Hi All,
While I need to discuss this with the wife and I've pretty much decided on this, I wanted to put it out here for comment and discussion.
Nearly all my clothing is women's and has been for a long time. Weekends are usually jeans and a t-shirt or sweater and if we're going out, casual trousers and a polo shirt. Clothing for work is pretty much the same: casual trousers (usually black) and a polo shirt or sweater. If needed, I'll wear a button down shirt. My hair is neck length and has a definite feminine look to it and I'm never without a pair of earrings - usually hoops. The overall look can go either way and I'm as likely to be called 'maam' as I am 'sir'. This is my presentation on a regular basis and I don't really 'dress up' - not that it isn't fun.
My daughters (11 & 7) have not been 'sheltered' from this. For as long as they've been growing up, my daughters have seen me as I am. They even know about daddy's 'crazy underwear.' As far as I can tell, they haven't put 2 + 2 together and figured out that they're women's panties. To them, it's just daddy's crazy underwear.
They do recognize, though, that I'm not like most of the 'other' dads. They seem perfectly fine with it - maybe even a bit proud of it. Each has, however, had friends tell them at some point that their dad 'looks like a girl'. My youngest, who can get quite indignant, tells them 'No he's not!" She sees me as a boy because that's what daddies are. I'm not sure about how my older daughter has reacted. I think she has had a similar reaction - something akin to "well, he's not."
At this point, there may not seem to be much reason to have a conversation with them as there really isn't an issue. What concerns me here is that they're growing up accepting the cisgender ideal as gospel. To them, I'm a boy (man) and not something other than that. While they know that I'm different, I want them to understand how and why I'm different - to understand why someone would think I look like a girl. I want them to know that there is more than 'man' and 'woman' - me. I want them to know me as I know me.
While I feel that both of them are old enough to know this, I feel that my oldest is probably in a better position to process this at this time. As I see it, there's nothing really remarkable that I'm going to tell her but I feel I owe it to her to be honest with her. In a few years I'd have the same discussion with my younger daughter.
I don't have a timeframe on this, but I'm thinking in the next month or so. And while there's no rush, I don't see any reason to wait. I'd rather tell them than wait for them to ask.
So, that's where I am.
Love & Stuff,
Donna
