I hope you don't mind being introspective for a moment. We all come with a history. What do you think caused you to become a cross-dresser? Society tells us that males are privileged with unearned social, economic, and political advantages which are granted to them solely on the basis of their gender. Why couldn't we be happy with our own gender's privileges? Was your early childhood traumatic or stressful? Did you have poor male role models? Did you think girls had it better in life? Were you told that you should have been born a girl? Or, was there nothing at all unusual to account for your condition?

In my case, I have been attracted to cross-dressing as long as I can remember. My mother tells me that she was longing for a daughter when I was born. I was a disappointment to her, but six months later she found herself pregnant again. This time she gave birth to my sister. It was on a Christmas morning and it was the happiest day of her life. My sister grew up pampered, spoiled, and a princess. I grew up believing that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl. I thought that all parents preferred girls, because girls didn't cause any problems, and they were prettier, smarter, and just better persons. I believed girls had it better in life than boys. I also had a brother who was 3 years older and constantly provoked and insulted me. We would get into fights and I would always get beaten. My older brother was a constantly berating me. I found solace in rummaging through my mother's closet and telling her I was playing "mommy". All this was before I was 5 years old. I was taught to conceal my cross-dressing interests, as it brought shame and ridicule.

I believe that over-valuing the female (female envy) in early childhood caused my brain to be hardwired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. In my early childhood I was trying to gain contact with my mother, but with puberty the (involuntary) sensations were very sexual. As I have become older it is more about comfort, reducing stress, and being happy.