Hi, I'm 61, I do not go out dressed and hence do not try to pass or blend in. I mainly dress many many years younger with the clothes and shoes I enjoy.
If I did venture out I guess I would be much more conservative, but overall I think u should dress in whatever makes u feel good
Everytime this subject comes up, people seem to get defensive about what they choose to wear. If you're on social security and wearing mini skirts and six inch heels, ask yourself this question: Would I approve of my wife wearing this outfit in public?
If you want to pass or blend, you have to dress for your age and for the occasion and time of day. If your intent is to shock people, wear the mini skirt and six inch heels. Make sure people know you are a crossdresser.
Lol...I am sure this will offend someone, but lets make this omelet anyway...
I sort of think this whole discussion is a little silly. It reminds me of being in High School and arguing about which music group was the best. Lol
First, how you dress is a matter of personal taste and what you think looks good on you, according to what you like and what you think, isn't it? It is expression of self, right?
Or are we somehow imprisoned in a cage of other people's expectations?
Does it matter what anyone else thinks? I guess some people care, but I have never been among them (old hippy and rebel that I...lol).
When I dress in drab it is in clothing I like, that makes me feel good. Do some men my age look down their noses at me because I am not in their uniform of a suit or a polo and chinos? Most likely. Do some see my long hair, and skinny jeans and sneer inappropriate remarks about my probable sexual orientation at me under their breath? I expect that happens sometimes, too. Do I care? Why would I?
Are there others who look and think...wow that dude is cool? Yeah, that possibly happens, too. Do I care about that either? No. I dress the way I do because it is my life and I dress to make myself feel good. Life is way too short for anything else.
Lots of times when I see a gaggle of ggs cackling about the way another gg is dressed I really pay attention.
Sometimes, yes, the offending gg is dressed in a manner that she cannot pull off (Spandex pants on the wrong body come to mind...tee hee).
Or she is dressed in a way that is out of place for the occasion. Halter top and cutoffs at a funeral, etc. Sure.
I get that!
There are occasions that deserve respect, and there are bodily limitations.
But sometimes I see a woman who really rocks a particular style and looks really hot in it. Yeah, by the books it may be too young for her, but she looks great to me. She makes it work. And then I turn around and hear people clucking because she is trampy or dressed too young for her chronological years. Usually when I look at the people doing the clucking I see people who could never in their wildest dreams be able to pull off such a look. Can we say green eyed monster? C'mon, now...you know there is a lot of this about? Be honest.
I'm not saying wear whatever you want and look ridiculous. Don't wear that LBD and heels to the mall. What I am saying is be tasteful according to what you like. Be critical of yourself and choose according to what works for you. If you really can pull off a younger look, go for it. Enjoy it. If you can't then wear something better suited to your age. Look the way you like and look as good as you can.
Whatever looks you have are not going to last forever, so enjoy them while you can.
To quote from Captain Barbossa:
“And thirdly, the code is more what you'd call “guidelines” than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Turner”
LOL
Hugs
Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
Courage is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to ignore it.
It's your life. Make it count.
Samantha (post #53), nobody should be offended at your expressing your opinion. I agree with your post. Look at this:
This is representative of how many CDers think. For those who have a strong feminine identity and want to blend in public and mix with others in public, there are rules about age-appropriate, place-appropriate, time-appropriate, and event-appropriate dressing. But notice that Leslie's concern was not for how others might perceive ME, but how my inappropriate-in-her-eyes dressing might affect HER. And her fear of "being looked down upon" is indicative that she herself looks down upon those who don't follow her rules. While most everyone says there is no right or wrong way to crossdress, you have to wonder if they really believe it.Originally Posted by Leslie Langford
For the cause of public acceptance, many CDers encourage others to get out there. But if your presentation doesn't conform to their standards, tell you to STAY HOME!
I will go out in the en femme presentation I choose, and if it reflects negatively on other CDers, to quote Leslie "While this may not necessarily be fair, it is what it is."
Cara, chiming in with my own little 2 cents - you are exactly right! I aspire to fit in with who I am inside showing on the outside. That means wearing comfy and flattering clothes. From my lil' part of the world, it seems that some (not all, some) CDers just want to dress trashy (call it "hooker chic") and think they pass. When I've been complimented for my style, nails, or hairstyle, that makes me feel that everything I had on just worked!
Quite right, Kay, but, again, that goes to dressing appropriately for the occsion rather than age. There are clubs and parties and special events where a little "trashy" is not only appropriate but fun. On the other hand there are lots of occasions where it would be just stupid crazy rude to dress that way. But my point was its not about actual age, but rather whether you still have the looks and the figure to pull off a particular style. And that is a matter of personal judgement, at least as far as I am concerned...lol
Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
Courage is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to ignore it.
It's your life. Make it count.
I said earlier I like this forum for it's diversity, and although it's unlikely we'll ever get complete agreement on any subject -- I do think it's cool when a predominantly 'at-home pleasure-dresser' like Nicole (if you'll allow that description, or provide a better one...
) and an 'out-and-about' TG dresser, like Samantha, are able to agree in principle that a lot of the time this is about self-expression and not necessarily meeting 'expectations' of.... who, exactly...?
Yes - the OP implied that this was about going out... but even if someone here chooses to be a bit age-inappropriate or even venue-inappropriate (and bear in mind we do have a few folks who present as males in dresses here too...) I'm missing how this is reflecting on someone badly in Canada (or elsewhere), if I do this here in the UK... or someone else does it in Mississippi... Or Oz...? Is there some conspiracy of CD sightings and evaluation that goes on in the world of muggles that we're not aware of...? Some global network that passes on any CD fashion faux pas that doesn't align with these unwritten rules...? I don't really get that...
I don't expect many of the provincial places I see on member' locations here to be well recognised as particular bell weathers of fashion, either GG or CD, so I'm not as keen at receiving fashion tips from there as I might be from CDs in Paris or Milan - even NY!
I am curious as to why some folk always pop up as the self-elected arbiters of all that's 'best' in a community, even one that is as staggeringly weird to the world of normal folk as this one...! Awesome... I guess that's just people for you...
I'm changing my avatar to a more inappropriate one now - just to see if I can shave a few points off the Global CD Index today... I don't suppose anyone will really notice...
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
Katey, you crack me up, girlfriend! LOL
Hugs, sweetheart
(still laughing...tee hee)
Every fear that held me back, when faced, has proven to be hollow.
Courage is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to ignore it.
It's your life. Make it count.
Dress the way you want! Just make sure it looks good.
I'm almost pushing 40... and if I'd dress and wear make-up like most of the Dutch GG's in my age range... shopping would be very boring.. and I'd only need mascara and bit of lipgloss.
Having said that though... if you do go out in public, please try to dress for the occassion. I will support anyone's right to dress the way they want, but does not mean I won't be joining my friends in cracking jokes about those people wearing a mini-skirt and stilettos at the supermarket or a full length evening dress at the take-a-way pizzeria, whether they're GG or CD/TG. Because.. just because something is possible.. doesn't mean it can't look ridiculous.
│ Fashion and science geek!│
│ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nat.crys.5 │
│ My blog: http://natcrys.blogspot.com/ │
and you wonder why we can't keep anything nice around here? How can I show my face in public today now?
I do...frequently and someone better NOTICE otherwise I am doing it wrong
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
I allways look at girls wearing a lbd and heels at the grocery store. Thats why they wear that! I dont care if she is 18 or 80 crippled, blind or crazy! I dont care if she's a cd,ts or tg! Im still going to look and Im still going to like it! I might even invite her to dinner! Yeah Im not what you might consider normal but I work with a bunch of guys and I know every one of them would also look and half of them would want to ask her out and probably a few would ask her out!
An online test that I took today says that I'm a female in her mid 40's. I have dress that age for many years now, even thought I'm well over sixty.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
If I'm not dressing gender appropriate then being age appropriate is irrelevant. I'll try anything at home but if venturing out I go with a more conservative approach.
I enjoy being a boy, being a GIRL like me!!!
Wow, what a great forum. Remember, I reconsidered my "dressing age" as younger after some helpful advice from my favorite hairstylist and makeup artists in Kingston after my first visit with them. I took their advice and dressed a little younger for my second visit and my day shopping was much more enjoyable, with many more compliments. For example, as much as I though I enjoyed a having a head full of curls from a roller set (just google blonde roller set) she said that technique made me look older than I needed to. A softer flowing style with a bit of a flip worked so much better. Advice is not a rule, it's a guide.
All to say that I am not suggesting at all that there are R_U_L_E_S but merely that after getting some pro advice we can focus our look and have more successful presentation in public, and with that success comes the joy of freedom.
After all, aren't the gajillion fashion and beauty choices GG's have the reason we want to play in their sandbox?
Nicole, much as I respect your laissez-faire and "do your own thang" philosophy, I have to ask you this question:
"Are you married and/or in a committed relationship and do you have children - and especially minor ones? If so, can you truthfully say that there was never an incident where you, your better half or your children crossed the line in some manner and caused you or your family some type embarrassment?"
Or conversely, are you the type of individual who subscribes to the philosophy that there is no such thing as bad publicity, as many of our "celebrities" and politicians (e.g. Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, former Congressman Anthony Weiner and Canada's answer - Toronto Mayor Rob Ford) seem to think? In other words, that "shame" and personal accountability are outmoded concepts?
For most people, a family is a cohesive and mutually supportive unit, and bad behavior on the part of any one of them has the potential to reflect badly on the rest - even if there are adults involved who are acting of their own free will and cannot be "controlled" by the others any more.
Sure, we can hide behind the excuse that they were acting according to their own life choices in those instances, that it was out of our hands, and should therefore be no reflection on us personally. Great in theory, but sadly though, the rest of the world will still judge us by our failure to intervene in such instances, even if the only tools left at our disposal by then were moral suasion.
It's that type of interconnectedness that defines the essence of a family, and I would argue that because of the shared commonality of our crossdressing, by default we also constitute a sort of "family" as well - dysfunctional though we may be from time to time. And "real" families don't let each other down or willingly bring shame upon themselves.
Which brings me back to my original point that that I am not too keen to have the "fetish" crossdressers reinforce all the negative stereotypes still held by the general public about our community (not to mention the over-the-top and b*tchy drag queens whom we are often lumped in with) when they are out and about, and thus be judged according to the same yardstick...
Ummm...in a word, Katey: "Transphobia"...I am curious as to why some folk always pop up as the self-elected arbiters of all that's 'best' in a community, even one that is as staggeringly weird to the world of normal folk as this one...! Awesome... I guess that's just people for you......
Are you familiar with the statistics showing how many members of our community have been either assaulted or killed by "haters" who had issues with what we were (and how we conducted ourselves) because of our gender variance?
If so, do you really think it is in our best interests to provoke a pit-bull by poking it repeatedly with a sharp stick? Somehow, I don't aspire to end up like the motorist who had the words "He had the right of way" inscribed on his tombstone.
Last edited by Sandra; 07-29-2014 at 02:43 PM. Reason: merged consecutive post, you could have edited your previous post to add your reply to Katey
Leslie, from your first post on the topic:
I have no doubt that this is true, and I see no way that the folks who know you as Leslie would think you are a fetish dresser. By the way, fetish is not a style as sophisticated, polished, and elegant may be. It's what's behind the drive to crossdress, for those it applies to. While I am a fetish-driven crossdresser, my style is over-the-top, and I like to go out. Any sexual component to my crossdressing is not exercised in public but in private. I'm just a crossdresser with a style that's different than yours and I like to go out to enjoy the evening, as you do.
I can't buy into your family analogy. It's a stretch to think that what I do in Mississippi affects you in Ontario. I'm sure you are able to explain, should the need arise, that what I do has no connection to what you do.
Many GG's go over-the-top when they go out, with all the things that are in some way "inappropriate". Others may snicker, but I don't hear other GG's telling them to tone it down or stay home because they are making other GG's look bad.
I think that classy is ageless. If you dress classy, then it is by definition, age appropriate. When I go casual, I prefer a denim skirt with a cowl-neck top. This sort of an outfit is also ageless: it looks good on anyone. (To me, at least.) I've tried dressing like some teenager's dream girl, but it didn't look good on me. So I go with what does look good.
I dont like the same style of music as any of you on here and I dont like the cars that you drive. Does that mean that I should leave the radio off or that I should not be alowed to drive? I do admit that if all of us crossdressers listened to bluegrass music and drove a Ford Focus that we would be looked down upon by some people but some people love that music and some might even drive a Focus and that might just make us cool/awesome/sexy/smart or even just normal!
Above all else please remember, just as with my immediate family, I love every one of my crossdressing family( even if you dress funny!).
I drive a Ford Focus!
│ Fashion and science geek!
│ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nat.crys.5 │
│ My blog: http://natcrys.blogspot.com/ │
Leslie - I agree with you that in some ways we're altogether in the same, very large, oil-tanker-sized boat - whether we be at the fetish end or not (and I place myself somewhere in the middle, probably migrating from fetishy...) but there are a couple of things which I think you should reconsider as they come across just a little judgmental...
Words like 'shame' and 'negative' and 'embarrassment' all seem a touch too pejorative for my tastes...
If you think about the position that we - including Nicole and others like her - collectively take on this forum, and compare that with the dozens and dozens of less - shall we say - cerebral, CD websites out there, our opinions, perspectives and examples are totally overwhelmed by what Joe Public will see on those sites... and I'm not sure that's an even-sided battle we stand a chance of winning...
Now I totally agree that is not the same as presenting in public, but seriously, there is an enormous spectrum of what is acceptable for GGs, as well as what is the norm amongst GGs. Across major cities there may be some similarities, but contrast a lot of provincial places in any of our countries and there will be some significant differences in what it would take to blend in, say, a daytime shopping mall in Texas versus a night-time pub in Sheffield...It may seem odd, but I'd bet good odds that Nicole would look totally at home in the north of England... in certain circumstances and places... Or at least not very out of place...
We are a real plurality and diversity - I don't think we should actively try to stifle that creativity it's so costly for most of us to embrace!
And if you're saying that by trying to blend more you're removing the danger of hate crime against TG folk, that's OK, but... counter-intuitively perhaps... you're putting yourself into an even more 'at risk' group of people - that of regular GGs.... whose statistics in absolute terms far outweigh crimes against TG folk... I'm not sure what would be worse, quite honestly... as a quick search throws up a staggering 1.2m rapes in the USA each year and 6.6m sexual assaults... That's probably all a good reason to stay at home or at least, stick to LGBT friendly venues....
I'd support your's and others point about not being inappropriate for time and place though - but it does make you think more about those among us who do have a mixed mode of presentation... brave folk...
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
Katey888 you are too subtle - sorry I'm not. I guess that is why you are a moderator.
The subject heading of the OP is "Age appropriate dressing?". I don't understand how the thread has become stuck on fetish dressing something I don't do but my views extend to however a person wishes to present.
Not ONE person will change their presentation to be more age appropriate (or less fetishistic) because of the polerising opinions of others!! What I know is that my view of a number of CDers on this forum has changed. I cannot stand anyone who is intolerant of difference whatever form it takes. Even worse, that the intolerance comes from people who themselves are so very different smacks of hypocrisy.
Thankfully so many people in the real world are far more tolerant of difference than some on this forum. The many friends I have made are proof - so many more than in male mode. What they say about me does matter to me. It matters that they think I'm a decent person. That I'm interested in them. That I care about them. That I'm infectiously happy.
Most of the few posts that I make in this forum are in response to please help me threads. I must get a thicker skin and ignore hypocrits.
Last edited by Michelle (Oz); 07-29-2014 at 05:49 PM.
Love it... I'm joining in the movement!!!
Call me Donna, please
And no one should change how they dress because of what someone on this forum says. I'm at a point where I am learning to trust my own intuition on how to live my life, and not giving power to others.Not ONE person will change their presentation to be more age appropriate (or less fetishistic) because of the polerising opinions of others!!
I think sometimes other TG can our harshest critics. We are so concerned about passing that we are willing to become sellouts and robots and clones so that we don't get clocked. My experience is that in general there will be people who like the way we dress and people who don't. And I honestly don't care. I say screw the fashion police and use your own eyes, sense of feel, and intuition to decide what to wear. These three senses are your best guide. Even when I was trying on clothes with other people to help me out last week, or when I was trying on wigs with the help of a sales associate, in all cases their reactions matched mine. My eyes, feel, and intuition told me whether or not an item of clothing or wig looked good on me, and the person helping me out sensed that and usually agreed with me.Thankfully so many people in the real world are far more tolerant of difference than some on this forum
I agree but I disagree. The number of rapes and sexual assaults against GGs are higher than hate crimes against TG because there's far more GG's than TG folk. 50% of the population is GG, and counting all TSes, out CDers, and other gender variants who present publicly, is 1% of the population, maybe less. So we would have to scale down those rape and sexual assault statistics by 50, and compare against the number of hate crimes against TG. And any CDer or transwomen who ventures out publicly not only risks becoming the target of a hate crime but risks becoming the target of rape or sexual assault like a GG.And if you're saying that by trying to blend more you're removing the danger of hate crime against TG folk, that's OK, but... counter-intuitively perhaps... you're putting yourself into an even more 'at risk' group of people - that of regular GGs.... whose statistics in absolute terms far outweigh crimes against TG folk... I'm not sure what would be worse, quite honestly... as a quick search throws up a staggering 1.2m rapes in the USA each year and 6.6m sexual assaults.
In either case we can't live our life worrying about things like this. I would just say to avoid places that any GG would avoid. No dark alleys, stay in well lit public places where there's other people present. Minimize going out at night and if you do go only in places like a supermarket or drug store or crowded restaurant where other GGs hang out. Go in groups if you can, even in the daytime. Definitely don't go to gangland in either day or night.
I've finally mastered the art of making salads. My favorite is a delicious Mediterranean salad.
I dress for myself, but I feel that I am sort of "age appropriate". By that I mean the my spouse tells me I look younger than my actual age (makeup helps a lot as does a nice wig) and I feel that I dress nicely for that age group.
So while I don't dress my age I do dress somewhat for the age I appear to be. I don't actually do this intentionally, it's just that my tastes fall that way.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I wear what looks good for the environment I will be in. You should aim for dressing correctly for your size.
Posting Permissions
