got assaulted by my ex's brother

[giuseppina]

Well, that complicates things, Billijo.

A clever barrister should be able to destroy her credibility on LGBT issues with well placed but not leading questions. Same with any expert witnesses she hires. One obvious point is ability to parent is much more important than LGBT status to anyone without an axe to grind. A good barrister will demand proof of any claims to the contrary; I would think an unbiased psychiatrist's expert opinion trumps that of a social worker.

She can't act as her own expert witness because that is a clear and obvious conflict of interest. Any judge worth having will see that immediately. If s/he doesn't, your barrister will point this out and request disqualification on grounds of conflict of interest as an expert witness for your case. That might get her dander up, which is to your advantage.

Barristers are under no obligation to tell the truth, as witnesses are. They can question witnesses as they see fit. They can accuse her things like instructing your brother to to assault you. They can demand proof of any and all of your alleged transgressions. They cannot, however, badger the witness. Eliciting admissions of things the witness did is not normally considered badgering.

[Billiejosehine]

So it look like her latest tatic is filing a restraining order against me; in which I have to show up to a hearing tommorrow morning. She's trying to do everything in her power to win and honestly i see no way of winning. I'm going to file counter, but that may not be enough. Things don't look good for me and I'm going to have to defend myself from a vindictive person bent on destroying me. I feel I may loose my kids over this and loose my rights as a parent. All because I came out to her as transgendered amount many other issues she had with me.

[giuseppina]

Looks like you'll have to fight fire with fire, Billiejo. It goes against the grain for me, and it may for you, but that's the way it looks to me.

[ReineD]

Things don't look good for me and I'm going to have to defend myself from a vindictive person bent on destroying me. I feel I may loose my kids over this and loose my rights as a parent. All because I came out to her as transgendered amount many other issues she had with me.

This is important, so please listen.

You need to stop victimizing yourself and take action NOW before it is too late. This means GET A LAWYER ASAP.

Below is a PDF document from the nclrights.org website, a quick fact sheet about Transgender Family Law in California.

http://www.nclrights.org/wp-content/...ily_Law_CA.pdf


Go to page 3, question 2:

"Will I be able to have custody of my child if my spouse/partner and I separate?

A transgender person should not be denied custody or visitation simply because of his or her gender identity or expression. However, many courts are unfamiliar with transgender parents. It is very important to advocate for your rights as a parent from the start. Once there is a court order denying or putting restrictions on custody or visitation, it can be very difficult to change later."

This should be your very top priority right now. Get a lawyer ASAP and find out how you can advocate for your rights before it is too late.

Next is a document from the ACLU that tells you exactly what you need to do from a legal point of view. It is long, but well worth a read if you value your right to have an unfettered relationship with your children.

http://www.aclu.org/files/assets/acl...ting_guide.pdf

I cannot emphasize enough that you need to do everything they say as soon as you possibly can.

[Alice Torn]

i AM VERY SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YOU, AND IT SEEMED ALL WERE AGAINST, INCLUDING THE COPS. I do hope you can afford an attorney. Violence is never justified, unless in self defense.

[Paulette]

ReineD is correct stop being the victim and get yourself to a lawyer yesterday. "Anyone trying to represent themselves has a fool for a client" (Ben Franklin) California has very specific laws that will protect your rights if you proceed properly. I have over 33 years in Law Enforcement in California and I can tell that there are a couple of missing elements from your story which is why you need someone else to tell your side, that someone is called an attorney. Your are fortunate that you live in the bay area where there are many attorneys that understand and have experience with gender law.

All to often posters here leave out critical information which makes the cops seem like bigoted idiots and homophobes. In the bay area the law enforcement folks receive extensive training on diversity and domestic violence issues. All of that being said remember that police departments are made up of people from the community and in that big pool there is bound to be a bad apple. In my experience a good lawyer can get it all straightened out for you.

[mechamoose]

What ReineD said.

+10

You need to hire an attorney. It is a 'MUST', not a 'SHOULD'.

If a bear were attacking your kids, what would you be willing to do to save them?

DO THAT NOW.

- MM

[StarrOfDelite]

Hi, I am an attorney, but not California licensesed, so you should take this advice as just friendly comments.

First, I am curious why you are doing your visitations at the Ex-es home. Are the kids really small, or is there some history why you have not been given permission to do your visitations at your home? If there are issues, you should be able to get court-ordered visitation privileges at a neutral site. I'm sure that somewhere in your area such a facility exists. The only downside is that a fee will probably charged for use of the neutral premises.

Second, related to issue 1., the police are naturally going to be more inclined to rely upon the evidence given by the homeowner in a "He said vs. She Said" situation. If family of your Ex and her brother told them such a story it's not surprising that you felt they were siding with your attacker. I wouldn't immediately think that prejudice against transgenders was at play. It might have been, but not necessarily.

Third, if you can prove your case, you are legally entitled to a Domestic Violence Civil Protective Order against the brother. They are not just for former partners, but apply to any family situation. The DVCPO would require the brother to leave any place he is at when you arrive, and to refrain from coming near you. Usually a distance of about 1000 feet is specified.

If you qualify under income limits, the local legal aid group may be able to assist you without charging a fee.

[Billiejosehine]

I have contacted several lawyers, but have not gotten any returned calls. There is one that I have meet with a couple times since Jan, but not helpful. So I have been relying on the self help center, but it would be beneficial if I can have someone represent me through all this. I have also contacted the transgender law center and national center for lesbian rights. Just waiting to hear back and to follow up. The judge today decided to grant temp custody, the restraining order; so no contact in any form (calling, emailing, mailed letters, etc.) what so ever to my children, and for me to have supervised visits. My kids are priority and enjoy being part of their life. But because of who I am, my ex sees things differently.

Starr: The reason why I'm having to go to my ex's house was because she did not trust me and that I needed to prove to her that I can. Things have been under her terms, no matter how I fought to get I want, she has been manipulative and controlling. I should have taken care of business the right way from the beginning, but my emotions were getting in the way of what should have done. The incident that occurred at the house with the brother was related to how I identify myself, what I wear, and look like. He has threatened to beat me up on several occasions, and thinks I should not be allowed near my children because I'm TG and what I wear (according to him it's wrong and they don't need to be around it). I have gone to the police to file, but they wouldn't help me saying that he could counter it and since there is no physical evidence of harm on me or him ( even though I have bruises), things will more more then likely go nowhere.

So there's a lot of legal things I need to take care of to protect myself. I have been bullied my whole life, but nothing like I'm experiencing since coming out to people.

[ReineD]

I have contacted several lawyers, but have not gotten any returned calls.

Billie, there are hundreds of attorneys in your area. Keep calling different ones until you find one who will see you in short order. You may have to pay a fee for the initial consultation. I don't think that anyone can resolve your situation over the phone.

Here's a listing of Family Law attorneys in Vallejo:

http://lawyers.findlaw.com/lawyer/fi...ejo/California

You can also click on the "same-sex" category up top. Not that your issue is same-sex, but these attorneys might be more familiar with TG concerns.

[PaulaQ]

Again, Billie, try Lambda Legal. They exist exactly for this type of situation.

[JessicaMN]

Did you bring your concerns about your treatment by the officers to the chief or their Sargent? If not you might want to.