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Thread: Who Do You Blame?

  1. #26
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    Growing up my dad worked 2nd or 3rd shift or was drunk coming home from the bar. No matter how hard I tried I was not a big muscle boy making me an easy target for the neighborhood bullies. I knew I was different at a young age when I didn't like playing with things boys played with. I enjoyed playing with my older sisters dolls and doll house. Until dad came home unexpectedly and laid the law down, with his belt. One Halloween I didn't have anything and my mom and sister dressed me up as a girl, dad was working. I knew right away I was missing out on something. When dad died the last thing he said to me, well your the man of the house now. I tried to deny how I felt by getting married twice, both ending in disasters. I never really had a sober father figure in my life and I'm not much of a father figure to my own son. Do I blame anyone? Not really, maybe when I move on to what ever comes next, I'll understand why I feel the way I do. Until then I'll enjoy living the single life and as much as possible the life of my better half.

  2. #27
    Senior Member Farrah's Avatar
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    At a young age, I wanted a girlfriend. However, I think I wanted one simply because I was suppose to. I liked girls, but my cding may have caused me to be an introvert. Having a girlfriend meant that you had to open up and talk about things you didn't discuss casually. I didn't open up to many people, because cding was a part of me.

  3. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by typhoidmary View Post
    until I first experienced sex (I was 18, my interest in CDing had barely started) I never had much interest in it. I didn't even really understand... self pleasuring, shall we say, until my late teens. I think I always had quite a childish view of dating and sex up until then, I wanted a girlfriend but more for the company and comfort of it all. I don't really know why I was this way, maybe I just matured a bit slow.

    really interesting to read your story Julie
    This is very much how I was too, I've cross dressed from about 6 years old onwards and it was never a secrete either my mum was more than willing to dress me as a girl because that's what made me happy I don’t blame my mum I thank her for letting me be who I am, she’s the best mum in the world.

    I was a virgin up until about 22, I was a very confused young man from my teens up until 25, the thing is I was always surrounded in girls when I was at school and collage but I never saw them as someone to have sex with, ok yes I had a few girl friends but it was more best friends kind of thing, we would fondle and do all that stuff but that was a far as I went with it, I was very young and my mind was all over the place with my sexuality and questioning what I was really about and why I was preferring to dress and behave like a girl, I lost my virginity to my childhood sweet heart jojo who I knew from year dot and we were courting for a while and got quite serious at one point but she knew me inside and out and knew I was in a dark place and struggling with some knots in my spirit, she knew I was batting for the other side before I knew, me and jojo have a very close bond now and I’m really glad we got together for that moment because we both lost our virginities together and she is my best friend.

    When I was 25 I met my first love and who I’m still with now and it was at that point when everything started to fit into place because he was in the same place as me and we both helped each other to discover who we were, 10 years on and I couldn’t be happier I worked out that my crossdressing was purely a result of gender miss match though I’m happy enough being a boy but the spirit is most defiantly 100% female, I'm the result of a computer glitch in the baby factory lol bet they were using Windows
    Last edited by CrossJess; 05-28-2014 at 10:20 AM.

  4. #29
    New Member Eselka's Avatar
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    Hi Julie, it's impressive how you just described my life so far (except for the corset thing, that is). I never felt any sexual inclination towards a girl until 2 years ago, to the point that I asked myself if I was gay. And yet I met a few lovely girls who had some affection for me, but more like a best friend, you know, the one who listen to all their fears and keeps their secret. Maybe my CDing was in the way, I've never thought about it that way but you really opened my eyes on this. Will have to reflect on this !
    And then I happened to cross paths with my current girlfriend, and well... let's just say I caught up on all these years

  5. #30
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    I remained a virgin until 22, but not for lack of trying. Girls / women just weren't interested me when I was a teenager. I was very shy. Plus I was (and am) very small (160cm/5'2") and women seemed to prefer taller men.

    I don't know if my CDing had anything to do with it... I doubt it. What finally gave me self-confidence was the most useful high school course I ever took: A course in drama. I was the stereotypical science geek, so getting in with the acting crowd was way outside my comfort zone. But having to act stupid in front of my peers really helped me; I eventually was able not to care what others think about me. This has been hugely useful in my expeditions when presenting as female.

  6. #31
    Gender adventurer JamieG's Avatar
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    I was very shy around girls and didn't lose my virginity until age 25, but I'm not sure that CDing was the reason. It wasn't a huge weight on my mind in my teens. Sure, I'd sometimes see a girl in a cute skirt and pantyhose and wondered what it felt like to be her, but I didn't become catatonic. My problem was that I wasn't what most high school girls were looking for. I was scrawny, dressed in clothes that my mom chose, and a bit bookish. However, I believe that becoming more comfortable with my CDing has made me more confident, and in so doing, that has made me more attractive to women. I think it is no accident that a few months after I went to a Halloween party in a jester costume (essentially a minidress and tights), I met and started dating the woman who became my wife.

  7. #32
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    I started my journey into dressing at age 10 and lost my innocence at age 14. Unfortunately, brain wasn't tuned to the fact that life continues from said act and I became a daddy at a very early age. CDing definitely didn't interfere with my drive.

    Rebecca
    Flying high under the spell of life!

    http://www.rebsweb.co.uk

  8. #33
    Member Sister Rachel's Avatar
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    I lost my virginity at 15, with an "older woman" ( she was 16!). I didn't tell her about my crossdressing, but I'm fairly sure that SHE would have been into it, which I can't say of any of my later girlfriends, who were fairly few and far between until I married Anne 19 years ago.
    It's complicated, then again it's simple ... where did I put that skirt?

  9. #34
    Senior Member samantha rogers's Avatar
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    No, quite the opposite. I was chasing girls from a very young age. Kissing them in the first grade. Lost my virginity with a girl on the beach in Australia when I was 13 and never stopped chasing them until I married my wife. It just took a long time to figure out that what I was really chasing was the girl in me.

  10. #35
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    Hi Julie,

    No I was a typical hormone driven male teen which only went into overdrive when I joined the military and got to travel the world.

    Hugs

    Isha

  11. #36
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    I've dabbled in crossdressing sing I was like 8-9 years old. I lost my virginity at age 19. I was a bit of a ladies man in hug school and sex never happened while I was there but everything else that could have happened happened. I met my girlfriend of three years at freshman initiation at my college. We were together for 5 months before it happened. She knew I crossdresses and didn't care. I don't think dressing has anything to do with it. I think it is 100% a person to person basis.

  12. #37
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    From all the posts, i have seen, it looks like I, at age 60, am the oldest virgin yet on here! I did know men tha were in their 70's who told me they never dated, and were virgins. But, virgin in body, not mind!

  13. #38
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    Although I was a virgin until age 23, I dated and played around with a lot of girls before that time. But I was waiting for the right girl. I never actually had sex with any person until I married. And being a CD had nothing to do with it, it was just the way I was raised. My dear late wife is the only person that I have had sex with! And at my current age, she may be the only one in my lifetime!!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  14. #39
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    As a teen, I was shy because of a speech impediment (stutterer), crossdressing was my outlet for sexual gratification. Whenever I became frustrated because of my stuttering, I turned to crossdressing as a release and I liked the release more and more. I overcame my speech problem and continued "dressing" because I liked it, needed it and made me feel good. I liked how I looked and how I felt. I still do to this day. My wife knows of my penchant for "dressing" and is not happy about it but she tolerates it. I am now in my very early 70's and I don't see me stopping or curtailing what I REALLY like doing.

    Molly

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    "To thine own self be true"

  15. #40
    Julie Gaum Julie Gaum's Avatar
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    Who To Blame?

    First, let me thank all those wonderful responders --- where else but on this Forum can one have such a frank, up-front discussion with everything out in the open?
    On one thing we can all agree — the cross dressing community is very diverse. This morning on TV Harvey Fierstein, with an amazing three shows running on Broadway simultaneously, was asked on the progress of cross dressing. He said in one sentence: Fifty years ago you could get arrested for walking on the street but now I know that I know nothing. By the way one of the shows is about a group of married men who meet regularly to dress and just socialize in the 1960s.
    Why is the thread entitled “Blame”? At a Santa Barbara college a young man in his early 20s recently killed 6 because he blamed the entire female population on him still being a virgin. Interestingly not one reply blamed females for their being a late bloomer.
    Was kind of vindicated to see one category with a 50% edge over the others. And that was the group who related of their shyness and being introverted. They agreed that their social skills developed later (late bloomers) but only a few ventured to explain it. Several voiced the common answer often noted that they had low self-esteem, believed that they were the only CD in the world (Before the Internet), or thought, sometimes in truth, that they were physically, personality-wise or mentally unappealing to GGs of their age group. Thus, if one disliked themselves why on earth would a GG be attracted?
    A sub-group of the above tied in second place, but in all honesty their CD journeys had totally different beginnings for, whether they were aware early on or later, they were dealt a different hand through genetic or hormone unbalance or by the H. Benjamin syndrome. For some physically they may have discovered that their statue was smaller or that their male attributes were not what might be called the norm. Gravitating to the female world in play and garb most did eventually marry, though generally of short duration. A few in this group found that they were gay or Bi early on or they were young men before they could accept their orientation. This entire group must be excluded from the basic purpose of this thread simply because their dilemma was pre-ordained so should not be considered to provide reasons for their social experiences as teenagers or young adults that were shy or laid back in nature or had already accepted who they really were.
    The last group to tie for second were those who reported that they were not apparently hindered by cross dressing inclinations, may not have even known that these tendencies existed until later in life and were sexually and socially very active teenagers.
    Finally, to reply to several questions: I was misleading in that I had swiped an open bottom girdle from my mother and wore it roller skating and on dates. I compared it to the Middle Ages torture devise in that I believed it restricted or restrained my emotions and made sexual advances, at least for me, out of the question.
    To Tinkerbell-GG: Neither — was not embarrassed nor would I say that it was sexually a substitute for the real thing. Not to say that the fetish aspect to a teenager wasn’t a frequent “fix”. Referring back to the majority group above and going back to the 1940s, CDs were indeed alone. As frequently noted we were alone in the universe and thought ourselves as some sort of perverts. You can, I’m sure, see why we had such a poor opinion of our own worth. I had a crush on a blond Swedish gal in school. For every Christmas I would leave a nice gift for her on the doorstep of her parent’s home without even a card identifying the sender. She was on a pedestal for years to come. That may appear to be at odds with those gals I did date but avoided anything beyond a peck on their cheeks. To sum up, I believe there is a common denominator for most — we were very confused or able to articulate our feelings.
    Again, thank you all, it was illuminating.
    Julie

  16. #41
    Member Athena_'s Avatar
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    I don't think I would blame anything in particular. Mom was and is certainly strong willed. I would have to say that I was a fairly typical teen. Chased girls as long as I can remember, caught a few. Lost "it" at 15 with a 17 yr old. I was basically unsupervised by a parent for most of my teenage years, mom worked and dad was not in the picture. I continued to crossdress as a teen, even when in relationships. Borrowed a few items from girlfriends over the years (purged those items ages ago). I Married in my early 20's, and I have been happy in my Marriage. I am certain that a therapist could make a killing off of my issues looking for a reason why I enjoy crossdressing, but I am content to accept it.

  17. #42
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    I was attracted to girls but was scared to death of them in middle and high school. I was not like my friends who boasted of their exploits with girls. They could have been lying some I guess but at the time they seemed to know what they were talking about. I never hardly ever approached them I wait and they would come express interest in me.

    I was shy around other boys with the exception of an "inner circle" I hung with. But now put me in a room with girls and I'd talk your ear off. Some college roomates noticed this one night in a girl's dormitory and asked me why aren't you like that around us? I really could not answer that. I am fascinated that many CDs describe themselves a shy, introverted boys, yet I know very few real girls who identify like that. I think women just talk alot more than men. Maybe I felt more at ease with girls in that respect, hell, still do. I would go hang out with girls but really would not make a move to try and get in their pants. I never really "ran women" but always found myself in a relationship. I felt somehow threatened by girls who really "had it going on" and folks would always say 'you could do much better than her'.

    Lost virginity at 15 shortly after my first nocturnal emission. I'm 49 now and I swear that girl still has a hold on me and I would not trust myself in the same room with her to this day. All the while I had been CDing regularly at 10. Looking back I wouldn't call it erotic but it was somehow breath-taking and exhilarating. Whenever I got with a new girlfriend I would swear off the CD.
    Now I do not know how many sex partners the average male has, but I'd be willing to bet I am well below that average. I had sex with like, 3 girls all thru college.

    I was embarrased on more than a few times with impotence issues, which left me asking what the hell is wrong with me? For christsakes I had opportunities with some of the 'finest' women on the campus only to not be able to perform. I'd be all ready to go during foreplay, especially if she was wearing something I liked. But once the clothes came off and it was time to get busy, I would fizzle as if on cue. Mentally it dogged me everytime I was with someone. That really devastated my confidence on many levels. I was a jock in college and isn't that what jocks are supposed to do? I was going looking for someone to blame for alot of my life. Then it dawned on me, blame must go, it must be excised somehow. I look back with regret on the one's that got away like that.
    Last edited by bimini1; 05-30-2014 at 03:06 PM.

  18. #43
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
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    I married at 22 and that was when i had my first intercourse. Until then my crossdressing fantasies and my left hand were my only avenue for sexual release, I had a steady girl friend from freshman to junior year of high who dumped me because I would not have sex with her. I think it was a combination of fear and my catholic upbringing. I always loved to be around girls but more so because I like being with them when they dressed up. Always wished the clothes off their backs. I don't put any blame on anyone. It's just the way I was wired.

  19. #44
    Junior Member Laura Collette's Avatar
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    I was a virgin till I was 20 and in college, but not because of CDing which I hadn't even thought of at that time. I was very shy; I sought sexual acceptance in college because I was so insecure about myself. One girlfriend who broke up with me said I would have to learn to love myself before I could truly love a woman, and although you could argue semantics about what she said, I only fell in real love after I found my own path in life. There were several lonely years when I had given up searching for "the right girl" because of a particularly painful rejection. But finally I found her, quite by accident, because we had the same interests and had become friends for several years before I reached out to her romantically. We've been married for over thirty years now and I treasure our relationship although it's no longer a sexual one. I find my sexual excitement through the same CDing I discovered and practiced during my lonely years. My crossdressing is very private now; I don't go out dressed, but I do go out underdressed. I think I've achieved a balance between my sexual needs and my emotional ones this way. Social mores channel us into some of the most creative acts -- as an artistic person I should discard the last shreds of guilt about crossdressing but haven't quite managed it yet.

  20. #45
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    I was painfully shy and picked on frequently in high school, and college was a religious time for me so I remained celibate until I got married. We were both virgins and woefully inexperienced and the honeymoon was disastrous from a sexual point of view. I don't think we ever made much progress forward in the 19 years we were together. Once every two months was a real accomplishment. When I met my girlfriend (present, live-in girlfriend) we both realized we had something special: an openness and frankness that neither of us had ever had before. I think the this-is-sex-and-this-is-how-we-do-it nature of my marriage precluded experimentation and exploration, to the detriment of that marrige. Thus, with my current girlfriend it was only natural I was able to let LeeAnne come out from under wraps, given the accepting and accommodating nature of our relationship. As I have said to my gf many times, "where were you 30 years ago?"

  21. #46
    Member Taylor Ray's Avatar
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    Blame? I'm not sure where that fits in, but I did have a similar experience growing up.

    Lots of physical intimacy from 15 to 20, but no actual "intercourse".

    I believe that our "rather unique inclinations" are a blessing.

  22. #47
    Out and Proud Charla McBee's Avatar
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    While I most certainly did have a typical interest in girls and very much wanted a relationship, I've always had way too much respect for women to ever make a move. When I did have a great thing going at one point in high school, I actually threw it away while trying to impress my peers and looking forward to the ridiculous promise of being a stereotypical college frat boy, something I realized later I never really wanted. I actually turned down every single opportunity that came my way in college for those same reasons of respect, morality, and fear of possible consequences no matter how drunk I got.

    I pinch myself every day now that I'm married to that one serious girlfriend I had back in high school. It only took us both about a decade to finally come around.
    For years I hoped I was just a CDer but now I realize I am transgender and that's alright.

  23. #48
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
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    I was never very good socially, for some up-bringing reasons that I won't go into here.
    and for that reason I was never really that good talking to women or making friends at all.

    The CD'ing was not really to blame for any of it, It really did not stop me at all from making
    friends or getting dates, the other issues were the problem. this still haunts me to this day.
    and I guess will till the day I die.

    But I did meet a wonderful woman that would learn to live with all my quirks.
    and here it is 26 years later and we are still together, So even thru it all, life is good,

    Who do I blame, I do not blame anyone, Life is, what it is, I deal with it and try to be as happy as I can.
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  24. #49
    Member karinels's Avatar
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    I remember telling my parents before I was 5 years old that I wanted to be a girl. All the years growing up, I would get caught wearing my moms or sisters clothes and got punished for it. I was told it was just a phase and I would grow out of it. During my teen years, I was very attracted to girls, but I think now it was more envy than lust. I was very shy and awkward, was bullied a bit at times, not very athletic, not a standout in class at all. The yearning to wear girl clothes varied over the years, but never went away. I was 18 when I first had sex and married that girl a short time later and only for a short time, lol. An accepting gf about 10 yrs ago supported my dressing, but that also opened the door to attraction of guys. I started realizing that I was wanting to experience a man and that secret led to that breakup. I have dressed more and more over the last few years at home, and about 2 years ago, finally met up with another cd and the rest is history. I know now how to be truely happy even though I cant be full time yet. Had I been more persistent as a child, and my parents more understanding, I may have been able to be me 30 years ago. It is what it is.

    Girls were not the reason I was a bit of a late bloomer. That was all on me.

  25. #50
    If only you could see me sarahcsc's Avatar
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    Hi Julie,

    I lost my virginity to my most recent ex girlfriend, and I was aged 27. I had many opportunities throughout my life starting at the age of 19 but nothing eventuated because I was always too shy or nervous. I wonder today if it had to do with my sexuality or rather personal issues but I think its both. I just thought that life was supposed to be "like that", where a guy gets together with a girl and something magical happens. And when it finally happened for me, although it was exciting, I thought it was more of luxury than a necessity. A recent study published (read it from BBC) showed that virgins are more unlikely to have intercourse the longer they put it off. Perhaps I put it off too long that I don't feel the need to do it anymore? I don't know.

    One thing is for sure, I certainly feel sexiest when I'm feeling feminine but would ironically never allow myself to be with a man/woman under those circumstances. CDing to me is very intimate, much more intimate than sex. In other words, I'd have to feel very very safe with a person before I can let them see me dressed. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to feel as such with any of my ex-GFs.
    "The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me" - Ayn Rand

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