How much does your SO accept you?

[Kevyn53]

I've been reading a lot of posts from gals that talk about their spouse/SO accepting them or not. I have to update my status with my wife.

I have gotten such acceptance since I got to vent all the hidden feelings to her that lately she's the one suggesting days out for Kevyn, or geez your eyebrows need thinning (she's the one with the tweezers making them arch nicely). When we're in second-hand stores she continually comes up to me, whether I'm en femme or drab, and holds up a new blouse or skirt or shoes for me. She said I needed decent nylons the other day.

We had such a great day on our trip to the big city that I think she's having fun with "girl's day out." I'm learning to tell her that I appreciate her and all that she's done for me and that I'm trying to include her in all aspects of Kevyn.

One day she laid down for a nap and I got dressed while she was down. I was in my studio painting when she got up and she casually said, "Oh you're a girl!" and went about her weekend.

I am so blessed I can't express it completely.

I'd like to hear others relationships.

[kimdl93]

sounds like a lovely relationship, Kevyn. Over the years, I've felt that my wife was fairly accommodating and accepting. She even went so far as to invite a neighbor lady to join us on the patio for a glass of wine, while I was dressed. But she has been far less enthusiastic about the idea of going out, for example, or shopping or suggesting outfits. And more recently she pulled back even more, asking that I "take a break" from dressing for a while.

We went to a gender counselor - first her, then the two of us, and it really did seem to help, but we're sticking with the break for the moment. Just too many things going on in her life beside my stuff (work, kids, parents). I thought it best to let those other factors calm down before we try to reboot.

[Brianna_H]

I just came out to my wife last night. We've been married for 10 years this coming Halloween. She's known I identify as bisexual since before we were married and she has some gender issues of her own, stemming from neglect and abuse as a child. Neither of us is the straightest arrow in the quiver, as I like to say.

I started out asking if she ever misses having a gal pal. She's pretty anti-social, with no close friends that live in the area. But she used to have a big girlfriend in high school who watched out for her. She said she didn't miss it much and asked why I wanted to know.

So, I took a deep breath and said, "Well, this is outta left field, but I've been thinking about it and doing research, and I think I'm a cross-dresser." She knew I pierced my ears, and I'm always crying at movies and sad stories, so it wasn't the biggest surprise in the world. In the end, she was ok with it as long as nothing was going to come between us. She lost her mom recently, who I loved a lot as well, and I totally reassured her that I'm not going anywhere. In fact, talking about my desires was part of making sure our relationship would stay healthy.

Later she even suggested on one of our vacations that we should go out one night with me all "dolled up" and her in a suit. My heart melted.

We talked about it off an on for the rest of the evening. I'm still going to take it slow and communicate with her about her comfort, but we're off to a great start.

I couldn't have done this without the community here and all the educational posts about talking with one's spouse. It helped me realize that I should not keep secrets. Thank you all for sharing your stories.

[MsVal]

I am blessed with a wife that wants to accept my crossdressing and tries very hard to do so. She has been accompanying me to therapy sessions, we have an open and frank dialog, she has purchased items and donated items to me, and on a recent vacation I dressed every day until it was time to go outdoors. We had breakfast, talked, and played board games exactly as if nothing was different.

The acceptance is not without conditions. MsVal is not welcome in the bedroom, nor are her hugs and kisses appreciated when enfemme. She is not to be revealed to family or anyone else except medical workers and other CDs.

My wife has known about my crossdressing since April of this year. Having this much support in merely 4 months is unimaginable. She is nothing short of incredible. I am trying very hard to match her kindness with kindness of my own and, frankly, having a hard time coming close.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Mia27]

My SO accepts me completely i am pretty lucky She lets me dress in front of her whenever i'd like. But i keep it limited of course im not sure she would like to join me on going out in public but she has helped me come out to many of my friends and family she lends me clothes and advice and even makeup! on a scale 1 to 10. she supports me at a 9

[Mistyjo]

Hi Kevyn
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your wife and thats a ture blessing
My wife is also very accepting she told me that if i wanted to dress everyday she was fine with it i dont because of work but its nice to know that i could she has also bought me makeup and we have gone shopping together both en-femme and drab. She taught me how to apply my makeup and i really like when she does my makeup for me

[biggirlsarah]

My wife is also very accepting, probably verging on encouraging, although she knew about Sarah before she ever met Colin, we got introduced by a mutual friend who's home I used to go to and get dressed (my previous wife would not accept), so my dressing was never an issue, I have said before I am truly blessed, she buys me clothes, She was out with a friend shopping and saw a top she commented to her friend "Oh that is so Sarah, she will absolutely love it ", it doesn't matter when she comes home whether I am male or female, we go shopping together, we go to the beauty parlour and have our legs waxed together, she does my hair for me, which i really enjoy, when I ask if I look alright, she says " I wouldn't let you out the house if you didn't " again I am truly blessed.

[bridget thronton]

More than I can reasonably expect. An occasional compliant on my dress or a gift of jewelry or clothing.

[Jenny Heals]

My wife is OK with it. I still feel a little insecure sometimes, but thats more on me than her I think

[MissTee]

Mine accepts and supports. Is perfectly comfortable with me dressed around the house. Were I to want to go out things would change.

[Isabella Ross]

Complete and unreserved support from my wife. I know, however, that I have to keep the balance...she loves and accepts me as a woman, but also adores me as a man...

We are the lucky ones. I'm always aware that others are far less unfortunate...please don't think for a second I'm gloating; I'm always sad for those with SOs that do not condone.

Having said that, I wonder how many closeted girls would find to their surprise that they would be accepted, if they could get over their fears of coming out to their wives.

[stephNE]

I agree- a girl's day out with the SO makes me the happiest of all the things I do.

[Badwolf]

My SO was trying very hard at first, pulled back very hard for a long time, and after "outing" me to my mom, has become more accepting. Personally I still don't feel full support though, but part of that may be that while she's been more accepting again, we've both been very busy overall.

She has been willing to accept the fact that I like it when she takes over in bed sometimes, even though I love to drive her wild sometimes too. She's even also opened up more sexually to tell me a bit more of what she likes when I'm the one doing the work.

[Princess Grandpa]

I won the wife lottery. I broke a date to my senior prom in order to be able to go with her. This year we celebrated our 30th anniversary. Last year when I came to understand these needs in me she not only accepted it but has pushed me to stretch my comfort level. While at the same time making sure I understood that I shouldn't do anything that makes me too uneasy.

When all this started it was fine "but I don't want to give up time with my man". Well her man is gone replaced with this man woman hybrid thing I've come to realize I am. As we discuss our situation she continues to support, encourage, and push me. We have discussed the question "what if we found a cure" and she is most adamant that she would be very sad to see this part of our lives fade. She gets antsy and irritable days before I do if it goes too long between appearances of Rita.

Hug
Rita

[Kris Avery]

I won the wife lottery. I broke a date to my senior prom in order to be able to go with her. This year we celebrated our 30th anniversary. Last year when I came to understand these needs in me she not only accepted it but has pushed me to stretch my comfort level. While at the same time making sure I understood that I shouldn't do anything that makes me too uneasy.

When all this started it was fine "but I don't want to give up time with my man". Well her man is gone replaced with this man woman hybrid thing I've come to realize I am. As we discuss our situation she continues to support, encourage, and push me. We have discussed the question "what if we found a cure" and she is most adamant that she would be very sad to see this part of our lives fade. She gets antsy and irritable days before I do if it goes too long between appearances of Rita.

Hug
Rita

I also have won the wife lottery and I'm not just saying that in passing.

While she does NOT ever push me to stretch my comfort level (that would be interesting) - she is the most supportive SO I can ever imagine.
We have only been married for 7 years but it feels like forever (and in a good way).

I love your "man woman hybrid thing" comment. I like to say I'm 'deliciously different' but perhaps we are talking about the same kind of thing.

My SO actually likes to see Wendy most of the time, and about 30% of the time she actually gets turned on in the most profound way.
There is only about 20% of the time where she asks Wendy to get naked and often then the adhesive forms can stay.

Change anything and accept a 'cure'. We both say "no way". This is the absolute peak of the acceptance curve if you ask me.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

You and I are SO very lucky. I probably won the wife lottery when many of us did. It's almost too good. I can do whatever I want. I do however do what it takes to protect her from any perceived embarrassment. Heck, her family knows about me and there have been no repercussions whatsoever. I just limit my CDing to only her presence.

Cheryl

[LARIE]

My wife is also accepting to a point or a "red line". After nine years of dressing probably 20/7, wig, bra, etc, the red line is toe nail polish and lipstick. Her comment is that "men don't wear lipstick". I accept her feelings even though I don't quite understand them. So I guess I'm still in the closet when it comes to my nails and lips.
We shop together for underthings, dresses, etc. She will pick out a dress or skirt that she thinks I will like. The bad part about shopping together, is that for every one item I buy, she buys three or four. That must be why she goes shopping with me. All in all, my wife is pretty good about my cding.

[traci_k]

Treasure those gals. Zero acceptance.

[Cheryl T]

I'm lucky enough to have full acceptance and assistance.
We share clothes, style advice, I do her eyebrows and suggest makeup advice (she wears little, a natural beauty) and the other day she asked me for suggestions for jewelry for an upcoming wedding we're attending. She's going to borrow mine while I get to be "drab for a day".

[Valerie Sparks]

My wife and I have sort of a "don't ask--don't tell" situation going on. She knows I under-dress every day but she doesn't want to hear about it. She doesn't go into my closet at all any more. I try to wear a male veneer every day but she doesn't say anything when my shirt has the buttons on the female side or I'm wearing hosiery instead of socks.

[shelly1]

my wife is okay with it as long as I stay in the house and do not let anybody else know that I dress

[Eringirl]

Interesting question. Thanks to all who have replied to date for your honesty. I many ways, I am very jealous. On the one hand, my wife is awesome. Fun to be with, we laugh a lot, have many things in common and have raised two incredibly successful and happy daughters. BUT....you know that was coming....she is not tolerant of Erin at all. I almost lost everything when I did come out to her. It frighten her too much...she didn't know what CD meant or why I did it, and didn't really want to know. She is very black and white on somethings, and this is one of them. She is extremely tolerant of lifestyle choices made by others, just not for me I guess. Her family background is military, clear roles, clear expectations, very traditional. They think they are liberal, but they aren't. I, on the other hand, blur lines easily. I do all the cooking, most of the grocery shopping, house work, work full time, plus other jobs. However, I am not a "handyman" (or should that be "handy gurl" ). Power tools and me are just an insurance claim waiting to happen. But I am expected, as the "male" to mow the lawn, which I hate doing, shovel snow, which I hate doing, and other repairs, which I hate doing. Certainly not my preference for sure. I am the one that breaks down when one of our girls had issues (one broke her back when she was 11 (I was a mess), the other received death threats in high school, cops caught them though). Don't mess with me when it comes to protecting my girls - I get like a big ol' mama bear !! I get weepy when they are leaving after being home for a visit...My wife is very strong, maybe because I am not, so she does it to be strong for me???

So, it has been an interesting ride for sure. I do what I can to keep Erin's spirit alive, and try to contribute and assist other gurls when I can.

My two cents (Canadian) worth!

Erin

[LeannS]

You are so lucky to have an SO that accepts and helps you.
I could only wish that mine did.
We get along great and have a great time together and even shop for her clothes.
But not for me.

Leann

[Lady Catherine]

I don't feel she accepts 100%, but she tries and we talk and she never puts me down. She's growing with the idea instead of against it.

[devida]

My wife completely accepts me as being transgender but that does't mean she doesn't have opinions. She tells me if I wear bras, blouses, or skirts she doesn't like, or if she thinks my make up is unsubtle. She doesn't mind me having small tits but she objects to my being too busty. I actually consider her the expert at presenting non male, though to tell the truth she is sometimes so butch that I have a better idea of femininity! Her opinions aren't a problem. I am learning what it means to be non binary and so is she. It's a discussion which we both find interesting and exciting. I do, given the responses I see on this forum, feel incredibly fortunate. My wife turned 70 this year. How cool is it that she is so open and supportive?