The wife and I are experiencing some marital problems; the issues, which are rather typical, with the added twist that is familiar to all of us here. While my wife has evolved substantially over the years from homophobic to currently supportive, our current marital strife is letting her exercise a little vindictiveness. Her commiserating with the neighbor, wife revealed her marriage to a crossdresser. Neighbor woman is encouraging divorce and now that she knows the cat is definitely out of the bag. (ironic observation: both women have psychology/sociology BA/MA degrees and have practiced counseling although not currently). Of course, my daily interaction with said neighbor is sweet as pie.
We are seeing a marriage counselor and I have been open with the counselor, laying all my cards on the table figuring it will be revealed on my terms or my wife's. Plus solving a puzzle is so much easier when you have the whole picture. Counselor is good. She was surprised at my big reveal (no outward indicators), had the usual questions regarding GLBT and during a one on one session I could tell she was doing her homework to address the "T" issue. Her questions/comments were more specific and understanding of subject. So with her encouragement and recognition of my wife's agenda that she (and I the ignorant husband) could observe, I continued stepping out of the closet on my terms.
I spoke to my 14yo daughter about it. She already has one good friend and acknowledged gay classmate. So I owned up to my "T" and while the conversation was nonchalant, I suspect it was a lot to take in. While I tried to keep stuff hidden in general, I stopped taking excessive measures and have my fem clothes in my closet alongside male clothes. She knew about that stuff but attributed it all to Halloween. I am sure it would've clicked eventually that I have more dresses/heels than could be justified for one holiday of the year but moving on... So after the big reveal, she said she didn't have a clue and I relayed a couple of funny stories to lighten the subject; like discovering how my nail polish remover kept getting stolen and used up by them while I am scrambling to remove evidence the hard way or the time during a sleepover the girls discovered my wigs. There will be more Q&A later but she is a 14yo with 14yo priorities. "Later" is a relative time. Also she is a smart one. Her google-fu is powerful. I do not expect difficulties. Awkwardness perhaps but not hate and discontent.
My older daughter, 18, I believe already has made the connections. She will be attending college for her pysch degree with a possible focus on LGBT. While we haven't had the conversation, her subtle hints have not gone unnoticed. So this conversation will happen at earliest convenience.
That's what is going on in my life. I am sooooo thankful to be a member of this forum. It has helped me come to terms with myself, communicate effectively the issues we deal with, dispel the myths and not walk this path alone.
Thank you,
Marcy