do not hide it) and openly envy my legs and often my clothes and style. That sort of compliment feels wonderful. When women get such compliments they feel good. So do I - and when I go out it is with the intention of attracting such compliments, though I also love the feel of the clothes, the wind on my tights-clad legs, and the sound of my heels clicking on the pavement. Many women get huge pleasure from lovely clothes and no one suggests it is sexual. Maybe the clothes are inherently lovely and we males who love them are just feeling the same way about them as women. Getting aroused is a bizarre thought - apart from anything else it would ruin the line of the clothes and it does not happen - but I get an adrenaline rush when it goes really well. If a giy was acting as Napoleon and people thought he looked really good as Napoleon and he even convinced some odd people he WAS Napoleon, he would love it - but at no stage would he believe he WAS Napoleon - and his clothes would be fun too.

I do not act at home, or wear make up and wig. Wigs are uncomfortable. Yes, the clothes and (especially) the shoes change your movements, I do not do the sort of body language I do when I go out. If you stay in a hotel or make an appointment for a pedicure where you will wear a complete outfit, it is less hassle if you use a woman's name

As some of the others put it, it is a hobby, and it is fun. In many things I do, I am driven. Ditto dresses, skirts and associated paraphenalia. And Reine D, you are one of the wise voices on here - you are always welcome.

[JennyLynn]

Tried on my moms stockings as a young child. Then bras, lipstick...anything I could find. Always wanted to be feminine. Don't know why. Just in the genes

[Julie Denier]

I wish I could explain why I like crossdressing so much. For me, it did indeed start as a childhood curiosity that went through its ebbs and floes, then started snowballing when I fully dressed for the first time as an adult in my late 30s. How far I take it is a balance between my desire for detail and authenticity vs. my need to stay closeted.

[julia marie]

Good question. As far as THE answer, I just looked and there are 414 people on this forum right now. Why do they dress and why does the desire/need to dress increase with time? Take that 414 and multiply by probably four or five or more (for the different combinations of reasons that each of those 414 -- assuming all are CDs -- could mention). Rather than look for reasons, maybe we think about contributing factors. Thinking of my own life and the possible influencers. Eroticism to start (teen years), curiosity, comfort, bright colors, soft fabrics, some latent homosexuality (?), more curiosity, moving later into the life and thinking "why not', maybe reduced T levels (I know, some dispute this), marriage gone bad, rebellion, opportunity when living alone. I wonder how many of those factors contribute to the start or acceleration. As far as an answer, I'll stop looking and kick back and enjoy.