Dealing with the sexual aspects of dressing when out with others.

[docrobbysherry]

For many years I've scoffed at posts here from "straight" dressers who profess to having their orientations change when they r dressed.

Over the past intervening years I've attended many T events and met countless CD's and trans. Occasionally I've experienced, not arousal as such, but some feminine dressers have managed to "interest" me. In ways that only females had previously "interested" me. I attended one such T event Friday nite and was further reminded of how confusing this "gender blending" can be.

A long time T friend attended. She has been on hormones for awhile and is openly out to everyone. Dressing only in female mode now. She confided losing interest in females and a new found attraction in some of the dressers at the Friday event. She has never been interested in men. Hmmm, interesting, I thot.

Even closer to home were my experiences at this event. Another trans girl, who has never been shy about showing her attraction for me, was there. Of course we hug, cheek kiss, and she frisks me. Pretty pointless when I dress because I always tuck. And, I've acknowledged to myself that I feel like I'm with a female friend when I'm with her. Not arousing, she's just a friend. I've gotten used to feeling/thinking that about her. However, I found her more attractive on this particular evening.

What I wasn't prepared for was my dance with one particularly sweet and attractive dresser. We've chatted casually a few times before. But, no in depth time together. This evening we found ourselves dancing together on the dance floor. All her movements and nuances seemed feminine to me. She appeared to be a slim, attractive woman. In short order, we were "slow dancing". Rubbing and touching each other. I was shocked to find her touch and feel both erotic and sensual! Foreign thots to me, no matter which gender I'm dancing with. I soon forgot about my dance moves and became lost in "her". Finally, after I'm not sure how long, she moved away and began moving rythmically to the music again. Suddenly snapped out of my reverie, I wondered what the heck just happened? I guess I still am!

What's that phrase? "Shit happens"? In any case, I'm DONE SCOFFING!

Comments? Ideas? Suggestions?

[CONSUELO]

Interesting. I find some cross dressers sexually interesting. I am not however interested in looking at men but very interested in looking at women and seeing how they dress, put on makeup etc. Yet I have had sexual affairs with men who like cross dressers. Confusing!!

[Kate Simmons]

The way I see it RS is that sex is 95% mental and 5% physical. It may not be readily apparent out there dancing but the body language and sensual moves generated are there and registered in our brains unconsciously. If we are in tune with our feelings we will recognize that , if not it can be confusing.

[Wildaboutheels]

No one ever wants to discuss/admit here that a "large component" of dressing is SEXUAL FRUSTRATION. Countless threads illustrate this over and over.

ESPECIALLY if one dresses to be "attractive" and not just trying to "blend". YOU are obviously in the former category as are most members younger than 45 ish who still hear the call to release the hounds and would rather die than be caught in granny dresses and flats.

It's WHY so many here responded to/keep responding to "how straight of a guy are you" thread. And you ARE a CDer which means you are Human. Like all of us, an animal controlled by EVOLUTION. Because of this, NONE of us can control what floats our individual boats or pushes our buttons although it IS far EASIER for FEmales because they are not wired the way men are visually. Since you have NO CONTROL over what happened, no need to fret about it.

As it seems [?] a first for you, how many drinks had you had?

Or maybe an admirer spiked your Diet Coke?

[ArleneRaquel]

Sherry,
Thank you for a wonderful, heart warming post. You are one in a million darlin.

[Rhonda Jean]

You too??? We're falling like dominos!

[Katey888]

Sherry - I'm going to ride one of Wild's well-oiled bicycles in answer to this (hopefully you won't mind, Wild, as it's not in use by you at the mo... )

And the answer is: We males are predominantly VISUAL in the way sexual attractiveness is first communicated - so you were visually perceiving what you describe as "a slim, attractive woman"... CLUNK! First trigger falls into place...

Perhaps there was a little alcohol to loosen inhibitions, but even if not, the sensuality of her movement and gestures - her entire image, presumably very well practiced, as you have indicated - then becomes more emphasised by some strategic tactility... CLUNK! WHIRR!! Trigger number two drops....

I'd surmise that had you continued.... well, perhaps I shouldn't surmise...

I admit, I have wondered myself how I would feel about interacting with a CD who looked so convincing, that I would feel those male cues initiating responses... so much so, I started a thread about it several months ago, and I think it's perfectly reasonable to have all those early triggers start, but then fizzle out at the one-yard line (or maybe I should say '3rd and inches' ) because if you're orientation is not bi- or gay, at that final step, reality will bite, the spell will be broken, and it won't go any further... maybe...

You've described something I think many of us have pondered on and some might have experienced... but I don't believe the stage you have reached means you have been successfully re-orientated, just temporarily disoriented..

I think you've also described why there can be such a violent backlash from normal, hetero males, who are unwittingly led on by a CDer...

Enjoy re-living the moments...

Katey x

[Tracii G]

I have those feelings with one member of my trans group.
I know she is 24/7 now and transitioning but she just does something to me.I have never seen her in guy mode so I guess I see her as a woman.
She is attached so I will never do anything about it,that would be wrong.

[flatlander_48]

doc:

To me this is just a reminder that attractions may have less to do with plumbing and more to do with sensuality and physicality. As a bisexual, it is a concept with which I am well acquainted.

[Desirae]

I've found some CD and TS women sexually attractive. Honestly, I've been attracted to a number of Tg women I've seen in pictures on the Internet. I've never been able to act on that impulse, though, because I haven't had the chance. I honestly don't know if I would act if I ever had the chance in real life. I'm not going to fret over it, though. If I were back in my teens and even my twenties, I probably would be concerned over it because I would have felt my manhood threatened and I was desperately trying to keep hold of and prove my manhood in a number of ways, and being attracted to any TG would have certainly threatened it. But now, ehh. No big deal.

[Maria 60]

Well looks like you touched a soft spot with me. It's funny because when I go to the picture gallery, I see women in the pictures, and when I am reading or responding I feel as if I am talking to women and I am talking as a women. As being a closet dresser I have no attraction to men, but I always wondered if I went to a crossdressing event how I would react to another crossdresser if someone came on to me. I don't think I would see them as men, so now you got me wondering, a few drinks, maybe a perfect situation, who know what could happen. Now you got me wondering the same question you trying to answer.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I have met some very "attractive" CDers. Some are probably more attractive as girls than most GGs that I have ever gone out with, and certainly better than anything I could catch at my advanced age. That being said, the fact that I know what's hiding underneath usually keeps any urges in check. And if it came down to "third and inches", I'm quite sure that the Klaxons would start going off in my head.

There's also a CDer who has expressed her attraction to me (and to others) a number of times. She sometimes makes me feel like the GG fending off the octopus. The last time she got aggressive with me, I told her off big time. She got the message loud and clear.

[Ineke Vashon]

Funny no one has mentioned smell. I've never danced with a CDer but I imagine that, dancing close with a great looking lady who wasn't, I believe I would smell male breath and male perspiration. And I'd be gone. Just an unproven thought.

Ineke

[Beverley Sims]

Sherry,
I have had a similar desire on rare occasions.

I soon let it pass as I have more permanent ties to consider.

At least you can give others consideration now without scoffing.

It is part of our "changing attitudes".

[Badwolf]

I personally like feeling sexy, and I appreciate the glances, but I'm just not really interested. I like the smell of women.

Now here's the thing. If you're feeling turned on by something that by most measures is a woman, as a male you are relatively heteronormative. In that sense visually CDers and T-Girls can be some nice eye candy for me, but I could never imagine getting into a relationship with them (and I am a relationship type of person). I also want kids so those scenarios limit me more than I'd like on that front too.

[alice clair]

I consider myself straight, but when fully dressed I feel the need for male acceptance. I have not been out much in public but it would be nice to be (hit on) by a handsome man. I am not sure how I would react but it would be nice to be considered pretty enough to at least be checked out like a woman. I guess it would be a whole different aspect if it were another cdr that was attracted to me and I am not sure how would react to that either. Not having been in that situation I don't know for sure what I would do. I guess I am slightly confused about my feelings about it. I hope that someday I will find myself in that scenario and will have to decide what to do.

[Laurie A]

Doc,
I don't think your reaction is all that surprising, from my perspective. perhaps to you it is more disturbing? I have the same visceral reaction if i view a picture of an attractive cd/tv/trans girl here as i do if i view an attractive gg. (although i also feel jealous sometimes towards the cds, something that i don't feel when viewing gg's) visual stimulus is very powerful. so what if you do have those feelings? you don't necessarily have to act on those feelings to acknowledge them.... nothing wrong with that
D

[suchacutie]

Sherry, my feeling is that if we are attracted to women, and every sensory input from another individual says,"woman" to our brains, we are going to be attracted. I see nothing unusual in this. Under a circumstance when those inputs stop saying, "woman", I'm pretty sure your response would change as well. If that change doesn't happen, then you might have to rethink :-)

[Lucy Long Legs]

This is a very interesting thread: the way I see it, when I am dressed the important thing is who is attracted to me, rather than the other way around. I like to dress to feel vulnerable, so a short skirt, heels, bare slender arms and neck and provocative makeup are all designed this way. This means I am bound to attract attention from men but that is not my primary aim. I like to feel vulnerable and helpless in the proximity of a stronger and more dominating person, which tends to be male of course. Crossdressing is all about me!

[ReineD]

This actually makes sense to me, Sherry.

Crossdressers are extremely flexible when it comes to gender expression. They've been able to overcome the male socialization against expressing anything feminine. So why wouldn't they (if they are able to overcome sexual inhibitions), also be flexible when it comes to sexual attraction?

Maybe those who say they are only attracted to men while dressed, compartmentalize things because they cannot let go, in guy mode, of their male socialization against being attracted to other men?

Anyway ... it increasingly appears to me that a lot of CDers (I'm not saying everyone) are pansexual ... open to sexual experiences no matter what form this takes.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with a lot of what's been said, but especially with Tina (#18) and Lucy (#19).

I own my fantasies, and they have run wild at times, mostly about me, how I like to dress, and how others might like what they see (not everybody likes my style, but for the few that do we know we have a connection). Fantasies are fun, but they quickly break down, as Tina said, when they stop saying "woman". Since others don't know my fantasies, they have no other choice than to label me by my actions which to date are purely hetero. So, I'm straight, so far. haha

I don't transform to feel vulnerable as Lucy said, but dressing and making up is about me. I like the image in the mirror. I also like it when others like what they see and say so. For me, short skirts, high heels, makeup, wigs, and all the other things that are "not for men" are what defines beauty and femininity. It's about me. I have no physical attraction to men and their parts, but there have been psychological attractions to some who have given me attention. But it's not about them, it's about me.

As for attractions to others, if they are pretty and feminine and in the style I prefer, I'm attracted. Attracted to what I see, not what really might be there.

[Alice Torn]

If the cder, looked like a beautiful lady, and the perfume removed all male breath, and any trace of male odor, it would be rather enticing, but, when fourth down and tree came, i would have to punt.

[Deedee Skyblue]

around 90% of our information about the world around us comes through our eyes. Many of our reactions to what we see are subconscious - for example, when you go to Disneyworld and stand on the flat floor and watch the 360 degree flying movie - and the plane taking the picture banks, and all the people, standing on the flat floor, lean one way or another to compensate for the visual only bank. So it isn't really surprising that you might get swept up in a visual illusion. And you were likely exposed to many more subliminal clues through your other senses.

Deedee

[docrobbysherry]

Funny no one has mentioned smell. I've never danced with a CDer but I imagine that, dancing close with a great looking lady who wasn't, I believe I would smell male breath and male perspiration. And I'd be gone. Just an unproven thought.

Ineke

Funny u should mention that, Ineke. Because while my old eyes don't see so well these days, and me hearing is rapidly going, (judging by how the loud club music affects me), my sense of smell is excellent! I'm extremely affected by strong perfumes and colognes. Often having to change tables in restaurants because some strong person sitting down nearby.

Oddly, few CD/T's seem to over perfume themselves. A fact for which I'm extremely grateful! And, with all the T events I've attended and CD/T's I've met? I can't recall offensive body odors from any of them. Even on the dance floor. Altho, I have notice a few men at these events reeked a bit.

I can vouch for the CD and trans in my OP. The CD I danced with had NO unpleasant odors. I don't recall smelling "her" breath, tho. I clearly remember smelling the trans breath. I remember thinking how pleasant it was! That may mean "fem" to me? And, may have been one reason I found her "more attractive" that evening?

[Davida Kay]

I no longer fear my thoughts. Seems I have countless thousands of them each day. My identity, sexual identity, M2f persona identity, is not determined by my thoughts, but rather my actions and core beliefs. Ehhh, labels. Guess I'm trying to move beyond them.