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Thread: Dealing with hate...

  1. #26
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Almost the Great White North...
    There are two threads open now that deal with hatefulness. And there seem to be two camps...of course, aren't there always. One side says walk away, laugh it off, choose your battles. The other says face up to the haters.

    I'm reminded of the civil rights movement. Black people had taken the course of least resistance through decades, centuries,really. Nothing changed. Then , returning from WWII, black people began to strongly insist on their rights. From Rosa Parks to MLK, the movement was peaceful, but assertive. And they were met with horrendous violence at times. But in the end, fundamental changes occurred. It's imperfect and Incomplete, but change happened. Imagine the courage required.

    I believe that the strive for human dignity for all minorities has been advanced as a result. Lesson... Just ignoring hatred may be the safe short term path, and I don't minimize the value of self preservation. But, sustained, assertive, non violent confrontation ...facing up to the bigoted, as the civil rights movement demonstrated, will eventually lead to change.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  2. #27
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    But, sustained, assertive, non violent confrontation ...facing up to the bigoted, as the civil rights movement demonstrated, will eventually lead to change.
    I agree with this!!

    Further though - Len, my wife and I were discussing people's hatred the other day and I was pondering not the hatred so much, but more about who hates.

    It is my observation that it is often the people closest to us that do the most hating. And that is totally messed up! The number of people who report that their mother, father, wife, husband, brother, sister, etc. who are the ones committing the hatred is overwhelming.

    Recently I have come out to a few friends and some of the responses were funny. More than one person said, "I am totally fine with it but you should be careful about letting ________ know because while I am open minded, they are not." In one incident I had two people say that exact thing about each other. It is kind of odd and disturbing.

    So.... how do I deal with hatred? Honestly I have not encountered the types of bigotry that you have. With that being said, what I do is to not hide who I am. Those that will hate, will always hate. It is their narrow mindset that makes them afraid of the unknown.

    I do wish that people would stop being afraid of what others will say, think, do. Which seems to be what lots of folks hide behind, as your mother appears to be doing. It is sad that she cannot see that she is the one committing the hatred out of her fear of what others might do.

  3. #28
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    I'm sorry that some of your family members don't accept you. That is hard. I can deal with strangers and even friends rejecting me, but people I love... that's tough.

    Ultimately, though, I think it's important to be yourself. If you conduct yourself with dignity, confidence and conviction, then even the haters will secretly admire you, though their own insecurities will make them unable to admit that. The important thing is you'll be true to yourself.

  4. #29
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    If people have a problem with who and how you are, please refer them to the manufacturer.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

  5. #30
    Member vicky_cd99_2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Western Washington
    Dealing with hate sucks. I am sorry to hear you have to deal with such. Family can be the biggest pain. The only one who know about me is my wife. She told me yesterday that she accepts me. She loves me for me, not what I wear. The rest of my family including my kids don't know. Although I think the kids would not have a problem. The rest of them would. All you girls who are out I am very proud and a touch jealous.

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