Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 46

Thread: Ignorance vs. Rude

  1. #1
    Gone to live my life
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    6,552

    Ignorance vs. Rude

    Hi all,

    Well it has been awhile since I posted some machinations of my mind. I was reading a thread started by Teresa about "teasing" and it seemed timely due to an experience I had yesterday during some Isha time. So I thought I would share.

    Yesterday was what I equate to good Isha day. Make-up went well, clothing looked good, nice weather, great morning coffee, happy wife and happy pets. So I grabbed my purse and headed off to explore the world as Isha. First stop was to drop my car off for servicing. Next public transit (good old bus) to the city. No issues, just a few stares and odd looks but non-eventful. It was a relatively nice day so I spent most of it walking around window shopping, had lunch then headed back to pick up my car. Picked up the car and just to make the day even more glorious . . . no extra "bad news this, that and other thing needs to be fixed . . . cha-ching" . The service people are quite used to Isha and always refer to me gender appropriate and even open the door to the car for me when I drive it out of the bay . . . more of a great day.

    So I picked up some groceries, wine and decided a latte at Starbucks would bring an end to a great Isha day . . . spoke too soon. I got my drink and decided to have it outside in the sun since it was so nice. There was a table full of guys (30 something group) but that was it. They all looked when I came out and I knew what they were doing . . . processing the girl walking out . . . that lasted about 20 seconds and then it became obvious . . . not a girl . No biggie, I have gotten used to the 20 second "fantasy to reality" when it comes to guys, so I always cut the "guffaws, giggles and whispers" some slack as I know a lot of times it is just bravado. The whispers and guffaws die down and dive into my E-Reader and latte. I then get the intense feeling of being stared at and peer over my E-Reader at the table of guys who are now looking at me, whispering, laughing and having a grand old time. Now I may have been a tad bit paranoid at this point but I was beginning to get a bit irritated by all the finger pointing and jesting which seemed to be at my expense. but, I let it slide. Five minutes later it was still going on so now I am getting a bit beyond irritated My gut reaction was to leave these rude as%&#@$^ to their own existence in the land of jerkiness. However, I was having such a good day that I was not going to let this little hiccup spoil it. So I looked across and said (in my best Isha voice) "Gentlemen do we have a problem because all I want to do is enjoy the sun and my latte" I have to admit the laughter died instantly and they all stared at me quite intently and for one brief moment I thought . . . "Oops, Isha may have taken it just a bit too far this time" The pause was probably only a few seconds but it felt like an eternity and then one of them spoke "Ah, sorry about that but you are the first tranny any of us have ever seen and you have to admit it is a bit weird" Tranny did he actually say Tranny? So I thought for a few seconds and replied "Actually we don't really like that term and prefer Transgendered. I can see how you think it might be weird from your perspective but for me it is completely natural so I will just take my latte and leave you to your conversation" . . . another pause and then one of the other guys said "No need to do that . . . ah miss? We didn't mean to insult you we were just curious". Now this resulted in a 20 minute conversation about transgender in general and answering a series of questions (Do you call a MtF her or him? Do all TG want to be women . . . you get the picture). They left and I finished my latte and another chapter of my book and put the rest of this great Isha day behind me.

    So it got me thinking. When we go out and we hear giggles, guffaws and view odd stares are these people being rude? Are they mocking me? I suppose it is possible but it could also be that they just don't know how to react to something they have no experience or understanding of. We (humans) will sometimes make light of what we don't truly understand. I have to think if I saw someone at a bus stop wearing a lime green and purple superhero outfit singing the theme song from "The Greatest American Hero" out loud, I might giggle a bit "not because I am rude but because it is an emotional response to a lack of understanding". However, if I take the time to talk to that person I might find out he lost a bet and this is the price he has to pay . . .or he might truly think he is a superhero but is a nice harmless guy. . . . Ah point Isha? My point is that sometimes we see rudeness in others when in fact it is just ignorance. Now don't get me wrong if someone is openly mocking me ("Look at the Tranny! Look at the Tranny!) or being hostile that is different. However, sometimes people just don't know how to respond and sometimes a smile or giggle is all they have. I believe these guys fell into that category and by taking the time to educate they seemed to have a different outlook on TG persons when they left. But then again who really knows perhaps they were pulling the Tranny's leg However, I like to think there is good in people and perhaps these guys will go out and educate a few others.

    Disclaimer: I am in no way telling people you need to engage people when out and about. You need to tread lightly with this as it could have gone very bad. Would I do it again? Not sure. It just felt like the right thing at the time.

    Hugs

    Isha

  2. #2
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    The Poconos PA
    Posts
    18,971
    Nice that you had the patience to educate them somewhat Isha. That isn't always easy to do. My rule of thumb out in public is that if they don't sign my pay check, I don't care what they think. If they would only take the time to know someone as a person they may have a different perspective. Perhaps in this sense they see that we are real people with feelings after all.Well done my friend.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Braving the wilds of Texas.
    Posts
    62
    Isha, I applaud what you did. It was risky, but it paid off in some additional understanding in the world. Even if they were just being condescending, you may have given them some food for thought in the future.

    Megan

  4. #4
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Hi Isha I'm pleased you ended up with a good day, the sun has a mellowing effect maybe !
    You made me smile about the Super Hero comment as something happened like that when I was decorating a kitchen for a friend. I looked across at the back yard's of the houses opposite, an attractive girl was hanging out washing when a guy came out with a full dog skin sleep suit on, I nearly fell off my step ladder laughing. later I heard their dog barking, and I said to the friend was that the dog barking or the husband ? There was no hostility it was just funny !
    The group of 30 guys you mentioned made me think of the percentage of Cders, it would have been an even bet that one of them was thinking I hope they don't notice my bra straps ! I am always armed with answer now if confronted by that situation, OK so which one of you are wearing panties ? !

  5. #5
    Pretty in Pink Barbie Anne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    N. central Florida
    Posts
    574
    Hey there Isha. So very good to see you hon, as I haven't been on in a while.
    I'm so proud that you have the strength and courage to go out and just be yourself. Seems as if you diffused a potentially dangerous situation with charm and assertiveness. It doesn't hurt that you have the training that you have, both physical and mental. I have a bit of that training myself but I don't think I'd have been able to handle it as well as you.
    Glad you had a great day and I see what you went through with those young men as a triumph.

    Love and hugs. Barbie
    Barbie

  6. #6
    Member LeslieSD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    San Diego, California
    Posts
    354
    Wow, Isha, that's very admirable. I have to admit that you have a lot more courage then I do. I completely agree with you that most of the people in the world is simply ignorant toward us (usually also with some curiosity) rather than hostile. It helps that once in a while someone among us could stand up and communication with the rest of the world about who we are. Thank you. :-)

  7. #7
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Western Upstate NY, on a Lake Ontario city
    Posts
    1,135
    Had the same thing in a much smaller version happen to me last week when i was dressed up nice, did errands, talked to men and women small talk about business being conducted then went downtown had lunch made for me at sandwich counter in cafeteria of an office building and the whole end game changed, but was not in the least ruined buy two women in the lobby of building staring and giggling. No big woo.

    Passed and interacted with 30 people ,come across these 2 naive office girls carrying their lunch back who needed to get a life and get out more. Usually when that happens like it did to you I take the bull by the horns and own the moment and brazenly go up to them, turn their tables and embarrassed them and say " saw ya staring and giggling,obviously you have never seen a transvestite before, first time right hon?, well lets play twenty questions and I'll give you the answers before you ask. Ready ?" Talk about disarmament.They are now the ones who become the embarrassed.Do it girls,
    But it does make me wonder. How is it no one else knew in the least, read me, or detected my voice which is down good but these two nit wits who were 30 ft away and had only a quick fleeting glance,no interaction or voice communication .. know? Beats me, law of average.

  8. #8
    0 to trans in 60 seconds! Donnagirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Another Aussie girl
    Posts
    828
    Isha, I don't think I could handle a situation like that as well as you can... How to you suppress the 'fight or fight'? I would be too emotional to be rational.... You know, I'd have all the best comebacks only they'd be twenty minutes too late. I fear I'd over react and inflame the situation, make it a contest and not want to loose.

    Just one of the reasons I stay safely at home. I so envy your confidence.
    Call me Donna, please

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    I really admire your self control and composure in that situation and your patient efforts to educate. I agree, they were displaying their ignorance. One would wish that ignorance didn't express itself so rudely. Alas, it seems thatmuch of our society's intolerance and bigotry seems to grow out of ignorance.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  10. #10
    Member CD Kelley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Atlanta Ga
    Posts
    757
    Isha, this is a great story. I just love how you took a potentially bad situation and turned it into an opportunity to educate. Sometimes I see people looking at me and I wish they would just ask me about it. I would love to educate them about transgender people.

    Kelley
    The minute you think of giving up think of the reason you held on for so long

  11. #11
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Chicago area
    Posts
    5,151
    Isha, you handled that situation brilliantly. I'm so glad it turned out well. I think most people just don't know how to handle a situation when they see someone they perceive to be different. So when they do, the whispers, looks, etc become common human behavior. When they see you are not a threat to their existence, so to speak, they accept and continue on. You showed these gentlemen that you are just as human as they are, and maybe even gained some respect for you...and maybe the community in general. Stay safe...

  12. #12
    Senior Member samantha rogers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    SE Michigan
    Posts
    1,146

    Wow

    Isha, honey, you are my hero! My respect for you grows and grows! I doubt that many of us at all would have handled that with anywhere near your maturity, bravery and skill. Kudos!
    I do expect that your location and the civilized nature of Canadians in general had something to do with your success... my countrymen, sadly, are often far less... understanding?
    Still, your point is superb. People often react badly when faced with the unfamiliar. A little patience goes a long way.
    Thanks so much for sharing. Yay. You brightened my day.
    Hugs

  13. #13
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    6,896
    I love how you handled it. I am solidly with the thought that we should be out educating instead of trying to call people out. I have certainly said that over and over in this forum and I firmly believe it. People are not used to us or are just getting used to us and education is paramount to understanding and acceptance. Once you start calling people out, it becomes combative and that type of approach will never receive acceptance.

  14. #14
    Senior Member 5150 Girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Zanesville OH
    Posts
    1,536
    I probly would have said "Grow up" as I walked away... Outstanding that you turned it into a learning experience!!!

  15. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    1,439
    I can't really blame them, a 'bloke in a dress' is frigging hilarious, especially when it's very obviously a bloke. Us TG folks have obviously seen our fair share of them in pictures and IRL and we're 'conditioned' not to find them all that funny anymore, but in all popular media, a guy wearing a dress and a wig is a joke in and of itself. I can see how that's problematic for the transgender community, but it's not just ignorance, it's also how many 'muggles' are conditioned, a cultural problem.

  16. #16
    Trish Trishpdxcd2's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Portland
    Posts
    1,084
    Isha,

    Good for you and you are braver than most and I applaud you.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    California
    Posts
    657
    Well done Isha, glad you maintained a great day. I think it's awesome you took the time to educate those guys. I'm giggling at the thought if triggered the Pink Fog in one or two of them.

  18. #18
    Senior CD RachelRICD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Pawtucket, Rhode Island
    Posts
    1,106
    Bravo !!

  19. #19
    Member Tina G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    284
    Very good story Isha, and I applaud you for how you handled the situation. Thank you for sharing.

  20. #20
    Mumbler Samantha Clark's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
    Posts
    514
    What a positive outcome!

    It serves to remind us that other people are basically good and decent, not always rude and boorish, and if they are treated kindly they usually (not always) respond in a positive manner. If we treat others with respect and courtesy, they most often will respond positively and it is a "teaching moment" for all.
    Putting the y (chromosome) in girly!

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member grace7777's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Posts
    705
    Isha,

    I love the way you handled the situation. For me, I would have just ignored them. It got me thinking, that when people laugh at us it is sometimes maybe just their way of reacting to a situation they have not faced before, and that they are not intentionally trying to be mean.

  22. #22
    Mumbler Samantha Clark's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
    Posts
    514
    Quote Originally Posted by grace7777 View Post
    Isha,

    they are not intentionally trying to be mean.
    I agree. Sometimes laughter is how humans deal with cognitive dissonance. Other times laughter can be mean, though. Trick is to be able to distinguish the two and react appropriately.
    Putting the y (chromosome) in girly!

  23. #23
    New Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    5
    That is an amazing story. You certainly handled it well but took a big risk. Of course I think you are brave for going out in the first place. I haven't even come close to working up the nerve to do just that much.

  24. #24
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    I think you did the right thing. Accessed the situation and played the cards you had. Kudos.
    A teachable moment is how I look at it.They said its was their first time seeing a TG person so ignorance is the proper term I would think.
    You explained who you were and they actually learned something thru you.
    Maybe now they know have a better understanding and can teach others.

  25. #25
    Member Karren J's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    The North West
    Posts
    108
    Wow I can't think of a better way to handle that situation.

    I would have either run off glowing beet red or started tearing limbs from bodies.

    You are awesome and an inspiration.

    Kelly

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State