"Pass, or Die"

[Paula_Femme]

@ PaulaQ: There's some hellishly ignorant filth out there; pour some cheap beer down their throats and they just can't wait to prove how "manly" they are... UGH!!!

I won't second guess what your friend should have done regarding getting the police involved, it is "TexAss" after all - that crack was aimed at the Neanderthal lawmakers, not the Texans on this board - but I'm glad you were able to convince your friend to get out of Dodge, so to speak... she's lucky to have you in her life!!!

As for the "management" at the condo, vomiting up her religiously fueled bigotry and spite is beyond contemptible!!!

[sometimes_miss]

Maybe this is out of place in this thread, but its all I was thinking while reading your story... She's still genetically male, she was an athlete (at least that's what I gathered from your description), understandably, more than likely not a winnable fight, but why not flip the guy switch, the athlete switch, that competitive nature switch and stand your ground? All fights = you win some, you lose some. 4-5 on 1 is a loss before it starts unless you're an MMA fighter, but maybe a little testosterone could have ended that whole scenario right then and there without leaving a lingering fear. Women are taught to be defensive and tough in situations like this, we men have in our blood, just because we wear skirts, doesn't mean its gone, but I can see how it may dull the reflex a bit. And I'm not trying to come down on your friend, this comment is more for the rest of us, there IS an alternative to living in fear, and its standing your ground, even in the face of overwhelming odds. Its not only a deterrent, its also a message.

Yes, and the message is 'I'm an idiot' who doesn't have the sense to save myself from getting my ass kicked, and possibly killed.
On the other hand, perhaps this whole thread is a troll, because we hear over and over on this forum that all we have to fear is fear itself, that it's perfectly safe for us all to go out dressed as girls, because our western society has changed and is tolerant and accepting of everyone today; no one ever gets picked on, there is no longer any bullying, and the world is always a wonderful place.

This thread should be a sticky, right on top, as a public service announcement so no one ever forgets that WE ARE NOT SAFE OUT THERE.

[flatlander_48]

Once again, truth is stranger than fiction, sad to say. You just can't make this stuff up.

To my way of thinking, I place a lot of the blame at the feet of some of the more radical elements on various talk radio programs. They will all say that they abhor violence and do not advocate it, but on the other hand they will speak of those who are different from them in ways to discount and demean. In effect it legitimizes the behaviors that they claim not support. Mix that with alcohol and peer pressure and it is a very bad intersection.

The image below is me. While I don't often go out dressed like this, I could be subjected to the same behaviors with the additional facet of being Black. I sympathize greatly with this situation, but you know, there is a reason it is called The James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Act.

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u for posting this warning advisory to all of us that can't pass.

It's episodes like this that guaranty no matter how many times I go out dressed, if I'm alone at nite, even just walking a short distance from my car to a T friendly club in a "safe area", I STRESS! Dressing "to blend" helps. But, I probably fear that more than the hoodlums.

As for the, "---words of God"? Whether or not She said them is arguable. But, the self serving way that humans twist them to suit their neferious purposes to exclude or hate those "different" from them is NOT!

[ChristinaK]

This whole episode is extremely disturbing to me. I am a Christian, and the behavior of the people involved DO NOT reflect tolerant Christian behavior. Jesus would have welcomed your friend into His presence. Secondly, having spent (unfortunately) much of my life in the South, I totally understand the narrow-mindedness and bigoted Bull dogged approach to your friend. This is reminiscent of the way militant Blacks were treated in the 1960's. It is abhorrent behavior, yet there are those that cling to cave man behavior that we cannot control. In addition, I am a conservative. Being a conservative does not mean being bigoted, or racist. It simply means adhering to our countries values, which means religious freedom, freedom from governmental control, and TOLERANCE of other peoples values, whatever they are.

Personally, I would not have run the way your friend did, and would have been beaten to a bloody pulp. She did EXACTLY what she should have done. It is so sad that in today's world we must continue to be in fear of the common man. Unfortunately, we never know who the common man is. Makes one wonder how many of those fools were acting out of denial rather than true hatred...

[PaulaQ]

My friend V had to go to her mailbox today, so she did that in boy mode. She passed a couple of the dudes who'd chased her, and their girlfriends from that night as they were leaving the pool. They didn't recognize her, and she overheard them talking about "Chasing a big ol' tranny, going to put their boot up her a**, etc." They were indeed mad that she'd fooled them at first - one of the girls kept chiding them "See - I TOLD you it wasn't a woman!" She said they sounded really upset that there was "a tranny living in the complex."

She also talked to one of her few friendly neighbors, and found out that one of them had witnessed the guys outside of her condo, beating on the door.

Surprisingly enough, the condo management actually reported the incident to the police, which is what they were supposed to do. The police showed up, interviewed V, and told her that her height had almost certainly been what gave her away. (That's what I told her too.) The police corporal was really polite, but told her that "I wish I could tell you something different, but Plano is not a friendly place for LGBT people. You go out in women's clothes again, say in your two piece suit down to the pool, and you're likely to be injured before we can get to you. I'm not telling you to leave here because I want you to go, but I'm telling you that this city is just not very safe for you." He also told her that he was going to go over and talk to the people who'd chased her, and let them know that if they bothered her again, he'd arrest all of them. As he left, she saw him leave her building, and head over to theirs.

So while she was telling me all this on the phone this evening, she heard someone try to open her door, and she saw shadows of a couple of people outside her door. She looked out the peep hole, and sure enough, it was two of the guys. I told her to NOT confront them under any circumstances, and to hang up with me and call the police. She did, but I don't know yet if the police returned, or what else happened.

I'm thinking I may spend the night over there tomorrow night and until she moves out. I'm really worried about her being there alone.

On a somewhat related topic, apparently she was told by her ex wife (who lives in the same area), that V and I were big news around the little shopping village near her condo. She overheard a couple of women in Starbucks talking about the two transsexuals in Nicola's restaurant, one who was really tall and athletic (V), and one who was short and dumpy, but kind of cute (me.)

After she related all this to me, and before she hung up to call the police again, V just sounded really sad, and said "They really hate us, don't they? I mean, I never really believed that - but these people here, they hate us?" All I could tell her was "yeah, hon, some of them do."

[Amanda M]

Paula - thanks for being you. The people who abused V do not just hate transgendered folks, they hate anybody who does not conform to the male stereotype. All I wanted to say, really, is that you should be very proud of what you did, and what you are doing. If there were more like you around, I,m sure that Texas would be a better, safer place.
And, if I were to guess, I would think that every single member of this forum would share that view! Well done.

[freeindress]

She said they sounded really upset that there was "a tranny living in the complex."

From a male LGBT-hater's narrow mind, beeing next to a CD in real life or on a photo is one thing they can't accept, but if they just can't stand one leaving nearby, they really have a problem.

[typhoidmary]

it scares me how far some people are willing to go, just because they hate transsexuals, or any group of people for that matter... the fact these guys are willing to risk going to jail for it. seems like such a stupid thing to potentially throw away your freedom over. and yet for people like your friend who are on the other side, it's so traumatic and horrible to be put through, and for what reason? I'll never comprehend people like that.

[Michelle789]

Paula,

I'm really sorry this incident happened to your friend. I think it's best she stays with you, and stays in a trans-friendly area. I agree that Texas is a horrible state to be trans in. The worst part is in some of these transphobic places, even if she did fight, whether she wins or loses, she would probably go to jail and her attackers get away with it. I have heard stories like this before where the trans person goes to jail for standing up for herself.

You may want to contact transgenderlawcenter.org. I'm not sure if they only serve California or if they serve the entire country. But it's worth a try.

As for the condo management invoking the Christian argument, they are anything but Christian to say that. Shame on them. I think she'll be much happier in the gayborhood than that transphobic Christian wannabe environment.

I still waiver on transphobia being caused by Christianity or is it just part of our animal instincts. Maybe Christian doctrine is based on animal instincts too.

It is so sad that in today's world we must continue to be in fear of the common man. Unfortunately, we never know who the common man is. Makes one wonder how many of those fools were acting out of denial rather than true hatred...

I think some people might act like this out of peer pressure. It was one of the girls who clocked her thought, so women are not above reproach either. Both sexes can be horrible when it comes to transphobia.

P.S. She has every right to dress the way she does. I hope she can dress as herself in a safer environment.

[PaulaQ]

Well she got through last night. The cops came out, warned the dudes to stay away again. These guys are stupid.

[Princess Grandpa]

Last year, shortly after discovering/accepting this part of myself we attended the funeral of a young woman who frequented the club we attend. I didn't know her really. I only met her a couple of times but her murder really affected me. I'm glad your friend is safe so far. I hope she remains so and is able to move quickly. As my five year old granddaughter is so fond of saying "it's just not fair!" Please be careful! Both of you.

Hug
Rita

[Amy Fakley]

I still waiver on transphobia being caused by Christianity or is it just part of our animal instincts. Maybe Christian doctrine is based on animal instincts too.

All religions are tea leaves ... you see in them what you want to see.
I don't think Christian doctrine is particularly hateful to anyone ... but look at history, and how many times it has been cited as justification for all manner of horrible acts that in the end only serve the purposes of people who would have done those things anyway. Same goes for just about every other religion.

When someone says God hates something, you can almost always be certain what they really mean is "I hate something and would like to excuse myself from having to justify it".

Paula, I sure hope this ends well for your friend. The world is full of a-holes who cannot be taught a better way .. the best you can do is to avoid them, and try to leave the world a better place than you found it. Which it certainly sounds like you're doing :-)

[GeminaRenee]

What I get out of this thread (other than a nauseous feeling), is a clearer notion of how far we as CD/TG/TS/DQ folk have yet to go in order to live our lives freely, and without an undue sense of fear.

Unfortunately, I have the feeling that this thread is more likely to cause some of us to stay in and hide, which is not going to do anything to further our ability to lead unhindered lives. This is exactly why it is so important for us to be actively involved in bettering conditions around us, to be agents of change, and to assert our reality as one that isn't going to go away for those who are made uncomfortable, or would do us harm.

I'm not suggesting unwise confrontation of people like the individuals in question, of course. But I do think its fair to say that the ball is in our court, and that we face a choice of actively pursuing change and remodeling boundaries, though it may be at many times uncomfortable. But no-one is going to strike that gong for us. And if we decide to hide away and live in fear, then I don't see how any of us can expect a better, more tolerant future.

[Beverley Sims]

Paula,
We are all so complacent here in our own little world.

There is a false sense of security with us all having accepting stories to tell.

I am sorry, but we all need a heads up now and then to raise our awareness.

I hope the resolution for your friend turns out for the better.

[KellyJameson]

The sad reality is that it is extremely dangerous to be transgendered and every year hundreds are murdered and thousands marginalized all over the world.

I attended Southern Methodist Univ and Dallas actually as an active LGBT community but not in Plano.

It is dangerous for any woman to be alone and more so when you wear heels and short skirts or anything that "provokes sexual interest" and if you are T it almost seems to be OK to use violence against you "because you deserved it"

It is similar to how a woman who dresses provocatively was asking for it (rape) but more so because you "are not really a woman" in many peoples eyes so get what you deserve but "doubly so" as being a "sexual tease" and using "deceit"

I would go to clubs in Dallas with other T girls and the mixture of attention and danger was exciting but in hindsight it was really stupid because I was playing with my life and could have ended up a statistic.

Male sexuality has a really darkside because their identity is wrapped up in their sexuality so "homo phobia" can turn violent very quickly and these type of men see Tgirls as men, make no mistake about that.

It goes from rape to murder very fast and often it is both.

This is one of the reasons that Post-ops go stealth if they can.

Men can be very very dangerous which really is an obvious statement for anybody that is aware of what is going on in the world.

The world is unfair and unjust and unfortunately the burden is on women to keep themselves safe but those are the facts of life until the world is changed for the better.

[PaulaQ]

I wanted to let all of you know, first off, that I let V read some of your responses from this thread, and she started crying. She really appreciates the supportive words. When something like this happens, and you are threatened, you feel alone. For her, this is the first time she's felt vulnerable in her life - she used to be a 350lb pro athlete. NOBODY, messed with her back then. Now? Well obviously it's a different story, and she's in real trouble. Knowing that there are good people out there - other transgender folks who wish her well and are hoping and praying for her is really huge for her morale. I really appreciate it too, for what it's worth. Y'all are good people.

These folks don't seem to have day jobs. V ran into them again, checking the mail today. She was in boy mode, so they didn't recognize her. She confronted them, telling them she was armed, that she understood they'd been bothering "her girl", and that if they returned to her condo again, the police would be called to pick up their bodies. She was so angry with them. They were silent and walked off.

It was a really brave thing to do, but dumb as hell, because now they know to look for her in boy mode too. They may or may not know girl V / boy V are the same person, but I'm sure they'll pick on either one now. Maybe they'll be intimidated - V in boy mode is still a large person. I'm hoping they'll stay away, but fear she may have kicked the hornet's nest. We'll see. (I yelled at her a little about this - it was just such a bad idea.)

So me and one of my other friends are going to keep watch over her for the next couple of days, until she's out of there. One or both of us will be with her until she's safe. Without violating forum rules, I'll just say we can protect ourselves, and her. She needs one of us there - she's not very security conscious. She's not used to being threatened. I'd worry about that less if she was really actually able to defend herself. I don't think she could bring herself to really injure anyone, and unfortunately, with this lot that might be necessary.

Well, hopefully they'll think there's a big dude living with her, and between that and two police visits, they'll lay low long enough for us to get her out of there without further incident. We're getting her out Saturday morning. She can't really pack up her office (she works from home) until after work on Friday. We don't need her losing her job because of these guys. She's barely hanging on to it as it is.

I'll keep y'all posted. I'm hoping the next three days and nights consist of: "nothing happened."

Again, thanks everyone for your support.

[celeste26]

Forget any help from the Texas police, there is a"Stand your ground law" there shoot the first one and the rest will slither away. Cant even arrest you for it due to that stupid law. You feared for your life, then the law applies.

I'm not at all surprised at this sort of behavior. It comes with the territory. Or just never go there late at night especially if there is some other place you can rest until dawn. I would also sue all of them collectively and the apartment house too.

[flatlander_48]

Well she got through last night. The cops came out, warned the dudes to stay away again. These guys are stupid.

Repeat after me:

Prejudice does NOT require intelligence.

Never has; never will. Unfortunately, we who do have some degree of intelligence continue to try to rationalize prejudice and look for logic. Trust me on this: there is none.

[mechamoose]

I wanted to let all of you know, first off, that I let V read some of your responses from this thread, and she started crying. She really appreciates the supportive words.

We protect our own, hon. Stonewall started with drag queens.

She confronted them, telling them she was armed, that she understood they'd been bothering "her girl", and that if they returned to her condo again, the police would be called to pick up their bodies. She was so angry with them. They were silent and walked off.

It was a really brave thing to do, but dumb as hell, because now they know to look for her in boy mode too.

That was a reclamation of stolen power.

We expose ourselves and become deliberately vulnerable by throwing off our traditional images and presenting as who we are. It is risky. We know that and we do it anyway because it means being true to ourselves.

They may or may not know girl V / boy V are the same person, but I'm sure they'll pick on either one now.

If the situation is that predatory, then maybe buying a 'nanny cam' or the like would be a good investment.

My best wishes for your friend.

<3

- MM

[PaulaQ]

If the situation is that predatory, then maybe buying a 'nanny cam' or the like would be a good investment.

I may do that tomorrow - I thought about that too.

I'm unsure how serious these a**holes are about this. The fact they came back the same day the cops warned them not to, worries me. It's not a good sign.

[samantha rogers]

Paula, this story makes me positively sick with rage. I am so sorry for what your friend went through. Texas is generally one of a number of places where animal like behavior is not only accepted but applauded in some quarters. It goes to show how unsafe we all are in our "civilized" country. I am positively shaking with fury right now.
But, once more, you have shown what a wonderful and compassionate person you are and what a good friend to those rear and dear to you. I am so proud of you. It makes me want to cry.
Love, you sweetheart.
Hugs
Sammie

[PaulaQ]

Well, you gotta admit that if nothing else, us transgender folks are a great unifier - let's pick three groups that hate us right now:
- Southern Baptists
- Radical Feminists
- these jack offs across the parking lot

I submit that all of these people share VERY little in common except for their hatred of us! Extra-terrestrial invaders would scarcely be a better unifier of humanity!

[AmandaM]

three groups that hate us right now:
- Southern Baptists

I don't hate any of you. I think she needs to go old school, arm up first, then camera up. Detail who they are, file restraining orders, be at the ready in case of violence, and don't be afraid to point your gu..., er, I mean hairspray in their face.

[TeresaCD]

Such a good thing that she has you in her life, Paula.
I'm very glad that V is thus far safe, and on alert now.
Sad that we have to be that so often, and that some (not many) view us with such disrespect
And I am certainly hoping that the report of 'nothing happened' comes through, too.