Hey! So I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years now, we're both 22. I finally came out to her last fall, telling her that ever since I was a toddler, I've been dressing up in women's clothing. She was distraught. We've came a little ways since that night, but not far. She doesn't tell me not to, but I can tell she doesn't LIKE that I do it. Other than that, she is madly in love with me, and I'm in love with her. She keeps hinting at marriage, saying how she wants a ring. I want to marry her, but I'm afraid that my cross dressing urges will become too much for her to handle and she'll leave me. I don't want that to happen, because nobody else knows about me CDing. I don't want the answer to "why did you guys divorce?" to be "because he felt it was necessary to dress up like a woman all the time".
Every time she'd bring up getting married (which is a lot), I would always just kinda brush it off, just because I don't want to get married if she's eventually going to leave me :/ I've never told her that that was my main reason for not wanting to get married.. until today. Here's the conversation:
Me: I love you baby!
Her: I love you too, Sunshine!
Me: I'm worried you'll stop loving me eventually :/
Her: WHAT
Me: Yeah
Her: I've been BEGGING you to spend forever with me
Me: I know baby. but you know what goes on with me, and I'm scared one day you'll think it's too much to handle thats my biggest fear.
Her: Babe. I needed some time to get used to it. And I'm doing better. In twenty years it won't even be the slightest problem. Just give it time, Sweetheart. Think about it - You've known about it much longer than I have, and you still struggle sometimes.
Me: Only because I want to be the perfect man for you. I wish I could control it for you, but I honestly can't.
Her: I know baby. And it's okay.
Me: I think the reason I do this stuff is the same reason you get all dressed up- to feel sexy. :/ does that make sense, or does that make me sound weirder..
Her: No baby. It makes sense.
Me: And I want to be honest with you about everything, so I'm not keeping anything from you, but I don't want you getting annoyed with me
That's when she called me and "assured" me that it'll be okay. That we've made it through much worse things than this. And that now I know what I have to do next (implying buying a ring).
I'm still quite worried that if I do this, she'll eventually desire a "manlier" man (even though I'm a motorcycle/car enthusiast, grease monkey, and a machinist). UGHHHHHH all these emotions.
I've always believed that marriage is forever. If I get married, I'm staying married. I just want her to be happy through the entire marriage. Should I just go for it, and hope for the best? Am I making this a bigger deal than it really is? Thank you in advance for any help!