What Caused You to Become a Crossdresser?

[mechamoose]

As an adult who can control his behaviors, I do it because I like to.

You have to control your identity?

Why can't you just be you and deal with what comes after that? Isn't that the REAL situation? Or will your mask become your identity?

FLAUNT it honey. Be you, be proud, and don't apologize to ANYONE for who you are.

Anything less is a lie.

- MM

[Nadine Spirit]

I could control it, if I wanted to, but I am not interested in it. I do proudly flaunt my desires. As I see nothing wrong with them.

I am not a believer that I have to act anyway at all, because I feel it. I choose to act the way I want to.

I don't think I can control my desires, but I do think I can control my actions. If I choose to ignore my desires it will probably affect lots of things and throw me into a bit of an emotional hell, but just because I desire something does not mean I have to act on it.

[Jenniferathome]

I am adamantly against the notion that we are "made." I have to set aside the very rare physical/psychological abuse victims. Voluntary cross dressers are born cross dressers. The genetic link is there, when we are born, no differently than for homosexuals. Whatever cocktail of hormones and proteins that each of us gets, is variable and results in differing start conditions, but the foundation is there.

[mechamoose]

From a poker perspective, you have cards in your hand. And then you play the table and let them believe you have X or Y in your hand.

Bluffing in poker is an art and an expected element of the game. I don't really think that has a place in day-to-day life.

- MM

[Eselka]

I second the opinion that it doesn't matter what made me a CDer, it's just who I am and I'm happy with it That being said, social environment, psychology and probably dozens of other factors played an obvious role in my recognition of my needs as a CDer and my acceptance of them.

[Hell on Heels]

I have no other answer than that of Paula's, genetics. I grew up in the middle of the dairyland in Wi.
No downtown, no main street billboards, no overly femme anything to influence me, unless someone can explain to me how a corn or wheat field could provoke such a reaction.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[PaulaQ]

If I choose to ignore my desires it will probably affect lots of things and throw me into a bit of an emotional hell, but just because I desire something does not mean I have to act on it.

Good luck with that. It didn't work out so well for me.

[Jaymees22]

As Popeye said "I am what I am." I don't know if Popeye was a crossdresser but I know I am and I'm happy that I am one. Hugs Jaymee

[mechamoose]

Popeye would make an *ugly* girl.. but if he wants to wear a dress, *I'm* not going to argue with him... er.. her.

[Nadine Spirit]

Good luck with what Paula? I have lots of desires that I control.

For example I have a desires to eat spoonfuls of sugar. Pretty much everyone from my mom's side of the family has this affinity. I am adopted and I never met any of them until I was about 30. That was when I found out that all of us are sugar-aholics. I didn't control my desires until I was about 30, which is why at 30 I ended up about 50 pounds overweight. I controlled my desires, exercised and dieted, and lost the weight. I have now maintained my weight for the past 10 years. Have I lost my desire to eat spoonfuls of sugar? How about brown sugar mixed with butter and eaten by the box? Nope, I so want to do that, right now, so much so that I am having to swallow often so that I don't start drooling.

The desire never leaves, but I can choose to act or not.

I am sure life is different for everyone and I know many here are quite fond of saying, the have to do this and they have to do that. Fine, go ahead, have to do whatever. But that does not mean that is me. I accept who I am and what I want and choose to act on it, or choose to put things in place that help me control my desires.

For the record that means moderation of most things, so while I don't eat boxes of brown sugar, I maintain my weight well enough that I can occasionally eat sweets.

[Milou]

Did you have poor male role models? Did you think girls had it better in life? Were you told that you should have been born a girl? Or, was there nothing at all unusual to account for your condition?

In my case, I have been attracted to cross-dressing as long as I can remember. My mother tells me that she was longing for a daughter when I was born. I was a disappointment to her, but six months later she found herself pregnant again. This time she gave birth to my sister. It was on a Christmas morning and it was the happiest day of her life. My sister grew up pampered, spoiled, and a princess. I grew up believing that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl. I thought that all parents preferred girls, because girls didn't cause any problems, and they were prettier, smarter, and just better persons. I believed girls had it better in life than boys. I also had a brother who was 3 years older and constantly provoked and insulted me. We would get into fights and I would always get beaten. My older brother was a constantly berating me. I found solace in rummaging through my mother's closet and telling her I was playing "mommy". All this was before I was 5 years old. I was taught to conceal my cross-dressing interests, as it brought shame and ridicule.

I believe that over-valuing the female (female envy) in early childhood caused my brain to be hardwired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. In my early childhood I was trying to gain contact with my mother, but with puberty the (involuntary) sensations were very sexual. As I have become older it is more about comfort, reducing stress, and being happy.

I can relate to your story, we should have coffee sometime.
My biological father left me and I spent my first four years with different families. Afterwards, my mum met my current dad (who is also a crossdresser) and we were a close family. Then my sister was born who was pampered and basically got all the attention. I also got attention, but more in a strict and forceful way. Fast forwards, out of nowhere I started with crossdressig during my puberty. I have no idea what the real cause is, but crossdressing feels pretty damn good.

[Confucius]

Thanks for your responses.

I am truly happy for those of you who don't give any consideration about the "causes" and are more about "accepting", however, for those introspective persons (like myself) who want to understand themselves, it is still important to question, probe, and learn. After all, many of us have asked this question before, and have come to terms with it. Are there trends? Are there things we share in common?

There is no doubt that there are biological factors as well as environmental ones. It certainly is in our brains. Our brains release the neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and others) which produce the sensations of well-being, pleasure, gratification and bonding. (Not to mention testosterone which gives this condition sexual overtones.) However our brains are plastic and develop neural connections based upon learned perceptions. What learned perceptions do we share in common?
- A belief that girls have it better in life than boys,
- Poor male role models,
- Dominant females who berated males in your life,
- Bullies who physically and psychologically tormented you,
- A sensitive boy who wanted his mother's approval,
- Envy of a female sibling,


Theoretically the mechanism seems to be: (1) the brain develops neural connections (synaptogenesis), (2) the neural connections are reinforced through learned perceptions (psychological, and environmental factors), and finally (3) a trigger mechanism is activated, and the brain releases the neurotransmitters. In most, if not all, cases our brain is interpreting cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. This "contact with a female" association can be internalized, where the person believes they have a female side separate from his male side, or, it can be externalized, where the person's "contact with a female" is outside of himself, and he only sees himself as regular "man in a dress".

If you have any thoughts/theories on the learned perceptions that made cross-dressing work for you, then I'd appreciate hearing it.

[Seana Summer]

I have no idea why I am a part-time Crossdresser. I have often suspected my Mother and older sisters had something to do with it but who knows. I am very skeptical that it is genetic but I have not been able to rule it out. Seems like more of a learned behavior that would not exist in a world without nylons, skirts and heels among other distinctly feminine fashions.

There was a time when I pondered this question intensely,......... wondered if it could be cured ............Now I just shop and be Happy!!

Did you see the new diamond back stockings at Secrets in Lace??????

[Milou]

Thanks for your responses.

- A belief that girls have it better in life than boys,
- Poor male role models,
- Dominant females who berated males in your life,
- Bullies who physically and psychologically tormented you,
- A sensitive boy who wanted his mother's approval,
- Envy of a female sibling,

Yeah, it might explain it, but only for some of us. Have you seen the movie: "Les garçons et Guillaume, Ã* table!", it mirrors your description.

- Holds true for me. My sister grew up in a loving family and had no responsibilites at all. I do believe that girls are more valued than guys in western society, but this might be me, since I'm an oversensitive male with no self-esteem.
- My real dad left me, and my current dad is also a crossdresser. I didn't know till recently, since we don't talk much at all. During my childhood he was constantly working.
- I love my mom, but she's a real tiger mom. I had to perform well in school and basically controlled everything in my life. I couldn't choose what to eat, what to wear and what to do (except the crossdressing). I was basically a robot following her orders. I made a thread about it, but no one took me seriously. Also, Freud and Proust wrote some books about this in combination with sexual perversion.
- Yes, but I think we all had to deal with bullying to some degree.
- Yes, but I think it's mutual. We didn't see eachother in the first four years. Also, my current dad told me I was a sensitive boy when I lived with him.
- Probably.

[Marcelle]

To be honest there is no answer and I don't think any science is any closer to figuring this out, with the exception of a few hypothesis (no theoretical evidence established to date). You can choose to accept who you are and live with it or you can latch on to one of the hypothesis (nurture or nature . . . pick you poison). For me the answer is simple I started cross dressing because it felt as normal as anything else I do. So I won't look for a reason to explain why I dress and act like a boy and won't for why I dress and act like a girl.

Hugs

Isha

[Donnagirl]

Who can tell? I did grow up with no brothers and lots of sisters, but that just made me leave home early to join the army!!!
I think it is just a part of me, and I wouldn't change a thing.

[Barbie Anne]

Genetics.

I agree. I was born this way and the only outside influence was possibly my higher power making me who I am.

[natcrys]

I think my mom wore too much perfume when during her pregnancy of me.

[DonnaT]

I was born this way.

[Alice Torn]

Confuscious and Milou, I think you are very much onto a lot of it. Boys and men , used to be regarded and valued more than girls. Not so anymore. In China, for decades the government caused people to abort female babies. Now, there is an acute, dangerous SHORTAGE of girls and young women , in China, and way too many men, who cannot find a lady! So, Chinese men are angry, frustrated, and desperate, to find foreign girls and women! I had one older sister, who was the only daughter, and was spoiled. My dad resented very much having three sons after that. He wanted pretty daughters, not boys and men, who would compete with him , for mom's attention! i saw girls as better than boys, and at age 14, i strted putting on my sister's and mom's stuff. I definitely see women as better than men, and often better off, now.

[Carmen]

First was the curiosity.
Second was spending my childhood and adolescence surrounded by droves of girls.
Third was discovering that I easily passed for a teenage girl. My natural hair was always shoulder length.

[Ladynlingerie]

Two of the neighborhood girls dressed me up. I enjoyed it.

[PaulaQ]

Boys and men , used to be regarded and valued more than girls. Not so anymore. In China, for decades the government caused people to abort female babies. Now, there is an acute, dangerous SHORTAGE of girls and young women , in China, and way too many men, who cannot find a lady! So, Chinese men are angry, frustrated, and desperate, to find foreign girls and women! I had one older sister, who was the only daughter, and was spoiled.

1. You do not live in China - or at least your Location says "Midwest U.S.". In the Midwest US, there are slightly more women than men.
2. If you think women have it so good, try living as one for a while - without putting your man suit back on for anything. Report back to us after that.

[Wildaboutheels]

EVOLUTION plain and simple. The evidence is obvious and THIS very site offers incontrovertible PROOF in many ways, in many places.

How MEN's brains are UNconsciously CONTROLLED by our vision... to meet our most basic programming. Nothing at all complicated or mysterious about it.

At all.

We cannot "control" it and no amount of obfuscation is going to change it.

Additionally, your own experience [along with many others at this site] offers ample proof of the role of Nurture in what makes us Human and at least contributed to a "cause" for some. The very fact that so many need or want a "cause" fully confirms the Shame and Guilt that this very Forum is built upon.

BUT... a wise man [or woman?] once said "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink".

This very site is ample proof of that.

[NicoleScott]

This again? I thought this was settled science. CDing is caused by guitar-playing. Or maybe vice versa. Nothing to fret about.