What Caused You to Become a Crossdresser?

[Emi_]

Um... A cause??? Not really sure that science has figured that one out. Lots of theories, but there really isn't any kind of tipping point where I suddenly "became" a cross-dresser. I was aware of being this way long before I can even really remember anything else. I struggled with it for most of my life and made lots and lots of stupid mistakes along the way, but I have always been this. What's more, I'm not really sure that knowing a "cause" would influence me in any particular way - I am not a victim of anything, I am who I am and I am fine with being me - that is really the best one can hope for, to be at peace with one's own self.

[tiffyjo]

Hmmmm, good question. My answer, "I'm not sure". I found an old pair of my mom's panties in a rag bag. My curiosity got me and I had to try them on. It felt soooo wonderful. The rest is history.

[Ressie]

As I've said in another thread… Some boys (or men) wonder what it would be like to try on a female garment. What do most guys think? Do they wonder but tell themselves "No way am I trying on panties"! Or is it that the thought never crosses their mind?

The first group become CDs or fetishists, but there was something that brought on the curiosity in the first place.

[jessica wai]

I am a hetero male with typical male interests.

I started CD since 14 years old.
I think my introverted, empathic and gentle personality is closer to female.
I feel more relaxed talking about girly stuff (home, cooking, entertainment, shopping) than harsher and competitive male stuff.
I am Asian and I do not feel that I could match the other guys in physique and body size.
I was very impressed and excited when I was hit on or phrased by men in the street when I went en femme in my 20's.

Now, being a CD is the only truly exciting and relaxing activity I could think of.
Applying makeup, picking clothes and then going out en femme is the single most enjoyable activity for me.

Yet, I have not done it for 2 years now !

[tightsplease1986]

I was nine or ten and saw my mothers OBG on top of the hamper and I just had totry it on, I did and mom caught me. She was upset and punishment she said I would spend the next weekend in bra, panties girdle, stockings, slip and dress. I was hooked and been dressing ever since.

That sounds like one of the best punishments ever for cross dressers like us!

[Tina June]

I have no idea what caused my crossdressing, I just have always thought that I should have been a girl.

[dana digs sweaters]

Genetics!

The genetics that I am the only boy with 5 sisters.
So there is No How, No Way I was not going to end up in girl clothes somehow.

The genetics in which all of my sisters are Fem girls.
They still looked like girls even when (at different times) 2 of them wore my football uniform for Halloween.
The genetics that I did not look like a boy when I wore one of theirs cheerleading uniform for Halloween. Dolled up completely mind you.

The genetics in which the 4 youngest (me included) have such very strong facial resemblances.
The genetics in which I was physically a late bloomer. I could wear their clothes until after I had a growth spurt at 17.
The genetics in which I liked their fashion styles while growing up and that they like mine now that we are adults.

My choice to wear their clothes, away from them, while growing up is not genetic.
Just as my choice to dress completely head to toe in female clothes after getting out on my own at 18, is not genetic.

[RobynC]

My earliest memory was I should have been born as a girl. My older sister was more of a Tomboy that didn't really like to dress up and put makeup on. While I would have loved to be dressed in an Easter dress and bonnet. Once my sister and mom dressed me up as a girl for Halloween, I don't recall resisting and I enjoyed the wolf whistles the neighborhood boys gave me. As we got older my sister seemed to be uncomfortable with the whole Junior & Senior prom thing. We were about the same size and I enjoyed wearing those gowns, I think they fit me better then they fit her. I don't know if anyone here has tried past life regressions where they hypnotize you and you recall past lives? Well I had this done and recalled several past lives, one sticking out the most. Being a girl that died at a young age in the early 1800s. Who knows what happens when you die? But maybe somehow or someway a piece of her soul is in me? I like dresses and gowns also, so maybe that is why I feel this way and became a crossdresser?

[Sc0rp10N]

Hi, new here...

I did not cross dress young, really late bloomer (39 and only recently started), no hormonal imbalance, not overly exposed to porn, straight, masculine, not really sure I fit in...

I'm a macho guy, always have been, hairy, masculine, in control, tough, confident, etc. Then a couple years ago, my wife, while still my girlfriend wanted to use her toy on me. As macho as I was, with the crazy, swinging, fiery sex life we had, I was up for experimentation. I liked it. But was conflicted afterward. Felt less than macho. So that continued sparcely for a couple years, until about a year ago. The act had started to make me feel a little submissive and feminine afterward vs my usual dominant nature. Our crazy sex life had cooled, we'd gotten married, she'd been dressing less and less sexy and her wearing little club dresses had always turned me on, so I suggested I could wear one while we did THAT. She was a tiny bit apprehensive, but agreed. It did the trick. I didn't feel unmanly or gay afterward because I was playing a girl. We took some pics during because I always love looking back to the good times. I liked the body shots but made sure to crop my head out of all the shots cuz I just didn't want to look at me wearing a dress. Over analyzing as guys normally do, I came to the conclusion, the more I looked like a girl in the pictures, the more satisfied I'd be about the experience. So I got breast forms, corset, heels, wig, makeup etc. The first night I got totally dolled up, we had planned to have sex, her using a strap-on toy on me, we were having some drinks leading up to it, petting and touching, making out and laughing and I just felt so good and comfortable I suggested not having sex this time. She said I looked amazing and I felt amazing. We took some pics, I was happy with them. We enjoyed our drinks, had a good time being close and went to bed. I was really horny though, but amazingly, I was not frustrated which is a big deal for my macho self. Anyway, long story short, I've completely dressed up a few times now, a couple times with sex, a couple without and its been some of the most fun I've had in years. I only do it for THAT type of sex though. No other time or reason. It doesn't always end in sex, but that is the reason for it. I'm still a very macho guy 99% of the time. I'm sure she loves that break. Also, she is awesome for putting up with all my craziness, the swinging, the cross dressing, etc.

oh, and just 2 nights ago, we were discussing that its something we should only ever do in private and, of course, I agree, but I'm also a little more adventurous and told her I thought it would be ok to go get a room or maybe attend a Halloween event, when she gave me an awesome compliment- she said she didn't think a Halloween event would be a good idea because I'm way too good at this... And it was only the 4th time I've ever done it all the way! Of course, she's a little worried to be seen in public, I think, or have anyone we know find out, and I'm right there with her on those, but care less about people I don't know and won't see again knowing. I think the compliment was double-edged, but I'm not worried about it, I was just thinking, can you imagine the sort of "tantric" effects of walking around, eyes on you, stressing out, and then release later in private?! Well I'm sure some of you can... Anyway just wanted to throw that in... Sorry for the novel...

[Tinkerbell-GG]

What caused it? Simple. I did. No one did this to me, it was not some kind of reaction to my father's rejection, or some need fulfilled that my mother did not provide. I put on pantyhose one day, and was instantly addicted to the feeling. The rest of the clothing grew out of that. I began to crossdress because I was curious about the clothing. I did it because I wanted to.

Honestly, after months of chatting to other wives off and on and hearing their H's stories from the horse's mouths so to speak (and not just all the femme forum competitiveness that is so common) most had a similar story. Curiosity did it. Nothing else. Tried it once, liked it, and there began the habit of a lifetime.

I have to wonder whether the confusion that seems to happen to the crossdresser later in life (not the TG or TS as I still believe they're different) is just a result of too much distance between the initial CD moment and their lives now? It's incredibly difficult to remember childhood clearly. Curiosity really could be the start of this for many, yet time leaves many thinking there's something else going on.

And Michelle789, I got to thinking about the female identity thing your therapist talks about, and I suddenly realised that as a female, I have no idea if that's MY identity! Seriously, I know I'm female, I have all the female parts, but for all I know I could have the brain wiring of a football player. How would I ever know? What does feeling male or female actually mean?? If you ask me, we're all just human, and feeling feminine or masculine is an emotion, not gender. I sure don't feel female of male. I just....feel.

Why are you all feeling something the rest of us don't??

[WhisperTV]

ale identity thing your therapist talks about, and I suddenly realised that as a female, I have no idea if that's MY identity! Seriously, I know I'm female, I have all the female parts, but for all I know I could have the brain wiring of a football player. How would I ever know? What does feeling male or female actually mean?? If you ask me, we're all just human, and feeling feminine or masculine is an emotion, not gender. I sure don't feel female of male. I just....feel.

I'm with you on this one, Tinkerbell. Men have feminine emotions and women have masculine emotions. It's just natural.

I think there are a very small percentage of CDers who really were "born this way". Those are probably the ones on their way to becoming transsexuals. But for most who say "I was born this way" I think it's something they tell themselves so they feel more feminine, or its therapist-induced hog wash.

No one is forcing them to put on nylons. Not society, not their genes. It's their choice.

[ReineD]

I'm with you on this one, Tinkerbell. Men have feminine emotions and women have masculine emotions. It's just natural.

Can we really classify emotions as being either male or female? I believe that we all feel the full breadth of human emotion.

I once kicked in a wall (between the studs) with my heel, in anger over having found out my ex had had sex with another woman. I don't think that my emotions were male. I was just being an angry female.

Are men being female when they feel shy, for example? I think they are just being shy men.

... so I suggested I could wear one while we did THAT. She was a tiny bit apprehensive, but agreed. It did the trick. I didn't feel unmanly or gay afterward because I was playing a girl.

This is interesting. Dressing like a girl gave you permission to experience feelings that you did not think was OK for men to feel. Maybe this is what is different about some men who end up CDing .. they have a rather rigid, unforgiving view of what men must feel, so they construct a different persona in order to feel the full breadth of human emotion? I think it's OK for men to not feel macho.

[LilSissyStevie]

This is interesting. Dressing like a girl gave you permission to experience feelings that you did not think was OK for men to feel. Maybe this is what is different about some men who end up CDing .. they have a rather rigid, unforgiving view of what men must feel, so they construct a different persona in order to feel the full breadth of human emotion? I think it's OK for men to not feel macho.

So, do you think this might be the cure for CDing? The realization that a man doesn't have to be macho? POOF! Fetish gone! It hasn't worked so far so maybe I'm just not realizing hard enough.

[Ressie]

No one is forcing them to put on nylons. Not society, not their genes. It's their choice.

But why did we choose? How do you know it's not genetic? Kids are naturally curious about things, but not all boys are curious about trying on mom's or sister's dresses. Either that or the curiosity wasn't strong enough to go through with it.

I don't think there's any proof yet if it's genetic or or caused by events that happen during early childhood.

WhisperTV, you're speaking as if you aren't a CD by using the pronouns them and their. This implies that you are either a GG or an admirer. ?

[wanda66]

I just felt comfortable with nylons and the pleasure I felt wearing them. May be the taboo that boys dont wear such thing . For as long as I can remember it has excited me even now after 60 years its a rush...my inter self cause me to crossdress, I really wish it wasn't such a social issue....

[Tinkerbell-GG]

But why did we choose? How do you know it's not genetic? Kids are naturally curious about things, but not all boys are curious about trying on mom's or sister's dresses. Either that or the curiosity wasn't strong enough to go through with it.

I personally think the latter. I don't think curiosity needs a genetic reason. It just is. On that particular day at that moment, women's clothing appealed to you more than nine other little boys maybe thinking the same. Maybe their brothers/mothers/fathers walked in and the moment was forever lost. Maybe their mother didn't wear pretty lingerie or they weren't jealous of their sister that day. Maybe they tried on the superman outfit instead? Who knows!

By why does it have to be SO complicated??

[ReineD]

So, do you think this might be the cure for CDing? The realization that a man doesn't have to be macho? POOF! Fetish gone! It hasn't worked so far so maybe I'm just not realizing hard enough.

No, I don't think there needs to be a "cure", although I do believe that people can stop if they want to and with the proper techniques, depending on how much fetish is involved ... not obviously if it is a matter of gender ambiguity or non-conformity. But we do have at least one member who has done extensive work with therapists, and who says that having integrated all his feelings have removed the obsession. Dressing is now a choice for this member and not something he cannot control, in other words he is also happy in guy mode.

This is why I thought that Scorpion's comments were interesting.

[WhisperTV]

Can we really classify emotions as being either male or female? I believe that we all feel the full breadth of human emotion.

I agree 100% Reine. But it is common practice to label some emotions male (like agression) and some female (like nuturing).

But why did we choose? How do you know it's not genetic?

WhisperTV, you're speaking as if you aren't a CD by using the pronouns them and their. This implies that you are either a GG or an admirer. ?

We know it's not genetic because genes don't control your behavior (with all due respect to Lady Gaga). Genes can give you the ability to, say, eat meat, but that doesn't prevent you from being a vegetarian. Genes can give you the ability to feel what we typically call feminine emotions, but that doesn't require you to wear a dress.

The "they" pronoun was used to refer to the people who think "I was born this way". I'm not in that group, so I used "they". Sorry if I offended anyone. That wasn't my intent.

[Jenniferathome]

But why did we choose? ...

Genetics + opportunity + denial. This also explains the late bloomers.

and as for all this "female identified" discussion...bullocks! I'm a guy. I only identify as male. And, I am a cross dresser. I'd bet my life this is the norm contrary to the armchair psychologists and vocal minority.

Tink, this is riddle with no answer. Maybe it's really a Haiku?

[ReineD]

I agree 100% Reine. But it is common practice to label some emotions male (like agression) and some female (like nuturing).

Females can be aggressive, and males can be nurturing. Think of all the olympic female athletes for example who compete aggressively, or even my experience with kicking in the wall! And think of all the fathers who care for their kids, more so now than ever since both partners have jobs outside the home. And custody is being granted increasingly to fathers, who can very much have a tea party with their little girls.

I realize that emotions are labeled female or male by some people (I think mostly by people here ), but I think this is wrong. As the mother of three boys, I was proud to encourage the expression of their emotions when they were growing up, especially their tendencies to be nurturing. They are now incredibly sensitive adults who make great partners to their girlfriends! I dare say that many women my age or younger feel the same way.

[WhisperTV]

Again I agree with you 100%, Reine.

[Samantha Clark]

This is a fascinating thread to read. Responses are all over the map and quite far ranging. The responses seem to cover both individualized responses (why I crossdress) and attempts to generalize (why does anyone crossdress). Attempts at generalizations often draw on personal experience and opinion, but that doesn't make the effort to generalize uninteresting. They reveal the poster's personality and biases, which gives dimension to the person.

I won't attempt to reach a generalizable truth about what causes crossdressing, other than summarize what I've posted before about any behavior being a complex interplay of both genetics and environment. It is illogical to state that any behavior is caused by one to the exclusion of the other.

So why do I have a desire to crossdress? I don't know. I only know that I have that desire and it gives me pleasure. I don't have any early memories being drawn to women's clothes, so I can't point to any early impressions as a factor.

Really interesting thread to read. Thanks to the OP.

[Ressie]

I agree 100% Reine. But it is common practice to label some emotions male (like agression) and some female (like nuturing).


We know it's not genetic because genes don't control your behavior (with all due respect to Lady Gaga). Genes can give you the ability to, say, eat meat, but that doesn't prevent you from being a vegetarian. Genes can give you the ability to feel what we typically call feminine emotions, but that doesn't require you to wear a dress.

The "they" pronoun was used to refer to the people who think "I was born this way". I'm not in that group, so I used "they". Sorry if I offended anyone. That wasn't my intent.

Are you sure genetics have absolutely no role in behavior? Has this been proven? The meat analogy isn't quite convincing me.

To me, intersex explains a lot. Intersex are born this way, so why can't gays be born this way? Why can't CDs be born this way? We can choose not to be what we really are I guess.

It may be nurture rather than nature, idk. There isn't enough evidence for me to speak in absolutes one way or the other. Most of us are conveying our experience in this thread of why, and we're all a little different (unique). That ain't scientific though. Most of us had early childhood CD experiences that returned big time at adolescence, but genetics might also be involved. Humans are quite complex which has me keeping an open mind on this topic.

[Rachel Morley]

What caused me to become a crossdresser? I’m not sure if I was born this way or if I was born this way but somehow needed a “trigger” to release the desire to want to wear girl’s clothes or not. However, there is one thing that happened to me though, when I was six years old that I shall never forget. All my earliest memories of wanting to crossdress came after this happened.

As children, the kids in our street often played games in large groups. There was one time that I remember when about twelve of us were playing hide and seek. I remember running and hiding in my parents garage with one of my friends Rebecca, who lived a few doors down from me. I can’t remember the exact details of how it happened but, while we were hiding, Rebecca insisted that she dress me in her cardigan sweater. I can still recall to this day the intense feelings of excitement and fear that I had when she was doing this to me. I think I was excited because I really liked Rebecca, she was one of my best friends, and I enjoyed her attention. Also I think the fear was borne out of doing something (wearing a girl’s cardigan) that was somehow “forbidden” and also the fear of getting caught. We could have been found at any minute. Mix all of those emotions together into an intense moment, and at a formative age and well ... all I know is that after this event, my desire to want to dress up in girls clothes grew stronger and stronger ... and I still love to wear feminine cardigan sweaters today

[WhisperTV]

Are you sure genetics have absolutely no role in behavior? Has this been proven? The meat analogy isn't quite convincing me.

To me, intersex explains a lot. Intersex are born this way, so why can't gays be born this way? Why can't CDs be born this way? We can choose not to be what we really are I guess.

It may be nurture rather than nature, idk. There isn't enough evidence for me to speak in absolutes one way or the other. Most of us are conveying our experience in this thread of why, and we're all a little different (unique). That ain't scientific though. Most of us had early childhood CD experiences that returned big time at adolescence, but genetics might also be involved. Humans are quite complex which has me keeping an open mind on this topic.

Well, I didn't say they have no role in behavior. I said they don't control it.

I don't really buy into the idea that being gay in controlled by genetics either. I'll give you an example. Currently, my sexual preferences look like this (rough estimate):

Percentage of population I would consider sleeping with
Women: 1%
Men 0.1%
Transgender: 5%

But in my early teens the numbers would have been:
Women: 20%
Men: 0%
Transgender: 0%

Clearly I cannot say "I was born this way" about my current behavior. My sexual preferences changed over the years because of my experiences and my choices.

Perhaps I could say "I was born this way" about my preferences in my teens, but I'm not really convinced of that either.