Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 29

Thread: Double standards

  1. #1
    Member KatieV's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    you are here
    Posts
    195

    Double standards

    This week's New York Times Sunday mag had an interesting feature on a women who is a WBA star; she also happens to be a lesbian - likes wearing men's clothing and wears it well, too. Not only is she accepted as such, fashion designers are gifting her clothing and featuring her in their photo shoots. Seems as if women who display male attributes and attitudes are respected and even admired, and thought of as successful, while men who display female attributes and wear women's clothing are marginalized. Women get so much more latitude! I can't imagine a gay NBA star doing a fashion spread for Vogue - we still have a long way to go before we are accepted for who we are, especially by men....

  2. #2
    Member AnneC's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    147
    How about Dennis Rodman?

  3. #3
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,083
    Kay I hate to say it but they are only interested because it will make them more money ! Besides men are just perverts and women explore different dimensions !! They say it's a man's world, it's funny how we're often the losers !!
    Last edited by Teresa; 06-17-2014 at 02:11 PM.

  4. #4
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    3,912
    True story - out masculine lesbian women face much discrimination and prejudice.

  5. #5
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    The Poconos PA
    Posts
    18,972
    It doesn't really matter to me what society does as a whole. I care about people for who they are as people. Society as a whole is never going to welcome the TG community with open arms.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  6. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    40,859
    Hi Kay, That's just the way it is and I don't see it changing any time soon.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  7. #7
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Nearing the end of the trail.
    Posts
    22,014
    The attention owes exclusively to the Celebrity status of an individual. That's the double standard.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    907
    Any time one group is considered to be above another group in a society there will always be a double standard no matter what the issue is.

  9. #9
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Tampa
    Posts
    2,275
    I am a little confused. I sure hope you are not implying that what happens/goes on with the rich and famous people has any Relationship whatsoever to REALITY?

    REALITY can be found right here at this very Forum. By all kinds of folks "presenting" in all manner of ways, many NOT making any attempt/needing to "pass" for any reason and NEVER or almost never having a problem with JD Public. Going to all kinds of places. Ok, a few might be lying? Surely you don't think everyone is.

    I hope?

    The REAL enemy for most CDers can be found in the nearest mirror.

  10. #10
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    2,048
    What about men like Andrej Pejic and Johnny Weir?

  11. #11
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    1,055
    Quote Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels View Post
    The REAL enemy for most CDers can be found in the nearest mirror.
    I agree with this statement 99%. Yes in most public places, if you own it, you will be fine. Even if you're clocked most people don't care, and most likely you aren't getting clocked.

    I disagree with this statement 1%. When someone is assaulted or murdered because they're read as being transgender, or someone loses their job or S.O. or family or friends because they're transgender, there is real transphobia out there.

    It is tempting to assume that everything bad that happens to us is transphobia. Much of it is just part of being a woman, and the loss of male privileges, as well as corporate USA, people who just like to be jerks, and life in general.

    It can be difficult to separate what is truly transphobia from what we perceive to be transphobia.

    Much of the double standard in women being allowed to wear male attire, but men not being allowed to wear female attire, is due to the fact that most men see embracing anything feminine as a "downgrade", while most women view embracing anything masculine as no big deal - neither an upgrade or a downgrade.

    Society views women wearing male clothing as an upgrade, but men wearing female clothing as a downgrade. The problem I have with this idea is that society generally accepts downgrades more than upgrades. It is way easier for a rich person to be downgraded to a poor person than for a poor person to be upgraded to a rich person. It is more acceptable for a rich person to be stingy, than it is for a poor person to spend money they don't have.

    Society, and people, like to keep everyone in their place, because they're afraid of change.

    Many people won't accept change unless it's forced on them. Life has a way of forcing change on you whether you're ready or not.
    I've finally mastered the art of making salads. My favorite is a delicious Mediterranean salad.

  12. #12
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    3,912
    @michelle & WAH - there is a lot more transphobia than you might expect. A LOT more. We are not generally viewed as human beings. The people who treat us decently are, unfortunately, the exception.

    Not that many people who clock us will actually attack, but we are frequently treated very very poorly, particularly if we don't pass well.

  13. #13
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    1,055
    @Paula, I think transphobia is far worse when dealing with family, jobs, S.O., and friends, and other people who you deal with in close proximity. In crowded public places, the average person is too self-absorbed in their own business to even care.

    I may be biased because I venture out mostly in the gender friendly East Valley and Hollywood, so sure I might be biased. Hollywood and SFV aren't the real world, after all.
    I've finally mastered the art of making salads. My favorite is a delicious Mediterranean salad.

  14. #14
    Senior Member UNDERDRESSER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Usually, wearing a skirt somewhere
    Posts
    1,137
    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle789 View Post


    Much of the double standard in women being allowed to wear male attire, but men not being allowed to wear female attire, is due to the fact that most men see embracing anything feminine as a "downgrade", while most women view embracing anything masculine as no big deal - neither an upgrade or a downgrade.

    Society views women wearing male clothing as an upgrade, but men wearing female clothing as a downgrade. The problem I have with this idea is that society generally accepts downgrades more than upgrades.
    While this is true, and I agree with you it is a problem, I have a bigger problem with anything "feminine" or identified as such, being considered a downgrade in the first place!

    I have personality traits, that many consider "feminine." I think that most men who also feel this way suppress it because of this attitude.
    "Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO

    Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.

    The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.

  15. #15
    Valley Girl Michelle789's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    1,055
    Some people believe that women gaining equality to men is a DOWNGRADE for women.
    I've finally mastered the art of making salads. My favorite is a delicious Mediterranean salad.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    515
    Quote Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels View Post
    I am a little confused. I sure hope you are not implying that what happens/goes on with the rich and famous people has any Relationship whatsoever to REALITY?
    This what I'm thinking. Celebrities are not the real world and can do what they like. I remember an actor from 'Lord of the Rings' admitting he wore high heels and other women's items and everyone thought it cute. Someone mentioned Dennis Rodman - I don't think his reputation has been touched by his crossdressing.

    The difference is celebrities are naturally narcisstic and confident and just don't care what others think, otherwise they wouldn't do what they do! This includes sportsman etc. Joe Public has a much harder time going about the daily tasks of work and school drop off and life in general if they're not blending in. Sad but true. I don't think women get away with this either, as Paula mentioned.

    Will it ever change? Maybe, but I don't think crossdressing is the answer as it's too small. What you need is men everywhere to stand up and insist you have freedom of expression as much as women. We fought this battle...now it's your turn!

  17. #17
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,970
    Kay,
    That's the way it is and probably always will be.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  18. #18
    Doing It Both Ways Paulacder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    672
    It's always ben that way. Lez. gals have always ben more accepted by society than gay men..........

  19. #19
    Gone to live my life
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    6,553
    Hi Kay,

    I really do not see this as a true double standard more a societal aberration. I think Michelle hit the nail on the head in that "men, masculine traits, behaviors" are seen (now before anyone hoists me on my petard . . . I do not think this I am only pointing out what society says ) as valuable to get ahead. So a woman acting like a man (not necessarily sporting a Tom Sellek moustache) is more likely as Michelle said to be seen as an upgrade and more likely accepted. Whereas for me to don a sundress, heels, make-up and purse . . . well in the mind of many "That dog don't hunt son" . . . Why would I want to give up male privilege to dress pretty? Again all . . . that is how I believe society sees us not me.

    As for double standard . . . well even if a woman was to dress like a man, act like a man, spit like a man and whatnot . . . she would still hit that glass ceiling . . . now that is a true double standard.

    Hugs

    Isha

  20. #20
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Long Island NY, Port Jeff area
    Posts
    2,867
    Quote Originally Posted by AnneC View Post
    How about Dennis Rodman?
    THIS GUY HAS A FEW SCREWS LOOSE!!!!!!!

    Molly
    "To thine own self be true"

  21. #21
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    7,053
    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle789 View Post
    Much of the double standard in women being allowed to wear male attire, but men not being allowed to wear female attire, is due to the fact that most men see embracing anything feminine as a "downgrade", while most women view embracing anything masculine as no big deal - neither an upgrade or a downgrade.
    And even bigger problem that MTF's have to deal with, is that women feel the right to do whatever they want when crossing gender behavior lines, but do not accept a man who does the same thing in the other direction. They usually are sexually turned off by a male who exhibits feminine behavior, but clearly are drawn to alpha male traits, and dressing/behaving like a female clearly isn't one of them.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  22. #22
    Member KatieV's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    you are here
    Posts
    195
    So many good insights - thank you all for your thoughful comments! Yes, celebrity status trumps all. Women attaining male stautus a downgrade - I can see that, too - something gained but something lost. And yes, women who assume certain male traits that contribute to their 'success' are looked upon favorably. What is missed is the value of the feminine traits such as compromise; willingness to listen with an open mind; and the quality of nurturing, are not given their due. Men who display those qualities are considered wimps. And double standard is not really precise - maybe different standard is better?

  23. #23
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,826
    Quote Originally Posted by kaytrans View Post
    ... Men who display those qualities are considered wimps. ...
    What I find interesting is how it also goes the other way. Over the years I have developed an ultra-macho presentation in male mode. It's all an act, of course. I did it mainly for self-protection.

    I'm astounded by how many people automatically believe that I'm also a bigot, a homophobe, a mysogynist, and yes, even a transphobe. My "wimpier" friends often tell me how I've got to be more tolerant and understanding. More often than not, I'm wearing a bra and panties under my male clothing during one of these lectures.

    I find the whole thing hilarious. Maybe one of these days I'll pretend to get really mad about it, rip off my shirt, and challenge them to a fight! I wonder what they'll think about my bra?

  24. #24
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,083
    Cynthia it depends if you're wearing the bullet proof one or the studded one but obviously in a soft pink shade, can' have them thinking you've gone aggressive on them !!

  25. #25
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,336
    Seriously, are we really playing the "grass is always greener" tune still?

    I have very little doubt that the woman in question has had to fight a lifetime of discrimination, ostracization and prejudice to get where she is and achieve what she has achieved. How many of us have had to fight against these in our lives? I know I have had to fight very little prejudice to get where I am today.

    I don't think making a judgement on how much easier someones life must be than mine either specifically or as a broad generalisation is helpful for anyone. I doubt you intended it but the approach you have taken smells a bit of politically correct chauvinism.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State