Does your cross-dressing urge drop following orgasm?

[Confucius]

Does this describe you?
At some time you feel a powerful urge to cross-dress and it feels so wonderful, and highly arousing. You find yourself heightening this arousal experience and further stimulating yourself to the point of orgasm. Immediately following orgasm you find that you no longer experience the gratification response from cross-dressing. You may even feel dirty, or disgusted, and you remove your feminine clothing. However, within another hour you discover that cross-dressing, once again, makes you happy and gives you a sense of well-being. What is going on???

Some people who experience this wrongly believe that it only confirms that cross-dressing is a sexual thing. I believe it only supports the theory that cross-dressing is a form of synesthesia. Your brain is hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. As you brain goes into "contact with a female mode" it mimics this to the point of releasing neurotransmitters similar to a sexual encounter. Important neurotransmitters include; dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. Dopamine is associated with expectation of gratification including sexual gratification. However with orgasm your dopamine levels immediately drop and protactin levels go up. Prolactin is associated with the "pulling away" after sex.
http://www.entelechyjournal.com/pull...after_sex1.htm
http://www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain

If this describes you, then I believe that the neurotransmitters responsible for our condition reflect a hard biology issue, and not so much a psychological one. In order to get our neurotransmitters released then there must be neural connections which are communicating with each other. Activity from cognitive/sensory function from feminine objects produces an automatic and involuntary response in a secondary sensory pathway. Simply, if cross-dressing makes you happy, then its just the way your brain is hardwired.

Once you receive the "contact with a female" interpretation from your brain and the neurotransmitters are released then you are forced to take one of two possible routes. You must decide whether the contact with a female is internalized or externalized. If it is internalized then you believe that the female contact is coming from inside yourself. You have a female alter-ego. If you externalize the contact with a female is outside of yourself. You do not accept yourself as a female, but only a man with a dress. That would be similar to Grayson Perry in minute 19:00 of this interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G-2rgFLYzo

Your thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated.

[Alice Torn]

Confuscious, I think you are on to something, adn there is a lot of truth to it. Also, some of us have guilt and shame about it, from religious, and moral teachings, and traditions. A combination of both. Yes, I feel dirty afterward, and change and shower right after.

[AnneC]

This does make some sense. Does this help explain purging also?

[PaulaQ]

An interesting side note. MtF Transsexuals who start out cross dressing widely report that the sexual component goes away at some point. That was certainly my experience.

[Laura28]

I must say i use to feel that way, but not anymore and i dont know why. Maybe because i am not at peace with my crossdressing and it really isnt a sexual thing at all. Getting dressed does not turn me sexually at all. It does make me feel relaxed and happy. I know when i was younger it was more sexual and the guilt feeling would come right after and i would swear to myself never again.

[MissAmy]

To a point, though the same kind of feelings are similarly true about almost anything erotic and new to me. After some nervous first time tries, it becomes more natural and less "shameful".

[samantha rogers]

There was a time when this was the case, but no more. It faded long ago. Now, with HRT, it is entirely non existant.

[Teresa]

Confucious your prompted replies are sometimes asking for yes or no answers where there are grey areas . In principal I would possibly answer yes to you after the event but that was initially more to do with covering up the sex act and ridding yourself of the clothes before being discovered. The dirty feeling in some is possibly more to do with other people's opinion about the sex act !
When I read your description of CDing it almost suggests that if you want utter satisfaction you could pop an enhancement pill but if you want Cding to go away because you aren't interested in the outcome sexually then you can pop the appropriate pill ! Which suggests eventually we may be able to cure CDing !
Please I'm not saying you are wrong, you are better qualified than me to voice your opinion, your basic chemistry may fit us all but as individuals we are wired and act differently depending on outside influences.

[Katey888]

Confucius, let me say first of all, thank you and well done for finding some good and relevant docs and a really interesting interview with Grayson (to whom there is much, much more than just the fact he is, like us, a man in a dress..) - it's all good reading and I think I'll take a while to get my head around it.. but to answer your question and test your hypothesis...

The first half of your post describes my experience some time back... and were I being earnest (watch all the Grayson interview..) I would say that had been a fairly consistent experience for many years, until about the past 6-8 and then something started to change. Whether it was accidental or not, I reached a conscious understanding that just being dressed for as long as possible, was ultimately a more satisfying experience than... 'crossdressus interruptus'... And that in turn led to the pursuit of a more complete transformation (ie. makeup, wig, etc.) but perhaps that was simply because now I had more time dressed, it would be possible to go out during that time, and actually do something... And yes, perhaps there was and still is a certain frissance of excitement and risk associated with that.

Now I also believe that this isn't just psychological - that if this was just an eroticism thing, I'd be as happy with a dirty magazine or a bit of web porn rather than all this palaver we go through... so I'm with you on the hard-wired bit too - because I could also accept that this still isn't a binary, black or white thing - that we still get different degrees of this drive to dress and present..

The bit I think needs clarification for me is this internal/ external contact thing... It feels - and has always felt - that I am playing the role of a female, even though I haven't had the feelings that I know many here have, of wanting to act out the female role sexually... Now, I'm not in a denial thing here (before someone grills that old chestnut!) as I know that I've got a few sexual quirks that might be a bit outlying so frankly, admitting to a bit of homo-eroticism wouldn't really make any odds now, and so it feels like an internalised alter ego.. but then wouldn't I be more effeminate as a male? (Maybe I am - just don't realise it?)

So - I don't know if that helps, but if you could send the answer back by return, I could go to my second beer of the evening a happy bunny!

Thought provoking as always, Confucius...

Katey x

[bimini1]

I think you raise some valid points for sure. The root of it in the first place may not have been sexual at first. Then for some it turned sexual at puberty. A million differing experiences amongst us. There was a time when I was very young, middle high school age when this was the case. Wham bam and then felt so bad it would be sworn off........until the next time, and the next, and the next. Plenty can vouch for that. And after each time I really believed that it was the last time. But then I started staying dressed after the act, and a funny thing started to happen. The sexual tension started to lessen and lessen and then this really feminine sexuality started to emerge. This is where I started tucking away my male parts and did not want to touch nor see any parts of that. The payoff started to lessen. I'd say, you mean to tell me you did all of that (make up, clothes) for this (orgasm). Not worth it anymore. Now the thoughts are more of being the real female. I can't remember the last fantasy I even had where I was the male role. Sex with my wife is often heightened with me being the female in my mind.

Information overload but trying to stimulate honest discourse.

I think that as I get closer to 50, there is still some of that initial sexual energy there with the dressing itself, but it is channeled differently now. I can control it, it does not control me. Whereas it used to be the primary drive, now it's the last thing I think about. If I go out, sex does not even enter the picture in my mind. I'm just enjoying the role of a woman.

However, I think many of us get into trouble thinking the sex aspect equates somehow to the whole female experience which of course it does not.

[kendra_gurl]

I see nothing different among those of us who crossdress then experience a drop in sexual arousal following orgasm than those who use any other form of masturbation aid. I've ask many times of those who want to know if their crossdressing is sexual or not to just test it. Next time your urge to dress up becomes so strong you feel you must dress just step into a private place and give yourself a big O. Bet you do not dress for at least several hours.

Your contact with a female theory might be appropriate for some since there is such a broad range on the spectrum of gender but for a lot of us we know we are only a man in a dress therefore our dressing is a elaborate and well planned theater which helps to create the illusion of contact with the female version of ourselves, thus creating that feeling of euphoria.

[sissystephanie]

It has been so long since I had an orgasm that I don't even remember what it felt like! But I can say that over my 60+ years of CD'ing I never had a drop in sexual arousal because I was wearing female apparel! My late wife liked me as much in female apparel as she did if I was in male apparel or nothing at all. She never has a problem reaching a climax, and neither did !!

[femaletrouble]

yes this is true of me, i feel all sexy as a woman does when she is all dressed up in her sexy lingerie. i peak after climax an then i just change back into my normal drab male clothes...however this last 4 weeks i remain in my feminine clothes im thinkin why make it so brief an fleeting, this also applies when im just wearing average womens clothes there's no real strong feeling in these types of clothes i much prefer the silks an satin undies like the one's im wearing right now

[Jaylyn]

I believe that their is some truth to this article..... If one is married and as we age it seems that sex drops off also. Such as wedding night tearing off clothes and the feelings are there it seemed like all night. Especially in our early twenties. Males peak some where in there. Women peak in their forties on an average. Now say we both began to get older over the forties into the sixties. Some women could care less for sex, but still this dirty old man still likes a good romp in the hay from time to time but not as often as when I was forty and certainly not as often as in my twenties. I seem to dress more as I aged over sixty as wife really started losing her sexual appetite. Could it be that I'm finding my desire satisfied by dressing and then having an happy ending. This would certainly explain my desire for the more sexy short dresses taller heels and more makeup. It does explain the fact when I do have the happy ending but how does it explain that sometimes I just enjoy dressing to the max and watching tv or cleaning house other times. Maybe those are right also that tell me the ex part wears off and the dressing takes over.... I know it is a stress reliever in both situations for me. I enjoy the calmness I get from dressing and sometimes, even in my old age I enjoy the happy ending feelings from fantasy and dressing. Who knows????

[Elle1944]

How many of us are on those "other" CD/TV sites, you know the "_orn sites" or dating sites just for us. Sex and CD'ers. There is much more of that on the web than helpful forums such as this, and others seeking honest medical or psychological or help with a loved one who came out so they could understand what it's all about, and what do they find most "_orn, sex". Small wonder why we get the titles of slanderous name calling. And how were we raised and we hear it today, "dirty parts", "my junk", wonder why we feel ashamed when we please ourselves through masturbation we feel "dirty", guilty, make impossible promises to ourselves of "no more". Did I feel any different when masturbating in my male mode when I was having those times of self discipline of not dressing and acting out my fantasies, no, of course not, at least not for me. When I was visiting in NYC from Jersey for a weekend and had relationships with other TV's, oh well, "sex", I didn't take my clothes off and go home, I freshened up in the bathroom, pulled up my panties, put my dress and heels back on, touched up my hair and makeup, grabbed my purse and coat and went about the rest of the evening, we all did, nobody quit in disgust or guilt or shame, we did what was natural, a small intermission so to speak, just as I would if dressed as a man picking up a woman at a bar or my girlfriend and taking time out to make love and resume where we left off "clubbing". I suppose though and my understanding there are many different reason's why men and women cross dress, sexual relief and the fantasy wouldn't surprise me. But like what one poster said, all dressed up and made up after hours of preparations just to be over in 10 or 15 minutes of masturbation, why bother, just my opinion, but some do just that.

Just a side note of our "dirty parts". One day at work I had to go to the bathroom, I worked for DuPont at the time, I went to the men's room, washed my hands, visited the urinal and started toward the sinks to rewash my hands. I stopped and seriously thought, wait a minute, my "parts aren't dirty", I took a shower before coming to work, I put on clean panties (hadn't worn men's underwear for years by this time), I washed my hands first, "I'm clean, I didn't pee on my fingers", that reality smacked me like somebody up-sided my head with a 2X4. And one more thing I could not imagine me telling the priest at confession how many times I masturbated during my teenage years in one day let alone a week, in all my confessions they never heard me say "masturbate". I was raised catholic and it is supposed to be a sin, but so is fantasizing about having sex with a girl, let alone actually doing it for real, unmarried. Small wonder why we feel so guilty of our sexual identity. I could never tell my father of my inner feelings of born the wrong sex. He would have killed me and made another that looked just like me. He made horrible jokes about people just like me, CD, gay, lesbian, or homosexual, in my preteens, he would never know or find out, he died before I could tell him.

[Eselka]

Haven't read the articles yet but I'll definitely have a look at them, they seem to be really interesting. However to share my experience I can say that until very recently I was in the situation were I suddenly switched back to drab just after reaching an orgasm. Never exactly understood why, but the theories you mentionned Confucius cast a new light on it ! Thanks for sharing, that might help me understand myself better actually

As of now I feel like I'm at a turning point, this sudden drop still happens sometimes but it's not systematic anymore. It's very new to me so you could say I'm just discovering it.

[Sharon B.]

Yes, but I keep trying to work through it.

[Krista1985]

I've experienced this too, especially when I was still pretty new to dressing.

And occasionally I still do peel right afterwards too. But it's less a product of guilt or shame these days and more a product of, "I've got other stuff to do that needs my attention now." When I can stay gussied up after, I typically do nowadays.

Especially at first, I'd do the deed, then freak out a little. "Oh my God, what am I doing? Arrgh! What's wrong with me? Gotta get this stuff off and never wear it again... and I mean it this time!" Fast forward an hour, and I'd be hungry for another helping of girl clothes. Used to drive me nuts! But as I grew more and more into it, learned more about it and started getting more out of my CD'ing, I found the will to power through those sudden urges to peel and just relax en-femme. I totally get what you mean though, and agree with the neural pathways/we are wired this way idea too. Great observation!

[ReluctantDebutant]

This has been the Theory of cross-dressing I have been believed in for a few years now and it hasn't failed me. A few years ago I started to wean myself off of cross-dressing. Anytime the urge gets too strong I self induce an orgasm and every time the urge goes away. Sure I still think about it but I do not have a feeling of Needing to dress.

[WhisperTV]

Testing now... will get back to you...

Just kidding. The answer is no, orgasm does not make me want to change back to men's clothes.

Edit:
And to be honest, the "brain interprets contact with women's clothes as contact with a real woman" idea doesn't really speak to me either.

[flatlander_48]

I think it is very hard to quantify and qualify our behaviors as we are all over the map. As soon as you find a group that lines up with a particular theory, there's another that is just the opposite. Eventually I think what people will find is that there are many variations under the umbrella of Cross Dresser and you really need to figure out what's going on for each one.

[Wildaboutheels]

Oh geeeeeee whiz. Are you telling me I have been doing it wrong for 50 plus years? Clearly I must be doing something wrong as I have yet to feel any shame or guilt.

"Some people who experience this wrongly believe that it only confirms that cross-dressing is a sexual thing. I believe it only supports the theory that cross-dressing is a form of synesthesia."

So are you saying all those guys on all those "other sites" aren't really CDers? [Those "other sites" DO outnumber this one by at least 10/1 if not 100/1. Or more.] I seriously doubt if any of them have ever felt any guilt or shame for using female clothing items as a TOOL. Which IS what they have in common with the vast majority here. Or maybe somehow you managed to "miss" those threads? Or maybe you simply don't believe the members who responded? That is your prerogative of course.

Just this site alone, presents boatloads of FACTS in the form of views, responses and which types of pics are the most "enjoyed" and/or popular. These FACTS simply confirm that EVOLUTION rules and is in charge. None of us can CONTROL what floats our individual boats and no amount of obfuscation is going to change that.

Probably 99% of all CDers use women's clothing as TOOLS, at least for a while. With very few exceptions, most here that have left that "phase" behind are 45ish or older.

Getting older does not change the facts though.

Does it?

Pavlov and his dog's and whistle...

And CDers and their clothes.

[Princess Grandpa]

Before I accepted this part of myself that's exactly how it went. I only wore women's garments during times of sexual draught. As soon as I was done the guilt and shame would consume me. I couldn't get the offending garment off fast enough.

Last year I was able to recognize the fact that I like to dress as a woman. After accepting this in myself things have changed completely. No longer do I dress merely for sexual gratification. Dressing may or may not involve a sexual encounter. My wife and I enjoy a very active sex life. After we finish I have no problem putting my girl clothes back on.

Hug
Rita

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Confucius, Maybe you need to relieve the pressure before you get dressed then you will not need to undress so quickly.

[Pat]

You're over-thinking it.