Originally Posted by
Confucius
Did you have poor male role models? Did you think girls had it better in life? Were you told that you should have been born a girl? Or, was there nothing at all unusual to account for your condition?
In my case, I have been attracted to cross-dressing as long as I can remember. My mother tells me that she was longing for a daughter when I was born. I was a disappointment to her, but six months later she found herself pregnant again. This time she gave birth to my sister. It was on a Christmas morning and it was the happiest day of her life. My sister grew up pampered, spoiled, and a princess. I grew up believing that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl. I thought that all parents preferred girls, because girls didn't cause any problems, and they were prettier, smarter, and just better persons. I believed girls had it better in life than boys. I also had a brother who was 3 years older and constantly provoked and insulted me. We would get into fights and I would always get beaten. My older brother was a constantly berating me. I found solace in rummaging through my mother's closet and telling her I was playing "mommy". All this was before I was 5 years old. I was taught to conceal my cross-dressing interests, as it brought shame and ridicule.
I believe that over-valuing the female (female envy) in early childhood caused my brain to be hardwired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. In my early childhood I was trying to gain contact with my mother, but with puberty the (involuntary) sensations were very sexual. As I have become older it is more about comfort, reducing stress, and being happy.
