A word or two about secrecy / lies being the biggest issue between a CD who comes out, and her wife. I'm sure this is a big issue for many - there is no question about that. Once lost, trust is hard to regain. And for some spouses it may be the most important issue, but I really don't think that's generally the case.
There are many issues a husband can have that involve lies and secrets - affairs, addictions, criminal activity - all sorts of things that would seem, on the surface as being worse than being TG.
The problem is that most of these things offer the choice: "Stop that or I'll leave." Presuming the objectionable behavior ends and the relationship was strong, forgiveness can ensue, and over time life goes back to some sort of normal.
There's no end to CDing. It just doesn't stop.
And that's the problem - I think for many women, the hurt they feel over their CD spouse never really ends. Whether it's concerns about social stigma, loss of attraction, discomfort over their own gender role and even their sexual orientation, religious objections or fear their spouse will transition - the hurt just never seems to end for many women. Because the CDing never really stops.
I know some women, through communication and compromises find various levels of comfort, or at least less discomfort over their CD spouse, but I wonder how many, if given one wish, wouldn't wish away their SO's CDing for good?