Which scenario is better?

[JocelynRenee]

Which is better?

1) Your friends and family never know you cross dress, but you know (or suspect) that were they to know they would immediately disown you.

2) Your friends and family discover (or are told) and they immediately disown you.

For the first part of my life I chose #1 and it worked, for the most part. At some point, however, I began to resent people in my life for an offense they had yet to actually commit. And then a funny thing happened: people did find out and is was OK. Sure, I lost some, but they were a tiny minority in number. Over the years I've wondered if the genie could be put back back in the bottle and we could go back to DADT would I be happy? For me the answer is, "No". How about everyone else?

[Chari]

A better answer to your scenario IMO would be to accept all facets of yourself, and always be comfortable and confident in who you are - no matter how you are presenting! Some family and friends will always be there for you, while others will be gone when the seasons change. Enjoy.

[Jodi]

I agree with Chari. Accept and embrace who you are, and if those around you do disown you, don't let the door hit them in the ass on the way out.

Jodi

[bridget thronton]

I think discovery has the greatest likelihood of bad consequences. I am selective about who I share with but have not had anyone disown me after my telling them.

[CynthiaD]

I agree with "none of the above." I don't believe in "deep dark secrets," and I don't believe in "coming out." My wife is the only one I've formally come out to. For all others my attitude is "Yeah I'm wearing a dress. So what?"

[Kate Simmons]

In the end our life is really our own. We have the right to make our own choices but we must deal with the results of those choices.

[JocelynRenee]

I agree with Chari. Accept and embrace who you are, and if those around you do disown you, don't let the door hit them in the ass on the way out.

Jodi

Love it!

[Marcelle]

Hi Jocelyn,

In my own personal circumstances, once I accepted Isha into my life I was of the mindset that hiding her would only bring me back to the dark place I was when I discovered her. So I went through a process of outing myself to family first (all went well), close friends (lost a very good friend and some are now indifferent), and work (required due to security concerns). Yes a few people have disappeared from my life but a vast majority have stayed and see me no different whether I am boy me or girl me.

I can't go back to hiding in the shadows and even if I could I don't think I would. For the first time in a long time, I am truly happy with being me (boy or girl).

Hugs

Isha

[noeleena]

Hi,

Talking about dressing depends on what in and where,

some 30 years ago Jos i and our 3 kids were going home a 40 mile trip and we stopped at an old church building and saw a market going on so we had a look there was a sign up that had The S C A, we did not know what it meant, any way 15 miles later we stopped again and another sign and there was a fare it was at this large reserve so in we go and hang on The S C A,

Well about 35 years later i joined this group and quess what we dress in skirts and dress;s as they did in the 1400 to 1700..Renaissance times

Now had i dressed like they did 35 years ago it would have been accepted with out ? because we were reinacting times past .

Nathan our son told Jos they would have accepted far better had i been a dresser as similar to what is talked about here than for myself to be what i am, born intersexed and being dressed as a normal female

, so you see just because some of us are born different does not make it any easyer , perception as to how family members accept you from birth does not allways allow for ill use change though thats does not apply in my case though wearing of clothes does, that are female .

...noeleena...

[NicoleScott]

The two choices are being disowned or not being disowned. If someone chooses the former, it should be easy enough to make it happen.

[Angie G]

My wife knows. As for anyone other then her I'd rather not findout.
Angie

[CarlaWestin]

I guess I'm in the "none of the above" camp but, although I've generally lived with the #1 attitude, I'm more aligned with #2.
I'm a crossdresser! So, just how exciting does your boring ass life get?

[sometimes_miss]

Hey, Jocelyn, what kind of choice is that? It's like asking if you want to be burned at the stake or drown in the dunking pond.

BTW, I lived through both. I only came out to a few when there wasn't any choice, either I told them, or my ex wife would, and I decided perhaps with some explanation it might actually work out. Nope. No such luck. So I would have to recommend option one. At least you're still civil with them, even if you suspect they would not tolerate who you really are.

[Nadine Spirit]

And then a funny thing happened: people did find out and is was OK.

I think the two options you gave are what people fear and not reality. Reality is what I quoted above. I am sure that would not be okay, but I have yet to find any in my personal life. I totally agree with you about the resentment it creates within ourselves towards others. We think we are doing them a favor and it slowly but surely makes us hate them. And what have they done to deserve this hate? Nothing! It is solely what we think they will do. I say give people the chance and enjoy them or dislike them for what they actually do and not for what we think they will do.

[abbyleigh001]

Quiet often as husbands and fathers we have established a male masculine image from which when at a decision point where we wish to move beyond to who we really are it just becomes filled with trepidation... Do we really want to disappoint and risk alienating those special people in our lives??? A very difficult time and decision... It takes a very determined and strong person... However one premise... It is your life and your decision towards happiness and no one else can live your life...

[Beverley Sims]

I have remained with #1 over the years, I do have friends who know but they are dis interested and I don't think they are even interested in sharing the info with someone else.

[Katey888]

Jocelyn - I'm sure the choice was right for you but how about if #2 becomes:

2) Your friends and family discover (or are told) and they immediately disown you and as a consequence you lose both a share in your own personal equity and a potential and substantial inherited equity and income, that would have made the rest of what has now become a very poor but open life, quite comfortable and totally secure...

Just hypothetical... but like all these mindgames, I think it does depend on how you stack the deck...

And I don't resent people for something that they might or might not commit towards me... I choose (for personal and historic reasons) to keep this to myself - I control it and not the other way around - I own the feelings and any burden that my decision and choice brings to me, but I have no-one to blame or resent for that. To each his or her own, I think...

Katey x

[Molly James]

Definitely #1 for me although I have confided in my wife who has been as supportive as possible despite finding the concept difficult to accept.

[LelaK]

The only ones I want to know about my CDing are those with whom I may seek close companionship. I don't seek close companionship with my family. That's why I moved away, hopefully for good, but on good terms.