Connection between crossdressing and submission?

[adrienner99]

I hope this is not inappropriate and apologize in advance if it is. But do you think there is some sort of connection between crossdressing and being submissive? And what is that all about? I see so many stories (and ads) about submissive crossdressers who want to be maids or otherwise dominated. And while dressing up like a girl might seem "sissy" to others, I think most of us dress without any feelings of sissiness at all. I yearn to wear dresses, heels, makeup, perfume, etc. But do not yearn to be submissive....Where is that line, and why does it seem so prevalent among us?

[EllenJo]

Is it a matter of being submissive or more along the lines of wanting to escape the pressure of being the alpha male world many of us have to cope with evvery day. When I get home each day and slip into a skirt and blouse I am taking a break from having to deal with the pressure of male life. I don't feel like a sissy, never, have even when dressed. There is a sub culture out there that seems to embrace that attitude and that is fine with me, but I just want to relax and becoming Ellen Jo accomplishes that. I know that GG's have pressures of their own that even us crossdressers cannot understand. I just love female clothing and the feelings they give me.

[susmitha]

I do not want to be submissive or be a sissy in the derogatory sense. But I like to be the submissive partner in lovemaking.

[Beverley Sims]

I think submissiveness does border on our realms of fantasy.
Our imagination of what being feminine is.
As we get older so our views change.

[Pat]

There are no rules here. If you want to dress, do. If you don't wish to be submissive, don't. You get to make your own choices just as you have to respect the choices others make.

[noeleena]

Hi,

There does seem to be a few who are into this for what ever reason. myself im not sure the reason. though I do know a few who are into this.
wether its just a game or as said getting away from real life,

I will say concerning myself as having to take on the role of being incharge of our family that means in work and finance plus other aspects of our live's,

I cant answer for or as a male , from a woman's perspective I find it strange,
As a female though the clothes makeup perfume and what you may think importaint for you, is not that importaint and I can be happy in work boots and bib overalls, maybe some here think im a bit weird because being dressed as I do is not being very feminine or as a normal female,

part of the detail of cause will be I don't look much like a female because of my facial features so why would I try to be more feminine when I know I cant, yes I have been told or asked why I don't wear makeup. some people are surprised I don't and when I say I don't wear makeup they will see I have lovely skin

Bottom line is im accepted for who I am the way I am.

...noeleena...

[Crissy Kay]

There may be some truth to it in my case, but I really don't think of myself as a sub while dressed. I think its mostly an escape from the male world in a way, as EllenJo has said.

[mechamoose]

I could crossdress by wearing a women's power suit.

I could also crossdress by wearing a black leather corset, thigh-high boots and long black gloves while holding a riding crop.

That isn't submissive, is it?

Dressing like Angela Merkel or Pink vs Lady Gaga or Heidi Klum each project a very different image, so it comes down to 'headspace'. You make some internal changes when you dress, but they are not automatically submissive.

<3

- MM

[Teresa]

Some replies are saying it's an escape from our male role, CDing does that anyway !
I think it may be more to do with as males we know we shouldn't wear women's clothes, if we're made to do it we lose the need to explain why we're dressed up, the sissy clothes just increase the humiliation of being made to do it !
Some women genuinely like doing it and as we know some make a lot of money from it !

[adrienner99]

Note to Jenie-cd: I respect everyone's choices. I am being curious, not judgmental.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I always admit that I am a submissive when asked in PM's by some of the girls here, However, if I had to live as a woman full time, God help the man or woman who tried to make me do something I did nor want to do when I truly did nor want to do it. Does that make me a part time bitch or just an assertive woman?

[devida]

I'm not submissive. I used to be much more dominant, and still occasionally according to my SO - who should know - still am if I don't take care to be polite. I recognize that these power games for many people are thrilling but they have very little appeal to me. I was trained, socialized, and encouraged throughout my life to dominate but I really want to be neither dominant nor submissive. It's just another binary I reject because accepting it isn't conducive to my happiness. Apart from the sexual thrill dominance/submission games don't seem to make anybody happy.

[mechamoose]

Stephanie, you seem to have a firm grip on who you are, and get hacked off if someone tries to make you something you are not.

There is *nothing* wrong with that, and you shouldn't feel awkward about it.

<3

- MM

[Jessica86]

I don't particularly think it is the dressing that cues the submissiveness in us. As for me, I have to be an extremely dominant male in my work. If anyone here saw me working, you would be in total shock I crossdress. I know when I dress, I want to be on the other side of that spectrum. I want to be submissive. I want to be dominated. It is a change, and you get tired of doing the same things every day....no matter what it is.

[Jenniferathome]

no, no connection at all.

[Maxi]

I am generally the dominate male, dressed or not, but it is fun to play the submissive role once in a while. My wife is the same type A personality, together we take turns at who submits. No set standard. We both like a break from being dominate.

[sometimes_miss]

I think if you ask women, they don't like the concept of being submissive either. What you will find, is that lots of women prefer to have their man 'lead' during sex, and make the decisions in general matters, because they don't like feeling responsible should things not work out right. However, those same women reserve the right to 'veto' the guy's very same decisions, which every one of us has experienced in this all too common experience: Him: O.K., let's go out do dinner. Where would you like to go? Her: Oh, anyplace is fine with me. Him: Great. How about Lombardo's, that new Italian place. Her: No, I don't feel like Italian tonight. Him: Well, how about Chung's. I haven't had Chinese in a while. Her: No, I had Chinese for lunch with the girls. And on and on and on. As far as being submissive sexually, well again most women prefer to have the guy initiate everything, and prefer that he be responsible for everything, contraception, both parties orgasms, etc.. So it's not submissiveness, it's passivity. Being in the female role feels akin to having the other person make all the decisions, basically be responsible for everything, as well as doing most of the work. When everything goes right, she can feel that she, being exciting enough, was responsible for the encounter being such a success, while if things don't work out quite so well, she can blame him for not performing well enough. Basically, in a relationship, a woman is in a no lose position. Consider this also: You're out at dinner alone. You overhear a woman complaining to her girlfriend that she's not satisfied sexually in bed. A man will conclude that it's her male mate who is not capable or skilled enough. A woman will conclude the same. It's never the woman who is at fault. Now, flip it upside down. You overhear a guy telling his male friend that sex isn't as good as he'd like with his girlfriend. His male friend will conclude that the guy isn't skilled enough or can't keep it up. A girl will also conclude that the guy isn't sensitive enough or skilled enough in bed. No matter what, or who, is involved, it's always assumed that it's the guy's fault. When it comes to contraception, it's the same situation. Women feel that it's the man who is responsible for the woman's body, if she gets pregnant, it's his fault, never hers, even though she has plenty of options for birth control. She gets pregnant, he's financially responsible, even if she made absolutely no attempt at birth control of her own. So it's pretty easy to understand why a guy might want to assume the female role occasionally to stop feeling responsible for every single damn thing in the relationship. Adopting the passive, or receptive role in the relationship or in sex simply allows us to feel like the other person is taking the responsibility for OUR happiness for a change, a feeling most guys never experience.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Adrienner , It sounds like when BD-S&M meets CDing, To each his/her own .

[Erica Marie]

I think it comes down to why a certain person dresses. I dont think dressing and being submissive is related. For those who prefer to be a "sissy" a "maid" or someones "toy" I would say comes down to there own certain fetishes or fantasies. Read a lot of forums and you will find that people dress for many many different reasons.

[Barbara Dugan]

I am normally sub...crosdressing just make it more fun

[mechamoose]

sometimes_miss,

Relationships are a set of agreements and a power exchanges. A couple, any couple regardless of gender, have roles they fill. In the 'traditional' sense, guys tend to just want to make their 'girl' happy. 'Regular' guys will sacrifice their own wants to meet 'her' set of needs, even if they don't understand it (which they often don't).

A good partnership is a pairing of equal partners with their own strengths & weaknesses. You fill in each other's gaps. It has more to do with supporting each other than it does what is 'appropriate'. Most of us here are not filling an 'appropriate' role, and are trying to figure out how to work that into our lives.

I prefer strong, fierce people, *especially* in females. I really don't like 'high maintenance' people. A *lot* of regular guys like girls who are into sports, appreciate a good sweat, and are strong. They can *identify* with it. It makes *sense* to them. The 'pretty princess' thing is confusing & destructive.

A person who wants to express being the other gender causes a lot of confusion for 'regular' folks. This is in part because of media and social norms, in part because *they*don't*see*it*. It is unusual. It isn't common.

If a person is raised to believe that they are destined to be 'taken care of', or to 'marry a good provider', then that is what they will do. I think parents should challenge their kids to be strong and confident regardless of gender. They will believe that they can do anything if that is what you teach them.

- MM

[JenniferR771]

Yes. I am a bit submissive--and my wife likes to take on the leadership role. I am submissive in my fetishes and fantasies.
Remember the very earliest crossdresser fiction usually had young men forced or coerced into wearing girls clothes. It was often due to unusual circumstances and sometimes with the firm control of a domineering older woman.

[NicoleScott]

For some, there is a connection (they say so). Not for most, though. I have a maid's outfit and try to look as sissy as I can when I choose it to wear for a dressup session. I don't even mind being called a sissy when in that mode. However, my dressing is done in private, so there's no role play, no submission. I like the maid's outfit because I like how it looks. I have all kinds of fantasies, but little carries over into reality other than the dressing.

[bentervine]

There's a connection, but it's different for everybody. I like being submissive to an extent, but not to the scale of the whole 'sissy' thing, not that there's anything wrong with that.

The connotation of women being submissive is tied to the past, though...

[KaylaRoxx]

I've always been really into dominace and submission kinda stuff, but i would absolutely hate to be a "sissy" or a maid, or anything like that. I'm usually pretty dominant, and I've been told that i actually get more rough and dominant when I'm dressed up. I do like to be submissive sometimes, but not always, and i think if i ever had to do the whole "sissy" thing it would just kill it for me, crossdressing and bdsm...i absolutely hate being called a sissy, and everything that goes with it.