South SF Bay Area CD Art Tour

[LelaK]

Last fall I got a room in Indy and dressed for the first time openly in the apt, i.e. in the presence of my landlord. Now I'm preparing to move to the SF Bay area to an apt where I want to dress openly (and maybe I'll meet other CDs in person).

I don't feel nervous, but I think about potential problems. I'm thinking about telling people in the apt building that I'm one of the 2 or 3% of "men" who prefer to crossdress, but I'm not trying to attract men. And I apologize to everyone that I'm not attractive yet and that I'm not a biological female etc. Does anyone else feel apologetic similarly? A lot of you fellow CDs look very attractive and I'm jealous. (It doesn't seem to help that I'm over 60.)

(Side note: I think of my body as my vehicle and not so much as my identity. I want my vehicle to be a work of art with mostly "female" qualities. From the neck down my work of art is pretty good, but above the neck is going to take quite a bit of work and I don't know if it will turn out well. But I'll see what I can do without too much effort or expense. My body and appearance aren't my main artwork. Society is. I want to collaborate with others to make society a great work of art.)

[Jenniferathome]

You have no obligation to explain ANYTHING about yourself to anyone.

[Katey888]

Lela - I think representing what many of us do as art is a great sentiment and is sure to earn you some friendly ears, especially if it's an arty part of SF...

I'd echo what Jennifer has said that you don't have to explain - but I think I understand that you're presuming folks will respond better with some sort of explanation, rather than just thinking you're the weirdo in apartment 101b... and I think that's a good rationale for most people - good luck with it!

If I did dress openly I'm not sure I'd want to be overly apologetic, however I ended up looking (probably a little worse for wear a lot of the time, thanks to all that Napa Valley produce if I was in SF ) - and I suspect you're also being you're own worst critic... If you're doing the best you can and doing it respectfully, I don't think you should be too apologetic.. let other folk deal with things however they need to... and just keep working on your makeup...

Good luck with the move...

Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

I agree you don't have to explain to any one, at the same time I realise you want to feel comfortable about it too.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

You have no obligation to explain ANYTHING about yourself to anyone.

I agree 1000% You do not owe anyone any explanation. I've been to SF recently and you will not have any problems there. Also, when you go, there are several people from this site you may want to get in touch with. I did & I do not regret one minute of my time spent there.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lela, That information is on a need to know basis .

[Nadine Spirit]

but I think about potential problems.

Just move in and do your thing. As long as you are not being inappropriate, then what does it matter?

I dress as a guy, in 50/50 mode, and girl mode, and with any choice it is appropriate to the situation. I also try and put myself out there and be nice. I don't find it to be too surprising that 99.9% of people, neighbors included, just accept me for who I am.

If anyone has questions, I will answer them as best I can. But I feel no need to explain to anyone who I am, just as I have no expectations of anyone explaining themselves to me.

[Badwolf]

I'd say congratulations for having the courage! You're move to San Francisco will probably make this an overall better experience for you though. Just get to know the city well before you pick where you live. There is a wide variety of neighborhoods. Some friendlier than others. Especially if you're going to be this open about it, it can make a difference for you.

[LelaK]

Thanks for encouragement.

I hope the Urban Dictionary isn't too popular. Have yous read what it says about us? The definition of CD is fine, but they call us Traps too, you know. And those definitions don't sound so good, at least some of them.

Crossdresser

- A person who dresses in clothes normally only associated with the opposite gender. A man who dresses in womens clothes is a male to female (MtF) crossdresser, a woman who dresses as a man is a female to male (FtM) crossdresser.
- Crossdresser is often synonymous with the term transvestite and both only refer to the clothes a person is wearing without making any comment on which gender the person acts as (this is related to transexuality or transgenderism) or their sexuality.

Trap [Most of the definitions relate to a place where illegal drugs etc are available. But 4 definitions relate to CDs.]

2. A man who dresses like a woman and is somewhat feminine in appearance. Could almost be mistaken for a woman until you are in the bedroom with one. Watch out for these types, they are usually afraid to get intimate because you might discover their little 'secret', but sooner or later you find out the truth!

5. A pre-op transwoman who is both passable and hot. The kind that, when you find she's packing heat, you just don't care.

11. a man who likes to dress up in women's clothing and make-up. He even thinks he's a woman at times, also acts like one and has an odd phobia of not wanting to show his naked body. Out of shame? We can only guess, but he definetely has something 'extra' to hide you know where.

14. A young boy who, due to insecurity, dresses up and pretends to be a girl. Usually are femenine in their appearence and over shy. The anime definition is a boy dressed as a girl to encourage viewers to question their own sexuality when they find out they've been fapping to...yes...a boy

So it sounds like, if you crossdress and go out and flirt with men (or women too?), you're a trap if you're "passable" and if you don't say upfront you're a CD. Am I right?

[Brianna_H]

And I apologize to everyone that I'm not attractive yet and that I'm not a biological female etc. Does anyone else feel apologetic similarly?

Hi, Lela. I'm a California native and have spent a lot of time in San Francisco. It's a great choice for a cross-dresser. SF is the queerest city EVER! A 60+ year old cross dresser will probably NOT be the most unusual thing a San Franciscan sees during an average day.

Please do NOT apologize to anyone. As other posters have said, you don't owe anyone an explanation. Lots of people are eyesores and don't give a god-damn who they offend. At least you're working on being pretty.

Before you move, I recommend looking for resources in San Francisco on the net. You'll find that there is a lot of support for alternative life styles here. It's not Shangri-La. There are still bigots and haters, but SF is one of the most sexually progressive cities in the world. Check out some videos of the pride parade. We may not be gay, but the gay community creates a space big enough for a lot of other lifestyles, too.

I hope you have a safe move and find acceptance and community here in California.

[Badwolf]

Well for one you're reading Urban Dictionary. Most of the more unofficial terms in there are run by 4chan conversations. Traps in that context range from good cross dressers to Pre-op transgendered ladies. Depending on context (and the persons state of mind), it can be a trap appreciation comment, or a fear based thing.

I can point you to a few good trap appreciation sites out there. I can also show you plenty 'it's a trap" jokes.

If you know nothing about 4chan, its an anonymous message board (there are other chans out there too but 4chan is the big boy normally), and there are TG support/appreciation, Crossdresser sexualization, and then just /b/tards who will make fun of ANYTHING. Those definitions all come from those groups.

Thanks for encouragement.

I hope the Urban Dictionary isn't too popular. Have yous read what it says about us? The definition of CD is fine, but they call us Traps too, you know. And those definitions don't sound so good, at least some of them.

Crossdresser


Trap [Most of the definitions relate to a place where illegal drugs etc are available. But 4 definitions relate to CDs.]



So it sounds like, if you crossdress and go out and flirt with men (or women too?), you're a trap if you're "passable" and if you don't say upfront you're a CD. Am I right?