Horrifying experience as a child

[Kris Avery]

Thank you everyone for your comments.

I'm absolutely fascinated by these accounts involving clothes, lipstick, abuse or overwise - as children we are unable to cope with these things as we would as adults. None of it is good. We are a product of our experience and also the sum of our experiences.

I feel less alone and less of a freak knowing that I wasn't the only one who had issues as a child....and we turned out reasonably normal -except for this odd trait.

I hope my relating my story has helped others here feel more normal and better about themselves.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Sometimes-miss, the safety/affection theory is interesting (so is the smoking/breathing...makes so much sense!) My H, other than the sister clothing moment, was also often confused for a girl when he was very young. Gotta love those long 60's hairdos, lol! Anyway, he said that people always gave him more attention when they thought he was a girl but when they saw him for a boy, he got ignored for his pretty sisters. Even now, he thinks women hold more value than men.

I know there are plenty here for which there is no obvious reason to dressing, but for some, like my H, the reason was and is clear and his counsellor even mentioned that many of the dressers she has dealt with share a similar story. It's not always a mystery and it's not always complicated. The difference is, for every boy who becomes a crossdresser after such a childhood experience, I'm betting 9 others don't. Why is this? That's the brain wiring difference I guess. My H is pretty certain he has a compulsive personality (I'd agree with that! ) and if it wasn't crossdressing it would have been something else. He has a need in him to fixate on tactile/visual experiences so with Pavlov at work, he could have easily been into bondage or become a Furry etc if his childhood has been different. I think, actually, that I prefer the CD!

Wow, never thought I'd hear myself say that!

And Wendy, you're definitely NOT a freak. I'd bet your story is more common than is mentioned here but I'd suggest you're in good company. Thanks for sharing.

[lexivanderpump]

Wendy,
My 4 older sisters would constantly dress me up as a girl since I was a very young boy. They did it against my will and would take polaroid pictures(remember those?) and make fun of me. Well, when I was about 12 or so, I decided to try on my sisters' panties and I really loved the way they felt pressed up againtst my body. Ever since then I never looked back. It was an awful experience when I was a very young boy, but now I am glad because I love wearing women's things.

Love,
Lexi

[ambigendrous]

I guess my story is somewhat similar, yet somewhat different, than others. Back in the early '50s it was common for infants, both male and female, to wear the same clothes. My first recollection of wearing girl's clothes is probably when I was 5, or maybe 6. We were living with my Dad's parents while our house was being built, and I had a bedroom next to the laundry room in the basement. I would "borrow" items from the laundry and sleep in nightgowns often. Once we moved into our own house I would often sneak into my parents' bedroom and wear Mom's girdle, stockings, bra, and other undergarments. I got caught once, when I was probably 8 or 9. I was told to get undressed and if I were to be caught again I'd be sent to school in a dress. That pushed me deeper into the closet, but it certainly didn't cause me to be a CD since I was already doing it!

Was I a weak specimen, or somehow more effeminate than normal? Well, by the time I was 4 I had already survived bouts of rheumatic fever, and scarlet fever, which left me with a heart murmur, and my parents didn't push me into athletics as a child. Of course I'd play with the neighborhood boys, riding bikes and hiking in the nearby forest, but my favorite activity was definitely reading. I needed glassed for nearsightedness by the time I was 8 and that didn't help with the more strenuous sports, but I still enjoyed street hockey and bike riding.

So, I don't think CD, in my case, was brought on by childhood trauma, unless rheumatic or scarlet fever caused it - I'm convinced it is a genetic trait that just happens.

[sometimes_miss]

The difference is, for every boy who becomes a crossdresser after such a childhood experience, I'm betting 9 others don't. Why is this?

One reason could be that as I've mentioned before, there's not any ONE thing that does it; it's a combination of things, perhaps genetic predisposition that gets triggered by an experience, several experiences, pure genetic, who knows. And, lots of things happen to us that we don't think are significant, and forget about, or suppress the memories about so we can't add those into the equation. Consider it, oh, like an old bridge that collapses: The causes are many, all added together; aged timbers, loose screws, bolts or rivets, or substandard screws, bolts and/or rivets, land on either side of the bridge becoming loose from rain, increased current in the river putting more stress on the supports, rain making the wood wet and weaker, cold causing contraction of the parts making them looser, a large truck increasing the load in one spot, making the stress on the bridge unbalances, perhaps pulling parts in one direction, vibration from unbalanced wheels traversing the bridge making it shake a bit more than usual, etc.. The same applies to crossdressing; in many cases, it's probably a combination of lots of things, some that we cannot even recognize because we are unaware of them. It took me a very long time to identify all the contributing factors that added up to me becoming a crossdresser, including things that I had forgotten about from when I was very young and did not consider important at the time.

[Krisi]

I don't think any of us know exactly why we dress as women and I don't think anyone else does either, even if he or she claims to have the answer. I also don't think it was one isolated event that turned us into crossdressers.

In my case, my mother wanted a daughter and made no secret of it. I found out recently (after she passed) that she used to dress me in the girlie baby clothes that were given to her before I was born (in those days there was no way to tell in advance). She also used to dress me up in dresses she sewed for her nieces. I didn't like it at the time.

It doesn't matter really why unless we need to know to help us quit.

[Madilyn A.]

More than a few of the comments on this topic indicate our parent's wishes for a daughter instead of a boy child. My earliest memories were the same, my parents had picked out a girl's name already and planned for a girl. I always felt I was a dissapointment in my childhood as a result.......Just wondering if this seems to be a common thread in our CDing or fairly random ?