Respect.

[Alice Torn]

Respect! That is something we all want, and respecting ourselves, without puffing ourselves up too much, too! The respect for manhood is at an all time low in western nations. Women are having a hard time respecting men, and marriages are in trouble because a lack of love sometimes by men, for the woman, and most often, a lack of respect for the man. With CDing men, and girlfriends, SOs, and wives, all too often, the GG loses all respect for the CDer. I see so many cases of it on here lately. How can a CDer man regain lost respect, it their ever was any. The blasted media, commercials, and shows, often show the men in a low light, for decades now, and have contributed to lack of respect for us. Too many knuckle dragging males, have totally mistreated women, too, and have brought disrespect onto all males. It is challenging. If a man, CD or not, treat his GG like a queen, and spoils her, she can lose respect that way. if he is cruel, of course. Oh boy! I am afraid i've opened up and endless dilemna here. Sorry

[kimdl93]

Frankly, I think you're off base in assuming that western marriages are failing inordinately or that a lack of respect for men is at the root. Marriage was for most of history an economic institution and women were, quite literally, property. Obviously, women quite reasonably objected to being viewed as assets. Divorce rates began to rise as women attained the right to divorce and the economic capability to support themselves. Now, many woman can choose a partner or choose to remain with a partner on something more than economic need.

In my view, the biggest contributor to divorce is growing up. Couples who marry young often grow in different directions. And those who married under the influence of raging hormones, suddenly discover they aren't nearly so well suited for each other after the initial thrill is gone.

If males have a problems today, part can be in carrying old and outdated attitudes towards women and work. I'm most concerned about boys and young men who spend their time playing video games rather than buckling down I. School or on the job.

Finally, if men want respect, I'd suggest they conduct themselves in a manner that is worthy of it. And if a CDr wants respect, begin by achieving a level of self respect.

[Beverley Sims]

Sometimes to earn respect we have to make sacrifices in the way we conduct ourselves and change what we do so as to show a lead and guidance.

In order to gain respect we have to sometimes show leadership skills that don't always gel with our own views, being flexible in your approach helps too.

[Jaylyn]

Kimdi you hit the problem on the head. The young teens are growing up without much to work with. They are handed every thing to keep them out of the parents hair, from video games to rent a movie or two every day. They don't seem to know how to earn a respect for themselves.
Alice you are right on in what the media is putting out there. Can't blame them though as the parents are sitting the kids in front of the TV or a movie the biggest part of the time they are at there home. Not many values are being taught today.
I am a retired teacher because of the problems in education today. The subjects are watered down to where every one gets a gold medal and not just the ones who earn it. Sorry to get on a soap box but just my humble opinion from experience with today's youth.
To have respect we must earn it. That's how we were taught. I'd say my generation did ok in that department. Not so with many of today's youth.

[2B Natasha]

Alice. I hope one day you find piece with yourself and your life.

This thread along with several others that you started are all in the same vain. Society hates me. My family has no respect for me. I'm trapped in this small town and can't get out of the door. Everyone everywhere is doing something to conspire against me. But I won't do anything about it. I'm stuck and the only way I'm going to feel even remotely better is by cringing and whining about the injustice of it all. The other thread's you like to write are that you did something that is going to get you outed. Screen saver, computer screen, heel marks on the floor, makeup left on when you leave the house. I'm to tall, your to short.

Alice, We love you. We are glad you are here and sometimes it's hard to hear the truth, I know. Sometimes attempting to speak the truth even to myself is the hardest of all. But sweetie. You have got to start looking out for number one. That's you. Get out of where your at. Let the rest of them fend for themselves. Find a different church that is more accepting. Let your siblings care for your father if they and he can't respect you as a relative and as a person. Move back to Tacoma if that's where you where happiest. Find a place to make some friends in the physical world. There are plenty of good paying jobs out there that will improve your financial situation. Get out and go. None of us are getting any younger and you only get one chance. Take it.

What Kimdl93 had to say is so true

Finally, if men want respect, I'd suggest they conduct themselves in a manner that is worthy of it. And if a CDr wants respect, begin by achieving a level of self respect.

Society in general and women in particular since you eluding to women here will not give you respect unless you deserve it.

[Alice Torn]

Natasha, I respect your right to your opinions. I am rigorously honest about the good, the bad, and the ugly in my life. If you had two older nazi brothers ridiculing you your whole life, and a dad who never wanted you, yetr expects loyalty, and your first girlfriend took her life, and a good buddy hung himself, you might be a bit odd, too!

This thread is not about me!!! Re read it, It is about a societal thing, of respect for men, and especially Cd men. Not all about me! But, you who hate me anyway, go ahead and attack. I respect your right to.

[Allisa]

Ok I'll be the first to say it, to get respect first you must earn it, that being said I was taught a mans hand shake was his word and that was to be kept. Now as far as CDers getting respect simple manners and good sense will have to gain our respect from others and hope that societal views change as we become more main stream. As far as mistreating woman these are not men just genetic males. A lack of male role models I believe is the contributing factor, dead beat dads turn women against men in general and pass it on to their daughters thus perpetrating the cycle.As far as a wife or SO losing respect for their Cding mate I believe it's more that they married a man and his Cding takes away from that. Of course all of this is just my opinion from a single genetic male who lives his life in the real world and has seen more than he'd like to. Sorry got carried away.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Alice, I must be doing something right , We just celebrated our 50th Anniversary.

[Alice Torn]

Orchid, Congrats! You are a rare bird on here! Being lifelong single, i cannot imagine such a thing!

Kim, and natasha, I know you both disagree with me a lot, and don't like me, and i am often wrong about things, but if we were to get together and have a beer or nonalcoholic drink, we probably would have an ok time, in spite of some differences and strong disagreements. We all nee advice at times. Some of us are basket cases, admittedly, but diamonds in the rough! None can truly understand another's road, unless they have worn his or her moccasins. I tend to go easy on giving advice, as i can be a hypocrite really easy doing it.

[Marcelle]

Hi Alice,

Respect is a funny old thing in that some people demand it of others based on some position of power. I have known lots of people (both men and women) who demand respect but have never earned it. I know lots of people who hold no position of power whom I respect completely.

The best advice I was ever given was "never treat anyone the way you would not want to be treated" and have tried to live by that my whole life. Respect begins at home (figuratively) as one must have self respect before gaining respect. Why do you think narcissists have such a hard time earning respect . . .because they do not respect themselves (extreme lack of self confidence) and treat others accordingly. As a TG/CD I have to respect myself and my decision in order to go out among the vanilla world. Do people respect me . . . not a probable scenario but then again most of those people don't know me so I cannot expect respect based on a chance encounter. I do know this though, those who know about Isha (male and female) who have chosen to remain my friend only see me (the person within) and our respect for one another is mutual.

Hugs

Isha

[Deedee Skyblue]

The blasted media, commercials, and shows, often show the men in a low light, for decades now, and have contributed to lack of respect for us.

I HATE this. Almost every commercial shows men behaving like fools and/or idiots. I don't watch many TV shows, but I do watch NCIS all the time. Tim McGee behaves mostly like a man should - and Ducky always behaves like a man should. Wish there were lots more Duckys on TV.

Deedee

[kimdl93]

My comments, Alice, do not reflect a personal liking nor dislike. I feel considerable sympathy for you and the life you lead. Yes, I disagree with many of the things you believe, not because you believe them, but because they are demonstrably false. Your post today is an illustration. Divorce isn't due to the decay of western civilization or the decline in respect for men. There are real, personal issues at stake in marriages that fail. And marriages endure despite many ongoing problems...sometimes divorce may be the best outcome.

I had a long and mostly good marriage that failed and I'm in a long and mostly good marriage that has, thus far, endured. If any one thing destroyed the first, it was a loss of trust. The second has sustained by keeping that trust. Not by treating my wife as a queen or demanding respect. Rather by living as equal partners and talking about what is important to us.

[2B Natasha]

There is no " Like " button but I would like to say that I love this comment. I too fall almost directly into this marriage category. For the same reason's.

BTW Kimdl93 I honestly jus figured out what your avatar is. It's only taken me 4+ years. I'm slow but I get there.

BTW Alice. I never said you where weird. Or that life is easy. Never said I hate you. Just that you deserve better for yourself and that life is short.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Despite the fact I am a man who wears dresses and can't throw or catch a ball, change my own oil or do many things traditionally considered male, even I have felt men and masculinity are being devalued and have been for a long time, it is nothing new. There has been a push for a long time to emasculate boys (instead of civilizing them by teaching them self control and respect for others), just look at the nonsense going on, especially in education. Banning dodgeball, can't keep score in sports, medicating boys to calm them down and make them easier to teachers to control, can't have any kind of contest or competition where someone's feelings might possibly potentially get hurt, trying to protect them from every single thing in the world that can possibly hurt them and on and on...

Ugh, and don't even get me started on how society has devalued fathers and fatherhood...

[sissystephanie]

Isha is right in what she says about respect. I was raised to treat others as I wanted to be treated. During my life I have been in numerous positions of power over other people. But I never demanded that I receive respect. If you EARN it, you will get it! And I did what ever was necessary to EARN it. And I can truthfully say that I have gotten respect from the people that I have come in contact with in my many years! I do not feel that men are being devalued now, nor have they been in the past. But I do agree that many parents today do not raise their boys in an appropriate manner.

BTW, I was married for almost 50 years before cancer took my wife from me! And yes, I certainly did respect her and she respected me!

[Alice Torn]

Sissy Steph, Yes, the Golden Rule. There would be world and local peace, if all lived by it. This is true, respect, and trust, also, must be earned, in this world.

[Amanda M]

Have to say that what really sickens me is the fact that a man dare not even attempt to help or comfort a little one who has fallen down. One touch and he'll be branded a paedophile!

[Jamie Lynn]

Respect. I don't believe someone should have to "EARN" someone else's respect unless they've done something to lose it in the first place. We're all on this planet together and should innately have each others automatic respect. Regardless of who you are I will respect you until you have done or said something to cause me to lose that respect for you. Sometimes I may be wrong due to personal beliefs or not understanding your position, I am not infallible. None of us are. But we "DESERVE" each others respect the moment we come to life.

My 2 cents.

[CarlaWestin]

Well, I'm certainly in alignment with the rest of sentiments here. Has anyone noticed the other attacks on manhood? Diversity and anti-bullying. They use examples of extreme cases to try to define the norm. A blatant violation of the first law of logic. Having already lived a life where I've managed the unmanageable and overcome the insurmountable, a just don't suffer fools and morons, anymore. And that includes family. And anyone demanding respect gets the hundred mile stare. There's a wonderful peace of mind knowing that I have no fear of just walking away from any demeaning or disrespectful situation. Alice, maybe it's time to start your own life instead of being a victim in other people's sad existences.

[Alice Torn]

Men that are butes, and abusive don't deserve any respect. Sadly, most who abuse or bully, were themselves abused and bullied. As far as my family goes, i am 12 miles away, now, and don't have to be there everyday, thank God. But, my dad is still my dad, and though i stay away most of the time, my conscience won't let me totally abandon the miserable man. Remember "Sanford and Son"? Fred was a real jerk of a dad to Lamont, always calling him Dummy. There is a lot of Sh_t in this lousy world and life, we do have to put up with, unfortunately. To have an easy life,is too be spoiled, and not build as much character. Building character, is the purpose of life, not just having fun, but it is nice to have some fum sometimes.

[devida]

Alice the reason that the media presents men as fools, brutes and incompetents is that the media exists to sell products. The corporations who own the products realized a long time ago that the market for women was very much greater than the market for men and the advertising companies devised a strategy of divide and conquer. Divide men from women, teens from parents, tweens from teens, blacks from whites, etc. etc. Don't take it personally. It's just the way powerful structures make money. I agree it is horrible and demeaning but I also don't believe it. My unmediated experience is that most people are fairly decent despite the incredible pressure to become self centered, fearful, and aggressively callous so that you are more likely to buy products.

The only way anyone can hope to change this quite pathological approach that the media, advertisers, and corporations have to gender is to present, individually, as a caring and considerate individual in one's personal interactions, to recognize that the way we are presented by the media is a profit driven caricature and to not believe the hype. We can strive to be our own courageous and self-empowered selves and to refuse, on a personal economic level to agree with the sick presentation of gender we see all around us.

You could also stop watching the television, the primary conveyer of this gender bullish*t in society today.

[sometimes_miss]

I have to chime in on something; one of the big things women respect in the men they love, is that he is stable, the one she can rely on, someone who is strong, able to resist the temptation to do the wrong thing. And, women almost always see men dressing up and behaving as women, as the wrong thing. I don't know how many others have known the disappointment that their SO's expressed when they found out we weren't 'the man they thought they married'. More than once, my ex asked me why I couldn't 'just stop it', implying that I wasn't strong enough to force myself to do the right thing. To me, she had lost any respect for me because of this.

[Kate Simmons]

The key for showing respect is caring about the person and not what they are or what others expect them to be. My one rule for friendship is that the other person always be themself. You can never go wrong with that outlook and it works well for myself.

[suchacutie]

Respect is earned. Marriage requires a mutual respect, and a surity that you have each other's back. Trust!

oh, we celebrate 41 years in a few days, with Tina making her presence known to both of us almost 9 years ago.

[Bria]

I can only echo what Isha wrote!! I think that you can substitute the word love for respect and it is still true. "Love your neighbor as yourself." You have start by loving (respecting) yourself, before you can love (respect) others, and gain their love (respect).

When you say that you respect a person, you are speaking of an internal quality of that person, not their position in business or government. The military salute is a sign of respect of the rank that a superior holds, not necessarily a respect for the one holding that rank.

Having said all of that, I quite agree that "society" does not teach our young people to respect laws, authority, their elders, or (you fill in the blank). Maybe the are expressing their "freedom".

Maybe the expression "you can't fix stupid" comes into play here!!

My two cents, Bria