Tonight's Bad Outing

[NavyM2F_WAM]

First, let me say that I decided against the white dress for tonight. It was a little too short for my preference tonight. I wore the dress seen below instead.

Second, tonight was a bad outing, but with some bright spots. So, I went to Hooters tonight, as I had planned to, to watch at least part of the World Cup match (USA! USA!). I was sitting at my table, munching on my food, watching the game, glancing at the girls (what?! LOL), and minding my own business. Then, three guys came in. They were acting a little weird, but I couldn't hear their voices. I thought nothing of it. A little while later, one of them almost ran over to my table and said, "Hey, bro, your beard is showing." Then, he walked back to his table.

Now, I usually use an electric shaver, but it doesn't get all of my facial hair (old, I guess). Tonight, I shaved the normal way (water, shave cream, and a razor, Venus one at that), mainly because I don't have any concealer right now. I touched my face, but it felt smooth. I was fully prepared to attempt to ignore him. However, one girl working there (not an actual "Hooters Girl", she had on a polo shirt and pants) wanted to know what he said to me. I had to whisper it to her. She thought that was rude. The girl behind the bar, plus some of the Hooters Girls also asked. If they could, I think they would have beat him up. I don't know if this is standard practice at other Hooters, but this one has 2-5 older men that are huge (either muscle bound or just "big boned") that either just hang out or act like normal customers. Each time I've gone to this one, I have seen at least one just about every time. Tonight, however, there was a different one (or more? never could tell). The one I could tell stood next to a table near mine and kept glancing from the World Cup game to the rude guy's table. I'm wondering if they are like bouncers at a strip club.

I just finished up and left (was planning to watch most or all of the rest of the game; who won?). On my way out, two of the Hooters Girls (one I talked to before in boy mode) mentioned how rude that guy was. They both complimented me on my heels (seen below). I told them where to find them. After I left the restaurant, I started to walk back to the car. I saw a shadow come from behind me and got nervous (thinking it was the rude guy come out to say or do something to me). It wasn't. I thought of going to a movie (theater is in same area as the restaurant), but the last showing had just started. I hate going in late (can't see where I'm walking in dark theater, plus trailers are awesome to me). So, I just drove around to calm my nerves (love to drive anyway!) and came home.

What do you girls think? Have you ever had an incident like this?

[Emi_]

Shopping at the mall one afternoon. Dressed much more conservatively than you - white blouse, blue jeans, flats, etc. - and a big guy walks up to me and spits in my face and says, "You're a disgrace!" This was right in the middle of the mall and EVERYONE is staring at me and I'm covered in some guys spit and shaking in fear and embarassment.

Nothing like that has happened to me in a very long time, but I can never forget that day.

[Alice_2014_B]

Sounds like a bummer of an experience, but ended up better, keeping positive.
I've never had anything like that happen to me.
LOVE LOVE the heels!
What size do you wear?

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Oh, that is awful! This was my first time with any negativity.

I forgot to mention that the girl in polo shirt and pants told me that she thought I was "pretty". At least one of the two girls I talk to on my way out (out of probably half the girls that were working tonight that came to talk to me about the situation; my own waitress said nothing about it, in any context) also complimented me on how good I looked. The one that I talked to before said that they get that kind of rudeness, too. She also said that we have to have thick skin.

[sandra-leigh]

I've had the rude-to-me part. I don't recall ever having had the someone-came-to-my-defense part.

[Beverley Sims]

Charlotte,
Sad that it happened it is so deflating and dampens your enthusiasm.
I hope it is the one and only for you.

[Eryn]

Hooters is a breasturant/sports bar. That's a likely place to encounter young males with that certain combination of testosterone and inebriation that leads to negative encounters like you had.

If you're going hang out at places like this you'll have to get used to either obnoxious males who clock you or obnoxious males who hit on you.

If you want more pleasant encounters patronize upscale venues and events. You may still be clocked, but at least the people who do so are polite and still treat you as the gender you are presenting.

[Stephanie47]

In the State of Washington spitting in someone's face qualifies as fourth degree assault and if directed towards at a cross dresser or a transgender in the manner spoken it is also a hate crime.

Shopping at the mall one afternoon. Dressed much more conservatively than you - white blouse, blue jeans, flats, etc. - and a big guy walks up to me and spits in my face and says, "You're a disgrace!" This was right in the middle of the mall and EVERYONE is staring at me and I'm covered in some guys spit and shaking in fear and embarassment.

Nothing like that has happened to me in a very long time, but I can never forget that day.

[Adriana Moretti]

i gotta agree with Eryn...thats such a BAD choice of places to go out dressed...you have to expect that...a sports bar...filled with half naked girls and ex-jocks drinking?? ...not the best place...especially alone....be carefull , and try and pick a more classy joint than hooters for your next outing....

[Wildaboutheels]

I'd look at it as a POSITIVE experience if I were you. Sounds like there were plenty of ladies there with manners and couth and any CDer that dresses to "pass" and goes to enough places is going to get some flak sooner or later. Now you know that you will live through it BUT as some of the ladies have already stated, you should now be "more aware" of making better choices.

I hope.

I don't drink or go to bars, but I think putting faith in the bouncers to protect you, is probably not a good idea.

[Lynn Marie]

It was in the military that I learned the principles of avoiding an ambush. Avoid likely ambush sites, strength in numbers, ingress and egress at different times and locations, and make use of cover and concealment at all times.

[Marcelle]

Sorry to hear about your unfortunate night as it is never easy to face down rude. Unfortunately, it goes with the territory and all we can do prepare for it and react accordingly. I do agree with many here that sports bars . . . not a wise venue choice especially if you mix in knuckle draggers and alcohol. However, you handled it well and just ignored the comment and went on with your night.

Hugs

Isha

[NavyM2F_WAM]

Thanks, all.

The problem is multi-faceted. The Augusta area sucks. It is the second-biggest (debated, as Columbus has been mentioned as bigger) city in the state, but it doesn't really have good places to hang out, even for the non-bar/club crowd. As for CD/TG/etc., there are only 2 or 3 bars that are "appropriate". Also, I don't have anyone to hang out with, especially not en femme (the people at work don't know, and they usually never invite me to go anywhere).

By the way, Alice, those shoes are size 11 (women). I usually wear size 11-14 heels. I absolutely love to wear platform pumps. The taller, the sexier.

[stacycoral]

Just because she did not have the uniform on doesn't make her not a Hooters girl, normally they have worn the orange shorts and now are managers, it was nice to have the girls tell you that thought you were pretty, and was on your side, hugs.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Charlotte, You just can't fix STUPID!!
That dress and shoes are awesome looking, Where did you find them??

[I Am Paula]

After going out for thirty years without incident, I still don't go to places that alcohol, and simple minded men, go to ogle breasts. Just bad news waiting to happen.
Try a chi chi bar called Ciao Bella, or the like, that serves fourteen dollar bellinis. They show the game too!

[Michelle (Oz)]

I always feel I'm tempting fate by saying this but thankfully I've never had such an experience Navy. From what I know of Hooters (professing ignorance) I agree with Eryn, they are the type of place I avoid.

[Sara Jessica]

First of all, the dress is really pretty. The color-block style goes a long way to give the illusion of that oft-desired hourglass shape.

The shoes? To each their own but really? Wearing mile-high platforms to a place like Hooters is like shining a white hot spotlight on you, inviting scrutiny where I presume you'd have just been happy to be left alone to watch the game and enjoy your meal. Heck, I even think the dress was too much for Hooters but what do I know?

For what it's worth, I agree with the others who have suggested that you pick your venues more carefully. If you really have to get your fill at a place like Hooters, then I'd recommend dressing it down quite a bit. I did so with my friend Kim during my first two years in a row at Diva Las Vegas (a place to watch Stanley Cup playoffs, NOT to oogle at the girls) and we came through absolutely unscathed. However, venturing into the Hooters casino with my friend Erica looking for a blackjack table during my third Diva and it was a different story. Youth, alcohol, redneck culture...asking for trouble so we left (never to return, I might add). Stick with classier venues, dress for time/place/weather/event and you should be fine.

[Allison Chaynes]

It was in the military that I learned the principles of avoiding an ambush. Avoid likely ambush sites, strength in numbers, ingress and egress at different times and locations, and make use of cover and concealment at all times.

Well said! Love the pun!

[Jenniferathome]

First of all, the dress is really pretty. The color-block style goes a long way to give the illusion of that oft-desired hourglass shape.

The shoes? To each their own but really? Wearing mile-high platforms to a place like Hooters is like shining a white hot spotlight on you, ...

I was preparing my response in my head when I read Sara Jessica's. Spot on. All of it. You were dressed for a club. Women don't go to Hooters. They my be dragged there with their boyfriends, but they don't go alone or in groups. Jeans and a top is the most you can expect there.

Now, I know this is easily written and not easily done due tot he stress of this situation, but THE best way to disarm this guy would be to thank him. Yes, thank him. "Oh thanks, I ran out of concealer. I better pick some up tonight." After that, he's got nothing. He WANTS you to be embarrassed. If you are not, he is neutered.

[stefan37]

Maybe he was doing you a favor by pointing out that your beard shadow was showing. I am thinking if it was malicious they would have continued to harass you. The way you describe he came over, said something and left with no other altercation. Granted there may have been ways to mention this. Many and I would say most people have no contact or experience dealing with trans individuals. They lack the subtlety to offer constructive criticism and instead offer it awkwardly. Now on the other hand he may have been a complete jerk.

You mentioned you did not wear makeup. Even though you shaved closely, unless you have had facial hair removal, your beard will most likely show under the skin as a bluish tint. At a minimum you should wear foundation.

You mentioned you have been thinking of transitioning. Expect many more incidents of people pointing out your masculine traits until you present well enough to present androgynously. Especially in the beginning.

As we venture out in the beginning we tend to react negatively to events and our fears run rampant. As we get out more often , we gain confidence and that confidence shows through and people tend to treat us with more respect.

[Alice Torn]

Navy, You were dresses quite provocatively , and would draw male attention easily. If i ever do go to a bar dressed in a sexy short dress and sky high heels, i can expect a barrage of attention, good and bad! Good thing the staff was supportive, behind you! Emi. That was horrendously tramatic!! I cannot imagine being spit upon by a jerk, in the mall! I feel for what you went through. Like another said, that is a crime, and that cruel man should have been arrested! I hope nothing like that happens to you again, or to me, or anyone dressed minding their own business.

[CrossJess]

All the time Hun when I'm on my own it's my choice of colors that makes me stand out lol, I very rarely get any aggro when I'm with my B/F though then again he is large and musclebound Like a gay Vin Diesel don't take no messing , just take it with a pinch a salt and get on with it sweet, never rise to it either because you will fuel an argument and never NEVER! put your self in a situation where it's maybe late at night dark and your walking alone, trust me on this I got badly beaten up one night and still have the scars to prove it, you do have to remember that we are still guys dressed in woman's clothing so you will attract attention unfortunately some attention is not all good, there are those who seem to take great pride in being dicks!

Nice heels though very cute!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you are just pretending to relax, have a bite and enjoy the game... you were there for one reason.

You were there to be seen..
You were definitely seen.

I bet you that those shoes have never seen the light of day outside of clubs and fetish conventions though....yuchh

[flutterby]

This is so what I would have done, I love it! I read a book once on how to never lose an argument, and this was one of the best tactics it described. Great post Jennifer!