Feeling frustrated

[Sarah Beth]

I'm feeling so very frustrated right now. Just when things seemed to have been on the right path for me everything changed. I was enjoying dressing almost every day, with my wife being fine with it, and looking into expanding my horizons being Sarah. The suddenly things blew up and it has all left me frustrated in so many ways not the least of which is not being able to dress.

My wife and I have ended up taking in our teenaged grand daughter to live with us. Her parents had a pretty messy divorce, both have remarried and to state a sad fact she isn't really welcome in either of their homes right now. I never dreamed at my age I would raising another child and worrying about school and all the other things associated with being responsible for a teenager.

This all happened in the middle of the night one night and the next day when I came home from working I found my wife had taken all my feminine things packed them up in boxes and stored them in the shed. I didn't need to ask her why I knew how she had always felt about our kids finding about my "hobby" and I knew there would be an arguement if I objected in any way.

I had counted on being able to stay dressed for several days when we went up to our summer place, and was looking forward to it. Then it turned out that our g/d would be going with us. While it was a lot of fun to have her along it was very frustrating for me because I felt like I had to give up a big part of me.

I've told my wife the other day that I was frustrated at not being able to get dressed on occasion. Her attitude was "just deal with it". So I told her that I was going to have to get away by myself for awhile. I have some work to do out of town and she was going to go along with me but I told her I wanted to go alone and take maybe a week to do some things for me.

She didn't want to discuss it so I'm not sure where it stands. What I am hoping for is to go to Denver and spend a couple of days. I had plans over a year ago to get a makeover, something I've never done and always wanted to do, and then maybe go out dressed for the first time. She knows I want to do this but I have a feeling that now she doesnt' think I should because we have this new repsonsibility. She asked who I would go out with, as I don't know anyone in Denver, and what if I got caught"?

Sorry about all this but I just needed someplace to unload all this.

[Kris Avery]

You certainly have every right to feel the way you feel. No one should EVER tell you "how" to feel.
You have a right to those - specific to you - that much is for sure.

I'd be frustrated, disappointed and understandably upset.

[DonnaT]

Is there something your wife does all the time, that she would feel frustrated if she had to stop for a while?

If so, ask her how she would feel. Might give her a different perspective.

[Tiffany Jane]

Sarah,

I can understand your frustration, as after ten years of trying to have kids while advancing my activities in CDing, we had our first son ten months ago. I purged everything myself not even thinking to box it up. She went out in black garbage bags. The desire came back and after discussing with wife, she encouraged me to accept it is part of me.
The fact that your wife kept it although boxed up, seems to me she is protecting you and your g/d from having to have a difficult conversation. Your family has had many changes to work through. I would ask your wife to allow you to take time for yourself, if this will help you to be able to be the grandfather and support the family needs when you are home. Good luck and thoughts and prayers for your family during this transition.

[Ashley Lyn]

Thinking the wife would just be 'horrified' for the G/D to find out her Grand-dad dresses like a woman, on occasion..
I'm thinking if she was truly OK with your hobby, she would 'make' time for you to dress.
I'm frustrated at this time as well, but not to the degree that you are experiencing.. Told the SO last night that I need to dress more often, and I started this morning.. She says she is fine with it, but I have to remember the 'hours' available to me, as the kid still lives with us..
I have so much work to do in the yard, I just can't do it while dressed.. Panties under the shorts are 'fun', but I really need some time 'out' as well..
Now I'm confusing myself.. I just wish 'dressing' was OK, and I could stay at least partially dressed while outside..
Good luck.. I too am thinking of at least one night away.. and does it really matter if you 'get caught'??

[carhill2mn]

I suspect that there are many of us here who know how you are feeling. That fact doesn't do much to change how you are feeling. Part of being a parent or grandparent is that there will be times when your personal wants wishes etc. will be trumped by your family. I hope that you can find a way to deal with your frustrations.

[Bria]

Sarah, I sorry that you are feeling so down, I know that you were looking forward to the things that you had planned. I am in the position of having all of the kids out of the hose for many years now. A couple of months ago our oldest daughter, her husband and their 9 year old daughter that live in Turkey came home for a three week visit. It was great to see them as it had been two years, but on the other hand my wife and I were very happy when the went hame and we got the house back to our selves. I had to put all of Bria's clothes away for a while.

On the other hand, I can't think of any better reason to take a little break from dressing than to give support for your grand daughter. I hope that you can put on your big girl panties and do everything possible to make sure that the grand daughter feels loved and knows that she has a safe and stable place to call home.

Please keep us posted as thing progress, I will keep all of you in my prayers!

Hugs, Bria

[Annaliese]

I think you will find your granddaughter would be more then fine with it I find my granddaughter is more open than her parents would have been. My granddaughter saw some picture of me on my phone she ask me who it was, I just deleted the picture, I wish I had said yes that is me but I did not. Good luck it is a great thing taking in your granddaughter.

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes we have to decide what is more important, the dressing or the family. Sometimes we can do both but it's a tricky pathway.

[Katey888]

No need to apologise for unloading Sarah - it's what we're here for...

It's this comment that I think your frustration hinges on:

She didn't want to discuss it so I'm not sure where it stands.

You surely need to discuss this with her, whatever you decide to do. I think it's very positive that she was fine with what you were doing before and the fact that she very supportively (imho) boxed all your femme stuff up safely - I think you need to keep her onside with what you feel you need to do.

Perhaps try this approach: You can understand she doesn't want to have to explain this to anyone else, but she must also understand how important it is for you to have this outlet for your feminine side, or she wouldn't be so supportive normally - right? And if she understands the importance to you, surely taking some time out of town for you to satisfy that very important need isn't unreasonable...? So yes - you're dealing with it at home, but if you can find another convenient escape for Sarah to emerge, then surely she can't object to that? Job's a good 'un!

There's often a quid pro quo to be found in life and relationships... whatever you decide to do - good luck!

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Sarah,

Plenty of good advice here already and I agree that you need to have a frank discussion with your lovely wife to determine what new boundaries need to be drawn. I can understand her reticence for your dressing at home with the granddaughter present but, I am sure you can negotiate some Sarah away days to help you with your angst. You really need to let her know how this is going to effect you on an emotional level as you have spent a lot of time nurturing your Sarah identity and have her boxed outright would be unpleasant. This will IMHO have spill over into your day to function "en boy" so a mutual accord does need to be reached. Communication is the only way forward now.

Hugs

Isha

[MatildaJ.]

Besides the great options that others have mentioned, maybe you could keep an outfit in the house (hanging with your wife's clothes, or in a locked box in your closet), and then sometimes have a "sick day" / "personal day" home from work and dress while the teen is at school?

Another option is that your wife and the teen could go somewhere for a fun weekend trip, and you could dress at home?

[CynthiaD]

Teens are remarkably accepting these days. There probably isn't any reason to protect her from your crossdressing.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah, I know that you weren't planning on being a foster parent but your Grand Daughter needs a loving family.
I don't know how old she is but that's what grand Parents are there for, Tour kindness will be returned to you two fold.

[Katy120]

Love often involves self-sacrifice. I realize that isn't a very 2014 thing to say, but it does. For awhile at least invest all your love and energy in your granddaughter. Given the situation her emotional wounds are probably deeper and more intense than your need to dress.

[Sarah Beth]

First of all thank you all so much for your outpouring of support. Just being able to read the thoughts of others helps me realize some things.

I didn't mean to make it sound like I didn't want my grand daughter to be here with us. We had wanted to take her in for awhile now and this, at least for now is the best place for her to be. She has had a lot of stress with all that has happened and it had led to some emotional issues she is having trouble coping with and I believe we are the best ones to help her get back on track.

I did talk a bit with my wife about this today (on the way back from getting her broken foot looked after so more fun for me now) and she does understand that I feel frustrated about loosing my freedom to be more of who I am. We are going to try to work some days out when I can dress (in four to six weeks when she can drive again). Also, we were going to go to Colorado, I have some work to do up there so now if it looks like she can manage without me I guess I will be going on my own and if so I can take some of my things with me. I didn't mention makeover to her but who knows maybe I can work that out as well.

To sum it up, I'm still feeling frustrated, but not nearly so much as I was.

[lexivanderpump]

Sarah,
I sincerely hope that things work out for you. You never know, things may change in the very near future.
I hope it all works out for you. Please keep us posted.

Love,
Lexi

[Rachelakld]

Always good for you to have a rant here.
I love my house filled with kids (okay - so they are annoying teens - who "borrow" my makeup and occasionally my clothes).
Discussion yesterday was if one got pregnant, I said we would be happy to raise another kid.
Of course I will still be me, still wear skirts & dresses at home or out as I feel the need.

First my kids got used to me wearing leggings (or 100+ Denier stockings) and long t-shirt at home, especially in winter to "keep me warm", now they are used to me fully dressed and know if I don't dress often enough I get grumpy.
I hope you find you balance soon

Rachel.

[Krisi]

I don't think you want your wife to think that crossdressing is more important to you than your family. That's not going to advance her acceptance. I don't think telling your grandaughter is a good idea, especially if your wife doesn't think it's a good idea. You'll have to find ways to either go away and dress or have them go away so you can dress.

I don't know what's wrong with society these days when parents don't raise their own children and just dump them on the grandparents like a bag of garbage. The best solution would be to get her back with one of her parents.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

Sarah Beth I totally understand your frustration sis in my case both of my adult son's (28 and 25) have been living at home all summer.
I have had no space for girl time and it has irritated me no end(even though I love my son's a ton) . I do hope you can find the time
and find a solution with your wife.

[Cheryl T]

While it is frustrating to have something interrupt what we perceive as "our time" remember who needs your focus now.
It's not easy rearing another child, particularly a teen girl, but consider this a chance to do some "Mothering". Don't let her presence make you resentful, let it make you joyful. Think of the solace and comfort you're giving to this girl in such an important time in her life when her parents have turned away from her. This is your opportunity to do something very meaningful for someone who really needs the love and caring you can provide.
You're wife is right, "just deal with it"....you'll regret it more if you don't.

[Jennifer_Ph]

I understand... but sometimes you have to put others before yourself. Life happens. Sometimes it's great, other times it's not. Look after your family first, your fem side will be there when this storm blows over. Hate to say it, but be a man for a little while. It's what you signed up for when you created a family - to be their man. Your fem side will be back, just buck up and wear jeans when it's required.