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Thread: CDs with children

  1. #1
    Member Nadya's Avatar
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    CDs with children

    In about a year, I'll be married to my fiancé and maybe children could be in the near future after that. Those with families with young children, what do you do about dressing and having children? First, are you open to everyone that you are a CD/TG? Are you open with your children about it? If you are still closeted, do you still tell them? Are you worried they will talk about it in school? This has been a question I've thought about for a while. Who knows where I'll be (in terms of job and my status of CD) when I'm ready for children. My fiancé said that if I want to stay in the closet, that being open with them might not be good for that. Maybe this will give me the push to come out of the closet because keeping secrets can definitely have an emotional impact. All comments welcome.

  2. #2
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    I waited till our kids were out of high school to share full details (they only caught me dressed a few time before that). My spouse insisted if I was going out the kids needed to hear the story from me and not from gossip (she was right and my kids are OK with it)
    Last edited by bridget thronton; 08-19-2014 at 12:22 AM.

  3. #3
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I used to be in Army Intel. I learned the value of dispensing information on a "need to know" basis. This carried over into my family when I got married, including my children. As the expression goes "loose lips can sink ships".
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  4. #4
    Senior Member Gretchen_To_Be's Avatar
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    My kids don't know. I intend to keep it that way as long as possible! That may be harder as they get older and stay up later...

  5. #5
    Senior Member Read only Allison Chaynes's Avatar
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    My kids do not know and I intend to keep it that way as long as I can. Unfortunately, they can be very perceptive, so when I do wear women's jeans, I make sure they're not noticeably women's. Doing laundry is another area you have to be careful about, especially when they notice that Mommy has two different sizes and styles of underwear.

  6. #6
    Cougar in hiding kymmieLorain's Avatar
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    Well being that two of my kids are out of the house and only one still home. I try and dress when he is gone. I have been caught by both my older ones. nothing said.

    Kymmie
    Just your average harley riding crossdressing biker

    Why be normal??????

  7. #7
    Laura So Cal Laura28's Avatar
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    I Have two grown kids daughters. I do not want them to ever know. Being a CD and not planning to ever change my sex I see no reason for anyone other then myself and my wife to know. Kids today don't need to know and they have enough on their plates now why confuse them with this. Let's face it they will talk that's a given. I feel sad for the kids today they are not aloud to be kids anymore we want to include them on everything. Let them play have fun enjoy their youth life is tough but when your a kid it should be just fun.

    I will also say we do not lie to our kids if they ask questions that may not be age appropiate we would discuss it with them at their level. They don't need all the fact at a young age.

    Just my two cents from a CD dad who raised two very well adjusted and successful girls.

  8. #8
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryce View Post
    In about a year, I'll be married to my fiancé and maybe children could be in the near future after that. Those with families with young children, what do you do about dressing and having children? First, are you open to everyone that you are a CD/TG? Are you open with your children about it? If you are still closeted, do you still tell them?
    Kids accept as 'normal' what you teach them is normal.

    Be YOU, honey. Don't lie to your kids about who you are. They will become the agents of change for those of us who follow.

    Teach your kids, TRUST your kids.

    <3

    - MM
    - Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder

  9. #9
    Senior Member Princess Grandpa's Avatar
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    My children are both grown. They both know I like to dress up. My son and his three children are in our home. The children don't see me in dresses, forms, make up or wig. I live my life in female clothing, but pants and tops rather than dresses and skirts. My nails are painted. I don't really hide that gender bending. Rita however is rarely seen in the main stream world. I hide her from the children just as I do the rest of the world outside our community.

    My son has pointed out that exposure to lgbt individuals is how we encourage acceptance. People with family members who are lgbt are far more likely to be accepting of individuals who are lgbt. As they get older I may reevaluate things. I seriously considered cleaning my nail polish off before the oldest's back to school night.

    Hug
    Rita
    A person should wear what he likes to. And not just what other folks say. A person should be who she likes to. A person's a person that way!
    ~Marlo Thomas~

  10. #10
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    Ryce,
    First of all congratulations I hope everything goes smoothly for you !
    Children will bring a whole set of new problems and you'll find dressing will get push to one side anyway ! Children are your future and they will grow up with their own problems they will need help and guidance from you, try not give them problems with your dressing. Telling them early is far riskier than leaving it or not telling them at all, once said you can't retract those words. Some people think telling their children is a selfish act, others say a totally open house is a happy house the final decision is yours !
    I personally think my Cding problems and feelings wouldn't have been made any easier if my children knew and may have alienated me more from my family !

  11. #11
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Princess Grandpa View Post
    I seriously considered cleaning my nail polish off before the oldest's back to school night.
    Don't do it, sweetie! Be YOU! So what if you are 'unusual'? Be loud & proud!

    What is the worst that could happen?

    Really...

    - MM

    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    I personally think my Cding problems and feelings wouldn't have been made any easier if my children knew and may have alienated me more from my family !
    Ok, fine.. but why would those decisions have made it *harder*?

    YOU teach your kids what is normal. If you don't, then who gets to? (Think about that)

    I'm a guy in a dress. I'm a girl in a big furry male body. I act how I *feel* instead of how I look. I kiss it better. I decorate. I cook. I like pretties..

    Which of those things are bad parenting?

    - MM
    Last edited by Mimi; 08-17-2014 at 02:47 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts
    - Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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    "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder

  12. #12
    Gender adventurer JamieG's Avatar
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    My wife and I have two girls, ages 5 and 9. We agree that, for now, neither should know that I am a crossdresser. However, we are raising them to be open-minded and not constrained by gender roles. They know that both mom and dad are supportive of LGBT rights (although the B and T haven't come up directly) and they have met some of our gay friends. They've met some of our CD friends too, but only when those friends were en drab. They also know that I have performed in drag for a few charity events, which has the additional benefit that it can provide a little cover if they go poking through my closet. We may eventually decide to tell them, but not until we feel that it won't be much of a burden for them to keep my secret.

    Jamie

    p.s. This topic gets addressed every so often on this forum. If you do a search, you can augment what you find out from replies to your threads with lots of other thoughtful comments on the issue.

  13. #13
    Just finding my way.... StaceyJane's Avatar
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    My high school age daughter figured me out and surprised me by telling me she knew. She was okay with it.
    Stacey

    I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wob7zmvVTb8

  14. #14
    Junior Member Zoe B's Avatar
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    My children are 6 and 8, although I don't live with them and neither of them know about my cross-dressing. When it comes to it though I have no intention of lying to them about it and my fiancée agrees with me.
    “Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”
    ― Marie Curie

    Timelady

  15. #15
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
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    I'd like to repeat for those of us who have not gone through it...

    Your kids won't care, if that is all they have ever known.

    If YOU are not afraid of it, then THEY won't be.

    Been there, done that, have the cami.

    <3

    - MM
    - Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder

  16. #16
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    Hi Ryce, My two daughters are in their mid 40s' and I see no need to burden either one of them with this burden.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  17. #17
    Rainbow Rennie Butterfly Bill's Avatar
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    My experience with children is: If they see the adults around them acting like it's normal, they will think it's normal too. If they see the adults acting like it's something to be ashamed of, they will feel that way too. Be out and normal about it.

  18. #18
    Member Ginger Jameson's Avatar
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    I've got one kids living with me full time, my 3 year old granddaughter. I've got two others who split their time between my house and their mom's (they're 10 and 12).

    I told my granddaughter one night when the others weren't home by coming to dinner in a sparkly dress. She loved it. Nowadays I often come home from work and change into something girly. When I do she asks me if I'm going to wear boobies or not. She thinks it's funny when I do. The hardest part with her has been trying to teach her that it's not polite to poke Muhmuh in the breast. For her it's just the way the world works. Muhmuh sometimes likes to be pretty and there's nothing strange about it.

    The other two I told in conversation first. They're ok with it but I worry about weirding them out so I don't usually dress when they're here. I have worn pajama style clothes in front of them and they've never complained. my daughter compliments my choices a lot. so it looks like the weirdness is all on my part. I'm hoping to overcome it soon.

    My advice is to be honest from day one. Children learn what is shameful and what is normal from their parents. If you live your life in the closet and they eventually find out, all you've done is spent your life reinforcing the idea that crossdressing is something that should be locked away from the world.

  19. #19
    Member Tiffanyselkoe's Avatar
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    We have 5 kids at home and, rather than surprise them with something they didn't understand, we both sat down with them and had a family discussion. All the kids were ok with it. We have 4 boys ages 11, 15, 17, and 19 as well as 1 daughter age 13. We answered all questions and emphasized that I was still dad just like to dress girly sometimes. We have always told them that differences in people are ok and we will love and accept them no matter what direction their own lives take them. I have found our children to be very resilient and open minded thus far. We have had friends of the family at the house who arrive en femme and it is a normal dinner and conversation with all the children and my wife involved. I don't regret telling them for a second!

  20. #20
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    I have three children, although two are only 4 months old so wouldn't care what I was wearing. My 7 year old has seen me in nighties and dressed up once. She seems OK with it. We haven't talked explicitly to her about it. My wife would prefer I didn't dress up around the kids.

  21. #21
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    I have two boys. When they were 6 and 4. They casually informed a sister in law that I wanted to be a girl much to her consternation and amusement. This was because of a joke between me and my wife which they overheard and completely misunderstood. I was not out to my wife at that point. The irony of course is that they were right.

    That's the real problem with telling children too soon. They will tell everyone. It will come up in conversation when you least need it. If you don't want anyone to know you cannot let them find out until they can keep it a secret.

    If you are open about it they run the risk of bullying from other kids.

    I won't be telling mine anytime soon.

  22. #22
    Reality Check
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    First, the decision to tell your children will be something that you and your wife arrive at together. Don't ask strangers on the Internet.

    Second, if you tell your children or they find out by accident, they will tell people outside the home. If you and your wife are comfortable with the public knowing you are a crossdresser, tell your children . If not, don't.

  23. #23
    GG / SO to a CD MatildaJ.'s Avatar
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    My husband doesn't dress around the kids and we haven't told them about it. (We also haven't told them about our interest in kink, though if they explored our closets they would figure that out.)

    Like JamieG we have introduced them to our gay and trans friends. Now, as young teens, they know gay & trans people in high school as well. We've also made it clear that we would love them the same if they turned out gay or trans.

  24. #24
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    I did not tell my kids when they were little. I came out to them recently, when they were 12, 16 and 20 years old (all girls.) They are all fine with it, though I think the 16-year-old gets a little uncomfortable when I'm in Dianne mode. We've also told them they can tell their friends; the 20-year-old told her boyfriend and the 16-year-old told a friend. No big deal at all; most kids don't care about their friends' parents.

  25. #25
    Member Athena_'s Avatar
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    My wife and I agree to keep the knowledge of my "curious habit" from the children at this point. My college age daughter is very open minded and I am sure would be fine with that knowledge, the teenage boys are not ready, yet. That being said, we often discuss as a family the critical nature of being accepting of all types of people.

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