How old were you when you first told someone?

[Sarah Doepner]

It seems that the earlier in life you share your crossdressing with others, the easier it should be. Without a long history that says you are just another guy, without a career or extensive family involvement it seems now that it would be simpler to broach the subject. I'm almost ready for Medicare now and it's difficult to place myself in that moment so many years back. As we age and keep this to ourselves we build a very large and complicated gender identity structure around our life. Each point of contact seems to be critical because that person has expectations and other contacts that create a potential for great loss. This would be particularly strong in the case of those with a career fearing potential damage. While that is resolved once we retire, the family has changed and now the kids we never told have children of their own. It becomes easier and easier to come up with excuses to stay hidden and in the closet as we grow older. I can't go back and change any of that history, but it would be nice to place it into perspective.

So, those who have told family and/or friends that you are a crossdresser, how old were you when you did that? Is this just my hangup or are there others out there who find it more and more difficult to share this as they age?

[Dana M]

I just started telling people right before I joined the forum. at 35

[AnneC]

I wish I could talk to someone. My wife knows but I think she wishes she didn't. I would really like to talk about this with some of my GG friends but just can't bring myself to do it.

[Rachel292]

I never ever told my (ex) wife. Divorced about 16 years ago. Raised kids as a single parent. But once I retired a couple of years ago. I waited till my son flew the nest. Told my mum and daughter back earlier this year age 57yrs 11months. They are still the only ones who know.

[brandyred166]

I told my first person when I was 19 years old. It was my gay friend. I told him about some of the dreams and ideas I had. After I had told him and felt some relief. I told my bff/gf at the time and she actually went and bought me panties. I couldn't believe it. But she also was the type of girl that was so madly in love with me that she didn't want to lose me. I have since told each of my gf's and the toughest one was when I told my wife. We were dating and she didn't know what to think. Of course she asked if I was gay. And I'm not. She was slightly accepting because she had always wondered what it would be like to be a guy, so she understood. She's liked seeing more in more things recently. It's made us closer and given us things to talk about. She's seen how happy I am and becomes more accepting.

[Brandi Lesalle]

this forum gave me the courage to tell my wife last fall...I'm about to turn 38

[Jolene Robertson]

Hi Sarah

I stayed strictly in the closeuntilll I retired and moved out of state at 55. My wife had noticed several indicators over the years and finally asked, we do not lie to each other so I came out to her. I wish I had done it earlier but it has been good for both of us. I'm still not out to anyone else who knows the male me for a number of reasons, family being #1. But when we get out of town I'm free to dress however I want and it is nice to be Jolene for a while out of the house. I could never have gone out before I retired for fear of being outed and all threpercussionsns that would have gone with it.

[Lorileah]

sort of hinted around it for years but this is my midlife crisis. I really started coming out at 40

[Christie ann]

You mean when I was a teenager in the 1960's and I told my dad and he told me that men who want to be women or dressed like women were sick. That pretty much stopped me from telling anyone else until I told my GF now my wife who told me that I needed counseling. I did tell a lesbian friend who welcomed me with somewhat open arms. Other than that I am pretty quiet about this.

[Sarah Doepner]

I guess I should add this. My wife became aware of my crossdressing when I was in my early 50's and like so many others, I recognize I should have told her much sooner. She passed away a year ago and it put me back in the closet as far as family and friends go. I'm in a local support group and go to DLV, but I'm going through the same rationalization about not telling anyone as I did back before my wife found out. It sucked then and it sucks now and I'm attempting to find a good way to fight through the excuses so I can tell my adult children. It's something I need to do.

[Farrah]

I finally told my wife about a month ago. I am 36. My wife is the only that knows as well as some random SA's. My family does not know and I plan to keep it that way. My wife knows and that's all that matters right now. I think my mom knows/knew, but I she didn't say anything about it. Wish I would've done it sooner.

[countrygirl]

Told my sister at 23

[dana digs sweaters]

Told my next older sister at 12.
Wasn't quite Halloween when we had the conversation.

[CrossJess]

Hmmm interesting post because I cant really answer it to well, it just kind of just happened for me I didn't tell anyone because I didn't have anything to tell as nothing was a secrete. Age 6 I started stepping over the line with girls wear all because I met my best friend jojo "a girl" at the time and she would dress me in her stuff when I was around hers usually because my stuff got dirty trouble was wearing her clothes was rubbing off on me and got to the point wear I preferred it to boys stuff because it was way cooler also it was the 80s and lots of boys were looking girly so I didn't really stand out, when you are that young and do it from that age people just get used to you I suppose, was also very lucky that mum always wanted a girl but she never got one so seeing me in girls clothes was a good connection so mum never held back with me wanting to dress as a girl.

Really glad I met JoJo when I did because reading some of the horror stories here about cds living a secrete life and living in fear of what their partners will do and say it's so sad, that would of tore me to bits.

[secretcd1]

I've never told anybody and I don't plan to, it's one area of my life that I feel no need to reveal and prefer to keep it private.

[Karen kc]

I was probably 42-43 yo, say 2000, when I told my 2nd ex-wife, She knew ther was something on my mind and I finally told her after 14 yrs of marrage . My present wonderful wife is cool with my dressing

[JamieG]

I told my wife when I was 32. Outside of the T-community, I've only told two other people since then, and my wife told her sister.

[xoMindyxo]

The first person I EVER told about me was my best genetic female friend, three years ago, when I was 36. Knowing she was open minded to begin with and had other cross-dressers for friends, I knew I could trust her, be accepted and she was my first choice. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders for sure. Went shopping with her soon after. I was like a kid in a candy store !

[Skylarlynn40]

I told my wife in when we been together one and a half to 2 yrs before we got married. I was extremely nervous and she could tell I was thinking of something. Afterwards, she said she was worried that we were going to break up. Still she isn't comfortable with my dressing and I told her I wasn't going to push the matter hoping that she would become more comfortable with time but that has yet to happen. I am glad I told her and that I don't have any other secrets from her. She says that she understands but doesn't really give any support and sometimes it makes me feel negative about wanting to dress. She is the only person I have told and even though our marriage is great and we love each other, I wish that she was a little more comfortable with things. Sorry forgot my age, we were both 22 at the time.

[kiwidownunder]

May last year I finally told my wife of 30years
Was 48 at the time we are both head over HEELS in love with each other!
Its soooooo wonderful

Kiwi

[kimdl93]

Maybe seventeen

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah , It was 50 Years ago when I was 21 and I told my new wife and to this day she is the only one that knows.

[PretzelGirl]

I believe that anything that we perceive as negative becomes larger as it ages even if it is the exact same situation.

I believe my wife was brought in at about 41 and we told the first "other" person at about 47

[Marcelle]

My first girlfriend when I was 17 convinced me to dress as a girl and go on a date (once) but it was for sexual role play purposes and I didn't even know about being TG . . . so that really doesn't count. However I told my wife 32 years late and she was the first to know.

Hugs

Isha

[DAVIDA]

I was 35 when I asked Jean to marry me. I told her at the same time.
That was 24 years ago.
There are a LOT of family and friends who know about me now.
There has never been any negative reactions.