Really must stop doing this to a friend !

[Teresa]

I have been good friends with a fellow photographer for thirty years now we have supported each other in bad times and good and watched our families grow up. About a year ago I came out to him, he knew something was wrong but hadn't considered CDing. His outlook on life is live and let live so he was OK about it, he hasn't seen me dressed but have shown him pictures, it didn't bother him as he had a client he photographed dressed.
The problem is when we talk on the phone we discuss how his business is and that sort of thing but if he gives me an opening I will start telling him how my CDing is going and I don't stop ! Every time I do this I almost kick myself, I should just mention it and move on. Eventually I hear him say, "must go now" he's had enough !

I really must stop doing this I'm going to lose a good friend !

Do others find themselves doing this ?

[Jolene Robertson]

I can understand, it's nice to be able to have a face to face conversation with someone we know. But you are correct about having to cool it with your friend. It's hard to listen to someone go on and on about something we're not interested in. I'm not out to anyone outside this site and my wife, so I can only imagine.

Hugs
Jolene

[Deedee Skyblue]

Teresa, as he is a good friend, I think you should start by explaining to him that you realize sometimes you go on about dressing, but it is because he has been accepting and he is the only one you really talk to about it. And then apologize for going on, and then... make sure you limit your 'cross-talk' in the future to only a minute or two.

But... I know exactly how you feel, when I hang out with one of my friends who knows, that's all I want to talk about, too. But those friends are fascinating people, so what I do is make sure we talk about some of their interesting aspects as much as we talk about mine...

Deedee

[Rhonda Darling]

Teresa:

I look at this from the receiver's side. I have a group of guy friends who ack like they're still in college. When we play poker, the talk is all sports. Teams, stats, old games gone by, who's being drafted, what their college play was like, who's injured, what the minor league will produce next, etc, etc, etc. Every time. I feign interest, try to mumble something that makes sense, and tolerate it til finally they switch the subject. I put up with it because they are good friends who would give the shirt off their backs to help any one of us. And I often win at poker.

The point is, you're probably boring the hell out of your good friend. Talk photography. Talk sports! Talk about something of interest to him once in awhile.

Rhonda

[mechamoose]

How about if you ask your friend how he feels about your 'confessional' sessions and adjust from there?

He is your friend, and he cares... or he wouldn't listen in the first place. You need more information than you have.

- MM

[Kate Simmons]

Well I'm a real "chatty Cathy" when en femme Hon. I don't just talk about CDing, however, but anything and everything. I must get the "chatty" gene from my chatty Grandmother.

[Barbie Anne]

I myself find this to be a problem sometimes. It's not often that I find a friendly ear concerning my gender issues. So when I do I tend to babble on and on about it. Not always but I have occsionally noticed that "Umm I've got to go now" attitude. Completely my fault I know but........
I just feel that we search so much for acceptance that when we finally find it the flood gate is opened.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Teresa, I think that you are taking him outside of his comfort zone and he has to pull the plug.

[CarlaWestin]

There's nothing wrong with what you've done, Teresa. Just the secretive nature of our activity builds up pressure. It's just so wonderful and fulfilling and brings us great happiness that there's that irresistible urge to share. It's just human nature. So, you have to practice a little more self control. I know, it's excruciating at times but, patience truly is a virtue. Maybe try to have conversations that you wait until he asks, "So how's the dress up thing going?" You might actually go through several conversations without the subject being presented. And don't worry. Everybody gushes about their personal life. Believe me, I politely listen to the exploits of my good friend who hasn't had a job in 20 years and gets bored at home all day while his wife is at work. She's about my size and well endowed. I just sooo want to blurt out, "You should try on her clothes!" Or, "Why don't you play housekeeper and sexy maid alll day?" Instead he goes to bible study and AA meetings.

[Teresa]

Carla the last conversation centered around me wanting to give more members help with their photographs but digital has complicated lens issues and I wanted to pick his brains about converting focal lengths. The conversation then got into correct camera height for close up and full length shots, so then I dropped in the comment about wearing the right dress with the right heels and he then didn't get a word in, until I heard "got to go now !"

[NicoleScott]

I have friends with different interests. My fishing buddy has no interest in talking about music, and my music buddy has no interest in fishing. Repeatedly terminating a conversation is a good sign that it's one-sided - all about you and your crossdressing. Even the photography subject may have seemed to him as being about crossdressing/crossdressers.
He might be Ok with CDing but that doesn't mean he wants to talk about it. You obviously had common interests before you came out to him.

[Beverley Sims]

I learned this many years ago, let others talk about themselves if you want a lasting friendship.

If someone starts preaching one of the most popular subjects to me that is my cue to hang up.

What are they?

Sex, religion and politics.
I have my own views and I dont return the compliment by foisting the subject on others either.

Remember dressing is a LOT like that.

[Allisa]

I don't really enjoy talking on the phone so any conversation is to long. When I find that I need to talk about my dressing I usually visit a GG friend at her convience and we chat for hours, but she knows the content of our talk before hand so we can mix up the subjects to keep it fresh for a long time. But lets face it not every one is interested in CDing and may even feel a little unconfortable with the subject. I would leave your CDing out of a conversation and see how that talk goes.

[PaulaQ]

My kids complain that all I talk about is trans stuff. Really though, that's mostly what's going on in my life, so I'm not sure what else to talk about. Thing is - they really don't want to hear about it anyway. Our conversations are pretty superficial these days.

[MsVal]

Yes, it is rude to talk only about yourself and your own interests. Do the polite thing and ask your friend to talk about what he thinks about crossdressing.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Debra Russell]

The conversation then got into correct camera height for close up and full length shots, so then I dropped in the comment about wearing the right dress with the right heels and he then didn't get a word in, until I heard "got to go now !"

Well yes !.... that seems like a natural turn in the conversation - if it's full length, it would be noticable if your outfit wasn't complimentary : .................Debra

[Katey888]

Teresa - no I don't do this, for the obvious reason that it would be a great revelation and surprise to anyone that knew me!

But I think I can understand why you feel that way that you do - and I'd struggle with not talking about it to someone, especially after so long in this dang closet!

However, I just had lunch today with a good friend, and we talk a little about our respective families, and a little about his job (we used to work together) but we really share a passion of F1 motor racing - and we both talk about that in a completely balanced and enjoyable way, to the extent that an hour and half and a glass of Guinness flies by with neither of us being a bore or being bored. I would never talk to him about my TG aspects unless it was really impossible not to... I would just not want to lose such a good friend and source of stimulating conversation.

So do properly 'kick yourself' and stick to the interests you share... otherwise you're right, I agree you'll probably lose him as a friend...



Katey x

[Alice Torn]

I make the same mistake, being a loner, with no close friends in my area. I tend to "DUMP" on strangers at the laundramat, the community center, or anyone willing to converse. I don't talk about my dressing very often, but i do, with a young lady who workks at the laundry, and showed her some photos. With my 93 yo dad, his only interests are quarter horses, and tall, leggy women. He has no interest in music, sports, cats, dogs, or anything else. Dale Carnegie, and Steven Covey both siad to listen to others more, see what interests they have, before chattering about self interest. Its hard to do, but it is the best.