What Caused You to Become a Crossdresser?

[Confucius]

I hope you don't mind being introspective for a moment. We all come with a history. What do you think caused you to become a cross-dresser? Society tells us that males are privileged with unearned social, economic, and political advantages which are granted to them solely on the basis of their gender. Why couldn't we be happy with our own gender's privileges? Was your early childhood traumatic or stressful? Did you have poor male role models? Did you think girls had it better in life? Were you told that you should have been born a girl? Or, was there nothing at all unusual to account for your condition?

In my case, I have been attracted to cross-dressing as long as I can remember. My mother tells me that she was longing for a daughter when I was born. I was a disappointment to her, but six months later she found herself pregnant again. This time she gave birth to my sister. It was on a Christmas morning and it was the happiest day of her life. My sister grew up pampered, spoiled, and a princess. I grew up believing that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl. I thought that all parents preferred girls, because girls didn't cause any problems, and they were prettier, smarter, and just better persons. I believed girls had it better in life than boys. I also had a brother who was 3 years older and constantly provoked and insulted me. We would get into fights and I would always get beaten. My older brother was a constantly berating me. I found solace in rummaging through my mother's closet and telling her I was playing "mommy". All this was before I was 5 years old. I was taught to conceal my cross-dressing interests, as it brought shame and ridicule.

I believe that over-valuing the female (female envy) in early childhood caused my brain to be hardwired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. In my early childhood I was trying to gain contact with my mother, but with puberty the (involuntary) sensations were very sexual. As I have become older it is more about comfort, reducing stress, and being happy.

[Alice Torn]

I think it is because of family influences. And fantasies.

[PaulaQ]

Genetics.

[Barbie Anne]

Genetics.

I agree. I was born this way and the only outside influence was possibly my higher power making me who I am.

[AKADonna]

When I was a child, I was the only boy in the neighborhood and always played with the girls. Doing this for 10 or so formative years probably taught me to think and act like them to some degree. Later, when I discovered my Mom's lingerie drawer and had some fun trying things on, I became enamored. Then things cooled off for about 30 years as I went to college, in the service, got married, had 5 kids and did all of the family stuff. (During that time, never had many feminine thoughts or urges) Later, I was a macho executive and one day when visiting a BDSM mistress, she feminized me and that was the spark that lit the fire! Since then, I have had urges to dress in lingerie and more recently, fully as a woman. I get those feminine urges with increasing regularity now. I feel that chemistry is doing its part as I have ceased growing hair on my arms, legs, underarms and chest. My breasts have begun to grow a bit and my skin is so much softer than it ever has been. (I feel like my testosterone has decreased and estrogen has taken over!)

For whatever reason it's happening, I have come to savor and thoroughly enjoy feeling really feminine! As I deal with all of the family and society judgmental issues that his presents, my softer, more girly side makes me so much more mellow! I just love being DonnaSue!

[Tina G]

Honestly i don't know. I did grow up with a family full of women after my father passed away when i was young but I still feel like i have always enjoyed being Jenny.

[Zylia]

I don't know, what causes autism or ADHD? Are we asking people with those conditions what caused it for them? Is it ever as simple as a childhood trauma that could have been averted?

[mechamoose]

Is it ever as simple as a childhood trauma that could have been averted?

NO

I'm on the Autism spectrum. My Dad was (but he didn't have a clue)... All three of my kids are, and one of my two grandkids are.

It is biology, not environment. Our brains function differently.

In 'gamer' terms, we have some stats we can topload, but by doing so other stats are weak.

- MM

[marny]

Spontaneous estrogen! Really? You must tell us your secret. Will save us a whole lot of money on pills!

[Eselka]

I second the opinion that it doesn't matter what made me a CDer, it's just who I am and I'm happy with it That being said, social environment, psychology and probably dozens of other factors played an obvious role in my recognition of my needs as a CDer and my acceptance of them.

[Hell on Heels]

I have no other answer than that of Paula's, genetics. I grew up in the middle of the dairyland in Wi.
No downtown, no main street billboards, no overly femme anything to influence me, unless someone can explain to me how a corn or wheat field could provoke such a reaction.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Rachael Leigh]

For me it's the million dollar question, I've got my ideas but I don't have the answers

[Lorileah]

if there is a "cause" it is internal. This question has been asked hundreds of times and never resolved. Why ask why?

[Jaymees22]

As Popeye said "I am what I am." I don't know if Popeye was a crossdresser but I know I am and I'm happy that I am one. Hugs Jaymee

[mechamoose]

Popeye would make an *ugly* girl.. but if he wants to wear a dress, *I'm* not going to argue with him... er.. her.

[Confucius]

Thanks for your responses.

I am truly happy for those of you who don't give any consideration about the "causes" and are more about "accepting", however, for those introspective persons (like myself) who want to understand themselves, it is still important to question, probe, and learn. After all, many of us have asked this question before, and have come to terms with it. Are there trends? Are there things we share in common?

There is no doubt that there are biological factors as well as environmental ones. It certainly is in our brains. Our brains release the neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and others) which produce the sensations of well-being, pleasure, gratification and bonding. (Not to mention testosterone which gives this condition sexual overtones.) However our brains are plastic and develop neural connections based upon learned perceptions. What learned perceptions do we share in common?
- A belief that girls have it better in life than boys,
- Poor male role models,
- Dominant females who berated males in your life,
- Bullies who physically and psychologically tormented you,
- A sensitive boy who wanted his mother's approval,
- Envy of a female sibling,


Theoretically the mechanism seems to be: (1) the brain develops neural connections (synaptogenesis), (2) the neural connections are reinforced through learned perceptions (psychological, and environmental factors), and finally (3) a trigger mechanism is activated, and the brain releases the neurotransmitters. In most, if not all, cases our brain is interpreting cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. This "contact with a female" association can be internalized, where the person believes they have a female side separate from his male side, or, it can be externalized, where the person's "contact with a female" is outside of himself, and he only sees himself as regular "man in a dress".

If you have any thoughts/theories on the learned perceptions that made cross-dressing work for you, then I'd appreciate hearing it.

[Milou]

Thanks for your responses.

- A belief that girls have it better in life than boys,
- Poor male role models,
- Dominant females who berated males in your life,
- Bullies who physically and psychologically tormented you,
- A sensitive boy who wanted his mother's approval,
- Envy of a female sibling,

Yeah, it might explain it, but only for some of us. Have you seen the movie: "Les garçons et Guillaume, Ã* table!", it mirrors your description.

- Holds true for me. My sister grew up in a loving family and had no responsibilites at all. I do believe that girls are more valued than guys in western society, but this might be me, since I'm an oversensitive male with no self-esteem.
- My real dad left me, and my current dad is also a crossdresser. I didn't know till recently, since we don't talk much at all. During my childhood he was constantly working.
- I love my mom, but she's a real tiger mom. I had to perform well in school and basically controlled everything in my life. I couldn't choose what to eat, what to wear and what to do (except the crossdressing). I was basically a robot following her orders. I made a thread about it, but no one took me seriously. Also, Freud and Proust wrote some books about this in combination with sexual perversion.
- Yes, but I think we all had to deal with bullying to some degree.
- Yes, but I think it's mutual. We didn't see eachother in the first four years. Also, my current dad told me I was a sensitive boy when I lived with him.
- Probably.

[Seana Summer]

- Dominant females who berated males in your life,
- Bullies who physically and psychologically tormented you,
- A sensitive boy who wanted his mother's approval,

These seem to ring true for me and have been among the things I have considered in the past as explanation as to what got me started. I am among those who started very young, too young for it to have been a sexual thing

It is also interesting to note that over the years I have typically had strong GG S.O.s . Hmmmm..... Could it be that boys are attracted to girls that remind them of their mothers?? and vice verse? women are attracted to men who remind them of their fathers??? Maybe this is why it may seem genetic??

[mechamoose]

What 'caused' me to be a crossdresser was me trying to find a way to express how I felt inside.

Or was it how I felt inside that caused me to be a crossdresser?

Chicken... egg... chicken... egg...

- MM

[Beverley Sims]

There was a great blinding flash of light from out of the cosmos that hit me and flooded my body with gamma rays.....

No..... That was when I was beamed up to the Enterprise.....


Gee! I don't know if there was a what, maybe a who?

Me?

[Kate Simmons]

All the possible "causes" notwithstanding, I believe we are exactly who we are supposed to be. Learning to work with and optimizing what we have is what it's all about.

[Crissy Kay]

It was definitely Petticoats, in my case!!

[Lorileah]

I have to ask. If a petticoat made you a crossdresser for instance, if they didn't invent petticoats would you not be a crossdresser? Or the neighbor girls dressing you. If it was the neighbor boys making you wear a baseball uniform, would you be a major league star? What caused the fantasies? There must have been some trigger, right? You didn't sit under a tree and suddenly say wow I dreamed I was wearing a dress.

[immike]

I was born a boy,but I was just curious as to how it would feel to slide into a dress&heels.I snuck into my mothers closet
one day,after she left for work&I tried on one of her dresses&stepped into a pair of her heels&I was hooked? For years,I
secretly went into her closet&tried on all of her dresses&outfits&got bold&lifted a fresh pkg of pantyhose out of her drawer
one day&put the pantyhose on&dressed fully in one of her good skirtsuits&stepped into a pair of her expensive heels&sat
at her makeup table&did my hair&makeup

[DebbieL]

I just played with girls until I was about six. I'd go to the other girl's houses and sometimes we would trade clothes. I enjoyed it and just thought it was fun and silly. Then one of the mothers saw me in her daughter's dress and freaked. She called the PTA, the School board, the Principal, and the teacher, demanding that I be forbidden from playing with the girls - or my teacher would be fired immediately.

Playing with boys didn't work out well at all. The first day I got stoned (pelted with rocks the size of golf balls), after school I met the club (about 10 boys with sticks the size of baseball bats). In class I would be threatened by the boys and the girls would giggle at me.

Dressing was one of the few ways I could experience that feeling of belonging, of being calm, at peace, and being loved. I would sneak into the bathroom, put on my mom's sunday "go to church clothes" from the dirty clothes hamper. I liked the smell, the feel, and the calm.

When my mom eventually caught me, she tried to be supportive, and even bought me a pair of pretty blue tights and a skirt. My dad gave me a red pillow case and blue shirt and said I could be superman instead. At my best friends' house, the girl thing didn't play well, but superman did.

I wore the tights until they were so laddered that I couldn't get them on anymore, but dad refused to buy me anything else.

Mom taught me how to cook, sew, crochet, and knit as well as beading and other crafts. I also did the laundry and ironing.

Later, when I could make my own clothes, I'd by men's shirts and make them fit my 38, 24, 38 figure. I also purchased pants and "unisex" stores where I could get pants that fit my wide hips and small waist.

Mom did confront me for stealing some of her clothes when she found them in the bottom of my closet, but because I was stealing them. When we were the same size, she covertly implied that I could help myself to what she put into the 'goodwill bag" and any pantyhose that she knotted (loosely).