Growing up my dad worked 2nd or 3rd shift or was drunk coming home from the bar. No matter how hard I tried I was not a big muscle boy making me an easy target for the neighborhood bullies. I knew I was different at a young age when I didn't like playing with things boys played with. I enjoyed playing with my older sisters dolls and doll house. Until dad came home unexpectedly and laid the law down, with his belt. One Halloween I didn't have anything and my mom and sister dressed me up as a girl, dad was working. I knew right away I was missing out on something. When dad died the last thing he said to me, well your the man of the house now. I tried to deny how I felt by getting married twice, both ending in disasters. I never really had a sober father figure in my life and I'm not much of a father figure to my own son. Do I blame anyone? Not really, maybe when I move on to what ever comes next, I'll understand why I feel the way I do. Until then I'll enjoy living the single life and as much as possible the life of my better half.