Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 26 to 47 of 47

Thread: What is your level of acceptance? (responses from all please!)

  1. #26
    Junior Member Jodeeuk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Calgary AB
    Posts
    74
    Hit the Nail on the Head there.

    Thanks
    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    My SO is not TS. S/he is not what might be perceived as a "regular guy" either, in that my SO does not shy away from being feminine even in male mode. But, I need to explain this before going further...
    I think its easy as someone with repressed feelings for along time to get like a spoilt schoolgirl and over indulge in Crossdressing, making every conversation and every outing about crossdressing when our SO's take the least of intrest it can get kinda fruity, LOL.
    but remember to take your time and let your SO get used to what you want and need, jumping feet first isnt good for them or you, I believe as some one who was a person with alot of experience running a tg club, that time is something everyone should take, also really if you do have doubts of where you may full in the tg spectrum seek help, don't self diagnose, don't presume that you are one thing or another, don't label your self, and again take your time.

    acceptance comes from within, and isn't always something you can accept for your self let alone others IMHO.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 08-01-2014 at 12:02 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts. try and merge posts with edit when you post so close together thanks

  2. #27
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    515
    Coping, I'll be honest and say I eventually got really bored with my H waiting and wanting me to 'accept' (aka: indulge) his dressing. Why was it my responsibility to help him feel okay about this part of his life?? I didn't expect him to counsel me into a more whole and happy person yet somehow many wives find themselves with a crossdresser who doesn't actually know how to be one, let alone be happy. We're wives, not therapists, so it can be incredibly disappointing for everyone involved.

    Anyway, long story short, we eventually agreed on DADT. He also realised that it's okay if I don't join in - I don't participate in many of his other 'hobbies' either, so why this one? I mean, if having a spouse indulge crossdressing is that important to your well being, why on earth would you marry someone who doesn't like it?? That just screams of masochism...great, another kink to add to the list, lol.

    Anyway these were some of my thoughts and questions on this journey and you need to find yours. They won't all be the same and there's no right or wrong. Just do what works for you both - both being the imperative. There's not much fun to be had if acceptance is a one way street, and that includes the acceptance that crossdressing just isn't for everyone.
    Last edited by Tinkerbell-GG; 08-01-2014 at 10:46 AM.

  3. #28
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,335
    Dear Coping,

    Big difference between "need" and "want." I am very fortunate that my wife accepts that I am what i am and has no complaints about it and can even go out with me in girl mode and not feel uncomfortable. Most important is that we can talk about it. That is what I wanted. The truth is, that I really only need to be able to talk to her openly about it. Without that, the pressure of hiding would be very hard. Even DADT would be too much pressure; always worrying if I hid everything away properly. If my wife absolutely didn't approve but was still able to talk to me objectively about my cross dressing, I think I'd be ok.

    Perhaps my greatest fear was that she would think less of me because I was a cross dresser. Maybe we all have that fear?

  4. #29
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    7,213
    Quote Originally Posted by Coping2014 View Post
    I mean I don't think any of us ever get EVERYTHING we REALLY want out of life and a marriage (IMHO) there is always some level of compromise
    And that is the biggest thing, I think, that we all have to try to keep in focus. It's what keeps me sane, and willing to live on. We don't get everything we want. Period. And to keep that from driving me nuts, I simply remember all the things that I DON'T WANT that I don't have to deal with to balance out all the things that I DO want that I can't have. Compromise. A little one way, a little the other.
    So whether anyone else accepts me this way, I will live with it. There are far worse things in life to deal with compared to having to live with than this simple confused gender thing. I'm not dodging bullets on a regular basis, for one thing.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  5. #30
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    2,622
    I am a CD. I have accepted myself as I am. That said, I feel no need to and am wary of going out.

  6. #31
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    515
    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    If my wife absolutely didn't approve but was still able to talk to me objectively about my cross dressing, I think I'd be ok.
    Jen, this made me realise that I'm probably not in a true DADT. I'm quite comfortable chatting about CD with my H whenever I have any concerns and I always know when he's going to dress etc, and this doesn't bother me either. I just don't want to see it (it's weird, as you often say, lol) or be actively involved. He knows I don't like it on a personal level, but I don't disapprove of crossdressing in general.

    Not sure what that makes us? But it works, either way.

  7. #32
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    The Poconos PA
    Posts
    18,971
    To be honest I do not expect acceptance nor do I seek approval. I have a relationship with a woman and it is entirely separate from the issue of crossdressing, which is a personal venue for myself. My GF shows understanding for it which is good enough for myself but it does not affect our personal relationship.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  8. #33
    Tucson AZ allisonagain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Tucson and Minneapolis
    Posts
    32
    My wife has known about and decided to tolerate/support my dressing from before we were married. As my dressing habits/needs have evolved over the decades she has rolled with it. My dressing didn't bloom into full blown going out until just before we had children. At that time I was an occasional dresser not interested in transitioning because of career and family commitments. Raising kids changed things completely. Boundaries were set to shield the children from my hobby. I had little opportunity to pursue my dressing other than the unseen daily under wear. Now that the children are mostly gone, now that I am mostly retired, I have the opportunity to dress again and have embraced it like never before. In this short history one would think it's pent up desire, I think not. It's always been there but we decided it needed to go away for awhile. As I get bolder now, my wife has said and believes that I need to do it. Dressing is a part of me and she doesn't want to try to deny me something that makes me so happy. She accepts that I will probably be 'discovered' by neighbors, friends, and maybe family eventually. She has had to accept that what I do is not a reflection on her but what I need and people will hear that when it's time. We are entering a new phase in life. I'm going to be dressing around her more and living about half time as Allison. It's hard for her, she married a man, but he has a softer part she loves too and accepts. There will be bumps as we go forward and I admit I am pushing her envelope as much as mine as I proceed. We love each other and wish to stay together so we both need to take care of ourselves, she especially. I have a responsibility to try to keep her needs satisfied as much as she feels towards me so I mustn't forget to look and listen and be sensitive to how she is handling the stages I go through. In the end it's about compromise but that is a fluid concept as lives change and we age. She is a wonderful woman to have given me so much acceptance through thick and thin for all our lives together, I am eternally grateful.

  9. #34
    Silver Member Tina B.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    North Coast of California
    Posts
    4,230
    I told my wife about 40 years ago, she was accepting of my dressing, the day I told her, I've been dressing every since when ever I want, how ever I want, and she doesn't care, she knows it's just be in a different outfit, not someone different.
    It makes me a better person, or at least a happier person, and that makes her happy. I don't go out by choice, so that is an issue we don't have, but at home, it's just clothes, and thanks to my lovely wife, I have a lot of them.
    Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.

  10. #35
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Deep South
    Posts
    1,504
    In our marriage we don't talk of acceptance or not. Dressing is a very benign part or our relationship, so we really don't discuss it much. Not that it was ever a major topic anyway. I think what helped is she really didn't mind, and as she once put it I have only a very "mild case" of it. What that means is I do not want to transition, I do not want to go or be out, and I am happy just dressing at home and keeping it between she and I. If I want to dress I do. I seriously do not want or need anything more.

    Likewise, I think we tend to enjoy what it adds to the relationship and not what it takes away. We love to shop together, enjoy mani-pedis together (no polish for me), watch chick flicks (especially the Holiday season romantics) and sometimes browse through clothing sites or magazines together. Being a bit of an artist, I use her nails as a canvas for some really cool designs and she loves it. I am not afraid to go in a women's clothing store and put together an outfit for her, surprise her with it, and then go out for the evening together. Operative word here is "together." In the near 40 years we've been married I'm sure it took us some time to get in that zone.

    That's our story. Let me add that I have a strong guy presence as well, so she does not see it as having lost her man. He's still here. I do wonder sometimes that if we had stopped to fully dissect "it", or tried to make "it" a puzzle to solve, if it would have been more difficult to move forward. Seems it would get us stuck on the ingredients rather than the meal.

    Hugs.

  11. #36
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    445
    I told my wife recently but I regret it now. It's not as if she rejected it completely. She was understanding to the degree she could be without having any knowledge of it. We talked and tried to establish what she was comfortable with and that seemed fine. But more recently she suddenly back pedalled and decided nothing was really acceptable but that she realised it was good for me to do it because it made me a happier person.

    Clearly she is in two minds over it. She wants to accept it for me but I don't think she can overcome her distaste for it.

    This I'm speculating about because she isn't talking about it. That's her way. She isn't a great talker and like her whole family she keeps everything in before letting loose with her thoughts and then shutting up again.

    I've put all my clothes away in a box. I'm now totally embarrassed about it all. I did say to her that I would consider dumping everything if she insisted. She didn't but then last night it was clear she thought I had thrown everything away. I told her I hadn't that I couldn't and in any case if I was to tell her that I was going to give up something I've been doing most of my life then I would be lying. I told her I don't want to lie to her.

    To my mind she wants it to go away. This I understand. But it won't. She finds it embarrassing to discuss and in turn I become embarrassed. So I don't try anymore. Unfortunately this is not the first time something like this has happened. After the birth of our second son, she lost interest in sex. It happens, it's understandable. We discussed it and I told her not to worry that there was no hurry and in any case we still had the intimacy and love. That was nearly six years ago and that would be the number of times we've had sex since, not made love, sex. The intimacy went too. When I tried to bring it up she dismissed it and wouldn't discuss it. It's not as if I really wanted it all the time but celibacy is a bit much and the times I tried to do something about it I felt like a pervert so I stopped. Eventually I got through to her and she understood. But still no sex. She just wants it to go away.

    To my mind part of my return to CDing is down to this. It's certainly the reason I drink more now than I ever did.

    I feel guilty about everything now. Guilty for CDing, drinking and thinking celibacy is bad for a marriage. Also guilty for not being the masculine man and high earner she wants because she also brought up the fact that I'm now the full time stay at home parent with some part time work. Basically I cut back on my work in order to look after the kids after it became almost untenable to continue working full time. I actually had to bring them to work with me at times. Then the job moved two and a half hours away and it was obvious it made no sense to keep it up full time. But apparently that's no longer acceptable either, in spite of the fact that in order to go back I would need to be gone two to three days a week which means huge complications with childcare. This issue she told is bigger than the CD issue.

    Anyway I told my boss I would be back soon and will work whatever hours he needs. He's astonished because he always cut me some slack because of the family. Now I'm telling him none of that matters.

    So it seem CDing is the least of it.

    So what is the level of acceptance?

    I don't know. I've no idea what I have to do now to please her.

  12. #37
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Northcentral Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,124
    My wife has never really accepted my desire to crossdress but she has shown a great deal of tolerance to my behavior. She knows that I dress and is aware of the extent of my wardrobe, but she has never indicated that my behavior was reprehensible to her.

  13. #38
    Aspiring Member Christen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    South Australia
    Posts
    737
    Hi Coping,
    I'd love to be able to be more open about my crossdressing with my partner, I'm still not sure I'd actually be comfortable dressing in her presence but I'd love to be able to discuss it and not hide it away. However I don't need to have that level of acceptance, I'm more than happy to have my wife know that I enjoy dressing and still put up with me. I don't expect her to fall in love with the idea or get involved, I just don't. I remember the first time the cat got out of the bag, one of the things she said was, 'You don't need to worry, I'd never tell anyone, it would be too embarrassing'. She would be mortified that anyone else knew. I think that's how many women (not all, obviously) would feel about a partner crossdressing.
    So I'm happy with she knows, we don't discuss, I keep a lid on it as best I can.

    Christen x
    “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
    and rightdoing there is a field.
    I'll meet you there.” - Rumi.

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member Ellanore G.G.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    the back of beyond
    Posts
    557
    Hi Coping.
    Im years into this with my H and we were just talking about how much has changed over the years.
    My husband was all muddled over c/d 15 or so years back.
    He wanted to try everything, believed he was happier dressed, and dreamed of the time when the kids left home
    so he could be all pretty whenever he wanted.
    We had some very hard times tbh over the years.
    I would ovethink every little thing.
    Everything would trigger him off, the smell of perfume, someone in stockings
    in a magazine, the fooking flowers in the garden lol
    and he would zone out.
    over the next few years he bought lots of stuff, and I mean tons.
    And the more he got, the more time he spent thinking about outfits, shoes etc.
    Then I noticed that he didnt want sex very much, well why would he when he found a way
    to get enormous pleasure without me at the drop of a hat.
    Now this is just my personal story.
    Anyway with full time work and young children I got fed up making sure he was happy
    he had responsibilities to me and the children work etc, so I drew the line
    and told him it had taken over his life and mine.
    He was like a teenager sulking over everything
    so he threw it all out
    and we went and bought just a few outfits.
    so up to date, this is where we are at
    he maybe dresses full once or twice a month now
    I didnt put this into place he did, and sometimes im here when he does this
    at other times im out for lunch or working.
    he doesnt seem to mind
    he never had a femme name, wig, or breast forms.
    Im not sure why, he just never felt the need
    he says he does not feel femme, but rather giddy and excited.
    he does not now always end it with sex, It depends on how hes feeling at the time.
    I dont think i will ever know the answers as to why, but I dont need to know.
    Its what it is, but took a long time for him to find his happy place with it.
    He also never felt the need to go on forums.
    I did plan a weekend away with other c/ds
    but it seems it wasnt for him.
    I am Loved because I am me, not just because I accept.

  15. #40
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,955
    Compromise plays a big part helps with the success of the exercise for sure.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  16. #41
    California Dreamin Michaelasfun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Seattle, WA.
    Posts
    907
    My wife accepts my CDing to the point of accepting me dressed around the house, but draws the line at going out with me dressed. Ideally I'd like to be able to go out with her when dressed but am respectful of her feelings on the subject and am happy going out on my own, as it's a source of great joy for me and I feel like I am being myself (to clarify I'm a straight guy w/o a desire to go any further with transitioning to being female).
    Michaela


    If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. - Rush

  17. #42
    Member Carolina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Madrid, Spain
    Posts
    164
    The level to go to is completely personal and as such different in most cases.

    In my case the limit is my wife. She knows about it and accepts it as long as she doesn't see me en femme. How far would I like to go? I don't really know. I love CDing but don't have many opportunities to do it with the kids and my wife. Do I want to risk my marriage for it? Absolutely not. I'd rather be closeted for life than putting my wife and kids at risk. They don't deserve it.

    I like fantasizing about it, that I could be dressed 24/7. But it is more of a fantasy for now. The question I have in my mind is whether I'll push it a notch when the kids leave to go on with their lives, but my wife would have to have a say. I'd love to be able to be in our house dressed and even go out together dressed. I also fantisize about being picked up by a guy while en femme, but it is part of fantasy. In real life i like women and i love my wife.

    It's all personal, and in my case I don't have a clear limit, since i can't have one on my own. SOs deserve a say

  18. #43
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Just got back to Illinois (from Burbank)
    Posts
    794
    If I had a wife, I'd want her to be almost entirely accepting of how I dress. I don't think I'd have a wife who was not accepting of that. I'd probably not be tempted to transition unless it were cheap and nearly perfect. Otherwise, I'd probably not feel quite real.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  19. #44
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,336
    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    Another important thing to keep in mind: as long as CDers feel suppressed in their expression in any way (for example they can only dress when their wives are not around, or the wife doesn't allow certain things like body shaving, forms, wigs, etc), they really have not experienced the freedom to fully express themselves and so many of them only have a sketchy idea of what that would feel like in reality. It is not uncommon for CDers in this position to equate having full freedom to dress with perhaps being TS. This is why, I think, so many CDers in this position will say they have no idea how far it will go. It's not that they believe fundamentally they are women, they just have so many repressed desires to express themselves, they logically think that it will continue to increase with the opportunity to dress. But, we do have many, many members here who do have the freedom to dress at will (it is a few times per week for my SO depending on his schedule), and somehow the switching back and forth does become a part of normal existence. I also need to mention that it is easy for the wives who see their husbands perfecting the presentation and expressing a desire to go out in public, to believe the husbands might be on their way to transiton as well. lol. In the beginning I fell into that trap too but this was because I didn't know any better.
    This is quite possibly the most important piece of writing I have seen for a little while on the topic of acceptance and boundaries. Both CD's and SO's I think can find plenty to reflect on in this simple paragraph.

    Coping, I think they are great questions. I also liked Tinks comment that many CD's equate "acceptance" with "indulgence". They are not the same.

    When is enough acceptance enough? Is the CD ever happy until they can dress full-time? Is everything other than that a compromise bound to breed resentment and ill feeling? I don't know the answers to those questions. Personally I don't subscribe to the view of some that CD'ing is a linear progression through time to transition. There are certainly plenty of cases on this forum where that is not the case. Can a CD ever be truly happy until they have complete freedom? Again personally I think the answer is yes, certainly we have a number of restrictions on personal freedom that we acknowledge that produce a better society despite possible personal desires against those restrictions (e.g. speed limits when driving etc.). I think we are happy when we see that the risk of undesirable outcome to others outweighs the personal gain achieved by such actions.

  20. #45
    Junior Member Pink Susan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Perth , Australia
    Posts
    77
    I'm long finished with the sham marriage I had

    If its just about a few clothes , and its ok the wife can wear a manly check shirt , jeans , socks , masculine boots , less than feminine underwear , then I expect it should be ok if I fancy relaxing on the sofa in a pretty floral dress , silk panties and pantyhose

    Women cannot have it all their own way
    Theres No Point In Living , If You Can't Feel Alive

  21. #46
    The Mad Scientist
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Central Arkansas (((((((bang head)))))))
    Posts
    696
    My SO (wife) is 100% accepting - as long as
    1--I don't cut anything off (no worries)
    2--I don't go out in public locally - since we live in a small redneck town (again- no worries)
    3--I don't expose our blended family of pre-teen and teenaged girls to this (again - no worries)
    4--We have a safe word 'phrase' that requires me to get naked for at bedtime [if she desires me as a man] (irony: most of the time she is OK and often she is turned on with her girlfriend)

    Other than these simple rules, everything under the sun is possible and TOTALLY accepted with my SO.
    Life is good and I know I am blessed.

  22. #47
    Senior Member Gretchen_To_Be's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,846
    Hello Coping

    After 12 years of marriage I revealed my desires to my wife. They were very specific desires--to wear pantyhose and heels, and in order to enjoy the feeling of pantyhose, I wanted to shave my legs. I did not reveal everything at the time--which was that I wanted to dress completely as a woman, and that it would be highly erotic to dress exactly like her.

    She indulged me to a point and even seemed to find some aspects kinky and enjoyable, but after a pair of pumps became 4 or 5, and I revealed that I wanted to wear skirts and dresses (I pushed too hard too fast) we entered a few months of DADT. After some time, I wore a skirt and heels in front of her, and she realized it wasn't the end of the world.

    We then entered a great few months where we enjoyed renewed romance and sexual satisfaction, which I admit was fueled by "fashion shows" (where we would buy matching heels, hose, dresses, skirts, etc.) and model them together. She appreciated the greatly increased intimacy and sex, smooth hair free legs under the covers, and I think her expanding wardrobe too. But she wondered where it would lead and had many fears.

    I explained that my ultimately fantasy would be for us to get ready for a romantic dinner alone together, doing everything identically to include makeup, the exact same attire, etc. She really is my paradigm of womanhood and it would be wonderful to look like her (or at least be dressed and made up the same way).

    This was too much for her. She toyed with the idea of helping me learn makeup but we never took that step and she said seeing me in a wig and makeup would be too much.

    That was April 2013. I took a 5 1/2 month cold-turkey break over the summer to prove to her that she and the kids were more important than CD. I didn't want questions from the kids about hair free legs or chest, and I wanted to prove I could leave it alone.

    When I resumed in late Sep 2013, she seemed OK with it. We did more "fashion shows" and she was comfortable with watching a movie together in matching silk robes, hose and heels. We shopped for matching dresses and women's pajamas online. She even purchased women's PJs for me for Valentines Day. This was very, very heady stuff for me.

    This year I put it all away again in April, and haven't touched it since. I think she is beginning to understand the nature of CD for me. Would I like to dress more? Sure. Can I live without it for a time? Yes.

    The fantasy is still there, and she knows it. Time will tell if we ever realize it. She has said that it would be OK if I went to a "transformation service" at some point to see the full illusion, but that she doesn't want to see that either.

    Small steps, I suppose. Would I like her to have a greater level of acceptance? Yes. But more than that I would like to retain a healthy marriage, not destroy her happiness, and not affect the kids.

    Thanks

    Shibumi
    Last edited by Gretchen_To_Be; 08-10-2014 at 08:13 PM.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State