She is not accepting at all. I wish I had the nerve to bring it up before we were married. Maybe she would be more accepting.
She is not accepting at all. I wish I had the nerve to bring it up before we were married. Maybe she would be more accepting.
More than I accept myself.....thank you for sharing Kevyn65.
totally 100%
This is such a heartbreaking topic. I am so thankful forums like this exist to lend support. I wish I had all the answers, but every situation is unique. I am very blessed to have a supportive wife, and I try to remember that I have to support her in this as well. A long time ago she told me that the biggest hurdle for her was she felt she had to compete with Jocelyn. She has to compete with her for time with Charlie and she has to compete with Jocelyn's looks. Regrettably I simply didn't understand this for a long time. Time spent with Jocelyn IS time spent with Charlie. It's the same person, just different clothes. As for competing on looks, that's just silly. Right?
Thankfully I came to my senses. She didn't marry a woman and over time more and more her husband was becoming feminine through shaved legs and chest to thin, arched brows. It wasn't until we were looking through old pictures that I realized just how different her husband had come to look over the years. The most shameful part was the fact that I simply gave no thought to her concern over competing with Jocelyn on looks. It's a simple fact that she is a far better looking woman than I can ever hope to be. But emotions aren't always based on facts. For us upgrading her wardrobe did wonders for her self-confidence. It took awhile, but we have come a long way and the lines of communication are strong and open.
"It's a sad man, my friend, who's living in his own skin and can't stand the company" - Bruce Springsteen
Come visit me at Jocelyn's World
It's early days yet. She's still coming to terms with it or at least getting used to the idea. On the one hand she said she didn't have a problem with me underdressing and keeping clothes in my drawers. But then she saw a pair of shoes, that I'd left out and it bothered her. The panties thing began to bother her too and she doesn't want to see me wearing more feminine underwear although panties that look less fem are ok.
I think time will tell whether she simply ignores it or begins to accept it. The next time we go shopping might give me an idea as I'm bound to see something I like. Her reaction will tell me something.
I'm hopeful.
Not one bit. If she finds any of my clothes they get thrown in a dumpster across town
My sweet wife has amazed me over the last 18 months. She knew from the beginnng and was fine with underdressing but everything else was DADT. She would even buy matching panties for us and would lay out matching pairs everyday so we could share our little secret even when we were apart. 18 months ago she suddenly told me that she did not care what I wore around the house as long as I didn't wear wigs or makeup around her. This is fine with me. She is an incredible woman and in many discussions since then she has said that when I am dressed I am more like her best friend. Much calmer and more caring. She gives me her opinions on clothes and even said she wished my male wardrobe was more colorful like my female wardrobe. I am very careful about the pink fog and have to really restrain myself. I recently purchased a darling eyelet peasant blouse with beautiful lace trim. I have not worn it for her yet since I want to match it with the perfect long tiered skirt. She thinks this is funny since she is the same way when she is putting together an outfit.
Like everything in our relationship she is amazing. She has had severe health problems for the last 2 years and our sex life is pretty much gone. She told me recently that if I wanted to have an affair she would understand. I explained to her that I had no need. We shared an incredible amount of intimacy and that I was fine being her friend, her care giver and that she is the love of my life.
I know I am one of the lucky ones here. It took a lot of time and patience but every minute of everyday I thank God for allowing me to know this incredible loving woman.
Hugs
Ellen Jo
Somtimes the light's all shining on me, Other times I can barely see.
Lately it's occured to me.....What a long strange trip it has been.
Truckin by the Grateful Dead
My wife is strictly DADT. She has referred to my cross dressing as a "curious habit", and has said that she has no interest in seeing it. While I certainly appreciate that she did not leave me after discovering my stash, I still hope for a bit more than DADT. I should have told her much earlier in our relationship, but you can't change the past.
total ..to the point if tried to give it up ,she would keep buying me "candy"
Do you mind if I ask why? My H was the same for many years, always hoping and pushing for me to join in this part of his life. Thing is, it's really not my thing AT ALL, and I actually liken it now to being forced to watch a sport I can't stand. Every day. Over and over again. I feel totally within my rights to tell my H that I don't want to watch said sport, so why is crossdressing any different?Originally Posted by Athena_
I think many here forget that we're all individuals, wives included, and what is fun and interesting and important to you may not be for someone else. Women's clothing is actually pretty dull for many of us women, as you can imagine. Sometimes it's just healthier for spouses to have separate interests so why not just accept the acceptance she's offered and let it go??
My SO is very accepting and encouraging on the surface, but only when the issue comes up or is brought about by me, but then again she is pretty passive about most things.
Yes many of us tend to forget that we are individuals. There are some sports programs on Television that I do not watch nor am I interested in them in any way shape or form....it is as if I am being pressured into accepting my partners CD-ing ... and believe me the pressure is always there and GETTING STRONGER EVERY DAY an its so uncomfortable. I DONT WANT TO BE A PART OF HAVING A 'SISTER' AS A PART OF MY RELATIONSHIP....'A MENAGE A TROI' I am being dragged into this even though I do state that I do not want this to expand further than the DADT. I heartily agree with having some separate interests....being joined at the hip all the time and doing 'everything' together is not healthy. Other than this rant my relationship is wonderful. Part of me wants to get over this initial hump and move forward with our relationship stronger and part of me is kicking and silently screaming "I don't want this". Who knows what is to become of us?? Had to get this rant out as it has been building for some time....thanks for your understanding...reading your posts is helping me to understand and inform me better....many thanks
Last edited by Windsong; 08-13-2014 at 10:45 AM. Reason: sorry posted twice????
Tink,
I am grateful for all of your insights. You raise a fair point. The sport comparison is crystal clear.
I guess my response would be that this is not something that I think I can change about myself. I deeply care about my wife and I guess I just want to share this very personal part of me. Her opinion and respect is something that I treasure. I am aware that she never signed up for my "curious habit", but I am hoping for some sort of experimentation or compromise. If DADT is all she can handle, I respect that. I can just wish for more.
I am very lucky also that my wife fully accepts Melinda. It was a little slow at first, but once we got past all the "usual questions" it has been great. She has no problem with my dressing and even encourages it. She shops for things for me and even likes to due my makeup somtimes. She even suggested and did shave my body lol.
I just told my boyfriend a few weeks ago that I like to wear girls clothes sometimes, and that it can be a turn on for me. I am normally the sexually dominant one, and neither of us is in any way a stereotypical "queen", so he wasn't really excited about it. That being said, he could tell that I was feeling ashamed and embarassed and vulnerable, and he never put me down. It's just sorta "meh" to him. I haven't dressed in front of him yet. I'm probably going to start with some fairly tame panties as a sort of "come-on", and see how he feels. As a bonus, he loves the fact that he knows all of my secrets, and I know we are closer because of it.Overall, i feel good about telling him.
Much the same as the wives i'm reading about, he doesn't want to lose "his man". He has nothing to worry about when it comes to that- I just love to pretend sometimes, and I want him to come play with me. I'm optimistic about the future.
I'm lucky enough to have a fiancé that takes me out for stuff like that. We've been shopping for me while I was in drab several times since I came out to her. I still have some shame to deal with since I can get embarrassed easily when she tries to pick stuff out for me (subtly) with people around. Glad to hear of your positive relationship.
My wife seems to be slowly getting more accepting. She doesn't seem concerned with panties any more. I haven't usually done much more around her though. I'm too embarrassed.
Once again, I hope you don't mind a SO weighing in...I was surprised (to say the least) when my SO began revealing his CDing urges to me. It was all very gradual and stayed restricted to the bedroom. We took a year off from each other an just this year when we began seeing each other again his CDing escalated. I have always been OK with it as long as it stayed in the bedroom, but he recently began having urges to go public. I took him for his first and much needed pedicure (even for a non-CDer) and he had me ask to have his toes painted the same as mine. I felt uncomfortable because the poor lady was so embarrassed. I stated in another post that he wants me to help him go public in what is a gay friendly town we visit often. This was too much for me. I'm ok with it being something between us, but going public would be way too stressful. He would count on me to fend off any negative attention (that's the man's job, btw) and I would be on edge the whole time. I've also been informed by a gay friend that gay bars are not always female friendly, so they may be OK with him but not me.
I do buy him clothes and lingerie because I know he enjoys it and helps him relax and I'm not freaked out when he dresses, although I don't believe he has adopted a female persona - yet. He wants to believe it turns me on, but really just seeing him relax is the only enjoyment I get from it. We don't live together and because we both have demanding jobs with long hours we don't usually see each other during the week so it's not something I have to deal with daily. I'm not sure how I would feel if if he dressed for dinner every night.
The truth is, when we are out I enjoy him being the man, opening the door for me, holding my chair, giving me his arm when I'm in high heels, taking my hand and guiding me through a crowd and making sure no inappropriate attention is sent my way. Thanks to the advice and support I've received from many on this site I know that is exactly what I need to tell him.
My wife and I discovered Tina together just after our 32nd wedding anniversary. We named her together and my wife has, literally, been teaching Tina what it is like to grow up as a girl. She treats Tina as a girlfriend at all times, really considering us two separate personalities. It couldn't be more perfect.
When we were first married and before a child there was "bedroom play" with nylon nightgowns and garter belts & hosiery. When it became evident I was going further into cross dressing my wife was turned off. She could not understand why a guy would want to wear a bra when he has nothing to stuff into it. She was completely turned off. She was uncomfortable even watching "Tootsie." It's DADT. I don't know if she is aware of the extent of my wardrobe. She has not made any comments for many years, which is OK. But, it would be nice to have an accepting and supportive wife, but, alas, it will never be. Frankly, now.. I would probably decline any invitation to be en femme in front of her. After so many decades it would be really strange.
Zero acceptance in my house. I am very envious of those of you who have wives that realize you are the same good person that she married. Only the wrapping paper is different sometimes.
My wife accepts me how ever I am. It think it is called love or something like that. Only complaint I have gotten is I buy more stuff for me than her. ( But I wear it she doesn't) but let's not open that can.
Kymmie
Just your average harley riding crossdressing biker
Why be normal??????
My wife is 110% accepting and supportive. In fact, she is responsible for helping me discover that I was a crossdresser. I had no history of crossdressing. One day, we were shoe shopping and she asked me if I liked the high heels she was trying on. When I said yes, she asked me why. Then she asked how would I feel if I had my own pair of heels. Our discussion ended in her strongly suggesting that I buy a pair of sexy stiletto high heels for myself - to experience the feeling of wearing a pair of heels - and I nervously did. It was totally exciting. We both quickly discovered that how much I enjoyed wearing a pair of heels. She immediately added a pair of her stockings, then sexy boy shorts, a black lace top - and she started added lipstick, blush, eyeliner. She transformed me - and it was tremendous - exciting, sexy, scary, life-changing. We discovered "Heather", the name she gave her new female friend. My wife totally embrace this feminine discovery and growth. It has been fun and she knows how happy I am as Heather. Crossdressing has increased our intimacy. She loves me as Heather, buys me shoes, does my hair, shares her jewelry, participates in crossdressing events and encourages me to be Heather - every day. She goes beyond accepting my crossdressing. She likes me, enjoys me and even prefers me, as Heather.
Last edited by heatherdress; 07-19-2014 at 12:02 AM.
Heather you are really lucky.
I am an underdresser only - bra and panties every day and some of my sleepware is feminine. In winter I wear pantihose if it is really cold.
I would like to go futher than that but I choose not to push that boundary. I prefer to be accepted as just an underdresser. There are small changes for the better - such as lace and colours but a skirt or shoes would cross a line.
She is also OK with a single earring - a small stud - which I wear all the time, but more earrings would be a problem (I have three piercings in each ear).
Hi Kevyn, It's a tolerated acceptance a DA/DT kind of thinggie.
My wife of 50yrs. knows all about my dressing and the three closets full of clothes
all the wigs and the 130+ pairs of shoes, BUT she just don't want to see me when I'm dressed up.
The funny thing is that she will borrow something sometimes.
I dress about three hrs. in the Morning and a couple hrs. in the Evening.
I know my boundaries and stay within them and life is great.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
