CDs with children

[Nadya]

In about a year, I'll be married to my fiancé and maybe children could be in the near future after that. Those with families with young children, what do you do about dressing and having children? First, are you open to everyone that you are a CD/TG? Are you open with your children about it? If you are still closeted, do you still tell them? Are you worried they will talk about it in school? This has been a question I've thought about for a while. Who knows where I'll be (in terms of job and my status of CD) when I'm ready for children. My fiancé said that if I want to stay in the closet, that being open with them might not be good for that. Maybe this will give me the push to come out of the closet because keeping secrets can definitely have an emotional impact. All comments welcome.

[bridget thronton]

I waited till our kids were out of high school to share full details (they only caught me dressed a few time before that). My spouse insisted if I was going out the kids needed to hear the story from me and not from gossip (she was right and my kids are OK with it)

[Kate Simmons]

I used to be in Army Intel. I learned the value of dispensing information on a "need to know" basis. This carried over into my family when I got married, including my children. As the expression goes "loose lips can sink ships".

[Gretchen_To_Be]

My kids don't know. I intend to keep it that way as long as possible! That may be harder as they get older and stay up later...

[Laura28]

I see a lot of post talking about teaching the kids what we do is normal, It isnt normal not even a little, if it was wouldnt we all be out walking down the streets and not in the closet? None of us would ever need therapy? What we do is not the norm in any shape or matter. However i raised both of my daughters to be color blind, to be accepting and loving to all no matter their dress, sexual preferance, skin color. All that really matters is, are they truely a good Human Being.

As a side it seemed to work because i have watched them grow up to become Wonderful woman who accept people for who they are regadless of color, sexual preferance,or gender. I watched them friend the underdog at school, when no one else would and include them in their group. I know if i was to ever tell them about my dressing they wouldnt blink an eye, but there is no reason for them to know. My wife and i dont discuss every detail of our lifes with them, they have enough on their plate making their way in the world.

[mechamoose]

Laura28: When I was born, abortion was illegal. It was still very much ok to discriminate based on race. The Stonewall riots hadn't happened yet.

Normal is what we teach is normal. In 1950-60's America, it was perfectly 'normal' for Southern kids to be taught that segregation was not only ok, but *expected*.

I *do* wear girl stuff out in public every day, thank you.

I was up front with my kids that I *expected* them to have sex.. at 13. Not because I thought they would flaunt around, but because it was human and natural. They would have *no idea* when an opportunity would be presented to them... I kept a stash of 'no questions asked' condoms in a place where my boy had access to them. I put my daughter on birth control when she was old enough to able to be, 'so long as she lived under my roof'. She thanked me for that when she was older.

Normal is what we make it. If *you* are embarrassed by it, then they will be too.

You need to trust your kids as though they were 'adults with training wheels', not 'babies'. You shape their world view until they get into mid teens. If you wait until then to shape that view, it is already too late.

- MM

[Dianne S]

I see a lot of post talking about teaching the kids what we do is normal, It isnt normal not even a little, if it was wouldnt we all be out walking down the streets and not in the closet?

I am out walking down the streets and not in the closet.

"Normal" is over-rated. Every advance made by humanity has been made by the "abnormal", whether abnormally intelligent, abnormally creative, or whatever. I am proud not to be normal.

I know if i was to ever tell them about my dressing they wouldnt blink an eye, but there is no reason for them to know.

That's fine and I absolutely respect that. Every situation and every family is different. In my case, I have to present as a woman at least part of the time in order to stay healthy and sane. I had to tell my kids because I had to live an authentic life.

[Allison Chaynes]

My kids do not know and I intend to keep it that way as long as I can. Unfortunately, they can be very perceptive, so when I do wear women's jeans, I make sure they're not noticeably women's. Doing laundry is another area you have to be careful about, especially when they notice that Mommy has two different sizes and styles of underwear.

[kymmieLorain]

Well being that two of my kids are out of the house and only one still home. I try and dress when he is gone. I have been caught by both my older ones. nothing said.

Kymmie

[Laura28]

I Have two grown kids daughters. I do not want them to ever know. Being a CD and not planning to ever change my sex I see no reason for anyone other then myself and my wife to know. Kids today don't need to know and they have enough on their plates now why confuse them with this. Let's face it they will talk that's a given. I feel sad for the kids today they are not aloud to be kids anymore we want to include them on everything. Let them play have fun enjoy their youth life is tough but when your a kid it should be just fun.

I will also say we do not lie to our kids if they ask questions that may not be age appropiate we would discuss it with them at their level. They don't need all the fact at a young age.

Just my two cents from a CD dad who raised two very well adjusted and successful girls.

[mechamoose]

In about a year, I'll be married to my fiancé and maybe children could be in the near future after that. Those with families with young children, what do you do about dressing and having children? First, are you open to everyone that you are a CD/TG? Are you open with your children about it? If you are still closeted, do you still tell them?

Kids accept as 'normal' what you teach them is normal.

Be YOU, honey. Don't lie to your kids about who you are. They will become the agents of change for those of us who follow.

Teach your kids, TRUST your kids.

<3

- MM

[Princess Grandpa]

My children are both grown. They both know I like to dress up. My son and his three children are in our home. The children don't see me in dresses, forms, make up or wig. I live my life in female clothing, but pants and tops rather than dresses and skirts. My nails are painted. I don't really hide that gender bending. Rita however is rarely seen in the main stream world. I hide her from the children just as I do the rest of the world outside our community.

My son has pointed out that exposure to lgbt individuals is how we encourage acceptance. People with family members who are lgbt are far more likely to be accepting of individuals who are lgbt. As they get older I may reevaluate things. I seriously considered cleaning my nail polish off before the oldest's back to school night.

Hug
Rita

[mechamoose]

I seriously considered cleaning my nail polish off before the oldest's back to school night.

Don't do it, sweetie! Be YOU! So what if you are 'unusual'? Be loud & proud!

What is the worst that could happen?

Really...

- MM

I personally think my Cding problems and feelings wouldn't have been made any easier if my children knew and may have alienated me more from my family !

Ok, fine.. but why would those decisions have made it *harder*?

YOU teach your kids what is normal. If you don't, then who gets to? (Think about that)

I'm a guy in a dress. I'm a girl in a big furry male body. I act how I *feel* instead of how I look. I kiss it better. I decorate. I cook. I like pretties..

Which of those things are bad parenting?

- MM

[Teresa]

Ryce,
First of all congratulations I hope everything goes smoothly for you !
Children will bring a whole set of new problems and you'll find dressing will get push to one side anyway ! Children are your future and they will grow up with their own problems they will need help and guidance from you, try not give them problems with your dressing. Telling them early is far riskier than leaving it or not telling them at all, once said you can't retract those words. Some people think telling their children is a selfish act, others say a totally open house is a happy house the final decision is yours !
I personally think my Cding problems and feelings wouldn't have been made any easier if my children knew and may have alienated me more from my family !

[JamieG]

My wife and I have two girls, ages 5 and 9. We agree that, for now, neither should know that I am a crossdresser. However, we are raising them to be open-minded and not constrained by gender roles. They know that both mom and dad are supportive of LGBT rights (although the B and T haven't come up directly) and they have met some of our gay friends. They've met some of our CD friends too, but only when those friends were en drab. They also know that I have performed in drag for a few charity events, which has the additional benefit that it can provide a little cover if they go poking through my closet. We may eventually decide to tell them, but not until we feel that it won't be much of a burden for them to keep my secret.

Jamie

p.s. This topic gets addressed every so often on this forum. If you do a search, you can augment what you find out from replies to your threads with lots of other thoughtful comments on the issue.

[StaceyJane]

My high school age daughter figured me out and surprised me by telling me she knew. She was okay with it.

[Zoe B]

My children are 6 and 8, although I don't live with them and neither of them know about my cross-dressing. When it comes to it though I have no intention of lying to them about it and my fiancée agrees with me.

[mechamoose]

I'd like to repeat for those of us who have not gone through it...

Your kids won't care, if that is all they have ever known.

If YOU are not afraid of it, then THEY won't be.

Been there, done that, have the cami.

<3

- MM

[Rachelakld]

I had a lovely GIRLS day out with miss 16 last week - shopping & lunch.
I do the paper round with miss 15 (after sunset as she doesn't want her friends knowing she does a "lowly" job), I'm often wearing leggings, little top and bra.
Miss 11 has seen me fully dressed quite a few occasions.

At their school, there a few transgender & gay kids, and the school teaches tolerance for all.
It's still uncool for parents to be different, which they think is unfair, but know not to blab it to the other kids as it will come back badly to them.

Miss 21 will never know - She would scream it out to everyone in a random manor even if the subject at hand was lawn mowing (she is in tolerant of anyone that does not fit her "norm")

[Tiffanyselkoe]

We have 5 kids at home and, rather than surprise them with something they didn't understand, we both sat down with them and had a family discussion. All the kids were ok with it. We have 4 boys ages 11, 15, 17, and 19 as well as 1 daughter age 13. We answered all questions and emphasized that I was still dad just like to dress girly sometimes. We have always told them that differences in people are ok and we will love and accept them no matter what direction their own lives take them. I have found our children to be very resilient and open minded thus far. We have had friends of the family at the house who arrive en femme and it is a normal dinner and conversation with all the children and my wife involved. I don't regret telling them for a second!

[Laura J]

I have three children, although two are only 4 months old so wouldn't care what I was wearing. My 7 year old has seen me in nighties and dressed up once. She seems OK with it. We haven't talked explicitly to her about it. My wife would prefer I didn't dress up around the kids.

[MatildaJ.]

My husband doesn't dress around the kids and we haven't told them about it. (We also haven't told them about our interest in kink, though if they explored our closets they would figure that out.)

Like JamieG we have introduced them to our gay and trans friends. Now, as young teens, they know gay & trans people in high school as well. We've also made it clear that we would love them the same if they turned out gay or trans.

[Dianne S]

I did not tell my kids when they were little. I came out to them recently, when they were 12, 16 and 20 years old (all girls.) They are all fine with it, though I think the 16-year-old gets a little uncomfortable when I'm in Dianne mode. We've also told them they can tell their friends; the 20-year-old told her boyfriend and the 16-year-old told a friend. No big deal at all; most kids don't care about their friends' parents.

[Athena_]

My wife and I agree to keep the knowledge of my "curious habit" from the children at this point. My college age daughter is very open minded and I am sure would be fine with that knowledge, the teenage boys are not ready, yet. That being said, we often discuss as a family the critical nature of being accepting of all types of people.

[mariehart]

I have two boys. When they were 6 and 4. They casually informed a sister in law that I wanted to be a girl much to her consternation and amusement. This was because of a joke between me and my wife which they overheard and completely misunderstood. I was not out to my wife at that point. The irony of course is that they were right.

That's the real problem with telling children too soon. They will tell everyone. It will come up in conversation when you least need it. If you don't want anyone to know you cannot let them find out until they can keep it a secret.

If you are open about it they run the risk of bullying from other kids.

I won't be telling mine anytime soon.