Zero acceptance in my house. I am very envious of those of you who have wives that realize you are the same good person that she married. Only the wrapping paper is different sometimes.
Zero acceptance in my house. I am very envious of those of you who have wives that realize you are the same good person that she married. Only the wrapping paper is different sometimes.
I just came out to my wife last night. We've been married for 10 years this coming Halloween. She's known I identify as bisexual since before we were married and she has some gender issues of her own, stemming from neglect and abuse as a child. Neither of us is the straightest arrow in the quiver, as I like to say.
I started out asking if she ever misses having a gal pal. She's pretty anti-social, with no close friends that live in the area. But she used to have a big girlfriend in high school who watched out for her. She said she didn't miss it much and asked why I wanted to know.
So, I took a deep breath and said, "Well, this is outta left field, but I've been thinking about it and doing research, and I think I'm a cross-dresser." She knew I pierced my ears, and I'm always crying at movies and sad stories, so it wasn't the biggest surprise in the world. In the end, she was ok with it as long as nothing was going to come between us. She lost her mom recently, who I loved a lot as well, and I totally reassured her that I'm not going anywhere. In fact, talking about my desires was part of making sure our relationship would stay healthy.
Later she even suggested on one of our vacations that we should go out one night with me all "dolled up" and her in a suit. My heart melted.
We talked about it off an on for the rest of the evening. I'm still going to take it slow and communicate with her about her comfort, but we're off to a great start.
I couldn't have done this without the community here and all the educational posts about talking with one's spouse. It helped me realize that I should not keep secrets. Thank you all for sharing your stories.
*******
I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try, I'll never know!
- Defying Gravity from Wicked
I am blessed with a wife that wants to accept my crossdressing and tries very hard to do so. She has been accompanying me to therapy sessions, we have an open and frank dialog, she has purchased items and donated items to me, and on a recent vacation I dressed every day until it was time to go outdoors. We had breakfast, talked, and played board games exactly as if nothing was different.
The acceptance is not without conditions. MsVal is not welcome in the bedroom, nor are her hugs and kisses appreciated when enfemme. She is not to be revealed to family or anyone else except medical workers and other CDs.
My wife has known about my crossdressing since April of this year. Having this much support in merely 4 months is unimaginable. She is nothing short of incredible. I am trying very hard to match her kindness with kindness of my own and, frankly, having a hard time coming close.
Best wishes
MsVal
My wife and I are best friends and she has given me and shown me nothing short of unconditional love...acceptance of me is absolute, the dressing is going to take some time.
My wife is OK with it. I still feel a little insecure sometimes, but thats more on me than her I think
Mine accepts and supports. Is perfectly comfortable with me dressed around the house. Were I to want to go out things would change.
I painted my toes a very pretty shade of red a few months ago and since it was still winter she hadn't seen them. They were painted for about a week and I guess I got " too comfortable " and she spotted them. I don't think she was too happy, even though she said "oh, your toes look cute", her face said otherwise. I just think for her it was too soon.Originally Posted by LARIE
I can only hope my next attempt to be open and honest with my SO will be less painfull, for both of us, than the last. Is there a formula ?
I also won the spouse lottery. Mimi is very accepting and supportive even though I suppressed this part of myself though our first 20 years of marriage. She's told me that she's in it for the long haul no matter where the path leads us.
We go out regularly. She is happy to give her opinion on my outfits and makeup. I value her advice because it keeps me grounded and at least partially out of the Pink Fog. She has encouraged me to open my horizons and try things that I otherwise wouldn't have considered.
It hasn't always been idyllic. Sometimes I've done things too fast and she's had a hard time assimilating it. We try to keep communications open and work through the rough spots.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
My wife accepts me how ever I am. It think it is called love or something like that. Only complaint I have gotten is I buy more stuff for me than her. ( But I wear it she doesn't) but let's not open that can.
Kymmie
Just your average harley riding crossdressing biker
Why be normal??????
My wife and I have sort of a "don't ask--don't tell" situation going on. She knows I under-dress every day but she doesn't want to hear about it. She doesn't go into my closet at all any more. I try to wear a male veneer every day but she doesn't say anything when my shirt has the buttons on the female side or I'm wearing hosiery instead of socks.
I posted today on the new member forum about recently coming out to my SO in the beginning of our relationship. In response, she pledged her love and full support to my cross dressing. I know how blessed I am to have her support and acceptance. But this is new to both of us and I'm not sure how far this goes. Right now we are both comfortable in the privacy of our home, between us alone. Wherever it leads, we are determined to explore together.
My wife is 110% accepting and supportive. In fact, she is responsible for helping me discover that I was a crossdresser. I had no history of crossdressing. One day, we were shoe shopping and she asked me if I liked the high heels she was trying on. When I said yes, she asked me why. Then she asked how would I feel if I had my own pair of heels. Our discussion ended in her strongly suggesting that I buy a pair of sexy stiletto high heels for myself - to experience the feeling of wearing a pair of heels - and I nervously did. It was totally exciting. We both quickly discovered that how much I enjoyed wearing a pair of heels. She immediately added a pair of her stockings, then sexy boy shorts, a black lace top - and she started added lipstick, blush, eyeliner. She transformed me - and it was tremendous - exciting, sexy, scary, life-changing. We discovered "Heather", the name she gave her new female friend. My wife totally embrace this feminine discovery and growth. It has been fun and she knows how happy I am as Heather. Crossdressing has increased our intimacy. She loves me as Heather, buys me shoes, does my hair, shares her jewelry, participates in crossdressing events and encourages me to be Heather - every day. She goes beyond accepting my crossdressing. She likes me, enjoys me and even prefers me, as Heather.
Last edited by heatherdress; 07-19-2014 at 12:02 AM.
Heather you are really lucky.
I am an underdresser only - bra and panties every day and some of my sleepware is feminine. In winter I wear pantihose if it is really cold.
I would like to go futher than that but I choose not to push that boundary. I prefer to be accepted as just an underdresser. There are small changes for the better - such as lace and colours but a skirt or shoes would cross a line.
She is also OK with a single earring - a small stud - which I wear all the time, but more earrings would be a problem (I have three piercings in each ear).
She is not accepting at all. I wish I had the nerve to bring it up before we were married. Maybe she would be more accepting.
Hi Kevyn, It's a tolerated acceptance a DA/DT kind of thinggie.
My wife of 50yrs. knows all about my dressing and the three closets full of clothes
all the wigs and the 130+ pairs of shoes, BUT she just don't want to see me when I'm dressed up.
The funny thing is that she will borrow something sometimes.
I dress about three hrs. in the Morning and a couple hrs. in the Evening.
I know my boundaries and stay within them and life is great.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
This is such a heartbreaking topic. I am so thankful forums like this exist to lend support. I wish I had all the answers, but every situation is unique. I am very blessed to have a supportive wife, and I try to remember that I have to support her in this as well. A long time ago she told me that the biggest hurdle for her was she felt she had to compete with Jocelyn. She has to compete with her for time with Charlie and she has to compete with Jocelyn's looks. Regrettably I simply didn't understand this for a long time. Time spent with Jocelyn IS time spent with Charlie. It's the same person, just different clothes. As for competing on looks, that's just silly. Right?
Thankfully I came to my senses. She didn't marry a woman and over time more and more her husband was becoming feminine through shaved legs and chest to thin, arched brows. It wasn't until we were looking through old pictures that I realized just how different her husband had come to look over the years. The most shameful part was the fact that I simply gave no thought to her concern over competing with Jocelyn on looks. It's a simple fact that she is a far better looking woman than I can ever hope to be. But emotions aren't always based on facts. For us upgrading her wardrobe did wonders for her self-confidence. It took awhile, but we have come a long way and the lines of communication are strong and open.
"It's a sad man, my friend, who's living in his own skin and can't stand the company" - Bruce Springsteen
Come visit me at Jocelyn's World
It's early days yet. She's still coming to terms with it or at least getting used to the idea. On the one hand she said she didn't have a problem with me underdressing and keeping clothes in my drawers. But then she saw a pair of shoes, that I'd left out and it bothered her. The panties thing began to bother her too and she doesn't want to see me wearing more feminine underwear although panties that look less fem are ok.
I think time will tell whether she simply ignores it or begins to accept it. The next time we go shopping might give me an idea as I'm bound to see something I like. Her reaction will tell me something.
I'm hopeful.
My sweet wife has amazed me over the last 18 months. She knew from the beginnng and was fine with underdressing but everything else was DADT. She would even buy matching panties for us and would lay out matching pairs everyday so we could share our little secret even when we were apart. 18 months ago she suddenly told me that she did not care what I wore around the house as long as I didn't wear wigs or makeup around her. This is fine with me. She is an incredible woman and in many discussions since then she has said that when I am dressed I am more like her best friend. Much calmer and more caring. She gives me her opinions on clothes and even said she wished my male wardrobe was more colorful like my female wardrobe. I am very careful about the pink fog and have to really restrain myself. I recently purchased a darling eyelet peasant blouse with beautiful lace trim. I have not worn it for her yet since I want to match it with the perfect long tiered skirt. She thinks this is funny since she is the same way when she is putting together an outfit.
Like everything in our relationship she is amazing. She has had severe health problems for the last 2 years and our sex life is pretty much gone. She told me recently that if I wanted to have an affair she would understand. I explained to her that I had no need. We shared an incredible amount of intimacy and that I was fine being her friend, her care giver and that she is the love of my life.
I know I am one of the lucky ones here. It took a lot of time and patience but every minute of everyday I thank God for allowing me to know this incredible loving woman.
Hugs
Ellen Jo
Somtimes the light's all shining on me, Other times I can barely see.
Lately it's occured to me.....What a long strange trip it has been.
Truckin by the Grateful Dead
My wife is strictly DADT. She has referred to my cross dressing as a "curious habit", and has said that she has no interest in seeing it. While I certainly appreciate that she did not leave me after discovering my stash, I still hope for a bit more than DADT. I should have told her much earlier in our relationship, but you can't change the past.
total ..to the point if tried to give it up ,she would keep buying me "candy"
Once again, I hope you don't mind a SO weighing in...I was surprised (to say the least) when my SO began revealing his CDing urges to me. It was all very gradual and stayed restricted to the bedroom. We took a year off from each other an just this year when we began seeing each other again his CDing escalated. I have always been OK with it as long as it stayed in the bedroom, but he recently began having urges to go public. I took him for his first and much needed pedicure (even for a non-CDer) and he had me ask to have his toes painted the same as mine. I felt uncomfortable because the poor lady was so embarrassed. I stated in another post that he wants me to help him go public in what is a gay friendly town we visit often. This was too much for me. I'm ok with it being something between us, but going public would be way too stressful. He would count on me to fend off any negative attention (that's the man's job, btw) and I would be on edge the whole time. I've also been informed by a gay friend that gay bars are not always female friendly, so they may be OK with him but not me.
I do buy him clothes and lingerie because I know he enjoys it and helps him relax and I'm not freaked out when he dresses, although I don't believe he has adopted a female persona - yet. He wants to believe it turns me on, but really just seeing him relax is the only enjoyment I get from it. We don't live together and because we both have demanding jobs with long hours we don't usually see each other during the week so it's not something I have to deal with daily. I'm not sure how I would feel if if he dressed for dinner every night.
The truth is, when we are out I enjoy him being the man, opening the door for me, holding my chair, giving me his arm when I'm in high heels, taking my hand and guiding me through a crowd and making sure no inappropriate attention is sent my way. Thanks to the advice and support I've received from many on this site I know that is exactly what I need to tell him.
Do you mind if I ask why? My H was the same for many years, always hoping and pushing for me to join in this part of his life. Thing is, it's really not my thing AT ALL, and I actually liken it now to being forced to watch a sport I can't stand. Every day. Over and over again. I feel totally within my rights to tell my H that I don't want to watch said sport, so why is crossdressing any different?
I think many here forget that we're all individuals, wives included, and what is fun and interesting and important to you may not be for someone else. Women's clothing is actually pretty dull for many of us women, as you can imagine. Sometimes it's just healthier for spouses to have separate interests so why not just accept the acceptance she's offered and let it go??
My SO is very accepting and encouraging on the surface, but only when the issue comes up or is brought about by me, but then again she is pretty passive about most things.
I have a geat wife. She is more accepting, proactive and supportive of my crossdressing than I am.
