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Thread: Have you been rejected/excluded because of your cross dressing?

  1. #1
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    Have you been rejected/excluded because of your cross dressing?

    Hi all,
    I was wondering you have experienced exclusion, rejection from friends/family/colleagues/life partners because of your cross dressing?
    Unfortunately, I have. If you have too, how did/do you react to that? I feel like I struggle to trust women, because both of the people who rejected my cross dressing were women. Have you been able to find other people to surround you with and support you, are you happier now than before? Do you think a man can ever meet and date a woman who accepts their cross dressing?
    Just looking for a bit of feedback from your experience, I am a little wary of the stakes of my lifestyle, I don't think I want to be alone for the rest of my life because I like cross dressing.
    Thank you
    Joanna xx

  2. #2
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    No I haven't but you are 27 too early to be worried about being alone all your life.
    I've been married twice and it ain't bad being single trust me.

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    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Hi Joanna,

    Don't be put off by the negativity of others. I was very secretive of my CDing when I was younger and I promised myself I would never ever tell a living soul as I felt sure no one would truly understand. However, one drunken night about 15 years ago I decided to tell my long time GG best friend as I felt sure she would understand. What did she say back to me? ... "I think you need professional help. That's messed up". I was totally gutted.

    ... BUT 12 years ago I met a woman who has been my wife for 11 years and she likes my CDIng (we met online on a CDing forum) she thinks it something that needs to be nurtured and she likes girly guys. My point is, don't worry if you've (so far) had a negative reaction, just maybe, just around the corner is a woman who will think completely differently.
    Last edited by Rachel Morley; 05-13-2014 at 10:28 PM.
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    The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!

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    Thanks Tracii, I worry mostly because I don't want to miss out on one or the other, I am hoping it is possible to have both but since my experience is pretty limited I wonder how to go about it, whether I should conceal it to a potential partner or be upfront about it, I'm not quite the seducer, I was raised by a single mom that worked a lot, and had no male role model whatsoever, girls would not look at me in that way until my late teens early 20s because I always looked 4 years younger and I was never tall! My confidence took a hit from all these years and it's left scars, and even though I get hits every now and again, I never have the audacity or the tact to follow through with it, I'm a little too sensitive already, so add cross dressing to the bag and that makes me almost undateable, I hope I'm wrong though

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    I would be up front with it to be honest. If the girl can't deal with it let her go you don't want to be with her anyway right?
    Don't get too attached too quickly to any one girl is my motto. While they seem great at first they don't always stay that way.
    Let her know you like being a guy and are straight but have girl side too. Maybe you can find one that thinks wow this guy is interesting I need to get to know all about him.

  6. #6
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    I have decided the NEXT girl I meet will meet Adriana FIRST out in public...I have had luck this way, unfortunately they are all lesbians LOL. But yea I decided to just be ME and if the right gal comes along...great....if not..i am not going to cry about it..im too busy for that .

  7. #7
    Member lynnef's Avatar
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    I've had some reject me in rather humourous ways, (at least in retrospect)

    one told me that it was not "biblically correct" for us to keep talking, and another just got all weirded out and also stopped talking with me (fortunately, neither was anyone I had gotten too attached to

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    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    You don't say how "out and about" you are. In my opinion,you ought to get comfortable with your feminine side in being around other people..no shame..it is you being you..I can think of some organizations,events,etc where you are very apt to meet women that are interested in you. The sooner that you start getting comfortable with yourself you will be that much closer to making friends as the real you. Hiding it will just cause problems in the long run. And like the other girls..You are young and single..embrace it!
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

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    A lady in the making..... Erica Marie's Avatar
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    Hi Joanna. I know how you feel. The one person I felt I could finally be open with was my last gf. She was fairly open minded about alot of things and one night we got talking and I mentioned to her that I was a crossdresser. She was set back a bit but over a few weeks she accepted it and even took me shopping. But then she ended up messing around and used that as her excuse. Needless to say it makes me gun shy about mentioning it to another female or even getting involved knowing one day I will have to tell her. I vowed to myself if or when I date again she will know going into it. No more secrets.
    Erica

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    Senior Member Amanda M's Avatar
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    The all time biggest mistake you could make is NOT being up front about it in the early stages so that you are not deep into a relationship when the girl finds out my accident or you tell her. That way both of you will avoid some real emotional pain.
    If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!

  11. #11
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi,

    As a person im accepted with my difference now the issue would be would any one be interested in myself as a woman in a relastionship. i doubt it, though i have had 5 men ask me as they were looking for a partner, i declined, as i can not bring or give them what they would desire in a female, and i wrote them a nice letter saying why.

    Im very upfront with people and have nothing to hide, even on dating forums or the like my profile says much the same , im an intersexed female , and with my photo like here,

    all my friends and family 18 of us know what i am so from that point theres no issues,

    i have been rejected by very few people though they have thier own idears though not based on fact though does not matter, hey yes it hurts , its just a fact of life we have to live with, no use getting in a stew over it,

    ...noeleena...

  12. #12
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    To answer the dating question, the answer is a very definite Yes. Success in dating and relationships are two things, related, but not identical. First, more than two women 'rejected' me...not because of my CDing, but because I wasn't of interest to them. The reverse has also been true. Get used to it and move on.

    Eventually, if you keep putting yourself out there, and assuming that you're a decent, considerate and not entirely self absorbed person, you will meet someone who can accept you in your entirety...and that you, hopefully accept in her entirety. Then the long, sometimes challenging task of maintaining that relationship begins.

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    Claire Claire Cook's Avatar
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    Joanna,

    You've asked two different questions. To answer the first: yes, I have GF's -- call them BGF's - friends, not partners - who have been very supportive and I appreciate them so much. Yes, they have made a difference for me. As to the second: to echo what others have already said, a long-term relationship means accepting each other, warts and all. {Oh-oh -- did I say I dress as Ms. Toad???}
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club

  14. #14
    Ill tell you what my best friend also once girl friend JoJo told me once "A lot of girls don't like it because in a relationship in their mind their is only one girl and that's them selves" and woman think "men should be men" sort of thing and the one to treat them like a woman, it's the way that the girls are wired so when you come out say I like dressing like a girl then alarm bells begin to ring and in some ways girls feel a bit threatened by it and turns everything upside down not only do they start questioning the relationship but the see you now in a totally different light the mental image that they once had of you has been destroyed, it's take a special girl to accept and be in a relationship with a cross-dressing man, my best friend JoJo would of been a great wife if I batted for the other side as we grew up together and she encouraged me to crossdress from a young age lol I blame her for how I turned out "hehe joking"

    Now getting back to what I was saying, another thing I've found out is as a gay guy my self the only time the girls are a lot more on board with guys crossdressing is when they are our right gay because there is no threat and the image they have of you is not of a normal guy, instead it's a girly gay guy and then you fit into to her circle of friends and excepted

    Now I don't know if your straight or bi but I've found out that a relationship with a guy is a totally different ball game to that with a girl and I am by no means saying you should get with a guy it's just based on my findings, I've found over the years that my crossdressing had added to the closeness of the relationship and guys seem to excepted it.... but that's just a chapter of my messed up world lol
    Last edited by CrossJess; 05-14-2014 at 09:04 AM.

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    Not yet- but then nobody in real life knows I'm doing it, just you guys here right now!

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    Aspiring Member aprilgirl's Avatar
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    Hi Miss Joanna,

    To answer your question, yes I have been rejected by others after I determined it was the right time to share with them that I cross dressed. It certainly was discouraging and it hurt like hell, but time heals. Ultimately, I knew it was for the best, as I wanted to be accepted for ALL of me, not just part. Besides, I felt they had a right to know and furthermore, its something I wanted to share with them and knew hiding it was only going to make me miserable.

    On a brighter note, a few had been supportive and in each case felt as though it was something that made us closer, a secret we shared. I am married and my wife has always been supportive of me in all of my endeavors, including my cross dressing.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    It was a bit of a culture shock when one girl out of about twelve vehemently rejected what I was doing.

    Everybody liked me dressed but this one girl with a soft spot for the male side of me wanted it all to stop.

    I did not even like her so there was no loss really.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  18. #18
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    I've faced both sides of the coin. I dated someone whom I told I was a crossdresser. She didn't take it too well. Nothing by way of accusations - I told her early - but she couldn't wrap her head around dating someone who did so. We still remain friends.

    Online, paradoxically my CD profile got far more contacts than my normal male one. However, most implicitly friendzoned me from the outset. But there were genuine expressions of interest as well. It's how I met my companion.

    I've had moments when I was cynical if I could find someone, but I did, and having a CD profile where I honestly explained myself was key to it. I can't provide a pointer to it because I deleted it quite some time ago, though.

  19. #19
    Member Connief's Avatar
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    Oh I don't know. Every woman I have come out to except one (she was married to a non-cder) has ran off. My oldest daughter has two kids I have never met and I only get pics of them from her younger sister. Oldest told her sister I don't have a dad, that man is sick, that was back in 2000. I love Cding also, but it sure has had a negative effect on my friends and family. BTW I have never dressed infront of my daughters and there are no pics floating around. Ex wife talks allot. I have met Rachel Morley's wife, she really is a wonderful woman!!!

  20. #20
    The best of both Worlds! Paula_Femme's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMissJoanna View Post
    ...I was wondering you have experienced exclusion, rejection from friends/family/colleagues/life partners because of your cross dressing?
    Many, MANY times, but that's because I'm totally honest about my cross-dressing with any potential partner, and that's okay; I'd rather know up-front, than have the relationship disintegrate at a later date with all the pain and suffering that can cause, just because I wasn't honest in the beginning.
    Black is ALWAYS the, "New Black!"
    "I really hate it when people accuse me of wearing Womens clothes... these aren't Womens clothes... I f*****g bought them!!!" Eddie Izzard.

  21. #21
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    My first wife did not reject me because of my CDing. She didn't understand how much I wanted to CD, so I didn't do it that much around her - she just thought it was a kink. Ultimately we split up because we weren't very compatible, and because I was a raging alcoholic at the time.

    My second wife definitely rejected me because of my CDing. She was sure I'd transition, and she guessed right.

    I never had much luck with women though - I guess some of my transness bled through in ways that weren't obvious, because women always complained that I was so "different," but they could never put their finger on what it was. Now, of course, since I know I'm a trans woman, it's obvious what the problem was.

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