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Thread: Men's or women's bathroom when going out?

  1. #1
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    Men's or women's bathroom when going out?

    Hi people. I just registered on this site to share my experiences with you and ask for some feedback.

    I am a 25 year old male . I was born biologically a man but in the outside I have female features (Face and body). For this reason, many people in many places mistake me by a girl, some others simply think I am a transexual, and some people (the minority) look at me like they don't know what I am.

    I always try to wear unisex clothing. Due to my appareance , very masculine clothing is a little bit awkard for me to wear and I dont consider myself a transexual as to wear female clothing, so I tipically go for skinny jeans, neutral fitted t-shirts, etc.

    The big problem to me comes up when I go out to a club or bar and I had to go to the restroom.

    Many times it happened to me that when going to the Men's bathroom the security guy would tell me " Hey, the ladies bathroom is that way" or even if I was able to get in, other guys in the bathroom looking at me like "Why is there a girl in the men's bathroom?" . To me though, going to the women's bathroom is not an option, I just dont feel 100% comfortable doing so and I feel that someone is going to scream at me or something like that if I do so.

    So what should I do ?

    I believe my main problem is that I dont see myself as 100% feminine and I feel like I dont "pass" or "blend" between women when actually other people do see me like a woman (or something very close to that) and they expect me to act like that. The other day a girl tried to introduce me to his brother in a club and she was like "But are you a trans or a woman?" and I was like "I am a boy, I am not trans" and she never understood that I am not trans nor a woman, that I never transitioned, etc.

  2. #2
    ghost Anne2345's Avatar
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    Um, this forum deals with transsexual issues. From the substance of your first post as a member on this site, I have no idea who you are, what your background is, how you identify, or really even what you are asking other than what bathroom you should use. So why don't you tell us a little more about yourself and why you believe this is the appropriate forum for you to post within first? Perhaps then we could be of more assistance.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Angela Campbell's Avatar
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    If this has been a lifelong thing, why is it an issue now?

    best advice I can give is use the one your ID matches.
    All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?

  4. #4
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    I make a good passable woman when dressed. So I just use the ladies room.

  5. #5
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    I will provide more info for you guys to understand.

    I was born biologically a man. However, in the outside I have both male and feminine features (more feminine than masculine features) so a lot of people mistake me by a girl even though I dont dress like one (this happens to me during day light, night , clubs, bars, restaurants, hospitals, etc) . I never dressed like a girl actually. I always wore clothing that can be considered unisex like skinny jeans, fitted t-shirts, netrual colors , etc for the following reason:

    -If I wear masculine clothing (like baggy jeans or baggy clothing in general), I would look like a girl wearing male clothing or a girl who is a lesbian ( Been told this many times).
    - Wearing women's clothing was never an option to me because I dont feel the need to.

    So it's not that I am trying to pass as a girl and I try to dress like one, nor do I do anything to physically look like one . I was just born this way.

    One more thing: I do like men, I am not into girls or anything. . I enjoy the fact that men like me. Never regreted for what I am.

    What I am asking for here is suggestions, what to do in the scenario where I have to choose whether to go to the men's bathroom (an be stared by everyone like "What is this gal doing here?" or even not being allowed by Security people ) or go into the women's bathroom (which I dont feel comfortable with because even though I look like one and I do like men, I am not a girl!)

    That being said, I do see myself as an androgynous person.

    Here are some definitions I looked up on the dictionary for those who are not familiar with this term:

    - Partly male and partly female in appearance; of indeterminate sex:
    - Androgyny is the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics
    -.being both male and female; hermaphroditic / having both masculine and feminine characteristics./ having an ambiguous sexual identity / neither clearly masculine nor clearly feminine in appearance.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    Bathrooms are there to pee in. I cannot possibly imagine why you would be uncomfortable in a women's bathroom because you are attracted to men. This is quite frankly a bullshit question. What weird designs do you have in a women's bathroom other than pee or poop?
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

  7. #7
    Silver Member Angela Campbell's Avatar
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    So....what have you done for the last 25 years?
    All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathryn Martin View Post
    Bathrooms are there to pee in. I cannot possibly imagine why you would be uncomfortable in a women's bathroom because you are attracted to men. This is quite frankly a bullshit question. What weird designs do you have in a women's bathroom other than pee or poop?
    That is not what I meant. I said that I would not feel comfortable going to a women's bathroom because I am not a women, even though I might look like one, I am not.

    Quote Originally Posted by Angela Campbell View Post
    So....what have you done for the last 25 years?
    An androgynous person can easily pull off a more masculine or a more feminine look, depending on what you like the most. You will look good either as a man or as a woman.

    For the past year or two, I have been pulling off a more feminine side of me and I recently noticed all these things that happen to me when I go out ,I run some errands, walk in the street or simply interact with men in general. Probably the previous 23 years I focused on having a more masculine appearance because I felt attracted to men and I needed a more masculine look to attract gay males. Now that I discovered a more feminine side of me and that I could actually attract a lot more men than when I looked like a "guy" , I noticed these things going on.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 06-04-2014 at 06:15 PM. Reason: Multiposting is making a post directly one after another, when you could have edited the additional comments into your first post. Multiposts will be merged or deleted

  9. #9
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
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    Why is everyone being so nasty?

    I think if you identify as male and basically dress as male then use the men's room.

    When you say you have a blend of masculine and feminine characteristics what are those characteristics specifically?
    Do you have long hair? A feminine face? Slight build? Lack of body hair? Boobs? Curves? Height? Etc.

    I've seen some pretty fem looking guys but they were still clearly guys same for masculine looking women.

    I have a question for you, which bathroom do you want use, and can we see a picture of you?

  10. #10
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gaby1988 View Post
    I am not a woman, even though I might look like one, I am not.
    In that case, your best bet might be to head on over to the Transmasculine forum to see what FtM folk do to look more masculine. That will eliminate any ambiguity about your gender and allow you to use the men's room.

  11. #11
    Resist
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    Quote Originally Posted by gaby1988 View Post
    So what should I do ?
    I think it's pretty obvious. Since you identify as a male and are physiologically male then you should do something to masculinize your appearance. Try growing a mustache and cutting your hair short.

  12. #12
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Males use the mens room

    Perhaps you are overthinking it.. I guess if you feel so femme that guys might give you crap its a personal issue you must deal with but going to the ladies room doesn't seem to solve the problem

    simone is right...if you are for real and if you want to fix this...your hair can easily make your gender clear if that's what you really want.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member
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    I am anatomically male. When out dressed presenting en femme I am still male under the clothes. I don't care what my mind is telling me or how much effort goes into my femme presentation, physically, hormonally, my physiology is still male. I still stumble over this issue too. I don't know if I would ever feel totally comfy in a woman's restroom. It's like I would be invading a space reserved for women, even if I was presenting as one, I would feel like its somehow wrong to go in there.

    I have been in a couple while out. It was unnerving. I felt I belonged but at the same time did not. This issue can bring out some raw emotions.

  14. #14
    You and me both sweet lol fem features and dressed as a girl really throws the guards off huh lol but you got to remember that you are still a guy even though you look like a girl, i wouldnt dream of going into a girls toilets and snapping one off haha, you also got to respect the ladies as thats their private area were no man should go

  15. #15
    Cat's Eye Siren ArleneRaquel's Avatar
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    For moi always the ladies.
    Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years. Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady

    My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty

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  16. #16
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Post a pic that might help.
    I would say the mens room and the other guys in there can go suck eggs.
    If they give you any guff say I'm a male and I need to pee what are you doing in here?
    I get that too because I have long hair and dress in mostly womens clothes.
    If I am dressed enfemme I use the ladies room.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 06-04-2014 at 07:20 PM.
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  17. #17
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Use the restroom of the gender you identify with.

  18. #18
    Charlotte Allison Morris NavyM2F_WAM's Avatar
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    So far, I have only had to use the restroom once while en femme. I have been nervous about this issue ever since I started crossdressing. I was at a movie theater here, and I knew I couldn't hold it until I got home. So, I decided that I was going to HAVE to go pee. I got up enough courage to go into the lades' room. Thankfully, no one was walking around (and possibly, no one was in any of the stalls, either), so I was okay. I hurried into the closest stall, shut and locked the door, and remembered that women usually pee sitting down. So, I did. I stayed there for a little longer than needed, because I heard 2 or 3 women come in and use the restroom while I was there. When I got out, I never saw anyone in there. I guess my first time in the ladies' room was a success. However, we will see how it goes with one or more women in there at the same time as me.

  19. #19
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I don't have that issue at the club I go to as the rest rooms are unisex. Otherwise I'd advise to go to the one you are most comfortable in.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  20. #20
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    So when the security guard said only men why not just say "Dude I'm a guy". Society likes to get clear signals so when you give off unclear ones they need to figure it out somhow and in your case they sometimes see female and others they see male and inquire accordingly. If this bothers you enough you may be happier giving a stronger masculine or feminine signal, your choice of course.
    As for what I do when dressed and attempting to blend is, firstly avoid the need, secondly find unisex or single seat restrooms (most Starbucks have them) and if all else fails go for the ladies room, preferably in a low traffic location and be quick.

  21. #21
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I tried on some skinny jeans and looked ridiculous! I'd guess some of us are envious of your fem characteristics. And I'm guessing from your description that you're also smaller than the average man? Can you grow a beard? Put on some weight? Or maybe you don't want to look more manly. Heck, I used to have men whistle at me when I was young just because I had long blonde hair and was thin. I was only trying to look like a hippie musician lol.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  22. #22
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Seems to me that if you go into the men's room and step up to the urinal, everyone's questions and concerns will be answered (if they had any.)

  23. #23
    Member typhoidmary's Avatar
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    I always use the men's. and yes I get the whole "wrong bathroom" thing, and yes it makes me feel anxious using the men's room because I really don't want any attention when I'm trying to go, particularly when some men aren't exactly polite about it. That said, I don't think any woman wants a man using their bathroom so I'd never use the women's on that basis. I'd rather be the one being made to feel uncomfortable than be the one making others feel uncomfortable.

  24. #24
    New Member Ally.Nichole25's Avatar
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    I am wanting to take my boyfriend out while he is dressed and treat him to dinner as a surprise for his birthday...I am just worried he will use the wrong restroom and feel uncomfortable.

  25. #25
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    That would be my idea of a great birthday date.

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