Refusing to be a man

[NinaV]

I once ran into a book called “ Refusing to be a man” written by John Stoltenberg.
He is a feminist. I really liked the book. It basically talks about the society and the male dominance, abuse, preveledge and so on.
It was for the first time to hear a MAN talk about male misbehavior and taking distance of that.
Since he is just a “regular”man I thought back then I might be just a similar person and my TG feelings were nothing but my reaction against the male dominance and unjustice. That did satisfy me for a while until my feminine feelings grew stronger...
However I still today keep asking myself how much am I a woman and how much am I refusing to be a man.

Here is the link of a rewieve for that book http://www.xyonline.net/Refusing.shtml

I was wondering what are your thoughts on this subject.

Nina

[Darlena]

Good question Nina. I think the majority of us here probably have rebelled against the stereotypical male image of what we are suppose to be. Like it was somebody else's place to shove this ideal down our gullets. I know. It was hammered into my mind constantly as a child and as a young adult. Boy, were they ever wasting their time! They should have been doing their own personal inventory. I am not John Wayne. I'm not Marilyn Monroe either. But I'd rather be Darlena. Love & kisses,

[maid phylis]

dear girls last night i watched the golden globe awards,when felicity huffman won for her movie where she played a transsexual and i was happy that she won ,during her acceptance speach she gave praise to all the people in our community for doing what we do .especially in our world of people that hate,,you go girl...love maid phylis:cheeky: my birthday was last week

[Julie York]

I haven't read the book. But I used to write stories for magazines and I remember that there was a period in the 80s in women's magazines when the most hated species on the planet was 'men'. This carried over into the 90s too where men were, by their very birth, evil, corrupt, unpleasant and the entire reason for wars, child abuse, crime and violence. As a man, I found it all very sad and very very depressing because as far as I know I hadn't done any of those things.

If you found a lost child crying their eyes out.....the first thing you would need to do is find a woman...so that you didn't get hanged from the nearest lamp post when someone else arrived. Why? Because you were born a man. Men are evil.

I am not "Refusing to be a man". It's just bloody dangerous being one. And it is very sad because most of us aren't some cliche bag of testosterone about to explode in violence. And most of us have a brain between our ears. Most of us are actually very caring people.

[ronni]

For me it's just too hard and it doesn't come naturally, so I've given up on being "macho."

And, yeah, Felicity did show us how to walk! Wasn't that nice of her?

[Stormgirl]

and like women are saints

[TGMarla]

I am not "Refusing to be a man". It's just bloody dangerous being one. And it is very sad because most of us aren't some cliche bag of testosterone about to explode in violence. And most of us have a brain between our ears. Most of us are actually very caring people.

Amen to that, sister. Amen to that.

I won't ever refuse to be a man, rather, I refuse to be a stereotypical man. And when I carouse, drink beer, and talk football, it's just for fun. It's not a lifestyle. Men owe it to others to be gentle and caring, because within them they posess the ability to be crass and violent. It's easy to be that kind of person. When one is a man, it takes a real man to be a person.

[NinaV]

Growing up I never felt comfortable being a boy or at least with what the society expeted from a boy. Later in my adolescence I felt very distant from even my close friends because I did not share same male perception as my male friends. I experienced a lot of disrespect, ego trips and other inconsiderate behavior toward each other and women.
These experiences sent me to look for friends on the 'other” side by the girls and I could relate much better to them.
Later on I did meet several man that were very caring and gentle but I may have lost already my trust into male gender.
Today when I need to figure out what my transition suppose to be and how far I need to go the question of being a women or refusing to be man is an important question. Can I continue to assosiate with the male gender? Can I avoid the assosiation by only crossdressing or do I need to cut and paste certain parts of my body to take good distance from male gender? I do not hate my body but what about the assosiation that my body leads to?

I came out of a war zone and yes Julie man did kill and did other bad things. On the other side I have not heared of many women soldier raping inosent boys. For that sad fact many women and other feminists do have big prejudice against man in general. In my opinion man are responsible for making it so dangerous being one. Centuries of male domination and repretion of women is causing some people to go blind today and accuse man of doing anything bad that happens.

I am trying to sort out my TS feelings and understand where they come from.
Nina

[Lisa Maren]

I'm not refusing to be a man. I'm only refusing to be something I'm not.

I think I'm like you, Nina. I don't know what gender I am or how far I need to go to feel that my mind is in alignment with my body. At some point during this journey of mine I've discovered things such as hating violent play (like American football) even if I were to play the game with two teams full of people exactly my hieght and weight. I just don't like the rough play. I've discovered that I have a full range of emotions that I rarely see other men expressing. Then, bit by bit I try to make out the picture that these clues create. I still can't make it out. Then again, maybe I'm just in denial. I don't know. I'm trying to sort out my TG feelings, too.

The only thing I seem to know for sure is that I have to accept myself and love myself exactly the way I am or else my life will be unlivable.

Hugs,
Lisa

[Helana]

One thing I have always noticed about regular guys, and I have heard similar comments from GGs, is that when they are by themselves they tend to be kind and considerate and just nice. However put them into a crowd and they instantly become become a crass, inconsiderate yob. My big dissapointment is that most guys seem to preder the yob mentality, I guess it means they do not have to deal with emotions.