Help!

[Rita M.]

I have an issue I need help with. I'm by no means new to this site, just someone who has never come out in anyway. I'm a behind closed doors CD. My wife has know for years that I CD when she is not around. But does not support this in anyway. So needless to say I'm very limited to what I can do. So, recently I changed jobs. Without giving to many details, this job involves receiving donations from the public. Not just any donations either. Most everything that comes in is new with tags or packaging. Also, most everything is received or go through me. Don't get ahead of me. I think you can see where I am going with this. I have never seen so many nice things. Anything you can think of I've seen. Panties, bras, thigh high, high heels, dresses, vintage, etc.. So my issue is right from wrong. I see things I want and could have but that would also be stealing. I don't dare ask for anything. So what do I do? Any advise how I should deal with the temptation?

[Keri L]

If they are secondhand, and you wanted to try them on, I would not see a problem with that, if you had them laundered or dry cleaned afterwards. And, if there were something you wanted to keep, couldn't you make a cash donation to your company and keep the item?

[DonnaT]

Purchase what you want, but base it on need, not infatuation.

If need be, tell them you know someone who was looking for the item, or its a present.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

If they are secondhand, and you wanted to try them on, I would not see a problem with that, if you had them laundered or dry cleaned afterwards.

Oh dear, I'll be sure to keep an eye on the news for when a man is found trying on women's clothing donated by the generous, innocent and now angry public.

Seriously, don't touch any of it if it's not yours. There's a big 'creep' factor in that and I don't think that's something you'd want as a label, surely? And no, it also wouldn't be okay if a woman did it. Eew.

[RenneB]

What a great job. Like a kid in the candy shop. Donation stores usually have a policy that workers can't buy items from the store. However, you could tip off one of your friends that there's something they should by... for you.

Renne.....

[Karren J]

Treat yourself like a customer and buy what you like. Consider the early access a perk. The company should have some kind of policy about this.

[Lorileah]

Your job is to receive the product and I assume pass it along for sale or distribution. Ethically you should keep your hands off and go buy it when it becomes available if possible. If it s distributed to charities or people with specific needs, IT is NOT yours in any way

[Beverley Sims]

In the job that you have you do need to ask someone, there is always a fair resolution for letting you buy the goods before they are put out to sale.

Don't be a fraidy cat. Ask!

[lingerieLiz]

You didn't indicate if employees can purchase items. If items are not for sale at your location then do your job and pass them on. DO NOT BORROW ITEMS, doing so is considered stealing. If you were to be terminated for doing so, you would not be able to draw unemployment. How would you explain that to your wife.

If you worked at a store would you borrow a TV and then bring it back?

I do know some some charities and stores for that matter allow employees to purchase at discount. That was how I built my initial wardrobe of new clothes. I received a nice discount and also had first chance when something went on sale.

[Hell on Heels]

BY all means DON"T STEAL FROM YOUR EMPLOYER! Any future employer will see that and wont even consider hiring you.
Like others have said, find out what there purchase policy is and buy it from them. They shouldn't care what you are buying.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rita, Just be careful don't do anything that will jeopardize your job.

[Zylia]

You obviously don't want to steal anything, but you do want to deal with the temptation in a structural way and that's OK in my book. Is this DADT 'sticking your head in the sand' arrangement with your wife preventing you from acquiring your stuff through normal means? I think it's unacceptable that you have to deal with this kind of turmoil just because your wife wants to wish away some of the emotional needs you have that inconveniences her.

[Karren H]

Donated or not.... do not take anything that now belongs to your employer.... if caught you will be terminated.... and may even end up on the local news... "man caught steeling womens lingerie..... photos at 11..." Headlines like that aren't good for any of us....

[Sarasometimes]

Just ask, you have a wife so the inquiry would be viewed along those lines. Don't even THINK of anything not honest and above board. Whether you are touching new or used you company owns it and taking it or even trying it on is wrong unless policy permits it! Can a worker in Home Depot take a previously rented tool cause it is used? NO! Your moral compass needs to guide you!

[Rita M.]

You obviously don't want to steal anything, but you do want to deal with the temptation in a structural way and that's OK in my book. Is this DADT 'sticking your head in the sand' arrangement with your wife preventing you from acquiring your stuff through normal means? I think it's unacceptable that you have to deal with this kind of turmoil just because your wife wants to wish away some of the emotional needs you have that inconveniences her.

This is exactly where I'm at right now. I can't purchase anything to fulfill my urges. Also to clear things up. I don't work in a store and nothing is for sale or sold. Everything is passed on to those that need it. I guess I need to address this issue with the wife so I don't have to look elsewhere to fulfill my desires.

[Annaliese]

You are between a rock an a hard place. Look but don, take, the one time I took something, I could not wear it to this day when I think about it, I feel bad and I could not even wear. So look, check out the bands name, and go buy your own. You will feel much better about your self.

[rian]

I think you should ask your management about the rule of buying anything if it interest you ...If they accept then it is ok ..If the rule says ...DO NOT TOUCH ....then be honest and do your job properly ...

[sometimes_miss]

I keep work separated from outside life well, if you do to, you can always say you're buying it for someone else. Practice the lie in front of a mirror, like lawyers do. Eventually you'll get good at it. You're buying it for: older sibling (could be mentally disabled from a traumatic accident, never say illness because that implies mental illness and nobody want's to be affilliated with that), housebound elderly parent, girlfriend, etc.. I get stuff shipped to a mailbox, I'm sure the people there know a lot of things are female clothing. So, I toss in stuff occasionally to throw them off the scent; Ladies gloves that cannot possibly fit me, which I give to my sister every year; adult diapers too small for me to possibly wear (which I donate to my elderly neighbor lady), feminine pads, a harlequin romance (which I leave in the lobby at work, someone always takes them), etc.. Plausible deniability. People usually want to believe the best about others. As long as there's a possible reason, they'll usually believe it.

Just don't steal the stuff. Pay for it.

[Michelle V]

I think we all know what the answer is, I don't think there is a good answer for this sort of situation, we would all be very tempted by all the pretty things you come across, just keep in mind why you do this for a living and find that passion that drove you to help other in the beginning, use that to help you do the right thing.

[wanda66]

You know what to do ,the right thing. Be professional.

[Ressie]

I know the temptation can be very strong! What you could do is learn more about what items you'd like to have and buy them somewhere else. I would check out labels of interesting items - brand, size etc.

You might have to find a different job or work in a different department.

[Eryn]

Think of a bank teller. Thousands of dollars pass through her hands every day and it is rather apparent that dipping into the till is a crime.

Your situation is no different. As much as it pains you those things aren't yours. If there is a legitimate way to make them yours then go ahead, but otherwise it's hands-off.

If the temptation is causing you distress I suggest finding another job assignment that will remove the temptation. An person who has a weight problem probably shouldn't be working in an ice cream shop!

[Jenniferathome]

Is it ok for a cashier to take money from the till? NO! It's stealing. Your case is no different. Stealing is stealing.

Wrote this before seeing Eryn's response. Now it's doubly true.

[Keri L]

Oh dear, I'll be sure to keep an eye on the news for when a man is found trying on women's clothing donated by the generous, innocent and now angry public.

Seriously, don't touch any of it if it's not yours. There's a big 'creep' factor in that and I don't think that's something you'd want as a label, surely? And no, it also wouldn't be okay if a woman did it. Eew.

After the OP's clarifications that she cannot purchase any of the items, I agree it should be hands off. Had that not been the case, and IF the items were used, why would her trying them on be such an EW factor, if she had them cleaned afterwards? Is it because she is a GM? Is that where the creep factor comes into play? Don't people often try on clothes before purchasing them, or have I been doing it wrong all of these years?

[Tina_gm]

You already know that stealing is not right. It sounds to me that it would be quite easy to do so that is where the temptation is coming in. I would say that if your struggles with temptation become so great that you feel you may give in to them, then get a different job.